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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Extra Stupid

    How To Cheese Someone Off

    | Miami, FL, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (The restaurant is basically in the middle of nowhere, and the server is really snotty and rude. I’m here with my grandparents.)

    Server: “What do you want to eat?”

    Grandpa: “I’ll have a bacon and Swiss sandwich.”

    Server: “We have white cheese and we have yellow cheese.”

    Driving On Snake Oil

    | Concord, NH, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Manager: “Hey, I just wanted to see if you could stay a little after your shift. [Coworker] called and said she might be late.”

    Me: “Yeah, no problem. Everything okay?”

    Manager: “I, uh, don’t really know. She said she was afraid her car might explode.”

    Me: “Her… car might explode?”

    Manager: “That’s what she said.”

    Me: “So, she’s going to be late because she’s waiting for a ride?”

    Manager: “No. She said she’s going to be driving in. She just wanted to let us know she’d be late if her car explodes.”

    Me: “If her car explodes she probably won’t have to worry about being late.”

    Manager: “I said the same thing, but she didn’t quite seem to understand.”

    Me: “I can’t believe you trust this girl to run a register.”

    Manager: “Be nice. I know she’s a little flaky, but she’s not that bad.”

    (Twenty minutes pass and my coworker walks through the door right on time. She quickly walks up to the counter where the manager and I are standing.)

    Coworker: “Hi! I made it on time!”

    Me: “Obviously. So I’m guessing your car didn’t blow up.”

    Coworker: “No, thank god. I was really worried because there was this weird light flashing by the speed thingy.”

    Manager: “Wait, you thought your car would blow up because a warning light came on?”

    Coworker: *nods* “It was really scary!”

    Me: “So, what did this light look like?”

    Coworker: “Oh, it’s some weird watering can thingy with the word ‘oil’ written on it. What do you think it means?”

    Manager: *stares for a moment* “I can’t believe I trust you to run a register…”

    Me: “Be nice.”

    Is At Least Very Stupid

    | NJ, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I develop websites for a variety of clients. My employer does the marketing. Her clients provide details of what they need, she writes up a specification, and I implement it. One such specification, for an online school, stated ‘students must select at least three courses.’’ I implemented the shopping cart just that way. Afterward, my boss calls to complain.)

    Boss: “The client is complaining that the form won’t submit unless he selects three courses.”

    Me: “That’s what the specification said: ‘students must select at least three courses.’ That’s what he asked for.”

    Boss: “That’s wrong. ‘At least three’ means one or more.”

    Not Speaking The Same Language About The Same Language

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I only overhear a consultant’s advice to a customer, and not the customer’s responses.)

    Consultant: “No, I am sorry we don’t have any Chinese translators.”

    Entire Center: *stands up and stares at the consultant, bug eyed*

    Consultant: “No, really. We don’t have any Chinese translators. We’ve got Cantonese and Mandarin translators, but that is probably not going to help…”

    Played His Card Right

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (My credit card features chip-and-PIN, but the chip has stopped working. I know this, and have ordered a replacement card, but in the meantime I have to make do. Fortunately, nearly every credit card terminal allows one to use the old-style magnetic stripe on the card if the chip doesn’t work. I’m ordering some fast food.)

    Cashier: “Okay, your total is $9.25.”

    (I hand the cashier my card, which he immediately inserts into the terminal’s chip reader.)

    Me: “I think the chip’s broken, so you might need to—”

    (The cashier pulls the card out, frowning, and inserts it again.)

    Cashier: “This card isn’t working. Do you have another method of payment?”

    Me: “I know. The chip is broken. Can you just swipe the card instead?”

    Cashier: “This machine won’t let you swipe chip cards.”

    Me: “Are you sure? There’s usually an override option on these machines. What does it say?”

    (He inserts the card again.)

    Cashier: “Nope. It says your chip is broken. Do you have any cash?”

    Me: “Um, are you sure there isn’t any option to let me swipe the card? Every other place I’ve been to has been able to do that.”

    (The cashier rolls his eyes and calls over his manager.)

    Cashier: “This card isn’t working, and he says he wants to swipe it instead.”

    Manager: “That won’t work. With these new cards, you have to use the chip. The machine won’t let you swipe.”

    Me: “I think if you try with the chip and it fails, it will give you the option to swipe.”

    (It looks like the manager isn’t listening to me. I notice him cancel the transaction and ring it up again, and then swipe my card.)

    Me: “That might not work. You have to let the chip error happen first and it’ll give the option—”

    Manager: “Nope, it says you have to use the chip. With these chip cards, you can’t swipe them. See?”

    (He turns the terminal over to me so I can see the message.)

    Terminal: “Chip card. Please insert.”

    Me: “Um, may I try?”

    (With a sigh, he hands me my credit card, saying again that it won’t work. I take it and insert it into the chip reader.)

    Terminal: “Chip error. Remove card.”

    (I remove the card.)

    Terminal: “Use magstripe.”

    (I swipe the card, ignoring the manager continuing to say I’m wasting time.)

    Terminal: “Press ‘Enter’ to override chip requirement.”

    (I press Enter.)

    Terminal: “Input last four digits of card.”

    (I input the digits.)

    Terminal: “Transaction approved.”

    (The manager stares, speechless as the receipt prints. He then walks away quickly, refusing to look at me.)

    Cashier: “Whoa! I didn’t know you could do that! Guess you learn something new every day. Do you work with these machines in your job or something?”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Cashier: “Then how did you know how to make it work?”

    Me: “I, um… read the instructions on the screen?”

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