(I work at the meat/seafood counter at my store. We have two steamers that we use to cook crab, fish and shrimp for customers who ask us to. One of the steamers broke down a few days ago and has a huge sign taped to the front of it that says “BROKEN. DO NOT USE.”)

Coworker: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get five pounds of snow crab steamed with [seasoning]?”

Coworker: “Okay, it’ll be five minutes.”

(He weighs out the customer’s order and takes it to the back. He doesn’t even notice the huge sign and shoves the steamer tray right into the broken steamer and turns it on.)

Coworker: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I also get one pound of shrimp steamed?”

Coworker: “Okay, right away.”

(As he’s filling a bag full of shrimp for the customer, the customer starts yelling and pointing wildly. I’m chopping chicken on the other side of the department and rush over.)

Customer: “Oh my god, that thing’s on fire!”

(I look over at the broken steamer; it’s making a hideous grinding sound and smoke is billowing from its air vents.)

Me: “What the h***?! Did you use the broken steamer?!”

Coworker: “What you mean, broken?”

(I run across the department and slam the power button on the broken steamer. The grinding noise stops and the smoke thins.)

Me: *pointing at giant sign* “Right there! Broken!”

Coworker: “Oh, that! I didn’t even see that!”

Customer: “You ruined my crabs!”

(My supervisor, who was in the butcher room, hears the shouting through the door and walks through.)

Supervisor: “What’s going on here?”

Coworker: “It says broken, but I didn’t see it! Now it’s making noise and there’s smoke coming out!”

Supervisor: “You turned it on even with that sign on the front of it that says it’s broken? What’s wrong with you?!”

Me: “Wait a minute… why was it even still plugged in if it’s broken? Who just put that sign on and left it plugged in?”

Supervisor: “Uh… I did.”

Related:
Where There’s Smoke, There’s Getting Fired, Part 2
Where There’s Smoke, There’s Getting Fired

(At the restaurant where I work, the sink for dishes is very high. Me and two other coworkers are short and therefore have a difficult time seeing into it.)

Me: “We should invest in a small step stool, since me and [other two coworkers] are relatively short.”

Manager: “I’m not sure. You and [other two coworkers] do just fine without it, though.”

Me: “Even though we end up leaving sever serving utensils at the bottom because we can’t reach them?”

Manager: “Those are normally for the lunch hours, and the morning washer gets them cleaned up. I think we’re fine.”

(Suddenly, we hear a crash and a loud splash coming from the back. The manager and I look too see that one of the other shorter coworkers is coming up dripping wet.)

Manager: “What happened?!”

Coworker: “I tried to see if the return bin was empty or not… apparently, it’s soaking.”

Manager: “How did you get all wet though?”

Coworker: “Since I can’t see in it when it’s on top of the sink, I have to reach and pull down on the corner to tip it to me.”

Me: “…and if we had a step stool, she wouldn’t need to do that.”

Manager: “Alright you win. [Coworker] you can change and head home…”

(Thankfully, a few weeks later, we finally got the step stool!)

(One of my coworkers is very pregnant and getting very hormonal. One day, she bursts into tears for no reason; none of my male coworkers know what to do.)

Coworker #1: “Oh my God, sweetie! Are you okay? Calm down!”

Pregnant Coworker: *sobs uncontrollably*

Coworker #2: “She can’t talk. What do we do?!”

Coworker #1: “I don’t know! I don’t know!”

Me: “What is going on up here? Honey are you okay?”

Pregnant Coworker: “N-n-no!”

Coworker #1: “Fix her! Please!”

(I grab a cookie from the nearby case and shove it in the pregnant girl’s mouth before leading her back to the break room to calm down. When I return, the guys are standing around in a daze.)

Me: “Are you guys okay?”

Coworker #1: “I have no idea what just happened.”

Coworker #2: “How did you do that?”

Me: “Just be glad I love you guys, because sometimes you’re useless.”

Coworker: “I’m into these herbal supplements lately. It is not drugs or anything, but they really give me a boost and get me more focused.”

Me: “Um, no drugs?”

Coworker: “Yeah, just Chinese herbs. It can’t be drugs; it is all herbal and all.”

Me: “Sure… remind me: what are opium and marijuana made from?”

(I work as a hostess in a popular summer beach town. In this town in particular, there are a lot of J-1 Student Visa workers, mostly from central and eastern Europe.)

Me: ”Hello, can I help you?”

Applicant: ”Hi, I was wondering if you were hiring anyone.”

Me: “We’re actually fully staffed right now, but you can always leave your application with us in case something changes.”  

(I hand her an application, she fills it out, thanks me and leaves. I begin looking over the application when my coworker approaches.)

Coworker: “What was that about?”

Me: “Someone was just applying for a job… oh look, they’re from Macedonia!  Cool!”

Coworker: “Macedonia? So, doesn’t that just mean they’re natives of Massachusetts?”

Me: “…Sure, let’s go with that.”