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    Category: Coworkers

    Got The Innuendo In The End-o

    | IL, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (We have just received a shipment of office supplies, including some small pieces of furniture which require some assembly. I volunteer to build them, only to find that tools were not included with the parts.)

    Me: “Hey, does anyone know if we have a little wrench or something here?”

    Coworker #1: “Um, I don’t know. Why?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m putting together our new stuff, but they didn’t include any tools.”

    Coworker #1: *starting to giggle* “Um, so you need a little tool?”

    Coworker #2: *also starting to laugh* “I’m not sure I have any tool to give you.”

    Me: *not getting the joke* “Well, I just need, like, a wrench or something. I have to tighten my nuts.”

    (Both of my coworkers lose it as I realize what I’ve just said.)

    Me: “You both are horrible!”

    (Later, after I’ve finished assembling the furniture, I got them back.)

    Me: “There! All done! I just needed the right tool for my nuts!”

    Queens Of The Wrong Age

    | USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (It’s the end of the day and I have ‘Get Lucky’ by Daft Punk playing on my MP3 player loud enough to be heard by my coworker.)

    Coworker: *gets all excited hearing the music* “I love Queen!”

    Me: *face-palm*

    Not Really Dressing The Issue

    | CT, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I am closing the store with only Coworker #1 this night because someone left early. Coworker #2, who left early, is notorious for not putting dresses away, and was last seen helping a large bridal party try on a number of bridesmaid’s dresses. Since it’s also prom season, it’s been a very busy day, and we’ve just finished putting away about 50 dresses each.)

    Me: “I can’t believe [Coworker #2] left early again. Why does she actually bother to come in?”

    Coworker: “And she always leaves her fitting rooms a mess!”

    Me: “I know! Wait, have we checked down her hallway yet?”

    Coworker: “No, but I saw her putting a few dresses back before she left, so I’m sure it’s fine.”

    Me: “I think I might actually cry if I have to put any more dresses away. I had six brides today, three of them at the same time, and I think they wanted to try on every dress in the store!”

    (Sure enough, when we checked Coworker #2’s fitting rooms there were three rooms FULL of at least 30 dresses each. We were there for another hour putting away dresses and then finally cleaning the store before we could go home. The kicker? When we confronted her about it on her next shift, she just laughed and said she didn’t care.)

    You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, History

    (It is a quiet evening and all of us who are on shift are good friends, so we are chatting. Someone mentions having read something weird online, and I laugh.)

    Me: “Makes me think of that quote that goes something like, ’75% of what you read online is made up. Abraham Lincoln.’”

    Coworker #1: “…but, they didn’t have the Internet when Abraham Lincoln was around.”

    Me: “Exactly!”

    Coworker #1: “So how could he have said it?”

    (Everyone else had immediately understood the joke, and several try to get him to understand it.)

    Coworker #2: “That’s why it’s funny! Abraham Lincoln couldn’t/ have said it, so it’s pointing out that stuff online isn’t always believable.”

    Coworker #1: “But… why would it say Abraham Lincoln said it? He wasn’t around!”

    (We all finally give up and continue on with what we were doing. About an hour later, the penny finally drops.)

    Coworker #1: “Oh! It means the Internet isn’t reliable because Abraham Lincoln could never have known about the Internet so someone obviously made up that he said it!”

    (He proceeded to laugh at the joke. We all couldn’t help but join in.)

    They Were On A (Toilet) Roll

    | TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (On this particular Saturday I am working with the store manager in the stockroom, away from customers. One unhappy customer from the night before has come in the make sure that the girl who told her we were sold out of the buttons she wanted has been ‘properly disciplined.’ The head manager was not happy to deal with her. )

    Manager: “Did you hear about that lady with the buttons?”

    Me: “The one who wanted [Coworker] punished?”

    Manager: “I hope she gets diarrhea and runs out of toilet paper.”

    Me: “Ew!”

    Manager: *cackling * “And hemorrhoids! That’ll show her.”

    (Later, over the radio:)

    Coworker: “There’s a lady on line two who wants to talk to a manager. She sounds upset.”

    Manager: *looks over* “You go be nice to her. I won’t be.”


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