• A Very Therapeutic Solution - 814 votes
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Coworkers

    I Love(Craft) Working Here

    | Manteca, CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (I am getting ready to go out on the floor at the retail store I work at, and one of the managers on duty randomly tells me that he had a weird dream where I was controlling Cthulhu to attack him to make him give me time off. He, like me, is also a giant gamer nerd. I think that is a rather opportune moment to pull out of my tiny purse the tiny Cthulhu mini that I got at a recent convention, and trot one on the table towards him… saying:)

    Me: *in Cthulhu voice* “[My Name] tells me that you don’t want to let her off of work tomorrow for her sister’s wedding shower. Cthulhu compels you!”

    Manager On Duty: *bursts into laughter* “How… do you have him in your purse? What the h***?”

    Me: “I am magic… and also impressed with your obviously clairvoyant powers.”

    (Suddenly randomly one of our other coworkers, who I figured thought we were both insane, pops out with:)

    Coworker: “Well, the Dark Lord has spoken; you have to let her have the day off tomorrow.”

    Manager On Duty: “Fine… but I need you to work recovery next week.”

    Me: “Very good. The Dark Lord is pleased.” *puts mini Cthulhu back in my purse and starts my shift*

    Knows How To Walk The Talk

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

    (We’re in a meeting with one of the senior managers, who’s giving us a talk about something. Midway through, a notoriously lazy coworker stands up and leaves without a word. Some time later, we leave the meeting room and spot him at his desk watching videos online.)

    Senior Manager: “Excuse me, I was wondering if you could tell me why you left midway through my talk?”

    Coworker: “Well, you weren’t doing a good job explaining it so I didn’t see why I should have to listen to you.”

    (Needless to say, he was sacked not long afterwards.)

    Pay The Devil’s Coin

    | TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Religion, Technology

    (The vending machine in the employee break room won’t take quarters, only dimes and nickels.)

    Coworker: *trying to buy candy with her change* “If this machine was Jewish, this wouldn’t be a problem!”

    Me: “I didn’t know vending machines had religious affiliations.”

    Coworker: “This one does… Satan!”

    Music To My Fears

    | LA, USA | Coworkers, Liars/Scammers, Musical Mayhem

    (We have a little stereo in our store and are allowed to play music as long as it’s not too loud. I take my iPod and plug it to the stereo via auxiliary cable, as I prefer various genres of rock but the only radio station that comes in plays country and pop. After about a month of doing this, my manager comments on it one night.)

    Manager: *cringing* “Gosh, [My Name]! What on earth are you listening to?”

    Me: “That’s Marilyn Manson. Next song is Poison.”

    Manager: “Well, you need to turn it down and [Manager’s Boss] says that we have to keep it on a station like [Only Station that will tune in] because people might complain.”

    Me: “Oh? I haven’t had anyone complain so far and even though it’s not that loud I always turn it down when someone comes in.”

    Manager: “Yes, [Manager’s Boss] said so.”

    Me: “Right. I’ll remember that.”

    Manager: “Good.”

    (What my manager doesn’t know is that her boss had come in on my shift before and commented on how nice it was to hear a change in music and that he liked the playlist on my iPod. We also discussed music and he said he’d like to get his hands on my iTunes.)

    Less Hours At The Eleventh Hour

    | TX, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (We get a limited amount of hours to divide between seven employees, and two of those only get ten hours at best.)

    Coworker #1: “Ugh, only nine hours this week. This is killing me. I wish [Boss] would give me more hours.”

    Me: “I know, right? I’m lucky that [Coworker #2] asked me to take her hours, what with her kid being sick. I might have gotten twenty five hours in all this week.”

    Coworker #1: “Wait, you got twenty five hours this week? That’s not fair!”

    Me: “I only did because I got [Coworker #2]’s hours. As keyholder, I think I’m the last one they called to come in. They didn’t contact you?”

    Coworker: “Oh, yeah, they did. I was out with my family. We were talking about going to the lake for the day.”

    Me: “What about [Coworker #3]? She’s having to go to that wedding and she gave me her hours, too.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, they asked me, but I had a party I was really wanting to go to.”

    Me: “Well, maybe next time. I need the hours anyway. I can’t believe this new doctor is going to cost $400 just to see!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, that sucks… Hey, do you think [Boss] will care if I put in for a whole week of time off in a few months? My family has bought a cabin out in Arkansas and I kind of already put a down payment on it, so I can’t back out.”

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