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    Category: Coworkers

    The Muffin Of Life

    | OR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (I am eating lunch in the office, where I share a table with my supervisor.)

    Me: *coughing*

    Supervisor: “Are you all right?”

    Me: *takes a drink of water and gasps* “Yeah, I’m okay. I tried to reach the next stage of human evolution of being able to breathe muffins.”

    Supervisor: “Sometimes I worry about you.”

    A Common Theme Of Stupidity

    | USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (In the bagel shop where I work, one of my coworkers can be a bit oblivious to things. She is also madly in love with a certain celebrity. There are no customers in the shop.)

    Coworker #1: “Don’t you think [Celebrity] and I would be great together? All of my friends agree that we would make a great couple.”

    Me: “Um, well, I’ve only seen him in movies. I’ve never read interviews with him or anything, so I don’t know what he’s like personally, but I’m sure you do. Do you guys have a lot in common?”

    Coworker #1: “Oh my god, yes! We have so much in common!”

    Me: “Cool. Like what?”

    Coworker #1: “Well, we both like music…”

    (I wait expectantly for her to elaborate, but she seems to be done.)

    Me: “Yup! You sound perfect for each other.”

    Coworker #1: “I know, right?”

    (She goes into the back. Coworker #2 has overheard our conversation.)

    Coworker #2: “Hey, [My Name], do you like music? Because I like music.”

    Me: “I LOVE music. Oh, my god!”

    Coworker #2: “We have so much in common! Do you realize we’re wearing the SAME shirt right now?”

    Me: “You’re right! It’s like destiny!”

    Coworker #2: “And are you wearing SHOES right now?”

    Me: “I am wearing shoes! I wear shoes all the time!”

    Coworker #2: “Oh, my god. Me too!”

    Me: “We’re perfect for each other!”

    (At this point, Coworker #1 has come back and seems like she might have overheard. I feel guilty, until Coworker #2 goes into the back.)

    Coworker #1: “You know, I never realized this before, but you and [Coworker #2] have a lot in common…”

    Hot On The Trail Of Stupidity

    , | ON, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (As I’m cleaning the heat chute, my arm accidentally touches the hot bottom ridge causing me to yelp.)

    Coworker #1: “Are you okay?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. This thing is just really hot.”

    Coworker #1: “Really?”

    (Taps it once before resting their fingers on it for a couple seconds.)

    Coworker #1: “Ow!”

    Coworker #2: “What happened?”

    Coworker #1: “This thing is hot!”

    Coworker #2: “Really?”

    (Also taps it before resting fingers on it.)

    Coworker #2: “Ow!”

    Me: “…”

    Utter The Speech Of Mortals

    | PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (We’re closing up soon. I have no more clients, so I’m helping the receptionists by taking care of some of the work instead of leaving early.)

    Me: “I returned, to the cycle, the element of life, and extinguished all the beacons of a false God’s hope.”

    Coworker: “… What!?”

    Me: “I dumped out the water for you and turned off all the lights.”

    Coworker: “Oh. Why can’t you just talk normal!?”

    The Question Falls On Deaf Ears

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My friends and I are in rehearsal for a musical. Our director employs an air horn if we get too unruly. She has just used it.)

    Director: *jokingly* “Don’t worry. The hearing loss is only temporary if you’re more than six feet away.”

    (We are about three feet away on the stage.)

    Friend: “What did she say?”

    (I and a few other friends laugh at this, taking it as a joke.)

    Friend: *quietly* “… No, seriously. What did she say?”

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