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  • Category: Extra Stupid

    Service Is Not Up To Scratch

    , | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (In this record shop, they put empty CD boxes on the shelves and store the CDs in cardboard wallets behind the till. I took a box to the counter, and told the assistant how happy I was to have found it, a rare CD that I’d wanted for a while. She rang up my purchase, found the cardboard wallet, SHOOK OUT MY NEW CD ONTO THE COUNTER, PRINTED SIDE UP, AND SLID IT OFF THE EDGE TO PICK IT UP. When she gave it to me, I opened the box, looked at the disc, and sure enough, it had several deep, parallel scratches.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but… I don’t want this now that you’ve scratched it.”

    Assistant: *looks at disc* “Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

    Me: “…”

    (Her manager refunded my money, but I never did get a copy of that CD.)

    The Boss And His Web Of Lies

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I’m at work and find a spider in my clinic room. I gently nudge the spider onto a piece of paper and walk outside to release it on a tree. My boss sees me come back in.)

    Boss: “Why did you let the spider go? I would have smashed it with my hand.”

    Me: “You shouldn’t kill spiders because they’re your friends. They eat all the flies and mosquitoes that you hate.”

    Boss: “Nope. I say smash first and clean up later.”

    (My boss walks away and comes back.)

    Boss: “Say… HOW do spiders catch flies and mosquitoes?”

    (I’m not sure whether this is a trick question but my boss honestly looks puzzled.)

    Me: “They… build… a… web.”

    Boss: “Oh, is that it? No, I mean HOW do spiders CATCH those flying insects?”

    Me: “Spiders build a web which traps the insects when they fly into it.”

    Boss: “Right. No, I knew that.”

    (My boss walked away looking a tad embarrassed. I’m not sure how he finished primary school science, especially as he was always boasting about how intelligent he was.)

    A Completely Different Kettle Of Fish

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I work in my university’s dining hall. Though most employees are students, not all are. I am the cashier and am using the slow period to do some reading for an upper-level literature course. Coworker, who is not a student, walks by.)

    Coworker: “Hey, whatcha reading?”

    Me:The Hermaphrodite.”

    Coworker: “Oh, never heard of it.” *begins to walk away, then stops* “Is that about a fish?”

    An Ongoing Scan-dal

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Extra Stupid

    (This happened a few years ago when I was shopping in a department store. I go to buy a sweater that has the price clearly marked on it. I take it to the till but it does not scan when the cashier scans it.)

    Cashier: “This item is not scanning; let me call someone to do a price check.”

    Me: “The price is right on the tag here. It says [price].”

    Cashier: “Sorry, but we need to scan it in order to make the price go through the till.”

    (Another employee comes over and I explain what’s going on.)

    Employee #2: “Unfortunately we can’t sell you the item if it doesn’t scan. Can you come back tomorrow after we get it into our system?”

    (I am a little puzzled as to why this is necessary, but decide to agree with them and come back the next day. Sure enough, I come back the very next day to buy it, and again it doesn’t scan.)

    Cashier: “I need a price check on this item!”

    Me: “Seriously? I came here to buy this exact same item last night, and I was told to come back today because the item wasn’t scanning and you needed a day to put in in your system!”

    Cashier: “Sorry, but we can’t sell the item if it’s not scanning.”

    Me: “Can you get a manager, please?”

    (A manager comes over and I explain the situation to her.)

    Manager: “Unfortunately we can’t sell you the item if it doesn’t scan. Can you come back another day so we can get it in our system?”

    Me: “Okay, let me get this straight… You have this item on your sales floor to sell, with the price RIGHT ON THE TAG, and you’re telling me you can’t sell it to me because it doesn’t scan? Not to mention I was told last night to come back again so you could get it in your system? May I ask why this item is even on your sales floor to be sold if people aren’t even able to buy it?”

    (At that moment, the till over from me called for a price check on an item… Guess what that person was buying?)

    Needs To Cement Out A New Contract

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Extra Stupid

    (A coffee bar has been under construction in our bookstore for a few months now, and some drywall has been added. I am shelving books when a man in an orange jacket with a clipboard walks in.)

    Inspector: “Good morning! Is the [Coffee Bar] contractor here?”

    Me: “Not at the moment. How can I help you?”

    Inspector: “I’m with the city construction division. The contractor wanted me to inspect the drywall he just put up. Mind if I take a look?”

    Me: “Sure, by all means!”

    (The inspector disappears into the construction site, which is hidden behind a giant wall, and I go back to shelving. A few minutes later, he walks out, looking peeved.)

    Inspector: “You said the contractor wasn’t here? Do you know what he looks like?”

    Me: “Unfortunately I don’t, but my coworker might…”

    (At that moment, my coworker walks up.)

    Coworker: “I can help out.”

    Inspector: “Yes, well, I came in to inspect the drywall, and what the contractor failed to tell me was that he put fresh cement in there! So I left lots of big footprints that he may want to smooth out!”

    Coworker: “Oh! Um… I’m sorry. I’ll call the contractor and let him know.”

    Inspector: “Please do. I don’t appreciate wet concrete on my boots!”

    (The inspector leaves, and my coworker beckons me over to the construction site. The wet concrete, marked with footprints, is painfully obvious compared to the rest of the dry concrete.)

    Coworker: “How the heck could he not see how different the wet concrete was? Was he just not paying attention?”

    Me: *singing* “One of these things is not like the others…”

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