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  • Watch Your Tongues
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  • Category: Pets & Animals

    You Have To Be Howling Mad To Work Here

    | OK, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working cleaning out cages and feeding the dogs, who are housed in a concrete building. The noise is cacophonous. One dog in particular begins howling.)

    Dog: “OOOOOooooooo.”

    Me: “OOOOOOOOOOOooooo!”

    Dog: “OOOOOooooOOOOO.”

    Me: “ooooOOOOOOO?”

    Dog: “OOOOO.”

    (This proceeds for several minutes until I notice that my supervisor is in the building.)

    Supervisor: “Were you… howling at that dog?”

    Me: “No! Of course not! That would be weird.”

    Supervisor: “Oh, okay… Sure is loud in here today, though.”

    (Supervisor walks away, looking back at me suspiciously.)

    Dog: “ooooOOOO?”

    Me: “OOOooooooooo.”

    Bring The Whole Animal House With You

    | TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals, Top

    (My family arrives at our local animal shelter that has a big glass front. I see the inside volunteers watching my family pile out, including my wife, my eight-year-old twins, and one-year-old daughter. Then their eyes lock on me carrying our dog, Rocky. Their gaze follows me the entire way up the walkway and as we enter the building.)

    Volunteer: “Can I help you folks with anything?”

    Wife: “Yes, ma’am. We would like to see your cats, please.”

    (She shows us to the cats and my kids go nuts trying to find the perfect cat. The whole while, Rocky is trying to break loose and the other volunteers are shooting hateful looks at me. Finally the kids settle on a young adult black cat. She is young enough that she won’t be cranky, but old enough that the baby won’t hurt her. The kids look at me and back away. I set Rocky down in front of the cat, Boo, and they seem to be okay with each other.)

    Me: “Okay, looks good to me. We’ll take her home!”

    (The volunteer helping us looks puzzled.)

    Volunteer: “Why did you bring your dog?”

    Me: “Why wouldn’t I? He lives in the house, too. Wouldn’t want to bring someone home he didn’t approve of as well.”

    Volunteer: “That’s brilliant! Sir, we all thought you brought him here to dump him, and for some reason brought your kids. Then we thought you were going to ‘trade’ him for a cat. Nobody has ever thought to bring their other pets in to make sure they get along with a new adoption.”

    (We brought Boo home, and after a short adjustment period she’s just as much a part of our family as Rocky is.)

    Not A Morning Era Person

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working an early morning shift at the checkout. It is not my regular shift and I am not a morning person so I’m not very clear headed. My register is next to the door that leads into the mall. I’m ringing up a customer when there is a really loud high-pitched shriek from outside.)

    Me: “Pterodactyl!”

    (I then realise its just one of the small children outside.)

    Customer: “I’m sure that’s what their parents think sometimes.”

    Me: “No, no. I actually thought it was a pterodactyl. That was the first thing that came into my head.”

    (The customer looked at me funny for the rest of the transaction.)

    Milking The Conversation

    | CT, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work at a dairy farm milking cows. Every milking, without fail, a conversation like this happens between us and one of the cows:)

    Bertha: “Moo.”

    Worker #1: “Hi, Bertha!”

    Bertha: “Mooooo.”

    Worker #2: “What’s the matter, girl?”

    Bertha: “Mooo.”

    Worker #1: “Are you hungry, Bertha?”

    Bertha: “Mooooooooooo.”

    Worker #2: “Be patient. We’re almost done.”

    Bertha: “Mooo.”

    (At this point, just as we are about to let her loose, Bertha always poops in the milking parlor.)

    Both Workers: “Thanks, Bertha.”

    Enough To Make You Have Kittens

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Pets & Animals

    (I am preparing to bring two new kittens into my home. There is a particular brand of cat food I have come to trust with my previous cat, but it is not widely stocked. A friend recommends a local pet supply store to me. I look around the store and find the adult formula of the brand, but not the kitten formula.)

    Employee: “Can I help you?”

    Me: “Do you have a particular section where you keep the kitten food?”

    Employee: “No, it’s over with the rest of the cat food. See, this one is for both adult cats and kittens.”

    Me: “Okay. I was looking for [Brand] kitten food, but all I could find was the adult formula.”

    Employee: “Our buyer isn’t in today, but I could have him special order it for you.”

    Me: “Well, I already have a bag at home. I’m getting ready to get some new kittens, and I wanted to find a closer source for this brand. The only other stores I’ve found that carry it are several miles away. I was hoping to find a place that stocks it regularly.”

    Employee: “It looks like we don’t have any, but I can talk to our buyer about it.”

    Me: “Okay. Does that mean you’ll start stocking it regularly?”

    Employee: “Well, we can special order it for you and let you know when it comes in.”

    Me: “I have a bag at home already. I just wanted to find a regular source for it.”

    Employee: “Okay. Tell you what, give me your name and number, and I’ll talk to our buyer about it.”

    Me: “Thanks.” *gives information* “Remember, I already have some, so I don’t need more right now. I just want a source that stocks it when I need more.”

    (One week later, I get a message on my answering machine.)

    Employee: “This is [Employee] calling from [Pet Store]. The bag of [Brand] kitten food you ordered has arrived.”

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