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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Not The Brightest Of Coworkers

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a long office space that has windows all down one side. It is very open and well-lit, and at night the parking lot lights and streetlights stream in. A coworker works in the workspace farthest from the main door, by insistent choice. Her workspace is bounded on two sides by windows and is closest to the streetlights, so it gets the most exterior light of them all. I regularly work late, and am almost always the last person to leave. As I walk out the main door, I turn out the lights, since this is the only placement of the switches for the main lights. One morning I come to work to be confronted by Coworker, who is almost shaking with anger.)

    Coworker: “You turned the lights out on me last night! You left me in the dark!”

    Me: “Oops! Sorry about that. I thought I was the last one here, like usual.”

    Coworker: “Well, you weren’t, and I yelled at you. Why didn’t you turn them back on?”

    Me: “Sorry, but I didn’t hear anything.”

    Coworker: “Of course not! That’s because you were all the way down there!”

    Me: “Well… yes. That’s where the door and light switches are. Again, sorry, but—”

    Coworker: “Well, you shouldn’t have done it! I couldn’t see anything!”

    (From the light coming in the windows, and the various bits of light coming from power buttons, etc, I find I can almost read by the ambient light when the lights are off at night. The cleaning crew has shut them off on me a few times, so I know that the office is far from pitch black… especially when you’re sitting in front of two 24″ monitors throwing light everywhere. As a bonus, less than twenty feet from her workspace is a motion sensor that turns on one office’s lights, providing ample light to the entire area.)

    Me: “I’m sure you were fine.”

    Coworker: “No! I could have fallen and hurt myself, and no one would have found me until morning!”

    Me: “Look, I’m not sure what you want me to say at this point, but I know you’ve had this happen before, and it just upsets you. Why don’t you buy a cheap flashlight, and keep it in your desk drawer or something?”

    Coworker: “Oh, I do have one, but it doesn’t help.”

    Me: “Huh? Why not?”

    Coworker: “How can I find it in the dark?!”

    Engineering A Problem

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I’m part of an engineering team for a small aerospace firm that is currently tasked with fixing airfoil defects in wing design. A company wide ‘reshuffling’ has seen us get a new supervisor from corporate, whose first order of business is one-on-one interviews to determine who is ‘expendable.’ This happens during a team meeting held a week later with him, me, and three other coworkers. We immediately notice our only female coworker, a thin Asian woman in her mid-twenties, is not present.)

    Supervisor: “All right, everyone, if you can just sit down we’ll get this meeting done with.”

    Coworker #1: “Wait, we’re missing someone. Where’s [Coworker #4]?”

    Supervisor: *waving his hand dismissively* “Oh, that, it was decided that with the new cost-cutting measures it wasn’t worth the cost to keep a secretary on hand for you guys, especially such an overpaid one.”

    Me: “Wait, what are you talking about?”

    Supervisor: “Oh, don’t try and fool me. I noticed that little b**** didn’t even have an engineering degree, and she made up all sorts of excuses about not needing one when I confronted her on it. I don’t care how good she was at getting coffee or whatever her ‘other services’ were. After reviewing her file I saw she barely does any work in the department and I won’t have my department filled with useless employees. There’s no point protecting a deadweight liar just because she’s a pretty face.”

    (He finishes this speech with his arms crossed, looking very smugly at us, as if he’s just uncovered some grand secret. Eventually Coworker #2 finally breaks the silence.)

    Coworker #2: “You f****** moron.”

    Supervisor: *stunned* “What did you say to me?! I will have you reported for this kind of language.”

    Coworker #3: “Go right ahead, and while you’re at it explain how you just crippled our department for the next couple of months.”

    Supervisor: *frustrated* “Oh, don’t be so overly dramatic. Just because you won’t have a pretty girl to ogle…”

    Coworker #2: “That ‘pretty girl’ you fired had a PhD in applied mathematics. She was the only person in our department who could actually figure out the Joukowsky transform on the new designs we’re working on. She clocks so few hours with us because she’s asked to help out the other departments practically every other day.”

    Supervisor: *unimpressed* “Well, finnneeeee, if it’s so important we’ll just get another one of these ‘applied’ math people. It shouldn’t take long. H***, with all these new college graduates we can probably just use two unpaid interns and get twice the work for less than half the pay!”

    (He once again looked around like he just solved the greatest puzzle in the world. Ignoring our protests he attempted to go ahead with his plans, even creating an ad listing for an UNPAID internship for someone with at least a master’s degree in applied mathematics. Unsurprisingly it turned out to be incredibly difficult to find another PhD in applied mathematics with a specialty in airfoil design, especially one willing to work for free. Our former coworker is now at a much higher paid job at a larger company, and four months later we still haven’t found a replacement. After months of stalled projects, it was very satisfying watching the CEO of the company tear into my now ex-supervisor for his stupidity.)

    User Confuser

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in IT for a particular high end women’s fashion site. One day I get a call from one of our designers in the studio.)

    Caller: “I forgot my password again.”

    Me: “That’s all right. Let me just reset it… and your temporary password is “TempPass1″. Capital ‘T’ and ‘P.’”

    Caller: “It’s not working.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Make sure to capitalize the ‘T’ and ‘P’ and try again. It’ll prompt you for a new password when you login.”

    Caller: “Well… I mean… I don’t know my username either.”

    (I know this particular person, so I’m sure this isn’t a malicious social engineering attempt.)

    Me: “It’s your name.”

    Caller: “Yeah, I don’t remember my username.”

    Me: “It’s your name. First name, dot, last name.”

    Caller: “Yeah, I don’t know it.”

    Me: “[Caller], you know your name. I know you do. I’m calling you by your name right now.”

    Caller: “Wait… Oh, yeah! Okay, hold on… Nope, I don’t think I remember my username. Can you reset that too?”

    (I walked down to the studio and watched her try to login to her computer with her personal email address.)

    Instructions Aren’t So Clear

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (While we’re being checked out, an item buzzes. The register clearly displays the error, ‘BUFFER FULL – PRESS CLEAR.’)

    Cashier: “Huh. This isn’t working.”

    (She slowly reads the message, then ignores it and tries again without pressing clear. Same buzz, same error. So she tries again. And again. And again.)

    Wife: “It’s saying, ‘Buffer full – press clear.’”

    Cashier: “Yeah, that happens sometimes. Don’t worry, it’ll take.”

    (She tries it again. And again. And again.)

    Me: “You know, maybe just in case it helps, try pressing clear?”

    (She does. The error message goes away. The item rings up just fine.)

    Cashier: “Huh. He’s pretty bright, for a gentleman.”

    Wife: *under her breath* “Yeah, he’s been reading for years now…”

    Not An Apples To Apples World Anymore

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m buying some fruit, and I’ve brought my own re-usable cloth bags.)

    Cashier: *stares blankly into my bag, which contains Macintosh apples*

    Bagger: “What’s the matter?”

    Cashier: “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

    Bagger: “The cloth bags? Yeah, they’re not that common.”

    Cashier: “No, man. These APPLES, man! What the heck are they? I’ve never seen apples like these in my life.”

    Bagger: “Uh, they’re Macintoshes. We sell a lot of those.”

    Cashier: *shaking his head* “There are so many different types of apples, man, and I can’t keep up.”


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