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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Should Have A Brain Scan

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (This takes place in the early ‘90s. Our office has changed computer systems and has new terminals. On the front of the terminal is a green power light.)

    Coworker #1: “What’s the light for?”

    Coworker #2: “It is a retinal security system. You have to put your eye to it each time you login: morning, lunch, or break.”

    (A week later.)

    Supervisor: “[Coworker #1], what the f*** are you doing with your eye to the terminal?!”

    Something Fishy About Those Stories

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working as a technician, part of a technical staff. I have one coworker who is known far and wide as a teller of tall tales. I’d simply had enough of his lies, so one day as several of us sit for lunch I decide to dish it back to him.)

    Coworker: “… and back home I did a lot of fishing. I once caught a 10 pound crappie!”

    (The world record for crappie size is 5 lbs, 3 oz. I decided to step in at this point.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], want to hear a real bit of trivia?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, what?”

    Me: “Do you know where sushi was first developed?”

    (My boss was furiously motioning me not to do this, but I just grinned and continued.)

    Coworker: “No, where?”

    Me: “In Milwaukee!”

    (Everyone jumps as the coworker slaps the tabletop.)

    Coworker: “I KNEW that!”

    The Manager Takes All The Credit

    | Sweetwater, NJ, USA | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (This happened in the summer of 2002 before people really took security seriously. I am 19 and working as the cashier at a restaurant. At around 7 pm, I get the following phone call:)

    Caller: *on a very garbled line* “Have you been taking credit card payments today?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “We haven’t been receiving any from you. What we need you to do is split up all the receipts by card, and then read me the numbers and the expiration dates.”

    Me: *not trusting this guy* “I don’t have the authority to do that. You’d need to speak to the manager.”

    Caller: “Okay, we’ll call back in a half an hour to speak to him.”

    (Thinking this is very weird, I go to the manager, explain what happened, and emphasize that this felt very sketchy. He, however, hears “credit card payments not going through” and rushes to his office to await the call which comes through. At around 7:45, he comes down.)

    Manager: “I need you to sort all of the credit card receipts out by type of card. All the Mastercard together, all the Visa together, all the Amex together.”

    Me: “I really don’t think—”

    Manager: *giving me an exasperated look* “I don’t have time for this right now. Just do it. The credit card company is going to call back in an hour so I can read him the numbers and expiration dates.”

    (I did as he asked. Two days later, I came into work to find him in the bar area of the restaurant speaking with a State Trooper. After asking around a little, I found that there had been a rash of credit card fraud in the area where a guy had been calling in and having restaurants give him credit card info.)

    Pranking As Sour As Vinegar

    | MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (We just hired a new bagger at our store. After a few shifts one of the cashiers decides to prank him.)

    Coworker: “Hey [New Hire], will you go shake the vinaigrette dressings in the condiment aisle? Customers are more likely to buy them if they’re mixed up.”

    (The new hire is gone for 45 minutes and freaks because he can’t keep the vinaigrette dressings to stay mixed on the shelves. The manager overhears what happened.)

    Manager: “Coworker, normally I would write you up for doing something like that to a new hire, but that was too funny. I won’t write you up if you don’t do it again.”

    Married To The Idiotic Idea

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (My boss is always flashing her huge wedding ring. I am single.)

    Me: “[Boss], can I ask you something?”

    Boss: “Why sure, hon.”

    Me: “Can you tell me, why did you promote [Coworker] when I’ve been here longer?”

    Boss: “Well, she showed more responsible behavior. That’s obvious, since she’s married and you’re not, so—”

    Me: “So, you promoted her because she’s married and I’m not?”

    Boss: “Well, yes. I guess it could be put that way. What’s the problem with that?”

    Me: “That’s discrimination, you know?”

    Boss: “I don’t see how. Married people show a much more mature mind than unmarried. It shows that they have already entered the next stage in their life.”

    (Before I could think of what to say, the owner pops his head in.)

    Owner: “[Boss], can I speak to you for a second?”

    (She excuses herself and they go into the owner’s office across the hall. The door is left open a crack and I can hear what they say.)

    Owner: “I’ve heard everything that you’ve just said to [My Name]. Are you stupid?”

    Boss: “What? But, I was only telling her the truth!”

    Owner: “Shh. You can’t go around saying stuff like that to the employees. Otherwise, they’ll get you, and us, in trouble. Just make up another reason. I don’t care!”

    (The door opens and they find me standing there.)

    Owner: “[My Name], [Boss] has something to say. Don’t you, [Boss]?”

    Boss: “Yes… forget all what I said earlier. You weren’t promoted because, um…you weren’t responsible enough. Which has nothing to do with you being not married.”

    Me: “Riiight.”

    (I left the company soon after that, and the last I heard from her, she was fired because of conflicting spouse/family issues. Irony?)


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