• A Pre-Ordered Chip On His Shoulder
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  • April's Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!

    Category: Coworkers

    Doesn’t Get The Warning Signs

    | USA | Coworkers, New Hires, Rude & Risque

    (I’m mute, and usually try to shop at places where an employee knows sign language. I’m also a lesbian, and though my girlfriend often goes out with me, this time she stays home. I go to a clothing store where I’m friends with one of the cashiers. I walk in, and a new hire is greeting people.)

    New Hire: “Welcome to [Store]! Can I help you find something?”

    Me: *shakes head*

    New Hire: “Oh, okay.”

    (I wander off to look at shirts. I notice him follow me, while trying to stay out of sight. He eventually comes over.)

    New Hire: “So, do you come here often?”

    Me: *signs that I’m mute*

    New Hire: “Geez, chicky, I don’t speak that. But I know you’re pretty d*** hot. Wanna go out?”

    (I quickly leave, and head straight to the checkout counter. My friend is there, and I quickly tell her what happened. She tells me to wait, and she leaves. A minute later, she comes back with the new hire.)

    Friend: “Is this the guy?”

    Me: *signs yes*

    New Hire: “What, is she giving me her number?”

    Friend: “Dude, don’t hit on her.”

    New Hire: “Why not? She’s a hot piece of a**!”

    Friend: “One, that’s harassment. Two, she’s taken. Three—”

    New Hire: “Well, I can easily steal her away? Who wouldn’t want me?”

    Friend: “A lesbian.”

    New Hire: “… She wasn’t that hot, anyway.”

    (He walked off, glaring at me. My friend got a manager, who wrote the new hire up for sexual harassment. He also gave me a gift card, and I taught him ‘thank you’ in sign language.)

    Human Contamination At An All-Time Low

    | Italy | Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (We’re inspecting a tube bundle and have ordered the tubes by rows and columns.)

    Coworker: “Okay, so the next tube is in row 23, column 19…” *suddenly screaming* “23-19! WE HAVE A 23-19! WE HAVE A 23-19!”

    Me: *leaps three feet in the air* “WHAT?”

    Coworker: “You never watched Monsters, Inc., did you?”


    | MI, USA | Coworkers, Holidays

    (I’m a Scrooge about holidays, especially minor ones, but one coworker hasn’t got the hint.)

    Coworker: “So what are you doing for St. Patrick’s day?

    Me: “Nothing.”

    Coworker: “What? But you have to do something special! It’s such a fun holiday!”

    Me: “I’m neither Irish, Catholic, not an alcoholic, so I don’t think I have any reason to celebrate it.”

    Coworker: “You’re going to be just as much fun for Cinco de Mayo, aren’t you?”

    Me: “And Octoberfest.”

    It’s A Tall Order Accepting Lemon-Aid

    | Marysville, OH, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (In the car dealership I work at we have a large station featuring multiple pots of complimentary coffee, hot water for tea and cocoa, and a large tank of lemonade. One of my smaller, more menial tasks is to refill the lemonade tank when it gets low. Please note that the tank is rather tall and sits atop a counter. I am a five-foot tall female.)

    Me: *comes out of the break room with a large pitcher of lemonade for the tank*

    Coworker: *sees me* “Woah, woah. You’re not going to try dumping that in there, are you?”

    Me: “I do it at least three times a day.” *sets pitcher down and stands on toes to remove tank lid*

    Coworker: “No! You’re too short!”

    Me: *frowning* “Seriously, I do this all the time.”

    Coworker: “You’re not tall enough.” *holding his hand up to his shoulder* “You must be this tall to ride this ride.”

    Me: “I really can—”

    Coworker: “YOU MUST BE THIS TALL.”

    Me: “…”

    (My coworker proceeded to fill the tank up for me, all the while making good natured jokes about my height (or lack thereof). Every time he saw me trying to fill the lemonade tank on my own, he insisted on doing it himself because I’m ‘just not tall enough for that ride!’)

    Hasn’t Found His Calling Of Duty

    | OH, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I have this one coworker that I always knew was going to be interesting. On his first day I had to explain to him THREE TIMES how to use a step ladder. One day, as I am getting my things to leave for the day, he strikes up a conversation. His conversational skills are nil and usually result in massive face-palming and slightly less hope for humanity.)

    Coworker: “So, did I tell you I’m on a diet?”

    Me: “No, you didn’t…”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I gotta lose like at least 150 pounds because I decided to enlist in the army.”

    (This guy is 6’3” and easily 350 pounds.)

    Me: “Really? Are you serious?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, it’s time I actually DID something with myself. I bet it’ll really help me out with stuff like responsibility, decision making, and following directions, you know? I need to lose a lot of weight first, though.”

    Me: *amazed at both his decision and the sheer normalcy of the conversation* “Oh, wow. Well ,good luck to you! I hope everything goes okay.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I should kick a** at, like, army stuff and blowing stuff up and shooting bad dudes, because I’m pretty good at Call Of Duty. Except when I play online; I get ganked a lot online.”

    (Aaaand there it is.)

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