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    Category: Extra Stupid

    They’re Not On The Same Page

    | Dusseldorf, Germany | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m working in the local IT department of an international law firm.)

    Me: “IT support. How may I help you?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print.”

    (I see the lawyer’s name and room number on my display.)

    Me: “Hello, Mr. [Lawyer]. What do you mean, you can’t print? I don’t have reports of printer malfunctions, yet. Could you please describe your problem further? Do you get an error message?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print! There is no error message; the d*** thing doesn’t react at all!”

    Me: “On which printer are you trying to print?”

    Lawyer: “Which printer? F****** all of them! I even installed a printer on a different floor!”

    (I connect remotely to his PC and see that he has a Word document open and every printer in the selection box gives the status ‘ready’. Additionally I check every printer on his floor via our Web Interface for error messages. No error comes up.)

    Lawyer: “I need the last page printed out ASAP. Every time I’m in a hurry these d*** PCs aren’t working. Why can’t you and your colleagues get these f****** things to work like they should?”

    Me: “Uhm… you need the last page printed? That would be page three of that document?”

    Lawyer: “No, godd*** it! Are you blind? Here, in the line ‘print page xx’ I typed in page four! I need page four! I have a meeting with a client in five minutes and I need this page for my notes! F***!”

    Me: “Is this the correct document? Because I see that this document only has three pages.”

    (I change the four into a three and click on ‘print,’ and sure enough the printer in his office starts printing.)

    Me: “The printer seems to be working fine. Is this the page you need?”

    Lawyer: “Uhm… this is the page… Yes… Well… I can handle it from here. Bye.” *click*

    Training To Fail

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (One of my shipmates has a serious problem with her evaluations and relates with us what transpired. The sailor in question is a top sailor, with a lot of drive, and has frequently been awarded for doing work normally assigned to higher pay-grades. Normally evals do not drop unless you are screwing up.)

    Shipmate: “Sir, why did my evals go down?”

    Eval Officer: “Well, I couldn’t justify giving you such high marks anymore.”

    Shipmate: “What? Why? My performance hasn’t gone down.”

    Eval Officer: “No, it hasn’t. But last time, you were ‘the only sailor qualified on [system]‘ and we now have two people qualified for it.”

    Shipmate: “So, my evals went down because I trained someone else on this system?”

    Eval Officer: “Yep!”

    Siamese Cats

    | MA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (An older couple who cannot speak any English come into my store. They are on the phone with their daughter, who can speak English, and hand my manager the phone.)

    Manager: “How do you say hello in their language so I can say hi to them?”

    Caller: “Ni-hao.”

    Manager: *to customers* “Meeeoww.”

    (I turned six different shades of red, tried not to laugh, and corrected her. This is NOT the first time she’s done something like this. When we have an extra percent off clearance she tells people ‘venti cinco percent’ or she tries to speak Portuguese.)

    Doesn’t Get The Prints-ible

    | TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a very small office, and we don’t have an actual IT person. I’m a fairly new hire and I’m much more comfortable with technology than most of my coworkers. While it is not part of my regular duties I am called upon from time to time to solve minor computer issues. A member of upper management summons me to his office to help him set up his wireless printer.)

    Manager: “Thanks for coming in here. I can’t figure out why this isn’t connecting. I’ve got it hooked up directly to my laptop right now, but I’d like to make it wireless so I can move the printer over there.”

    Me: “Okay, do you know if you have installed the correct driver?”

    Manager: “Um, I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Not a problem. Just a moment. It looks like the driver is current. Let me do a bit of research. This is your modem… Where is your router?”

    Manager: “My router?”

    Me: “Yes, for your wireless?”

    Manager: “Oh! It’s at home. I haven’t gotten around to bringing it up here and setting it up yet.”

    Me: “I see. Well, you’re going to need to set up your router before we can connect your printer via wireless Internet.”

    Manager: “Oh. Really? I was hoping to get this taken care of today. I’d really like for the printer to be over there. Hmmm…”

    Me: “You could… go down the road to [Office Supply Store] and get a longer printer cable.”

    Not In The Best Frame Of Mind

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am an admin assistant at a small but successful business. The CEO is in the office, which is uncommon, but he’s generally pretty nice. He calls me into his office because he is having a computer issue. He shows me a mildly amusing cat GIF that someone has emailed to him.)

    CEO: “Look! isn’t that the funniest darn thing you have seen all day? I want to take it home to show my wife, but it isn’t printing correctly. Can you fix it?”

    Me: “You’re wanting to print a GIF? I don’t think that’s possible, sir.”

    CEO: *looking disappointed* “Oh…”

    Me: “Sorry. It’s just… well it’s like a short movie, basically. I mean, you can’t print a movie, right?”

    CEO: “Well, I was hoping it would print frame by frame, like picture film!”

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