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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Awesome Customers

    Pure Polite Is A Rare Delight

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Employees, Food & Drink

    (My wife and I go to a sandwich chain restaurant for lunch. There’s a decent line, but the employees are working quickly so the wait isn’t long. My turn comes up to order.)

    Me: “I would like a foot-long [bread], please.”

    Worker #1: *visibly flinches* “Okay, and what would you like on it.”

    Me: “I would like a [sandwich] with cheddar, please.”

    Worker #1: *flinches again* “And would you like that toasted?”

    Me: “No, thank you.”

    (I move down the line to the next station. Worker #2 looks at me expectantly.)

    Me: “I would like pickles, tomatoes, and light mayo, please.”

    Worker #2: *visibly flinches* “Anything else?”

    Me: “No, thank you.”

    (We complete our order, and I go to get drinks while my wife pays for our meals. I overhear the cashier talking to my wife while I’m out of sight.)

    Cashier: “Ma’am, your husband had us worried. Usually when people are extremely polite, they end up exploding and throwing a fit at some point. That was just totally weird to have someone be polite the whole time!”

    Delay Reaction

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bosses & Owners

    (My mom and I are in line at the checkout. The manager walks over and tells the cashier it is time for her to go home after she is done helping us. We chose this register because my mom really likes this particular cashier.)

    Me: “So, you get to go home early tonight? That must be nice.”

    Cashier: *quietly, so the manager, now standing by door, does not hear* “It would be if it only happened once in a while. He’s cut me at least fifteen minutes early every shift for over two weeks.”

    Mom: “We can be really difficult so you’ll have to stay and help us.” *louder, so manager can hear* “[My Name], is that the price you remember seeing for [item]? I was sure it was less than that.”

    Me: *catching on* “It must have been. I think we need a price check.”

    Mom: *after price check confirms item is right price* “Oh, and could you please slow down on the bagging? I don’t want anything smashed or broken.”

    (My mom continues to delay, insisting the cashier stop several times to read the total to her or double check something. Then, she pretends she cannot find her debit card and takes her time entering her PIN.)

    Mom: “Has it been long enough yet?”

    Cashier: “I think so. Thank you.”

    Me: “Okay, mama. I think we should go now.”

    (We walk toward the door, and my mom turns back toward the cashier.)

    Mom: “Thank you, ma’am! You were so helpful!”

    Me: *smiling at manager* “Good night!”

    An Honest Train Of Thought

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Employees, Transportation

    (Trains in the UK are at a standstill due to snow. Note: it’s 7 am on a Friday. A regular passenger that I often joke with comes in.)

    Passenger: “How’s the service today?”

    Me: *looks around to make sure nobody can hear me* “It’s f***ed! Go back home to bed.”

    Passenger: “Awesome! See you Monday!”

    How Telemarketers Win The War Against You

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Employees

    (I work at a call center doing business to business market research surveys. I’ve been doing one about contact lenses. We are trained to be vague, initially, until we can find the person we are looking for who can do the survey, as gatekeepers often block us and respondents tend to come up with excuses. Some people are cross, some people take it in stride.)

    Me: *following script* “Hi. I’m calling about contact lenses. Do you fit contact lenses at this location?”

    Person On Phone: “Yes, we do.”

    Me: *skipping a part of the intro* “Is the contact lens fitter available for two quick questions?”

    Person On Phone: “That is me.”

    Me: *launches into full intro* “Hi. I’m calling from [Market Research Company] for a quick two question survey. Can you help me out with this today?”

    Person On Phone: “AHHHHH! You got me! I thought you were a customer. Oh well, might as well. D*** you.”

    Me: *holding back laughter* “Thank you very much, sir.”

    Pieces Of Eight(y Bucks)

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Money, Top

    (I stop by the ATM to pull out $50, but I slip and hit $80 instead. I figure since I have pulled out the extra money, I would have some fun with it. I walk into the bank to get it broken into gold dollar coins.)

    Bank Manger: “Hello. How can I help you today?”

    Me: “I took out too much money by mistake, so I figured I’d just come in and get it changed into something else.”

    Bank Manager: “Okay.” *points to teller* “She can help you.”

    Teller: “What kind of change would you like?”

    Me: “I would like $20 in gold coins please.”

    Teller: “All gold coins?”

    Me: “Well, no. I guess some silver coins will be just fine. Thank you.”

    Teller: “Okay…”

    Bank Manager: “Why do you need all gold coins, if you don’t mind me asking?”

    Me: “I like to feel like a pirate sometimes.”

    (The teller and bank manger begin laughing.)

    Teller: *handing me coins* “Would you like an envelope?”

    Bank Manager: “Do we have a small chest instead?”

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