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    Category: Coworkers

    Might Have To Repeat What They Just Said

    | Kamloops, BC, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (They have sent one of the dumber servers into the dish pit to help us catch up with the dishes. At one point, I hear the following:)

    Server: “If they come out dirty, do we have to send them through again?”

    Got Them By Hook Or By Crook

    | England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, New Hires

    (New starters are often sent on fools’ errands as a method of hazing: shopping for tartan paint, rubber nails etc. If you were smart, you wouldn’t fall for it. If you were smarter, you would pretend to go along with it and instead have a coffee break. My coworker was neither.)

    Maintenance Team Leader: “[Coworker], can you go to the stores and pick up some skyhooks. DO NOT leave without at least a half dozen.”

    (My coworker goes off.)

    Me: “‘Skyhooks’? I haven’t heard of that one before.”

    Maintenance Team Leader: *looking smug* “Oh, hooks that hold up the sky. He might struggle to find them…”

    Me: “Poor sod. They will probably go along with it as well.”

    (An hour passes, and my coworker comes back,. The maintenance guys look thrilled that they have fooled another one.)

    Coworker: “They didn’t have any skyhooks in stock… so they had to order them.”

    (Quiet laughter can be heard.)

    Coworker: “They were £300 each, but I assured them that you had to have them.”

    (Smiles turn to confusion, which turn to concern.)

    Maintenance Team Leader: “What did you order? Exactly?”

    Coworker: “Skyhooks. They are for the conveyor, apparently.”

    (The team leader rushes off without another word. It turns out the mythical ‘skyhooks,’ are also a term for a rather expensive piece of equipment. The order was stopped and all fools’ errands were stopped along with it.)

    Security Going All ‘Full Metal Jacket’

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (A mother and father are helping their young daughter put on her hoodie jacket before leaving the store.)

    Security Guard: “Folks, can I just see your receipt real quick?”

    Father: *handing over the receipt* “Sure, here you go.” *turns back to helping his daughter*

    Security Guard: “No, I need to see the receipt for the jacket.”

    Father: “But we came in with this jacket.”

    Security Guard: “So, if I go into the family restroom I won’t find the tags to that jacket in the garbage?”

    Mother: “NO! We came in with this jacket. It’s not even a jacket from this store.”

    (At this point the guard insists the little girl take her jacket off so he can examine the brand label.)

    Security Guard: “Well, now I know you’re lying. If this isn’t from our store then why does the label show our brand?”

    Father: “It came from [Competitor]. You don’t even sell this brand!”

    Security Guard: “[Store] has something called ‘owned brands’ which means we’re the only ones that sell certain brands. This is our brand. There’s no way this came from [Competitor]. You want to try this again, or should we check the surveillance video and call the police?”

    Father: *getting visibly angry* “WE ARE NOT SHOPLIFTERS. CHECK YOUR D*** VIDEO!”

    Security Guard: “You know what? Just go to the service counter and pay for it and I’ll just let this slide.”

    (The mother must have a light-bulb moment, because before the father can flip out she quickly agrees.)

    Mother: “Okay, okay. We’ll pay for the jacket.”

    (The family comes to my counter, followed by the very smug security guard. They hand the jacket over to me and ask if I’m able to ring it up.)

    Me: “I’d like to help you, but this is obviously old and worn. Not to mention it’s not even from [Store]. This is [Competitor]‘s brand.”

    Security Guard: “This is ours. I buy this brand here all the time for my girls.”

    Me: “Even if this were ours, I doubt we would have sold a jacket with stains. Plus we don’t sell this brand.”

    (This unfortunately goes on for several minutes, the guard insisting that the family had stolen it. Finally, fed up, the family leaves the hoodie at my counter and storms out. Later that day a lead finds the jacket under my counter.)

    Lead: “Does this need to go to lost and found?”

    Me: “No. [Security Guard] ‘busted’ a family shoplifting it.”

    Lead: “… but we don’t sell [Brand]. How were they stealing it if it’s not ours?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Ask [Security Guard].”

    (She calls the guard over to ask him what happened. He recounts the story, pretty much exactly as it happened, only completely oblivious to his mistake.)

    Lead: “You know this isn’t our brand, right? Plus it’s totally trashed. Who the h*** would buy a nasty, worn sweat shirt like this? Let alone steal it?”

    Security Guard: “…”

    Lead: “So, let me see if I understand. You stopped a family for shoplifting a shirt that didn’t come from our store, is obviously old, and made a little girl leave without her jacket?”

    Security Guard: “Well, how was I supposed to know?!” *turns to me* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    The Poster Child For Creepiness, Part 2

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a restaurant that is beside a coffee shop, which has a small theater on its other side. I stop into the coffee shop to get something before work, and right in front of me are two young chefs on break. The theater is hosting a dance competition, so the coffee shop is full of YOUNG dancers, roughly 10 years old.)

    Chef #1: “I’d love to hit that.”

    Chef #2: “I know! Look at her, with that makeup and skimpy costume! She’s begging for it!”

    (I glance over to where they’re pointing. She’s wearing a short skirt and leotard, similar to what a figure skater wears, and has stage makeup on, but does not have anything risqué about her look.)

    Me: “Guys, you don’t want to touch her.”

    Chef #1: “Why not? Those red lips could do the work.”

    Me: “Look around you. All these are little kids. I used to go to dance competitions all the time with my sister. They’re all 10, and that one, she’s MAYBE 13. Maybe. You guys are 19. Do the math.”

    (Both get a look of horror as they realize what they’re implying about a child.)


    The Poster Child For Creepiness

    Has To Spoon-Feed Them Instructions

    | MA, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m working at the ice cream window at my restaurant, where people can order cones and sundaes to go. I go back to the supply room to grab another box of plastic spoons, and realize there’s only one box there. Note that the boxes only hold about 50 spoons, and it’s a busy night in the summer, so it won’t take long to run out.)

    Me: *to manager* “We’re almost out of spoons. This box is the only one left.”

    Manager: “[Coworker], can you go to [Nearby Grocery Store] and pick up some more?”

    (The coworker agrees and goes to get her keys, stopping to talk to several coworkers on the way out. The grocery store is 5 minutes away, but she’s gone for at least half an hour, and we’re running out of spoons quickly. She finally comes back with a tray of coffees.)

    Manager: “What the h***? What took you so long?”

    Coworker: “I had to get coffee for everyone, and it took so long!”

    (After all that, she only came back with three boxes of spoons.)

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