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    Category: Coworkers

    Shifty Behavior

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My coworker has a habit of asking others to cover his shifts during his night shift. I’m a popular target, because I need the extra money and usually don’t say no. I’m also a student worker so the number of hours I can work are limited so I have time to study.)

    Coworker: “Hey, do you mind covering for me on Thursday?”

    Me: “I would but I’ve already worked eighteen hours this week. I’ll go over.”

    Coworker: “That’s okay. You can just put it on my time sheet.”

    Me: *after absorbing the shock* “You want me to give you credit for work I have done?”

    Coworker: “Yeah. I haven’t been getting paid as much as usual.”

    Me: “Because you never work when you’re scheduled. You have the rest of us do it.”

    Coworker: “The night shift just doesn’t work for me.”

    Me: “Then ask [Boss] to change our schedules. You can switch with me and work on Monday mornings.”

    Coworker: “That won’t work either; I’m not a morning person.”

    Me: “Then you’re out of luck. You don’t like nights and you don’t like mornings and [Other Coworker] needs the middle shift so he can take his kids to school. You need to work one or the other.”

    Coworker: “But you’re covering for me this week.”

    Me: “No. I’ll go over my hours.”

    Coworker: “Just put it on my timesheet.”

    Me: “I will not let you get paid for work that I have done. Ask someone else or switch hours with me.”

    (He eventually took the Monday shift and hasn’t missed a shift since.)

    Totally Off Your Nut

    , | NE, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I have a coworker with a very bad nut allergy; bad enough that he carries an EpiPen with him in his car. I walk in on him having this conversation with the other cooks one day.)

    Coworker: “I almost died the other day. I ate an Almond Joy because I didn’t know there was coconut in it and had to go to the hospital.”

    Manager: “Aren’t you deathly allergic to almonds, too?”

    Coworker: “Yeah. Why… OH!  Wow, that was stupid of me.”

    On A Stool’s Errand

    | WA, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

    (I am working in a public health clinic pharmacy. A worker from another department walks in the door and drops a baggie on the counter.)

    Worker: “Hi. Here’s the stool sample you wanted.”

    Me: *attempting to hide my intense feelings of alarm* “Um, this is the pharmacy. I think you want the lab. It’s across the hall.”

    Worker: *snatches bag off counter* “Okay.”

    (The woman left. I immediately began frantically sanitizing the counter.)

    Infernal Internal Error

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Technology

    (My coworker gets an email from our office supply rep.)

    Email: “Dear [Coworker],

    Thanks for being a jerk.

    Sincerely,

    [Office Supply Rep].”

    Coworker: “What did I do?”

    (An hour or so later…)

    Email: “I apologize if you recently received an email from me. This was an internal error. The problem has been resolved.”

    Come To Work To Make A Name For Yourself

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (For whatever reason, there’s a stash of name tags in our restaurant’s office. Occasionally, I’ll pick out one to wear for the day and go by that name with all of my customers. On this day, I picked out a male name, which also happens to be the name of another coworker. We look nothing alike: He is tall, heavy-set, and dark haired, while I’m a very petite, light haired female.)

    Customer: “Your name is [Male Coworker]? That’s very unusual!”

    Me: “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

    Customer: *pointing at male coworker* “Isn’t he also [Male Coworker]?”

    Me: *deadpan* “Yeah, he’s actually my twin brother. He was such a big baby they couldn’t see on the ultrasounds that I was in there, too. Our parents got a huge surprise when I was born three minutes later. They didn’t have another name picked out, so they just named us both [Male Coworker]!”

    Customer: “Really?! That’s quite interesting! How did you guys know which one they were yelling for when you were growing up?”

    Me: “Well, it was usually both of us because we were always getting into trouble together. But, parents always seem to mix up their kids’ names, so our parents actually had it a little easier than most.”

    Customer: “Huh, I never thought of it like that.”

    Me: “All right. Well, let me know if you need anything. As you know, my name is [Male Coworker]!”

    (I recounted the episode to my coworker and we had a good laugh over it. I ended up telling the story at least three more times that day and not a single person questioned me.)


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