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    Category: Coworkers

    They’re Not On The Same Page

    | Dusseldorf, Germany | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m working in the local IT department of an international law firm.)

    Me: “IT support. How may I help you?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print.”

    (I see the lawyer’s name and room number on my display.)

    Me: “Hello, Mr. [Lawyer]. What do you mean, you can’t print? I don’t have reports of printer malfunctions, yet. Could you please describe your problem further? Do you get an error message?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print! There is no error message; the d*** thing doesn’t react at all!”

    Me: “On which printer are you trying to print?”

    Lawyer: “Which printer? F****** all of them! I even installed a printer on a different floor!”

    (I connect remotely to his PC and see that he has a Word document open and every printer in the selection box gives the status ‘ready’. Additionally I check every printer on his floor via our Web Interface for error messages. No error comes up.)

    Lawyer: “I need the last page printed out ASAP. Every time I’m in a hurry these d*** PCs aren’t working. Why can’t you and your colleagues get these f****** things to work like they should?”

    Me: “Uhm… you need the last page printed? That would be page three of that document?”

    Lawyer: “No, godd*** it! Are you blind? Here, in the line ‘print page xx’ I typed in page four! I need page four! I have a meeting with a client in five minutes and I need this page for my notes! F***!”

    Me: “Is this the correct document? Because I see that this document only has three pages.”

    (I change the four into a three and click on ‘print,’ and sure enough the printer in his office starts printing.)

    Me: “The printer seems to be working fine. Is this the page you need?”

    Lawyer: “Uhm… this is the page… Yes… Well… I can handle it from here. Bye.” *click*

    Drawing Blood And Laughter

    | MN, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I am working as a phlebotomist for a well known blood bank. We are having a very busy day at a local church. My donor is a very nice man in his 80s and at the bed next to me is a brand new employee working with a notoriously oblivious on-the-job trainer.)

    Trainer: “Yeah, we work with 16 gauge needles here. Personally I find them easy to work with but some people prefer working with bigger needles and some prefer working with smaller ones. All depends what feels better in your hands.”

    Me: *turns to my donor* “Sir, please forgive me for this but: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

    Donor: “Honey, if you hadn’t said it I would have.”

    Your Job Here Is Done For

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m a receptionist in a county office, and I deal with a lot of calls from providers in our network. There are specific coworkers that are the go-to person of the day. Any problem calls go to them. On this particular day Coworker #1 is the go-to person. I get a call that would normally go to Coworker #2.)

    Me: “[Coworker #1], I got a call regarding this client and since [Coworker #2] isn’t here, you get it.”

    Coworker #1: “What’s the problem?”

    Me: “Treatment and coverage issues.”

    Coworker #1: “I don’t think I want that.”

    Me: “What? But you’re the go-to guy today, and this is actually your specialty. I thought you knew how to do this?”

    Coworker #1: *smiling* “I try to be as uninformed and as useless as possible.”

    Me: *speechless at first* “And you have succeeded beyond my wildest expectations.”

    Coworker #1: *laughing* “Then my job is done here.”

    Me: *ignoring his side stepping out of this* “No, it’s not. I’ll put this in your pending and when [Coworker #2] returns tomorrow, you can wrestle with it in her office.”

    Coworker #1: “You’re no fun.”

    Me: “Then my job here is done.”

    The Name Game 2.0

    | USA | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I work part-time at a seasonal restaurant that’s reopened a few weeks ago. Several employees have returned for the new season and a few new employees are due to start.)

    Me: “So, have all the new hires been trained?”

    Coworker: “All but one. I haven’t worked with ‘Megan’ yet.”

    Me: “Uhm… I’m pretty sure she was here last year.”

    Coworker: “Really?”

    Me: “Yeah, she’s the tall redhead.”

    Coworker: “Oh! ‘Grace!’”

    Me: “What? No, not ‘Grace.’”

    Coworker: “Yeah. She and ‘Grace’ look alike, but ‘Megan’ works harder. So, I started calling her ‘Grace 2.0′ but then I forgot her name was ‘Megan’ and just started calling her ‘Grace.’”

    (That actually explained a lot of confusing moments I had the previous season.)

    404 Error: Judgement Day Not Found

    | Kent, England, UK | Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Technology

    (My coworker and I are both into sci-fi and action movies and often have long and detailed discussions on the subject. On this particular day we were have serious connection problems with our phones and Internet. Needless to say it’s getting annoying.)

    Coworker: “For God’s sake! My Internet just crashed again! What the h*** is wrong with it?!”

    Me: “I blame Skynet.”

    Coworker: “Is that our Internet provider?”

    Me: “…no. It’s the super-computer from Terminator.”

    Coworker: ” Well, now I feel stupid.”


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