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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Extra Stupid

    Mugged Of Their Green Credentials

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (There’s a coffee shop in the library on my college campus. There are signs advertising a school mug as a way to be more green, by using fewer paper cups. My friend goes there one day with one of these mugs.)

    Friend: “I’d like a [coffee].”

    Cashier: “That’ll be [price].”

    Friend: *handing over payment card* “I have one of these [College] mugs. Do I give it to you to fill?”

    Cashier: “Oh, no. You fill the mug yourself after we give you the drink in one of the paper cups.”

    Double The Size, Half The Intelligence

    , | Meriden, CT, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I work for a rapidly growing research/manufacturing company doing all of their inventory maintenance and the majority of the purchasing. I am the only person who works in the warehouse/stockroom even though it is clearly a job for two people. That, combined with the fact that the computer they give me is old enough that it is running Windows ME, means that it is hard for me to keep up with purchasing all our supplies. I get called into the conference room for a surprise meeting with the head of HR, the VP of operations, and my supervisor. I assume it is to discuss getting another person down in the warehouse so I can keep up with the purchasing, which has more than doubled in the last three months.)

    VP: “Do you know why you’re here?”

    Me: “Well, I assume it’s so we can discuss the productivity in the warehouse.”

    VP: *looking disappointed* “So you have noticed that you have been getting behind with the orders for the past few months?”

    Me: “Well, yeah. We added a new research lab and an entire new manufacturing facility so the purchasing has increased a lot.”

    HR: “[Name], I think everyone here knows that’s not the source of the problem.”

    (My supervisor and I look at each other, confused.)

    Me: “It isn’t? I thought it was pretty obvious that the demands on the warehouse have more than doubled when we doubled the size of our facility.”

    VP: “[Name], we’ve had reports that you have been watching movies on your computer instead of working.”

    Me: “What?! Who told you that? I haven’t been doing that! I don’t have time for that!”

    HR: “[Name], I think it would be best for you just to come clean at this time.”

    Me: “Have you seen my computer? It barely handles email! There is no chance it could possibly play a video!”

    VP: “There is no other explanation for why you suddenly started falling behind.”

    Me: “When did I start getting behind? Was it about three months ago, when the new lab and production facility opened?”

    HR: “Yes. We think that maybe you just sort of gave up with the increased work and that is when you started watching movies.”

    (My supervisor and I are stunned into silence.)

    Supervisor: “… [My Name], I need to discuss this with [VP] and [HR]. Could you please go back to the warehouse?”

    (I found out later that the ‘reports’ came from a meeting with the executives where they were brainstorming about reasons why the purchasing and warehouse might be falling behind. They decided that I gave up and started watching movies on my computer, and so that is what they reported to HR. My new warehouse assistant started about two weeks after this meeting, and the VP avoided talking to me whenever she saw me. I found and started a new job four weeks after the meeting.)

    The Customer Is Not Always Bright

    | GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (I am a clerk at a convenience store. The district manager just happens to be at the store today. We have had a lot of stupid customers. During a slow period I turn to him.)

    Me: “We need to install devices on the perimeter of the property that doesn’t allow people in unless they have an IQ of at least 70.”

    District Manager: “We can’t afford to lose all the business.”

    The Key To Copying

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am the private secretary for a very wealthy and prestigious attorney. He works in entertainment law and has many famous clients. He also owns a fabulous house on the Malibu coastline and will frequently loan it out to dignitaries visiting California. It is just before a major holiday, and he is instructing the new girl who has JUST been hired.)

    Attorney: “Senator [Name] is visiting. I’ve given him permission to use the condo while I’m out of town.”

    (He hands the new girl the front door key.)

    Attorney: “I need you to have a copy made of this key to give to him. Since he is arriving late Friday, he knows he can pick up the key at the building security desk. Copy the key and leave it with the guard when you leave tonight. Put the key back in my desk drawer. I have a plane to catch. I’ll be gone the rest of next week.”

    New Girl: “Yes, sir.”

    Me: “I can take care of that if you like.”

    New Girl: “Oh, no, it’s easy. I’ll do it.”

    (It wasn’t until Monday morning that I heard what had actually happened. The senator had arrived late that night and the security guard had obligingly handed him an envelope with the law firm’s address on it and his name neatly written on the front. Inside was a sheet of paper with a PHOTOCOPIED image of the attorney’s Malibu condo key!)

    Cannot Change The Change Outcome

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (I bought a DVD only to find it was a duplicate of one I had at home. I work for a similar store, so I know to leave the movie shrink wrapped and save my receipt. I return the next week and pick out a different, more expensive one.)

    Me: “I would like to return this movie, since we already had it. Will you accept the return, even though it’s from the dollar bin? I have the receipt here.”

    Clerk: “Sure, no problem.”

    Me: “I would also like to purchase this one.”

    (I put the more expensive DVD on the counter.)

    Clerk: *rings up everything* “Here’s your change.”

    Me: “No, I’m returning the dollar one, and buying the $5 one.”

    Clerk: “Yep! Which means I owe you $4.24.”

    (I stand there a moment, flummoxed that anyone could be that dumb. I look at my friend. I try to explain it a second time unsuccessfully, and we walk away.)

    Me: “You saw that I tried, right?”

    Friend: “Yep. You tried. When her drawer comes up short, it won’t be your fault!”

    (I ended up giving the money to charity later!)


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