(Ten years after moving halfway across the United States, I still receive voter literature from California, but addressed to my Missouri home. I thought I would try, once again, to remove my name from California’s voter registry, so I call the San Bernardino county registrar office.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling to remove my name from San Bernardino County’s voter registration list…again.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “Because I moved nearly 10 years ago.”

Employee: “May I have your contact information?”

(I give my former address and my Missouri address that is receiving the literature.)

Employee: “Hold, please.”

(After a few minutes, she gets back on the phone.)

Employee: “Your new address is not in county records.”

Me: “It must be. You send me voter literature.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “That is the question, isn’t it? Can you please remove me from your voter rolls?”

Employee: “Please hold.”

(Once again, she puts me on hold for a few minutes.)

Employee: “Ma’am, your current address is not in our records.”

Me: “Correct. It is in Missouri. That is why I do not want to receive voter literature from your county.”

Employee: “Why? You should vote.”

Me: “I do, in Missouri.”

Employee: “Can you come in and sign the papers?”

Me: “No. I do not live in California anymore.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “Because I moved my family to Missouri.”

Employee: “Why?

(As I mentally review approximately 119,312 answers I can give her, she speaks again.)

Employee: “Well, wait a minute.”

(After a brief wait, she returns.)

Employee: “I am unable to locate your new address in the San Bernardino County records. Are you sure it is in San Bernardino?”

Me: *frustrated* “No! It is in M-I-S-S-O-U-R-I. Osage County, Missouri.”

Employee: “Where do you live then?”

Me: *sighs* “Missouri.”

Employee: “Is that in San Bernardino County?”

Me: “No. It is in Missouri. Osage County, Missouri.”

Employee: “Is that in California?”

Me: “No. It is in Missouri. Although there is a California, Missouri…”

Employee: “Huh?”

Me: “Never mind. I do not live in San Bernardino anymore. I do not have a San Bernardino address.”

Employee: “Well, why did you call me then?”

Me: *face palm*