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    Category: Coworkers

    Coworker Not Coworking

    | NJ, USA | Coworkers, Math & Science

    (I am waiting to punch in for the day. As I am, one of my coworkers is having a issues with an item. Another coworker is helping her out.)

    Coworker #1: “So, do you know how to do this?”

    Coworker #2: “I have not done this type of math since like the 5th grade! No. Hey, [Coworker #3] get over here!”

    (Coworker #3 goes over, and he is having issues. I walk over, still not punched in.)

    Coworker #1: “Oh, [My Name] is here! She is good at this stuff!”

    Me: “What is the issue?”

    Coworker #1: “So, the customer bought three things of meat. It is on sale saying that if you buy them, one will be $1.99 per pound, and the rest $2.99. It took off for the $1.99 but not the $2.99.”

    (I grab a calculator and walk over to the customer’s cart. I look at the meat to see how much per pound it is so I can do math. It is already $2.99 per pound.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1], get over here!”

    (She comes and I point it out to her.)

    Coworker #1: “Haha, oops. This is why you are here!”

    Me: “Really, like what do you guys do when I am NOT here?”

    Coworker #3: “Pray and hope for the best.”

    Oh Mulch, Did We Pay For The Crap?

    | MN, USA | Coworkers

    (I work for a company that does native plantings, mostly on private properties. This particular day, my coworker and I are bringing a load of mulch to a private property which we picked up from another retailer on our way there. This conversation happened as we are unloading it.)

    CoWorker: “Oh, crap!”

    Me: “What?”

    CoWorker: “Did we pay for the mulch?”

    Me: “Well… they know who we are. They’ll send us a bill.”

    They’ll Have Your Skin For This

    | Dunedin, New Zealand | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I work in a very depressing call centre. One of my friends is moving desks so as a joke I tape a banana to the underside of his desk so he would find it while he was cleaning. He ends up not moving. About a year later, after I had completely forgotten about it…)

    Coworker: “What the h*** is this?”

    (He held up a shriveled black banana skin. I don’t want to know where the actual banana I left in the skin went.)

    A Sizeable Innuendo

    | IA, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (At the garment factory where I work, Coworker #1 is having trouble fitting some parts together and asks our lead for help.)

    Coworker #1: “[Lead], why won’t this fit?”

    Lead: “Look at the labels. You’ve got two different sizes. That’s right, girls! Sometimes size does matter!”

    (Coworker #2 and I burst into laughter.)

    Lead: “Oh, hush, you two! An extra large won’t fit in a medium.”

    Me: “[Lead], you’re not helping your cause.”

    Putting The Decision Upon Your Shoulders

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Crazy Requests

    (A coworker and I are in the stockroom, making a pallet of salvaged and damaged items to ship back to our store’s returns center. The stockroom manager is chatting with us about a recent inspection. All three of us are very different heights.)

    Manager: “So the inspector said the pallets have to be only shoulder high.”

    Me: “Wait… what? Measured against whose shoulders?”

    Manager: “That’s what I said, but he said they should be shoulder-high to whoever’s dealing with them.”

    Coworker: “But… I’m six foot two, [My Name]’s five and a half, and you’re four and a half feet tall… and we all have to deal with the pallets at different times.”

    Me: “Are we supposed to magically make the pallets change size, or just assume they should all be shoulder-height to the shortest person in the store?”

    Manager: “I know, right? And if we made all the pallets the height of my shoulders, we’d have twice as many to deal with. Congratulations, [Coworker], if anyone asks, you’re now officially the person who handles all the pallets.”

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