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    Gunning For A Promotion

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (I work in the garden center of a large department store and am covering a lunch break in sporting goods. A manager who is notorious for being controlling and generally incompetent happens to come by and notices the gun cabinet is unlocked.)

    Me: “Oh, yeah. A customer wanted to look at a gun. He just left. I was just about to lock it back up.”

    Manager: “I don’t want you letting people look at guns. You aren’t trained to sell guns.”

    Me: “I know that. I wasn’t going to sell it; he just wanted to look at it. That doesn’t require any training. They have a safety clip only we can take off and there’s obviously no ammo in them.”

    Manager: “I don’t want you letting people looking at guns. What if they hit you over the head with it, knocked you out, and ran out of the store? They would have just stolen the gun.”

    (I was looking for a promotion, so I just smile and nod. Later, I am talking to the sporting goods associate.)

    Me: “[Manager] told me not to let people look at guns because they could be used as a club. I wonder if she realizes that less than a hundred feet away we have completely unsecured and uncovered axes and machetes in the garden center, along with enough pool chemicals and fertilizers to make a crude bomb without anyone noticing.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I’ve never heard of that policy. She’s an idiot.”

    A Recipe For Disaster, Part 2

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (Since I was two, I’ve been diagnosed with celiac disease, which means that I can’t eat gluten. So I’m gluten-free, but most definitely not by choice. The most difficult part is eating out, because often employees won’t know what to do.)

    Me: “Is this item gluten-free?”

    Employee: “No, nothing is free.”

    Me: “No, does this item have any gluten in it?”

    Employee: “Gluten? What is gluten?”

    Me: “Wheat, barley, rye, oats, or spelt – are any of those ingredients in this product?”

    Employee: “One second.”

    (He then gets out his iPhone, and I presume it’s to call someone who created the product to make sure. Instead, he goes onto Google to search up ‘gltin.’)

    Employee: “How do you spell it?”

    Me: “Uh, never mind. I’ll just have [product that in no way could have gluten].”

    A Recipe For Disaster

    Got No Beef With Chicken

    | Tukwila, WA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m sitting in the break-room at work. A group of three of my coworkers are sitting nearby sharing a chicken pizza that Coworker #1 bought. The pizza inspires a conversation on the fact that some religious ban pork or beef.)

    Coworker #1: *starts listing types of meat* “Beef, pork, lamb, venison, chicken…”

    Coworker #2: “Goat is really good.”

    Coworker #3: “Wait, if you don’t consider chicken beef, then what do you consider beef?”

    (All three of us just stare at him for a long moment.)

    Me: “Beef comes from a cow, dear…”

    The Sum Of What’s Wrong With Humanity

    | Brighton, England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    Me: “How much are these CD cases, please?”

    Shop Assistant: “40 pence each.”

    Me: “I’ll take ten, please.”

    (The shop assistant pulls out calculator. I stand there in disbelief with £4 ready in my hand.)

    Shop Assistant: “That will be £4, please.”

    (I hand over £4, thank him, and turn to go.)

    Shop Assistant: “Hang on, I may have got that wrong…”

    (I turn around in utter disbelief, shake my head once, and leave. My friend is waiting outside.)

    Friend: “What happened? You look weird.”

    (I explain.)

    Friend: “We need a coffee to restore our faith in humanity.”

    Me: “Should we order separately… just in case they need a calculator for two coffees?”

    Email Fail, Part 2

    , | UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a back-office job, where one of my previous tasks was approving staff applications for services. Because we’re office-based, staff in other departments rarely meet us. One day, shortly after we move over to a self-service application system to free us up for other tasks, I receive the following email:)

    Coworker: “Approve the application.”

    (Naturally I’m put out that she didn’t even bother to put a greeting line in, but I grit my teeth and reply.)

    Me: “Hi, [Coworker], I’ll need a bit more information before I can help. Could you tell me which service the application is for and if there’s a problem with the automatic approval?”

    Her Email: “Dear [My Name], I didn’t realise I was emailing a real person! I thought it was some sort of clever computer system that I just needed to send a quick yes or no to – so sorry for the very short and not at all detailed message!”

    (She then gave me all the details I needed. Although I couldn’t stay offended after that, I do wonder what she was thinking when she typed my email address in; it has my name in it!)

    Email Fail

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