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  • Watch Your Tongues
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  • Category: Extra Stupid

    Intelligence Has Departed

    | Changi, Singapore | Employees, Extra Stupid, Tourists & Travel

    (I was born in Singapore but grew up in Australia and became a citizen. I fly to Singapore for a holiday and I am getting my passport checked out. In Australia, you don’t require a departure stamp in your Australian passport; instead, it has a chip that gets scanned. I did not know this at the time.)

    Me: *walks up to the booth* “Hello.”

    Clerk #1: *says nothing and starts looking through my passport* “Where is your stamp?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Clerk #1: “Were you born here?”

    Me: “Yes, but I—”

    Clerk #1: “Then where is the departure stamp? You’re supposed to have a departure stamp”

    Me: “… I don’t know?”

    Clerk #1: “You’re Asian right? Why don’t you have a departure stamp in your passport?”

    Me: “What does that have anything to do—”

    Clerk #1: “Why is there no stamp?”

    (At this point, another clerk walks over, looks at my passport and notices the problem.)

    Clerk #2: “[Clerk #1], in Australia, they don’t have departure stamps. They just scan because there’s a chip.”

    Clerk #1: “But she’s Asian! She’s supposed to have a departure stamp when she comes back to Singapore!”

    Me: “But I’m from Australia! My passport is Australian! It’s blue, not red!”

    Clerk #2: “She doesn’t NEED one! Just stamp her in and let her through!” *walks away*

    (Clerk #1 groans and stamps my card and slams it on the counter without saying anything.)

    Me: “Am I okay to go now?”

    Clerk #1: *throws his hands up and snaps at me* “What more do you want me to do?!”

    Me: *losing my patience and yelling* “Well you could’ve F****** TOLD ME you were F****** DONE!”

    BLT: Better Luck Tomorrow

    | Derry, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Can I get a BLT on Italian herb bread, please”

    Worker: “Do you want anything on that, like lettuce or tomato?”

    Stamp Of Disapproval

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My favourite coffee shop doesn’t have a points card. Instead they have a cardboard card that they stamp. Unfortunately me being me, I would forget to get it stamped or leave it at home, so it has taken several months to fill it up. I’m two coffees away and I have just ordered two coffees.)

    Me: “Oh, my card.”

    (The barista looks at my card, looks at me, and looks at the coffees I’ve just ordered, stamps it twice, then instead of passing my card back to me, she takes a free coffee off my bill.)

    Me: “Thank you for not understanding your own policy of buy six get one free!”

    Less Calories, More Placebos

    | England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Because we have to have a certain number of people in the room at all times, my coworker is covering my lunch.)

    Coworker: “Hey, are you off to the shop?”

    Me: “Yes, need something?”

    Coworker: “Can you pick me up another one of these?” *holds up half empty Pepsi Max bottle* “I don’t think it is going to last until the end of the day.”

    Me: “Er, sure, but you know we have juice, right?”

    Coworker: “Nah, I need the sugar.”

    Me: “Er… You know that doesn’t have any sugar in it?”

    Coworker: “Sugar, sweetener, same thing.”

    (I pick up her sugar-free sugarfix, which apparently was the pickup she needed.)

    Fraudulent Claims

    | UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “I need to pull out £500 for my mum; she’s sick and can’t get here. I have her card and PIN but her daily limit from the cash machine is £250.”

    Cashier: “You can’t make transactions on someone else’s account. That’s fraud.”

    Me: “Okay, but she gave me her card and she can’t get here.”

    Cashier: “Well you can always pull out £250 today and £250 tomorrow from the cash machine. That would work.”

    Me: “Okay… Why can’t I do it over the counter? You use the PIN to verify the transaction.”

    Cashier: “Because that’s fraud.”

    Me: “So, it’s not fraud for me to get exactly the same amount out of the machine?”

    Cashier: *fixing me with a hard stare* “Bank customers should NEVER reveal their PIN to ANYONE.”

    Me: “But you just told me to get the money out of the machine…”

    Cashier: “That’s FRAUD.”

    Me: “Okay, then… Bye…”

    (I got the money from the machine with no problem at all.)

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