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    Category: Coworkers

    Giving Currency To Your Argument

    | England, UK | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Money

    (The finance department is notoriously cheap with anyone they see as not-important.

    If my boss books a hire car, it will be a luxury sedan, when I try to book for the same trip it is a small engine diesel, etc…)

    Me: “Morning, I am here to pick up some currency.”

    Finance: “Well, yes, this is all I have.” *hands me a wad of small bills*

    (I leave to work out the figures, when I find a big problem. I return.)

    Me: “It says here that I have to pay for the hotel.”

    Finance: “Yes.”

    Me: “You have given me 300. The hotel is 200; I will have to take two trains at €5 each and pay for five meals. That is before any travel or emergency.”

    Finance: *stares at me blankly*

    Me: “…It isn’t nearly enough; if I do have to take a taxi then I can’t eat.”

    Finance: “Well, you will have to pay with your own money, then!”

    (This was made all the worse, as I found out later that the flight did not provide any food. As far as just paying for it myself, I was due to fly out on holiday the day after I returned so I had nothing left to spend! I later told my boss what happened. He overruled the department and gave me a company credit card.)

    (Very) Bad Translation

    | Singapore | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I have a new colleague who can only speak English and Korean. She wants, very much, to get along with everyone at the front office, including the chief concierge, who is a middle-aged, very proper Malay gentleman. She enlists the bellhops to teach her greetings in Malay. They oblige, not knowing that she was going to use what she would learn on their boss, the chief concierge. Unbeknownst to her, all they taught her were curse words. This happens one morning when she is assured that she is fluent in the language.)

    Colleague: “Mr [Chief Concierge], [swear word]!”

    Chief Concierge: *shocked* “Who taught you that?!”

    Colleague: *innocently* “[Bellhop #1] and [Bellhop #2]. I asked them to teach me how to say ‘Good Morning’ in Malay. Did I pronounce it wrongly?”

    Chief Concierge: *angrily* “What else did they teach you?”

    Colleague: *taken aback by his reaction* “Well, some other greetings, like [lots of foul language].”

    Chief Concierge: “Nice girls like you shouldn’t know such bad words! How dare [Bellhop #1] and [Bellhop #2] teach you such nasty stuff? Don’t ever say all that again!”

    Colleague: “What?! They taught me bad words?! I might have said it to a guest!”

    (The two bellhops were standing nearby, horrified, when this incident happened. They were reprimanded severely by the chief concierge.)

    Hasn’t Woken Up And Smelled Their Coffee

    | PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I work at a bagel shop that also sells coffee. It’s a slow morning and my coworker and I are commenting back and forth on the saying ‘I like my women like I like my coffee’. Sometimes being witty, sometimes just being intentionally crude or goofy.)

    Coworker: “I like my women like I like my coffee: So hot it burns me.”

    Me: “I like my women like I like my coffee: Strong, black, no artificial additives.”

    Coworker: “I like my women like I like my coffee: Naked.”

    Me: “I like my women like I like my coffee: On my crotch.” *pause* “Ow, that’d hurt.”

    Coworker: “I like my women like I like my coffee: Full bodied.”

    Me: “I like my women like I like my coffee: served to me with breakfast.”

    Coworker: “I like my women like I like my coffee: waking me up in the morning.”

    Me: “I like my women like I like my coffee: Bitter, with a bite, but effective at what it does.”

    (Another male coworker comes up front, unaware of our game.)

    Me: “Hey [Male Coworker], how do you like YOUR coffee?”

    Male Coworker: “Eh, I don’t really like coffee.”

    Me: “…you know what, [Male Coworker], I’m not surprised.”

    (We got a good laugh at his expense before filling him in on it.)

    Email Fail, Part 2

    , | UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a back-office job, where one of my previous tasks was approving staff applications for services. Because we’re office-based, staff in other departments rarely meet us. One day, shortly after we move over to a self-service application system to free us up for other tasks, I receive the following email:)

    Coworker: “Approve the application.”

    (Naturally I’m put out that she didn’t even bother to put a greeting line in, but I grit my teeth and reply.)

    Me: “Hi, [Coworker], I’ll need a bit more information before I can help. Could you tell me which service the application is for and if there’s a problem with the automatic approval?”

    Her Email: “Dear [My Name], I didn’t realise I was emailing a real person! I thought it was some sort of clever computer system that I just needed to send a quick yes or no to – so sorry for the very short and not at all detailed message!”

    (She then gave me all the details I needed. Although I couldn’t stay offended after that, I do wonder what she was thinking when she typed my email address in; it has my name in it!)

    Related:
    Email Fail

    Failed The Name Game

    | Newcastle, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I work in a clothing outlet store, where we regularly get department reps in to check on their stock. My manager is German and she goes by a shortened version of her name.)

    Representative: “Hi, could you tell me where [Manager’s Full Name] is?”

    Coworker: “That name doesn’t ring a bell; is it a person or a department?”

    Representative: “It should be a person.”

    Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], do you know who [Manager’s Full Name] is?”

    Me: *laughing* “Yeah, it’s [Manager].”

    Coworker: “Well that’s not a very German name!”

    Me: “She’s married to a Brit.”

    Coworker: *to rep* “So, yeah, it’s my manager that you’re looking for.”

    Representative: “I won’t tell her that you didn’t know who she was.”


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