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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Birthing New Stupid

    | RI, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

    (I’ve recently gotten married and I took my husband’s name. I’m at the bank to update my name on my bank account. The teller goes through the standard questions, verifying my name and new address and then:)

    Teller: “And is your date of birth still the same?”

    (I just chuckle thinking she’s joking, until I notice she’s still staring expectantly at me.)

    Me: “Umm, yes, that hasn’t changed.”

    Her Brain Is Flat

    | Humboldt, IA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Being early for my lunch shift at a ’50s diner, I have a seat with our retired cook who still does some grocery shopping for us. She’s a bit of a grouch, but I enjoy her company.)

    Coworker: *to cook*  “Would you like some more to drink?”

    Cook: “No, thanks, didn’t taste quite right today.”

    Me: *thinking she had her diet soda* “Is our machine losing carbonation again?”

    Cook: “No, I had a [cold tea drink] and it tasted like it wasn’t shook up or something.”

    (During this time my coworker, who likes to sound smart but is really a ditz, has taken a glass and tried some of the cold tea drink.)

    Coworker: “I don’t think it’s hooked up right. There’s no carbonation.”

    Me: “That’s fine. There shouldn’t be.”

    Coworker: “But it’s from a fountain. It should be carbonated.”

    Cook: “It’s tea. It shouldn’t be carbonated.”

    Coworker: “But it’s flat…”

    (At this point the phone rings and she leaves to take an order.)

    Me: “Can I kill her? She’s already brain dead.”

    Cook: “I’ll hide the body.”

    Too Chicken To Order The Veggies

    | Houghton, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My college fast food joint recently had a change in management. I am a vegetarian.)

    Cashier: “What can I get you?”

    Me: “Hi, can I have the veggie wrap?”

    Cashier: “Uh… I don’t think we have those.”

    Me: *surprised* “I’ve ordered them here before with no problem.”

    Cashier: “One moment.” *yells back to manager* “Can we make a veggie wrap?”

    Manager: *from back* “No! We only have a chicken wrap!”

    Cashier: *turns back to me* “Sorry, we don’t have those. I’m not sure why the previous owners were able to make one for you. We only have chicken wraps.”

    Me: “…Well, could I have a chicken wrap without the chicken?”

    Cashier: *wheels turning* “…Hey, [Manager], can we just do a chicken wrap without the chicken?”

    Manager: *silence* “Yeah, I guess we could do that!”

    Cashier: “Okay! What would you like on that?”

    (Every time I went there from then on, I had to specifically order ‘the chicken wrap without the chicken.’ Only ONE cashier in the next two years of me going to college there asked why I hadn’t just asked for a vegetable wrap.)

    Not His Best Light-Bulb Moment

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Physical

    (A delivery driver arrives at our fairly small office, and I’m the one who was free to go to help bring in the shipment.)

    Delivery Driver: “So what’s in all these boxes anyway?”

    (As he asks, he grabs the first box and SLAMS it down on the tailgate of the truck.)

    Me: “…that would be light bulbs.”

    Delivery Driver: “…oh.”

    (Luckily for both of us, we deal with LED lights – which are made of plastic, not glass!)

    Like They Were Just Fertilised Yesterday

    | Australia | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m a registered nurse and I work with a fairly large team of other health professionals including dietitians, physiotherapists, speech pathologists, etc. Clearly these are relatively clever people who have attended university to gain a degree in their respective fields. We are talking about food one day:)

    Other Health Professional: “I don’t eat eggs.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Other Health Professional: “It’s like eating baby chickens.”

    Me: “You get that the eggs that you buy in the supermarket aren’t actually fertilised so aren’t actually baby chickens right?”

    Other Health Professional: “Actually, I only just found that out the other day.”

    Me: “You actually thought all eggs were baby chickens?”

    Other Health Professional: “Yeah!”


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