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    Category: Extra Stupid

    A Very Badly Written Plan

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (A friend of mine is also close friends with some people that do web-comics and develop their own card and computer games. They’ve asked him to see if he can find them someone to help out with a project.)

    Friend: “So [Content Creator] wants to see if he can find writers to help him out with this project for [Their Universe].”

    Me: “Really? That would be cool. I always enjoy their stories and the exposure could be good.”

    Friend: “Oh, they don’t want anybody else’s name on the project.”

    Me: “Okay, I’d have to hear more about the project before I can settle on some ghost-writing fees.”

    Friend: “They don’t want to pay up front either.”

    Me: “Royalties for such a small group as there’s are a little bit iffy.”

    Friend: “He won’t pay any royalties at all either.”

    Me: “So, he won’t pay a fee, he won’t give royalties, and he won’t give credit?”

    Friend: “Yeeeah.”

    Me: “Okay, how about a trade of services? Their art style isn’t really my favorite, but I’m sure I can find something they could do for me in return.”

    Friend: “He’s not doing art trades either.”

    Me: “How does he plan to pay for the services?”

    Friend: “He actually refuses to pay for anything. He just wants me to find him some writers to help out with his project.”

    Me: “…for free? He wants me, or someone else, to take time away from our own projects and just help him for no compensation what-so-ever?”

    Friend: “Yeah.”

    Me: “…”

    Friend: “I’ve tried to tell him it’s a stupid policy, but he won’t listen.”

    (Needless to say, I did not do the work for the guy.)

    Hit Delete And Start Again

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The keyboard on my tablet has stopped working. I’ve been on the phone with tech support, troubleshooting, for about half an hour. They agree that it’s a mechanical problem and transfer me to that department since it is still under warranty.)

    Tech Support: “So, if you can confirm your shipping address, we can send you a new keyboard right away.”

    Me: “Uh… I don’t need a new keyboard. It’s a tablet. A laptop.”

    Tech Support: “Well, the keyboard is what’s broken, so we’re going to ship you a new keyboard.”

    Me: “I’m not sure you understand. It’s a tablet. I need a new unit entirely.”

    Tech Support: *long pause* “My system shows that there are no replacement keyboards for your model.”

    Me: “…Sounds about right.”

    Can’t Think Outside The Box

    | CA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I go into our local serve-yourself bakery to buy muffins for some staff meetings. I needed two dozen, but because the meetings are spaced throughout the day, I pack eight muffins into three different boxes.  I get up to the register to pay and the clerk tries to charge me for three dozen.)

    Me: “I only have two dozen.”

    Clerk: “But you have three boxes so it’s three dozen.”

    Me: “Yes, I have three boxes, but there are only eight in each box which equals two dozen.

    Clerk: “Nope. Three boxes equals three dozen.”

    (After going round and round with her several times, I ask for the manager. She goes into the back to get him and as soon as he comes out, he says without even looking:)

    Manager: “Three boxes is three-dozen.”

    (I put the boxes on the counter and walked out. I ended up at my local supermarket where I bought two dozen donuts in three boxes without any problems.)

    Empowering Your Workforce

    | Singapore | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am the administrative executive for my office, but, as we do not have an in-house IT person, I sometimes troubleshoot the simpler issues.)

    Colleague: “[My Name], I can’t turn on my computer! I keep pressing and pressing the power button and still there’s no light! I don’t know what to do! It was fine yesterday but it’s not today!”

    (At this point, my colleague is wringing her hands and getting increasingly shrill. I walk over to her desk and see the problem immediately.)

    Me: “[Colleague], your main power switch is not on. That’s why your computer cannot be turned on.”

    Colleague:“Oh, to save electricity I turned off the main switch yesterday before I went home. So, if I turn that on, I can turn on my computer?”

    Me: “…Yes.”

    Talking Turkey About Bacon

    , | Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m in line at Well Known Sandwich Shop, and I ask for a six-inch sub with turkey and bacon. The teenager behind the counter nods and repeats my order.)

    Attendant: “Okay, so ham and bacon.”

    Me: “No, TURKEY and bacon, thanks.”

    Attendant: “Right, ham and bacon.”

    Me: “Um, no? TURKEY” *I point to the turkey*

    Attendant: “Yeah, okay the white ham.”

    (I’m gob-smacked, and then I moved down to pay, and I advise the cashier of what I ordered, she looks confused, until the teen yells down the line.)

    Attendant: “She had the ham and bacon!”


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