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    Category: Coworkers

    Barking In Code

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I am working as a technician at one of the pop-up theatres at the Edinburgh Fringe when this happens. As with most places, we have the usual ‘Technician Sands’ code-words to use over the radios so we didn’t panic any customers.)

    Coworker: “Can… Erm… Can we please have… Technician Scooby to the main theatre space, please?”

    (This was a new one we’d never heard before, so about four of us showed up, only to be greeted by a very excitable small dog running around the stage.)

    Coworker: “I didn’t know what to say for ‘there’s a dog loose in the building!'”

    Targeting Sights On Grumpiness

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

    (We’re all in a full staff meeting and training. Near the end one of our managers steps up to talk. It should be noted that we do have one staff member who is generally obnoxious, and another who is very grumpy.)

    Manager: “So, for today’s training we’re just going to talk about a few things to improve the patient experience. We want everybody to make a real effort to be friendly, perhaps even smile at the patients.”

    (By this point, everyone has cottoned on to the fact that the manager is speaking about only two of our coworkers.)

    Manager: “Hey, [Grumpy Coworker], give us a smile?”

    Grumpy Coworker: “No.”

    Manager: “Well, everyone else just smile more, then!”

    Trash-Talking Ponies

    , | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Movies & TV

    Manager: “[My Name], can you help that customer?”

    Assistant Manager: “[My Name], can you get those wings? Remember, make three kinds from two bags.”

    Me: “Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

    (The oven begins to buzz.)

    Assistant Manager: “[My Name], can you put price tags on these cups of chicken

    salad?”

    Me: “Hang on; I’m trying to do four things at once here.”

    Manager: “[My Name], can you take out the trash?”

    Me: “Make that five things.”

    Assistant Manager: “Heh heh.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I want a pony. No, wait, make that a unicorn!”

    Me: “Well, [Local University]’s mascot is the Pegasus. I don’t know about unicorns, but maybe they have one of those there.”

    Assistant Manager: “I don’t want a Pegasus; I want a unicorn! No, wait. I want Rainbow Brite’s horse! Ugh… that was one of my favorite cartoons and now I can’t remember its name!”

    Me: “Well, s***, don’t ask me what it is.”

    Manager: “…Starlite?”

    (Our manager is a 39-year-old man.)

    Me: “Ooookay, that’s it. I’m outta here. I’m outta here before I inhale some pixie dust or something.”

    (I grabbed the trash cart and headed out of the department as both managers began cracking up.)

    My Religious Knowledge Is A Bit Crusty

    | Frankfurt, Germany | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Religion

    (We are discussing a large project in a workshop and just found out that a supplier has messed up and is not quite delivering the competency that we were looking for.)

    Coworker: “And they did not even do [task]! JESUS CHRIST!”

    Intern: “What does Jesus have to do with that?”

    Coworker: “Don’t you know Jesus?”

    Intern: “No.”

    Coworker: *without missing a beat* “Jesus, the guy who owns the bakery down the street. Long hair. Beard. A really cool guy.”

    Me: “He sells great buns, too!”

    Intern: *without missing a beat* “Then, he should be called Jesus CRUST!”

    (We all cracked up after that. Got rid of a good deal of tension, too!)

    Translate From Kryptonian

    | Israel | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My coworker speaks English only as a third language so he does a lot of literal translations.)

    Coworker: “I’m feeling myself like Superman!”

    Me: “Um, you probably should not phrase it like that.”

    Coworker: “So, how would you say that you’re feeling yourself like Superman?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t.”


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