• Making A Boob Of Oneself
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  • June's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Coworkers

    Causing Dis-Scent

    , | OH, USA | Coworkers, Holidays, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (I am asexual, and my coworkers have been extremely respectful of it. Several seasonal workers have been hired. During Christmas, I get a new scent lotion that I am wearing.)

    Me: *walks to the back to get sauces*

    New Hire: *sniffs* “You stink.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    New Hire:  “You stink.”

    (I briskly walk up to the front, where a coworker I am very close to is.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1], do I smell bad?”

    Coworker #1: *sniffs* “No? Are you wearing [Scent Name]?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Coworker #1: “Smells good.”

    (The new hire from the back comes up to the front, where Coworker #2 is. Coworker #2 relates the rest of this to me later.)

    New Hire:  “Hey, [Coworker 2]? I need some help.”

    Coworker #2: “Sure, kid.” *goes to the back* “What is it?”

    New Hire: “I tried to hit on [My Name], but she seemed disgusted.”

    Coworker #2: “What’d you say?”

    New Hire: “I said she stinks, you know, like good perfume.”

    Coworker #2: “…kid, that’s the wrong way of doing it. And [My Name] is asexual.”

    New Hire: “So she goes both ways?”

    You Can Lose Yourself In This Job

    | Newcastle, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (We have to answer the phone with our name and department even for internal calls.)

    Coworker: “Hello, ladies wear, erm… Who am I again? Oh yeah, [Coworker] speaking.”

    Me: *laughing* “It’s only [My Name]. You’ve got some stock up here when you’ve got a minute.”

    (A couple of minutes later my coworker appears.)

    Me: “Have you remembered who you are yet?”

    Not The Brightest Of Coworkers

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a long office space that has windows all down one side. It is very open and well-lit, and at night the parking lot lights and streetlights stream in. A coworker works in the workspace farthest from the main door, by insistent choice. Her workspace is bounded on two sides by windows and is closest to the streetlights, so it gets the most exterior light of them all. I regularly work late, and am almost always the last person to leave. As I walk out the main door, I turn out the lights, since this is the only placement of the switches for the main lights. One morning I come to work to be confronted by Coworker, who is almost shaking with anger.)

    Coworker: “You turned the lights out on me last night! You left me in the dark!”

    Me: “Oops! Sorry about that. I thought I was the last one here, like usual.”

    Coworker: “Well, you weren’t, and I yelled at you. Why didn’t you turn them back on?”

    Me: “Sorry, but I didn’t hear anything.”

    Coworker: “Of course not! That’s because you were all the way down there!”

    Me: “Well… yes. That’s where the door and light switches are. Again, sorry, but—”

    Coworker: “Well, you shouldn’t have done it! I couldn’t see anything!”

    (From the light coming in the windows, and the various bits of light coming from power buttons, etc, I find I can almost read by the ambient light when the lights are off at night. The cleaning crew has shut them off on me a few times, so I know that the office is far from pitch black… especially when you’re sitting in front of two 24″ monitors throwing light everywhere. As a bonus, less than twenty feet from her workspace is a motion sensor that turns on one office’s lights, providing ample light to the entire area.)

    Me: “I’m sure you were fine.”

    Coworker: “No! I could have fallen and hurt myself, and no one would have found me until morning!”

    Me: “Look, I’m not sure what you want me to say at this point, but I know you’ve had this happen before, and it just upsets you. Why don’t you buy a cheap flashlight, and keep it in your desk drawer or something?”

    Coworker: “Oh, I do have one, but it doesn’t help.”

    Me: “Huh? Why not?”

    Coworker: “How can I find it in the dark?!”

    Going Through A Bad Spell At Work

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

    (I am a known Harry Potter fan at work. This occurs while my coworkers and I are cleaning up after the restaurant is closed.)

    Coworker: *with the broom*Wingardium Leviosa!”

    Me: “That’s the wrong spell for that.”

    Coworker: “No, I was trying to levitate your jaw shut so you’d stop talking.”

    Me: “Oh, look, it’s levitating my middle finger!”

    You Guest Wrong

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Coworkers

    Coworker #1: “Remember, the customer is always right.”

    Coworker #2: “Well, then, it’s a good thing we have guests.”

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