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  • October's Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Coworkers

    Your Fate Is Sealed

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (I work at a store that sells electronics, so whenever we process a return we must check the product and its contents to ensure nothing’s been stolen. Usually we have a technology associate do this, but usually there is some leeway depending on the product. I am manning the cash. It should be noted that it is the back-to-school season and so our lines are very long.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if I could return this laptop?”

    Me: “Sure thing, let me just get someone to okay the product.”

    (I page for a technology associate, all of whom are with customers.)

    Me: “Sorry, it’ll be just a few minutes.”

    (After waiting a few minutes, I repeat the page.)

    Customer: “It’s unopened.”

    (I check the product and notice that it is, in fact, sealed. Given that the tech associates are known to take their time and my line is getting longer and longer, I decide to process the return anyways, knowing that nothing could have been stolen. In the middle of processing the return, however, a tech associate finally shows up.)

    Coworker: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m processing the return for this laptop.”

    Coworker: “But you have to get it checked.”

    Me: “I already checked it; it’s sealed.”

    Coworker: “But you have to get a tech associate to check it.”

    Me: “But it’s sealed.”

    Coworker: “But a tech associate has to check it.”

    Me: “Fine.”

    (Looks at the item and sees that it’s sealed.)

    Coworker: “Go ahead. Make sure to check with an associate next time.”

    (The best part? He then came back fifteen minutes later to criticise me for about ten minutes because, despite my long line and the fact that the item was clearly unopened, I hadn’t called over a tech associate.)

    Can’t Break Bread With This Coworker

    | Singapore | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I have a colleague [Colleague #1] who is very greedy and does not respect boundaries. He often takes other colleagues’ food from the office fridge even though it has been clearly labelled with their name. This happens during an in-house conference where I overhear a conversation between him and another colleague. Colleague #2 has prepared a sandwich for her breakfast but left it on the chair in her purse right at the top with the purse open while she went to use the ladies’. She comes back to find him eating her sandwich.)

    Colleague #2: “[Colleague #1]! Why are you eating my breakfast?”

    Colleague #1: “Was it your breakfast? I thought [Company] catered breakfast for everyone.”

    Colleague #2: “Do you see anyone else eating?”

    Colleague #1: “…No?”

    Colleague #2: “Do you see any food service laid out?”

    Colleague #1: “…No.”

    Colleague #2: “And my breakfast was on my chair! In my bag! You took it out of my bag! You can’t say you don’t know that someone is occupying this seat! ”

    Colleague #1: “But there was nobody there!”

    (Colleague #1 also never apologised, never offered to replace the sandwich or make any compensation, and even criticised the sandwich for being “not very good.”)

    His Own Pet Project

    | Cornwall, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pets & Animals

    (I am with a group of around 40 coworkers at a training session before the holiday park opens for the summer season. One of my coworkers is pretty unpopular due to being withdrawn, quietly aggressive and generally giving off a weird and creepy vibe. As part of the training session our manager asks us for examples of incidents that we should report to security should we come across them in the course of our work. There is silence for a minute or two while everybody is thinking.)

    Weird Coworker: *in a flat, matter of fact voice* “People killing their pets”

    (We all turn to look at him unbelievingly, waiting for him to repeat thinking surely we didn’t hear him right.)

    Weird Coworker: *again, perfectly matter of fact* “You know, like if a customer was killing their dog. We should report that.”

    Manager: “Um, yeah… you should report that.”

    Everyone Else: “…”

    These Forms Are To Be Signed With Blood

    | Italy | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (My job consists of handling subcontracts for my company. Typically the customers require a lot of documents before giving the go-ahead, including our workers’ training certificates, vaccination cards, and so on. One day I receive this call…)

    Caller: “Good morning, this is [Customer Company]. We’ll need the DNA from one of your workers.”

    Me: “Uhm. First, is this even legal, and second, how am I supposed to send it to you?”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “How do I get DNA from our worker, provided that he allows me to do that, and how do I physically transfer it to you?”

    Caller: “You can download it from the Employment Office website, fill in with your worker’s details, and send it via email or fax.”

    (The penny drops…)

    Me: “Oh, so you’re telling me DNA is a form?”

    Caller: “Sure, it’s the (Italian for: Declaration of New Hiring)… Wait, you thought we wanted actual DNA from the guy?”

    Me: “It wouldn’t be the strangest request I’ve had.”

    Trouble Brewing

    Cambridge, England, UK | Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (My general manager is great fun but known for being somewhat bad at planning. Every quarter we get sent some money from corporate to spend on a staff meet and a considerable amount of booze is always drunk. My colleague and I are discussing the upcoming meet for which our general manager suggested we arrange a tour of one of the breweries whose beer we stock.)

    Colleague: “Apparently for our staff meet we’re having a little barbecue in the park.”

    Me: “I thought we were doing the brewery tour?”

    Colleague: “Oh, yeah, we were going to but [General Manager] couldn’t get things together in time.”

    Me: “So he literally couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery?”

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