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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Can’t Think Outside The Smoking Box

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working for a lab company in IT. The nurses and phlebotomists we work with tend to be technology phobic. This day, I get a call and the caller is surprisingly low key considering the commotion I hear in the background.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Caller: *someone yelling in the background* “Hi, I’m at the blood draw station on [Street Name].”

    Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Well. You see, there’s smoke coming out of the box.”

    Me: “What box?”

    Caller: “The box under the computer.”

    Me: “Do you mean the computer?”

    Caller: “Nah, the computer looks funny, but the box under it is smoking.”

    (From long practice, I pretty much know the “computer” is the monitor, and the “box” is the actual computer.)

    Me: *getting a little frantic* “Can you unplug it right away?”

    Caller: “Oh, yeah, sure. I can do that. Hold on.”

    (Several minutes later…)

    Caller: “Hey, that stopped the smoke. Thanks!” *click*

    (I sent a service tech out immediately. The case was even charred!)

    A Duh-zen

    | El Paso, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am trying to check out at a local grocery store. I have multiple different items. I am unloading my cart.)

    Me: “There are a dozen peaches in this bag.”

    Cashier: *types in 20 peaches*

    Me: “No, I said a dozen. Not 20.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, I typed in a dozen. That is correct.”

    Me: “A dozen is twelve. Count them.”

    Cashier: “Look, I know how to do my job.”

    Me: “You are trying to charge me for eight peaches that I do not have. A dozen is 12; you charged me for 20.”

    Cashier: “Look, okay, it’s 20. Everyone knows that. You are holding up the line.”

    Me: “A dozen is 12! Take them out of the bag and count them! 12 peaches, not 20!”

    Cashier: “Look, I need you to pay and get out of the way.”

    Me: “I am not going to pay for eight extra items that I do not have!”

    Cashier: “If you are not going to pay, then you need to leave the store!”

    Customer Behind Me: *to Cashier: “A dozen is 12! You are trying to charge her for 20, you dimwit! Charge her for the appropriate items and let her pay!”

    Cashier: “Don’t insult me just because she does not know math!”

    Customer: “She doesn’t know math? You are the simpleton that doesn’t know what a dozen is! It’s hardly her fault that you cannot do basic math! I am a math teacher. A dozen is 12. Now, ring her up correctly and stop charging her for eight extra items!”

    Cashier: “No! You guys are trying to scam this store!”

    Customer: “Right. Get your manager out here, NOW!”

    Me: “Yes, please, I would really love a manager right now!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Me: “I have a dozen peaches and she is trying to charge me for 20. When I tried to get her to take off the extra eight, she accuses us of trying to scam her!”

    Cashier: “Well, you are trying to scam us!”

    Manager: “Are you kidding me? Go get a dozen eggs from that cooler.”

    (The customer behind me is now chuckling. The cashier leaves in a huff and grabs a container of dozen eggs.)

    Manager: “Good, now open and count them.”

    Cashier: “There are 12.”

    Manager: “Exactly. 12 eggs in a container marked one dozen. What does that tell you?”

    Cashier: “Uh…”

    Manager: “Get rid of the extra eight. Once you are done with that, please clock out and go home. I will deal with you tomorrow. Also, hand everyone in this line as many coupons as you can until you run out.”

    (The cashier voids the extra items, while bright red, and hands me a massive stack of coupons. I never saw her again at that store.)

    H2-D’oh!

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, New Hires

    (It falls to me to train all the new high school kids. This is my trainee’s first job and we’re doing the general cleaning at the end of the night. All we have left to do is mop the floors.)

    Me: “Okay, when filling the mop bucket, you only need to use a small amount of the floor cleaner, since we get the concentrated stuff.”

    (I fill the cap from the jug with cleaner and pour it into the bucket.)

    Me: “That’s all you need.”

    Trainee: “That’s it?”

    Me: “That’s it.”

    (I walk away to finish counting the nightly deposit. A few minutes later she comes back to me.)

    Trainee: “I think I need more floor cleaner. I’m not done with the lobby but I’ve already run out.”

    Me: “…what?”

    (I walk over to the mop bucket and it is empty, and the mop is almost completely dry.

    Me: “Didn’t you add water to the bucket?”

    Trainee: “I have to add water? But you said that all I needed was the floor cleaner.”

    (She had never mopped a floor and therefore didn’t know that you needed water AND cleaner in the bucket.)

    Can’t Mail Past The Generation Gap

    | MD, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I have called to make an appointment to begin physical therapy.)

    Clerk: “What is your email address, so I can email you the forms to fill out for your first visit.”

    Me: “It’s [email], but my printer is just about out of ink. How many forms are there?”

    Clerk: “Um… about six?”

    Me: “I don’t know if I can print that many before it runs out. Can you snail mail them to me?”

    Clerk: “I don’t know how to do that.”

    (There is a brief silence while I gape in astonishment.)

    Me: “Uh… you don’t know how to fold up papers and put them in an envelope?”

    Clerk: “No, I don’t know what the forms are.”

    No Power For That Light-Bulb Moment

    | Middle East, US Army Base | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work overseas for the U.S. military. There is a periodic inspection of our living facilities and an inventory of all the items in our places. On the day my inspection is scheduled there is an explosion at the main power plant and half the country is without power for several hours. My inspection is done by candle light and with flashlights.)

    Chief Inspector: “Okay. Everything seems to be in order but I want to go over the paperwork with you. Would you please turn on the lights so we can do this?”

    Me: “Uhm… no.”

    Chief Inspector: “Why not?”

    Me: “Really? You just got done doing and inspection by candle light. What makes you think I can magically turn on the lights now that you are done?”


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