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    Category: Coworkers

    Thinking Outside The Box Of Common Sense

    | Dublin, Ireland | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    Colleague: “[My Name], did those archive boxes you ordered arrive?”

    Me: “Yep, they’re on the fourth floor just outside the lifts.”

    (Two minutes later, she’s back with a bundle of flat-packed boxes.)

    Colleague: “When I’m done with these do I put the ones I don’t need in the photocopying room?”

    Me: “No, there’s no space in there for them. Just drop them back upstairs with the rest. The guys up there will need them.”

    Colleague: “But I only need two boxes, and I don’t want to have to bring the rest back upstairs!”

    Me: “If you only need two boxes, why did you grab ten of them?”

    Colleague: *angrily* “Well, I don’t know!”

    Me: “Neither do I, so put them back where you found them and don’t snap at me because you can’t use your head.”

    Very Hard Drive

    , | Lexington, KY, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I worked the support line for a large PC company. One night a woman calls in who has the breathiest, sexiest voice I’d ever heard and she is relaying my instructions to her boyfriend. I mute my phone and grab my friend.)

    Me: “[Coworker]! I need your help!”

    (Coworker plugs her headset into my phone.)

    Me: *unmuting* “Okay, ma’am, let’s boot into safe mode and see where the problem is. Press F9 over and over as fast as you can.”

    Customer: *to her boyfriend* “Ohhhh, baby, you gotta go faster! Hit it faster, baby! FASTER!”

    (Coworker’s eyes go wide and stifles a giggle.)

    Coworker: “Holy s****, [My Name], what did you drag me into?”

    Me: “Are you kidding? When I tell this story later no one would believe it if I didn’t have a witness.”

    (Coworker started to protest but stopped and gave the ‘good point’ acceptance nod. Sure enough for the rest of the night our whole floor went to her to confirm my ‘porncall’ story wasn’t made up.)

    Voicing Your Disgust

    | Hines, IL, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (Occasionally, when I call my husband’s workplace, his nearest cubicle neighbor will answer. After about six months on the job, my husband’s boss invites our family to a work-related picnic. We have just been introduced to everyone, when a man (who ended up being the coworker I have spoken with on the phone) pulls me aside to talk. I am very taken aback when he says:)

    Husband’s Coworker: “You look different than I had pictured you. Your voice is so soft and sexy. I was picturing, you know, Marilyn Monroe.”

    (Even his wife made a disgusted face at him.)

    The Tune Is Granted Extra Lives

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    (Most of my coworkers, including myself, are fairly geeky. Coworker #1 is usually singing or humming songs from games and movies, getting them stuck in everyone else’s head. I’m in the office doing paperwork, and I’ve got the Super Mario theme song stuck in my head. I then hear clicking in the prep kitchen, and I realize it’s the beat to the same song.)

    Me: “[Coworker #2], how did you know I had that stuck in my head?”

    Coworker #2: “I didn’t. [Coworker #1] was humming it yesterday.”

    Me: “D***! [Coworker #1] can get a song stuck in our head when he isn’t even here!”

    I Work For Me, Myself, And I

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Coworkers

    (I work in a very, very small non-profit. I’m having a meeting with a coworker.)

    Coworker: “The finance committee can’t come up with a budget until the board supplies them with numbers, which they get from marketing.”

    Me: “You do realize that you are all those groups?”


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