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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Bacon Begone

    , | London, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am visiting London at a time when they are having a 99p sale on bacon double cheeseburgers. However, the “bacon” is a limp piece of meat instead of the crispy strip my American tastes prefer; furthermore, the bacon double is prepared with no condiments on it.)

    Me: “Can I just get a regular double cheeseburger for 99p? I don’t like the bacon double.”

    Cashier: “No, the double cheeseburgers are regular price.”

    Me: “But they’re basically the same thing. In fact, the regular double doesn’t have the bacon on it, so its ingredients probably cost less anyway.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, the double cheeseburger is regular price.”

    Me: “All right, then, I’ll order a bacon double. But can I get it ‘my way?'”

    Cashier: “Sure.”

    Me: “I’ll have ketchup on it.”

    Cashier: *typing this into the register* “Okay.”

    Me: “And mustard, please. And pickles.”

    Cashier: *also typing this into the register* “Okay.”

    Me: “And just one other change; hold the bacon.”

    (The cashier instantly realizes what I’ve done and gives me a dirty look. But I got my 99p regular double cheeseburger!)

    Idiots Nationwide

    | Twin Cities, MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

    (My manager’s daughter is on vacation in Mexico and has recently called from the resort’s phone to tell her mom that her call phone isn’t working. The manager has called the phone company to figure out what the problem is. I’ve only caught the last bit of the conversation and can only hear one side.)

    Manager: “I just don’t understand why her phone isn’t working.”

    Manager: “But I have nationwide coverage. Why isn’t it working?”

    Manager: “Ugh, fine.” *hangs up*

    Me: “What happened?”

    Manager: “They said they’d make her phone work, but it’s going to cost [amount] per minute. I have nationwide coverage. I don’t know why it’s going to cost so much!”

    Me: “Nationwide means in the USA. You know that, right?”

    Manager: “What do you mean by that?”

    Me: “[Coworker] is in Mexico. That’s not part of the nation, meaning—”

    Manager: “—it’s supposed to be NATIONWIDE! Her phone should work!”

    (She stormed off leaving me dumbfounded and speechless.)

    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem, Part 5

    , | ON, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My friend and I are babysitting our friend’s five-year-old son so that she can attend a Christmas party for her work. We decide, since he is behaving well, to order pizza for dinner while we watch his ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ movies. I call and am placing the order:)

    Friend’s Son: “Can I tell the lady what I would like on my pizza?”

    Me: “Sure. Speak clearly and use your manners.”

    Friend’s Son: “Okay!” *into the phone* “Pepperoni on my pizza, please!”

    (I take the phone back and he runs to play with his trains.)

    Me: “Okay, on the second pizza I would like…” *I prattle off a list of vegetables, as I am a vegetarian and my friend loves veggie pizza anyway*

    Worker: “Anything else?”

    Me: “Yeah, are there any veggies I forgot?”

    Worker: *silent for almost a minute* “Umm… ham? I don’t know my vegetables.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Worker: “So, ham?”

    Me: “No, thanks. Uh, that’s all.”

    (I hang up the phone and tell my friend what happened, to which he laughs and is simultaneously shocked and amused.)

    Me: “Let me test something.” *calls five-year-old over* “Honey, is ham a meat or a vegetable?”

    Friend’s Son: *confused* “It is a meat! Why?”

    Me: “The pizza lady thought it was a vegetable.”

    Friend’s Son: *digging in his toy drawer for more train tracks* “Maybe she should go back to kindergarten.”

    Related:
    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem, Part 4
    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem, Part 3
    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem, Part 2

    Questioning Your Security Methods

    | CA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Money

    (A few years ago I called into a customer service center to alter service on my account.)

    Representative: “How may I help you?”

    Me: “I’d like to remove [service] from my account as I’m not using it anymore.”

    Representative: “Sure thing. Can I get your account number?”

    Me: “[Account number].”

    Representative: “And your name?”

    Me: “[My Name].”

    Representative: “Great. Now to verify your identity, can you please tell me your security question?”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Representative: “Can you please provide me with your security question?”

    Me: “I don’t know my security question. You’re supposed to provide me the question so I can answer it.”

    Representative: “I’m sorry, sir, but we need you to provide your security question in order to verify your identity before I can continue.”

    Me: “But that makes no sense. Nobody makes a customer memorize the question, only the answer. There are countless possible questions each company can ask, and I can’t be expected to memorize both the question AND the answer.”

    Representative: “Sir, if you can’t provide me the security question to verify your identity, I’ll have to terminate this call.”

    Me: “I’ll save you the trouble.”

    (I called back a few minutes later and got a different rep who understood how security questions work.)

    It’s A Repeat Order

    , | Reno, NV, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, can I have a chicken bacon ranch salad with grilled chicken?”

    Worker: “You want a salad?”

    Me: “Yes. Chicken bacon ranch salad.”

    Worker: “A bacon salad?”

    Me: “Yes… a chicken bacon ranch salad.”

    Worker: “You want a bacon chicken salad?”

    Me: “Yes, a chicken bacon ranch salad with grilled chicken.”

    Worker: “What kind of dressing?”

    Me: “…ranch.”

    Worker: “You wanted chicken on that? What kind?”

    Me: “…grilled.”

    Worker: “Okay… okay… ranch bacon salad with grilled chicken and ranch?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (Luckily they got my order right…)


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