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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Should Have Said Zip About The Zip

    , | USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Major Satellite TV Provider]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name and the zip code on your account, please.”

    Caller: *provides those things*

    (I type them into the computer and wait for the result. The customer is chatting away while we wait and mentions that they’ve recently moved. I tell them:)

    Me: “You’d not believe how many people give us their new zip code when they’ve not updated it in our files yet, as if our records spontaneously update when someone moves.” *chuckle* “My search comes up with zero results for the last name and zip code you’ve given me… and you’ve given me your new zip code and not the one that I have on file, haven’t you?…”

    (They at least had the grace to sound apologetic.)

    Truly Modem Workers

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a call center that deals with doctor offices that are often techno-phobic. Today, I have one with an Internet outage. It’s usually a simple fix if they will take five minutes.)

    Me: “Do you see the modem? It will have a lot of flashing lights on it, and may say [Brand Name].”

    Nurse: “I don’t have time for this. Get out here and fix it!”

    Me: “Okay, but I’m in another state that’s at least a 12 hour drive from you. I can put in a service call, but that will take 2-3 days to be dispatched, or if you can take five minutes, I think we can get you back up.

    Nurse: “Hmph…”

    Me: “Which would you like?”

    Nurse: “What am I looking for?”

    (Five minutes later, she was back up and happy as a clam that SHE fixed it.)

    Witless About Wheat-less

    | Brattleboro, VT, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A friend and I are checking out a pizza place we haven’t been before. The cashier sees us looking at the menu and comes over.)

    Friend: “We’re just looking. She—” *indicating me* “—can’t eat any wheat so we’re not expecting anything.”

    Cashier: “Well, we have vegetarian options.”

    Friend: “No, no. WHEAT, not meat.”

    Cashier: “Oh! Then you should be fine then. We don’t have any of that!”

    (My friend and I stare at each other a moment, a bit flabbergasted.)

    Me: “Like wheat flour…”

    Cashier: *looks a bit clueless before turning to peer back at the kitchen and calling to the cook* “What kind of flour do we use? Does it have wheat in it?”

    Cook: *stares at her in disbelief a moment before turning to me* “It’s regular white flour.”

    Cashier: *all smiles as she turns back to me* “Then you should be fine!”

    Me: “…Thank you.”

    (My friend and I turn and start to leave.)

    Friend: “…Did that really just happen? How do you get to be an adult and not know what flour is made of?!”

    Separate Employees For Separate Tickets

    , | TX, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (We don’t really get a lunch break at my job. We usually call an order in somewhere so one of us can pick the order up. Since I usually don’t mind going after our meals, it’s usually me who calls the order in and goes after it. This time, we choose a fast food chain that’s popularly known in Texas. We’ve never done orders with them over the phone before, so it’s my first time to call in.)

    Employee #1: “[Burger Chain], what’s your order?”

    Me: “Hi, yeah, I have multiple orders. I need them on separate tickets. Is that possible?”

    Employee #1: “Huh? …Uh, hold on.” *mumbling on other end*

    Employee #2: “What’s your order?”

    Me: “I have three separate orders. Is it possible to do multiple transactions on separate tickets?”

    Employee #2: *pauses* “Uh, let me see. Hold on.”

    Employee #3: “[Burger Chain].”

    Me: *getting exasperated* “Is it possible to do multiple transactions and get them on separate tickets? I need them split up, because I’m paying for the orders separately. I need multiple tickets.”

    Employee #3: “Let me ask.” *muffled to someone else* “What’s multiple tickets?”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Employee #3: “Yeah, hold on.”

    Employee #4: “What are you asking for?”

    Me: *slowly* “I have multiple orders, but I need them to go on separate tickets. Can I do this over the phone?”

    Employee #4: “Oh. Yeah, you can do that. Just a sec, okay?” *passes it back to the previous employee*

    Employee #3: “What do you want to do?”

    Me: “I just need separate…” *sighs* “You know what; I’ll just come in to order.”

    Employee #3: *cheerful now* “Okay!” *hangs up*

    Can’t Think Outside The Smoking Box

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working for a lab company in IT. The nurses and phlebotomists we work with tend to be technology phobic. This day, I get a call and the caller is surprisingly low key considering the commotion I hear in the background.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Caller: *someone yelling in the background* “Hi, I’m at the blood draw station on [Street Name].”

    Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Well. You see, there’s smoke coming out of the box.”

    Me: “What box?”

    Caller: “The box under the computer.”

    Me: “Do you mean the computer?”

    Caller: “Nah, the computer looks funny, but the box under it is smoking.”

    (From long practice, I pretty much know the “computer” is the monitor, and the “box” is the actual computer.)

    Me: *getting a little frantic* “Can you unplug it right away?”

    Caller: “Oh, yeah, sure. I can do that. Hold on.”

    (Several minutes later…)

    Caller: “Hey, that stopped the smoke. Thanks!” *click*

    (I sent a service tech out immediately. The case was even charred!)


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