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  • Category: Pets & Animals

    Hope You Don’t See Them Later, Alligator

    | FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Tourists & Travel

    (I work at an alligator reservation and am currently manning the food counter.)

    Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

    Customer: *about mid 70s* “Do you serve alligator?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we save them, not hunt them for food.”

    Customer: “WHAT? WHY THE H*** WOULDN’T YOU?! I suppose I’ll have to catch them myself.”

    Next Customer: *taps her on the shoulder and rolls up his sleeve revealing long scar* “I wouldn’t suggest it…”

    (Happy to say he got a free meal and got to hold a baby gator!)

    A Howler Of A Caller

    | KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I work as a receptionist at a hotel. A friend of mine was recently hired as a receptionist at the sister hotel across town, and I help train him. The first night my friend is working the night shift alone I decide to have some fun.)

    Receptionist: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. My name is [Receptionist]. How may I help you?”

    Me: *in a stereotypical redneck accent* “Hey, do y’all accept pets?”

    Receptionist: “Yes, we do, sir. We are a very pet-friendly hotel.”

    Me: “Well, that’s good. Now let me ask you something. Are there any pets you won’t accept?”

    Receptionist: “Uh… badgers?”

    Me: “Okay, okay. Now I have a little bit of a situation. Let me see if you can help me out. Me and the missus, see, we’re really into that Eastern mysticism stuff. Now we went on a vacation to India and… and well, my wife died.”

    Receptionist: “Oh, no! I am so sorry, sir.”

    Me: “Oh, well now, that’s okay. But I appreciate it. Now see, my situation is that my wife got herself reincarnated as one of those howler monkeys. And now we’re goin’ on vacation, me and my wife, and I was wonderin’ if you could accommodate us, seein’ as how she’s a howler monkey?”

    Receptionist: “…”

    Me: *normal voice* “Hey, [Receptionist], this is [My Name].”

    Receptionist: “Oh, thank goodness! All I could think was ‘I can’t wait to tell you about this!’”

    Can’t Beat The Catbus

    | Ireland | Awesome Workers, Employees, Pets & Animals, Transportation

    (I had taken my cat to the vet and am getting on the bus back home. I get the same private-hire company’s shuttle bus every time so the drivers are used to me and my often-unusual luggage, but even so I always ask first.)

    Me: *holding the carrier, cat howling* “Do you mind taking a back-seat driver?”

    Driver: *looks into carrier* “I’m not sure I’m allowed to take vicious animals.”

    Me: “Do you mean me, or him?”

    Driver: “You.”

    (I laughed, paid, and sat down. After seven years and with other more modern services, that’s one reason why I always get that bus!)

    Catatonic About The Cat Tonic

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Pets & Animals

    (I’m in the pharmacy section of a large supermarket. I’m visiting my parents for the weekend, and I’m having some trouble with their cat. This story takes place in the evening, when all other pharmacies in the area are closed.)

    Me: “Excuse me, do you know if any of these are better for cat allergies, or if they’re all pretty much the same?”

    Pharmacist: “They aren’t for cats.”

    Me: “Oh. None of them?”

    Pharmacist: “No. You can’t buy those, sorry.”

    Me: “I don’t understand; they’re just anti-histamines. Why can’t I take them?”

    Pharmacist: “I can’t sell you them. It could be dangerous.”

    Me: “What?”

    Pharmacist: “You’ll have to go to a vet.”

    Me: “What?! I won’t be able to sleep without them, and everywhere else is closed.”

    Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, but as I said, you’ll have to take your cat to a vet. You can’t just give it these. The dose would be too strong. If it’s an emergency, you can call [local animal clinic].”

    Me: *blinks for a moment* “They’re for me. For me to take. I am the one with the allergy. I am allergic to cats.”

    Pharmacist: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Pharmacist: “…oh. Right.”

    When Hunger Bugs You

    | VA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (At my pet store we sell crickets which many animals, such as lizards, use as a staple in their diet. We are encouraged to chat with the customers to make them feel welcome. The following conversation happens while I am putting crickets in a bag for a customer.)

    Customer: “Do you have any reptiles yourself?”

    Me: “No, but I have nine hermit crabs and their care is very similar to the reptiles at the store. Do you have any critters yourself?”

    Customer: “No, I just felt hungry…”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “That’s not what I meant! I stopped by [Popular Fast Food Restaurant] and decided to get some crickets for my son’s bearded dragon.”

    Me: *hands him bag of crickets while laughing*


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