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    Category: Coworkers

    Eating On The Fry

    , | Kalamazoo, MI, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I work at a fast food chain. One night, I am on the register when Coworker #1 is sent on break and Coworker #2 has clocked out to go home. Coworker #2 orders some food to take home, and then heads into the bathroom to change, while Coworker #1 hangs around the counter. A customer then comes in.)

    Customer: *makes typical order, but also orders a large French fry*

    (I ring up their order, and then proceed to bag Coworker #2’s order and place it on the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, are the fries fresh? I don’t want them to be too old.”

    (Coworker #1 takes this as a cue to open the bag with Coworker #2’s order, grab some fries out of it, and eat them.)

    Coworker #1: “These seem to be fine to me.”

    Me: *stares, shocked*

    (Needless to say I gave the customer fresh fries, and also changed out the fries for Coworker #2.)

    Labelled As A Genius

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV, New Hires

    (I’m in high school and working as a production assistant for an independent film. It’s my first movie, but most of the cast and crew, who are late 20s and older, have done others. We’re on set at a hospital classroom; it looks like a hospital but isn’t filled with any medicine and they don’t treat patients here.)

    Director: “All right, everyone! We need to pull the labels off the drawers and cupboards. No real hospital would have everything labeled like that!”

    Asst. Director: “Wait! How will we know where they go again?”

    Director: “We’ll just take pictures of them! Who’s got a camera?”

    (Everyone starts scrambling around trying to find a camera to take pictures of the 50-plus cupboards and drawers that are going to be in the shot.)

    Me: “Um… couldn’t we just put the labels inside their corresponding drawers and doors?”

    (Everyone pauses and looks at me.)

    Director: “…You’re really good at this job.”

    (Filming went smoothly. Not a label was seen!)

    Like They Were Just Fertilised Yesterday

    | Australia | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m a registered nurse and I work with a fairly large team of other health professionals including dietitians, physiotherapists, speech pathologists, etc. Clearly these are relatively clever people who have attended university to gain a degree in their respective fields. We are talking about food one day:)

    Other Health Professional: “I don’t eat eggs.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Other Health Professional: “It’s like eating baby chickens.”

    Me: “You get that the eggs that you buy in the supermarket aren’t actually fertilised so aren’t actually baby chickens right?”

    Other Health Professional: “Actually, I only just found that out the other day.”

    Me: “You actually thought all eggs were baby chickens?”

    Other Health Professional: “Yeah!”

    No Longer Hungry Hungry Hippos

    | WI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pets & Animals

    (I am working backstage for a production and catch the end of a conversation between the assistant stage manager and backstage hand.)

    Backstage Hand: “They don’t just poop. They also wag their tail to send to poop flying.”

    Assistant Stage Manager: “That is disgusting.”

    Me: “Are you two talking about the dominance display of the hippo?”

    Backstage Hand: “More of how they mark their territory.”

    Assistant Stage Manager: “I don’t know which is weirder: that hippos actually do that, or that you both knew that fact.”

    Doctored Doctor Note

    | NY, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Liars/Scammers, Top

    (I work as a manager in a retail store. I have one employee who always calls in.)

    Employee: *on the phone* “I cannot come in today. I am sick!”

    Me: “Well, this is the seventh time this month you have been sick and the 28th time this year so far. Please provide a doctor’s note, because you have yet to bring one in.”

    Employee: “It’s illegal to not let me take off sick days!”

    Me: “I said bring a doctor’s note, not come into work. You are required to bring in a doctor’s note and you have not. The next time this happens without a note, you will be written up. This is the seventh time in three weeks you have called in.”

    Employee: “I have a weak immune system!”

    Me: “I am sure a doctor’s note will help prove that.”

    Employee: ‘This is illegal!”

    Me: “It is in no way illegal to require a doctor’s note. If you are this chronically ill, then urging you to get treatment would be the best course of action. I will see you tomorrow.” *hangs up*

    (The next day:)

    Employee: “Here, look. I said I was sick!”

    Me: *looking at obviously fake doctor’s note, made on the employee’s computer* “I… really? This says to excuse you from work for two weeks because of a ‘traumitic’ illness of the ‘lunges’. Is that supposed to be ‘lungs’? And where exactly is Dr. R. McDonald in this town? I am unfamiliar with that practice.”

    Employee: “Oh, uh, next town over.”

    Me: “Really? Which one? Also, I would love to know where the number 555-555-5555 is located or 555 Main Street. If you are going to give me a fake doctor’s note, at least use the number and address of a friend and not a whole bunch of ‘5’s.”

    Employee: “That is not fake! I demand that you give me my legally required days of! The doctor ordered it!”

    Me: “I am not playing this game. You are fired.”

    Employee: “You cannot do that! This is illegal!”

    Me: “Really? You called in without cause for seven days this month alone, caused backups and under-staffing, now you are lying about a doctor’s note. I am sending this note to corporate and you are fired for neglecting your duties repeatedly.”

    Employee: *screaming* “You cannot do this!”

    Me: “Aren’t those lungs supposed to be ‘traumitically ill’? Those sure sound healthy to me. Also, I just googled the doctor, just to humor you. Do you want to guess what I found?”

    Employee: *throws name tag at me, still yelling*

    Me: “Great, I will add assault to the list of reasons I fired you when I talk to corporate.”

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