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    Category: Extra Stupid

    I Work In Death And Taxes

    | MI, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I handle the billing for a retirement home. To keep the billing database up to date, I rely on the daily census sheet issued by our admissions department. Until recently, the census sheet was updated by a sharp, detail-oriented coworker, but the responsibility recently passed to a coworker who is great with people, but a mess with computers and data. I receive the daily census one morning, and notice that a resident who has passed away the day before isn’t listed.)

    Me: “[Coworker], I heard that [Deceased Resident] passed away yesterday, Is that correct?”

    Coworker: “Yes. It’s so sad. I’ll really miss him.”

    Me: “I don’t see him listed on the census you just sent me, though. Shouldn’t he be listed as a discharge?”

    Coworker: “Oh, I just couldn’t stand to put him on there; it makes it seem really permanent.”

    Me: “Death has an unfortunate tendency to be permanent, [Coworker].”

    You Outfit The Description

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Extra Stupid

    (I’m coming into the park through the backstage area to go to my attraction. I’m in full uniform. A security guard stops me at the gate.)

    Security Guard: “Can I see your ID?”

    Me: “Oh, uh, sure.” *gives him ID*

    Security Guard: “We got a call that a guest was walking around backstage and you match the description.”

    (Without taking into account that I’m obviously wearing a themed outfit for an attraction, not to mention I JUST handed him my employee ID, he still calls his supervisor.)

    Security Guard: “Ah, never mind. Looks like they found her. Have a good day!” *gives me ID back*

    Me: “Uh, thanks?”

    (He never seemed to realize his mistake!)

    Giving Business A Bad Name

    | USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

    (I have a very unusual name. A few years ago, I began receiving offers for platinum business credit cards in my junk mail. They’re addressed to my name, with “owner” on the following line. I have never owned a business nor held any relevant permits or licenses, so I find it very confusing. Eventually I get the following phone call.)

    Telemarketer: “Hello, can I speak to the owner of [My Name], please?”

    Me: “Uh… This is [My Name].”

    Telemarketer: “Yes, but I am looking for the OWNER of [My Name]. Can I speak to the OWNER of [My Name], please?”

    Me: “Wait, WHAT? You ARE talking to me. I’m [My Name].”

    Telemarketer: “So you are the owner of [My Name]? I’m calling about [credit card offer]—”

    (At this point I realize why I’d been getting that weird junk mail.)

    Me: “Um, no. [My Name] is not a business. [My Name] is MY NAME. I am a PERSON. And I don’t have an owner because slavery is illegal, last I checked.”

    Telemarketer: “This…isn’t a business?”

    Me: “No. I am not a business.”

    Telemarketer: “…[My Name] is… your… name?”

    Me: “Yes. So how did I get on this list? And who in their right mind would call a business [My Name], anyway???:

    Telemarketer: *rushed* “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.” *click*

    (I never got any more of those business credit card mailings again!)

    The Waiter Is A Halfwit

    | Schaumburg, IL, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

     

    (My husband and I go to a popular restaurant that makes great shakes in different flavors including half one flavor, half another.)

    Me: *to waiter after looking at the shake flavors* “Is it possible to get 1/2 banana and 1/2 chocolate?”

    Waiter: *pauses, then looks thoughtful* “Well, we have a 1/2 chocolate and 1/2 banana. Will that do?”

    Me: “…”

    Speaking Idiot Is Quite A… Thing

    | USA | Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (I am out on the sales floor, helping to straighten things up. About ten feet away is a stock team member, putting things away off her cart that have just come in. I am approached by a customer.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for one of those things for the kitchen counter.”

    Me: “One of what things?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “You know, it goes on the kitchen counter, for things?”

    Me: “Do you mean a drying rack?”

    Customer: “No! Not a drying rack! GOD! It goes on the counter; you put the things in it? You know for, like, the mix-y and the… the scoopy and the… STUFF!”

    Stock Employee: “Ma’am? The item you’re looking for is in kitchen storage. *points to the aisle* Right over there, it’ll be about halfway down on your left. ”

    Customer: “THANK YOU!” *glares at me, then stomps off*

    Me: “How did you—”

    Stock Employee: “I have a second job as a bartender. I don’t speak ‘Idiot’ but I DO speak ‘Drunk,’ and it’s nearly the same thing.”


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