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  • September's Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Pets & Animals

    Really Feline The Love

    | UT, USA | Coworkers, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a physical therapy clinic. I am a female chatting with a female coworker about our pet cats.)

    Me: “He purrs as loud as a mack-truck. I can literally hear him from the other side of the room.”

    Female Coworker: “That’s kind of cute, though.”

    Me: “The only time he wants to cuddle is between two and four am. He also snuggles up to me, and lays across my chest with his face in my face. I’m ok with it, until he starts licking my face!”

    (A male coworker wanders in, only hearing the part about “him licking my face.”)

    Me: “I’m getting kind of tired of it. It’s a really annoying habit of his.”

    Male Coworker: “Wait, what are you two talking about? Are you talking about your husband?”

    (My female coworker and I burst out laughing.)

    Me: “My cat! We’re talking about my cat.” *laughing* “My husband doesn’t lick my face, much less purr. He would also squish me if he laid across my chest.”

    Male Coworker: “I wonder if that’s why I couldn’t get any girls to go on a second date with me.” *mimics nuzzling into someone, then sticks out his tongue, pretending to lick someone*

    Me: “How did you get your wife to marry you?”

    Male Coworker: “Turns out, she’s just as weird as I am.”

    Female Coworker: “Well, that conversation just took a turn.”

    Didn’t Get Anything From The Tree Of Knowledge

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, History, Pets & Animals, Religion

    (My family is Mormon and lives near Palmyra, NY, where Mormonism was founded when Joseph Smith prayed in a grove of trees near his house. This grove of trees is called in Mormonism “The Sacred Grove,” and bears a lot of religious significance to Mormons. The grove and the land are now owned by the Mormon Church, and a lot of tourists (Mormon and non-Mormon) come visit it. My younger brother, a teenager, works as the groundskeeper for the farm, grove, and a few other nearby sites of religious significance to Mormons. He gets a radio call from one of the missionaries that act as tour guides that there is a guest who’d like to speak to him.)

    Brother: “What can I help you with?”

    Guest: “Are you the groundskeeper?”

    Brother: “Yes.”

    Guest: “I have a complaint.”

    Brother: “I’m sorry to hear that. What’s wrong?”

    Guest: “I was out in the Sacred Grove, and there are SNAKES out there!”

    Brother: “Yes. We try to keep the grove as much like it was when Joseph Smith prayed in 1820 so that anyone who would like can commune with God. That’s why, other than trails and a few benches, there is nothing unnatural in there.”

    Guest: “But there are snakes!”

    Brother: “Yes, there are snakes.”

    Guest: “Get rid of them.”

    Brother: “It is nearly 100 acres of wild, upstate NY forest. There are snakes in there. There is also poison ivy. That’s why, other than the established clearing, you stay on the path.”

    Guest: “But there are SNAKES!”

    Brother: “There are snakes. They aren’t poisonous, and they’re not hurting anyone. They are in their natural habitat. There were snakes when Joseph Smith prayed. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m sorry it upsets you. By all reports there was a snake in the Garden of Eden, too.”

    Guest: *wandering away* “It’s just so inappropriate!”

    That’s Ducking Brilliant

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals

    (I’m about thirteen years old. My mother calls me into the living room, laughing. She holds the phone out to me.)

    Mom: *giggling* “Call this number!”

    (Confused, I dial the number, and wait for somebody to pick up.)

    Automated Message: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This call may be recorded–”

    (I look to my mother, confused, as it seems to be a normal business number. She giggles and motions for me to keep listening. The automated message continues as normal, until…)

    Automated Message: “To hear a duck quack, press seven.”

    (Startled, I press seven, and am rewarded with the sound of a duck call.)

    Me: “REALLY, MOM?!”

    (I shared the number with several friends over the next few weeks, and we all had a laugh over it. Unfortunately, after searching the Internet for the number, it seems that the company was bought out (in 2006 or sooner) and the duck has since been removed from the menu.)

    I Smell A Rat

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Ignoring/Inattentive, Pets & Animals

    (After recently moving, I’d had to find a new vet for my two rats after they developed a respiratory infection. This was the only vet within an hour’s travel that would even agree to see them.)

    Vet: “All right, let me get their temperatures first.”

    (He fumbles around in the jars and drawers of the exam room, finally pulling out a thermometer.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, isn’t that thermometer a little large?”

    Vet: “Nah. Good enough for dogs, good enough for rats. Right?”

    Me: *shocked* “No! If you don’t have one sized for small animals could you please use one for cats, then?”

    (He sighs and rolls his eyes, disappearing into the back for close to 20 minutes.)

    Vet: “Okay… Temperature is 100.3 for both of them… Is that normal?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Vet: “Hmmm… I’m gonna go check.”

    (He leaves for another 20 minutes to Google a rat’s normal body temperature. By this time I’m starting to think I should just leave and find a different vet but I really need the antibiotics for them.)

    Vet: “All right, well, I don’t think they have a respiratory infection. Their lungs sound clear. Every rat I’ve seen that comes in here with those infections can hardly breathe.”

    Me: “Maybe if I waited another three weeks to bring them in. Sir, both of them are over a year old. That’s old for a rat and I’m not going to stress their already fragile respiratory tract.”

    Vet: “Mmmhmm. I’m gonna give you 10 days of anti-histamines for both of them. Come back if they don’t work.”

    (Note, it’s cost me $30 per rat just for the office visits. The anti-histamines cost me another $45. After 10 days there is no change and I’m back.)

    Me: “They haven’t gotten any better. Could I please just get 30 days of antibiotics for the both of them?”

    Vet: “Well, looks like they’ve got a mild respiratory infection. I’ll give you a week’s worth of [Antibiotic] for the both of them.”

    Me: “No! I need 30 days. It takes much longer to clear these infections in rats than it does for dogs or cats.”

    (I wound up having to argue with him to get the right amount and having to find multiple online sources stating the length of antibiotic use. In the end he wound up costing me near $300. After that I found it easier to drive the hour up to my old vet.)

    Not Kitten About That Sale

    | Omega, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I am buying books at a yard sale.)

    Woman: “That will be four dollars. Or… three dollars if you take a kitten.”

    Me: “I have five kittens at home from a stray who adopted us and about eight other strays who come around.”

    Woman: “Okay. Two dollars if you take a kitten.”

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