Brother: “I’d like a [drink] with no ice.”

Cashier: “You have to have put ice in it.”

Brother: “I don’t want ice.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but you have to have ice.”

Brother: “Right, I’ll bite… why do I need to have ice in it?”

Cashier: “The ice has a chemical in it that makes the drink go longer.”

Brother: “What?”

Cashier: “Yeah! It’s called subterfuge.”

(My brother catches on immediately.)

Brother: “Can I speak to your manager, please?”

Cashier: “Alright, is there a problem?”

Brother: “Oh, there could be…”

(The manager comes along.)

Manager: “What’s the matter?”

Brother: “Right… when you’re training your juniors, you should make sure they understand what you’re telling them. He just told me there’s a chemical called subterfuge in the ice that makes the drink last longer, as opposed to an act of subterfuge by adding ice to make it appear as if there is more.”

(I’m an associate at a retail store and often work with the same manager. She’s very sweet but not all that bright. We’d just closed the store and she is counting the money in the register.)

Manager: “[My name], can you come verify the deposit, please?”

(I come over and count it all.)

Me: “I have $286.83, but you’ve written $226.83 on the deposit slip.”

Manager: “I counted wrong? I used the calculator.”

Me: “Yeah. It looks like you missed three of the twenties?”

(Note: There are six twenties in tonight’s deposit.)

Manager: “No, I counted six. There’s six, right?”

Me: “Yep, six. So that’s $120, and then the 50—”

Manager: “Wait, what?”

Me: “Six twenties. That’s $120 dollars. Right? Six times two times ten…”

Manager: “That’s not $60?”

Me: “No. Six tens would be $60. But these are twenties… so, $120.”

Manager: “Oh! …Oh.”

(She looks pensive for a moment and then smiles brightly.)

Manager: *cheerfully* “I’m so glad you’re good at math!”

Related:
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 6
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 5
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 4
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 3
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 2
Mismanaged Expectations (Not Always Right)

Themed Giveaway Roundup: Extra Stupid! Although our Themed Giveaway on Extra Stupid workers is still ongoing, here are some fantastic submissions we’ve already received. Thanks to everyone who has submitted a story–keep ‘em coming!

1. Here’s A Capital Idea: Invest In Education (438 thumbs up)
2. At Least They’ll Stop Being Short With Customers For A Change, Part 2 (437 thumbs up)
3. See IQ (374 thumbs up)
4. Badger Safe Than Sorry (305 thumbs up)
5. Breaking Bank (405 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(I am a college student and picking up my inhaler from a local pharmacy. I’ve just gotten a new prescription insurance card and need to have the information changed. Since I’m under my parents’ insurance, the card is in my father’s name.)

Me: “I’d like to pick up my prescription and update my insurance.”

(I hand the pharmacy tech the insurance card.)

Tech: “This is under a guy’s name. You’re a girl.”

Me: “Yes, that’s my father’s name. I’m included under his insurance.”

Tech: “So, you’re under your husband’s insurance. Let me see if I can update that.”

Me: “Father, not husband.”

Tech: “What’s your husband’s date of birth?”

Me: “That’s my father, not my husband, and it’s [date].”

Tech: “Wow! You look young to be married to someone that old.”

Me: “For the third time, I am under my father’s insurance. I’m not married.”

Tech: “Oh. Okay. Well, I need to show this to the pharmacist on duty.”

(She walks over to the pharmacist, who is still within my earshot.)

Tech: “Hey, this girl is under her husband’s insurance and I need help updating her info…”

Me: *facepalm*

(My coworker is getting an extra side of sauce for a customer. However, she manages to grab the only metal dressing cup we have, fills it with the sauce, and then places it in the microwave. Thankfully, I catch her before she presses the start button.)

Me: “STOP!”

Coworker: *still pressing buttons* “What?”

Me: “Stop! Don’t put that in there!”

Coworker: “What? Why?”

Me: “That’s a metal cup!”

(She opens the microwave and looks at the cup.)

Coworker: “Oh!” *laughs* “This is why I can’t use the microwave at home!”

Related:
Of Microwaves And Microbrains