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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Didn’t See That Coming

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (This afternoon I discovered that my boss, a financial attorney, has been seeing a psychic for the last six months because he’s afraid of what will happen to his firm with the recent changes in mortgage law. Evidently, he believes everything this woman says.)

    Boss: “She even mentioned you by name!” *tells me the name*

    Me: “Yeah, that’s not my given name. It sounds like it should be, but it isn’t.”

    Boss: “But she had her own radio show! What do you mean you don’t believe what she says?!”

    Can’t Get Ovary It

    | France | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I have a huge ovarian cyst to be removed and I feel worried, even though I try not to show it. The surgeons need to know precisely how it looks and there’s no MRI equipment in my hospital so I’m having an MRI scan in another hospital. Everything goes smoothly. Then a doctor shows me my results.)

    Doctor: “You see? Your cyst is nearly 8 inches long!”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Doctor: “It’s huge! You need it to be removed!”

    Me: “I know. I’m going to show the images to my doctor.”

    Doctor: “You don’t seem to understand: your cyst is abnormally big. You need surgery as soon as possible!”

    Me: “Yes, I know. The surgeon who’ll remove it told me she needs MRI images, so can I please go home with my results now?”

    Doctor: “You should worry.”

    Me: “Will the cyst disappear faster if I worry?”

    (Captain Obvious, I mean, the doctor let me leave with my images. I gave the cyst a funny nickname because I wanted something to joke about and make the nursing staff smile, even though I was worried. I had surgery shortly afterwards. It was painful and I had an ovary removed with my cyst but I’m fine now.)

    Not Quite On Top Of Things

    | Harwood, MD, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (I work with teenaged girls.)

    Resident: “Ms. [My Name], are there any more sausage breakfasts left?”

    Me: “Yes, in the door at the top.”

    (I didn’t give her more detail because she knew they’d be in the freezer section at least. Five minutes later…)

    Resident: “Ms. [My Name], there aren’t any left.”

    Me: “I saw one in there earlier and no one else has gone into the fridge, so it should be there.”

    (I follow the resident to the kitchen and watch her search. She opens the freezer door.)

    Me: “At the top.”

    (She looks in the middle, on the bottom…)

    Me: “It’s at the top. Right there, in the door…”

    (She is now looking in the actual freezer; she closes it, opens the refrigerator, and doesn’t find it, of course.)

    Me: “It’s in the freezer door! At the top!”

    Resident: “No, it’s not. I looked there!”

    Me: “It’s there. Right there. Right in front of your eyes!”

    (She reaches into the top compartment and finds the package.)

    Resident: “Oooh! Why didn’t you tell me it was there!”

    Mis-sold On The Resume

    | Maritimes, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, New Hires

    (I am the front desk manager at a hotel. We have just hired a new girl who is really not working out. Despite having several years experience at a hotel, she seems completely clueless as to how the hotel industry operates. She also has zero computer skills and as such her training has taken at least twice as long as it normally should. After more than 3 weeks, we decide she is ready for her first shift alone. It’s a quiet night and I make sure she has all her notes as well as my cell number in case she needs to call me for help with anything. Before leaving we have the following discussion:)

    Me: “So, we are currently at 75% occupancy. We need to get that up to 100% tonight, so make sure you rent out all the rooms. I don’t want to see any vacant rooms when I come in tomorrow morning. It shouldn’t be too hard; we get a lot of walk-ins this time of year. Just make sure you do whatever you have to in order to sell those rooms. Anybody who walks in looking for a rooms doesn’t leave without renting one. Got it?”

    Employee: “Yup, no problem. I can guarantee with almost 100% certainty that every room will be sold tonight.”

    Me: “Okay, great. Make sure you call me if there’s anything.”

    (Later that evening, around midnight, I get a call from the night auditor who is normally very calm and subdued. Right now, though, he is frantic.)

    Me: “What’s going on over there?”

    Employee #2: “That idiot is going to run us out of business.”

    Me: “Why? What happened?”

    Employee #2: “You told her she had to do everything in her power to rent all the rooms so she did…to her family at $1 per room.”

    Me: “What?! Are you f****** kidding me? How many rooms did she rent?”

    Employee #2: “12 total. She’s got her entire family and all her friends here as we speak. She called them in right after you left and so we had, like, no rooms left to rent to walk-ins. She’s been turning customers away all night. They all paid a discounted rate of $1 because she said she had to get the rooms rented. Some of them are even occupying suites. She’s actually proud of herself for selling out the hotel tonight. She genuinely believes she is going to be praised and rewarded for this tomorrow.”

    Me: “I can’t believe this. Do me a favor. Get the applications file from the cabinet and put it on my desk. I’m going to start looking for someone new first thing tomorrow.”

    (Since the rooms went to her friends and family without proper authorization it was considered stealing. I confronted her the next day and informed her that her services were no longer needed and that she could come by for her pay check later that week. She genuinely could not understand why it wasn’t ok to rent those rooms at that price; I told her to sell them and she sold them. Lesson learned: always check references and never hire based solely on the resume.)

    Knows How To Escalate The Situation

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (My four-year-old son is scared of escalators. It’s Christmas shopping season and my hands are full of packages and shopping bags. We are at the top of an escalator and I simply don’t have a hand free to pick him up and carry him down that escalator. We’re standing there, arguing about it.)

    Son: “But it will chomp my legs off.”

    Me: “It won’t do that; you’ll be fine.”

    (A young male sales clerk from the store walks up to us.)

    Clerk: “Hey, kid, you’re right. This thing chomped some kid’s legs off just yesterday.”

    (I ended up dragging my packages and my crying child to the elevators way on the other side of the store. It was two more years before that kid would ride an escalator. Thanks a lot, guy.)

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