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    Category: Coworkers

    Can Only Be Repaired By A True Master

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Coworkers, Language & Words, Technology

    (I’m walking through the corridor of my office, when I see a colleague wrestling with the paper tray on one of the printers.)

    Me: “Having some trouble with the printer?”

    Colleague: “It’s a bit tricky.”

    Me: “Ah, yes. The ancient art of fu-jitsu.”

    Making A Fractionally Better Coffee

    , | BC, Canada | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (I work at a popular fast food chain that is known for their coffee. In order to make a drink that is part one drink, and part another, we have modifiers that come up as 1/2, 1/3, and 1/4. I’m making the coffees at the drive thru when I see and order for a French Vanilla come up, but the person taking the order hit the 1/3 coffee modifier three times.)

    Me: “Uh, so, what am I making here?”

    Coworker: “A medium French vanilla with three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “So… a coffee?”

    Coworker: “No. French vanilla, with three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “But that’s just 100% coffee.”

    Coworker: “No, it isn’t. It’s three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “Three-thirds is one whole. Three over three is one. It would be completely coffee.”

    Coworker: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.”

    Me: “I’m an engineering student. Math is kinda my thing.”

    Coworker: “I still think you’re wrong.”

    (By now it’s taken long enough so that the customer has made it to the window.)

    Me: “So sorry. What was in your drink?”

    Customer: “It’s a medium French vanilla with one-third coffee.”

    Me: “Ah, gotcha! The person taking the order put three-thirds coffee!”

    Customer: *laughing* “But that would just be a coffee!”

    Me: “See?”

    The Number One Student

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV

    (I work for one of the local police departments. I’m also in training at the time. The trainers mark us on a scale of one to four, four being the highest. The graveyard shift has been slow all night. ‘Law and Order: SVU’ is playing on one of the televisions. Several coworkers are watching the episode, which I have already seen.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], wanna know how it ends?”

    Coworker: “What? No! Don’t do that.”

    Me: “All right. All right.”

    (A few minutes pass.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker].”

    Coworker: “What?”

    Me: “Somebody gets caught.”

    Coworker: *to my trainer* “Give her all ones tonight!”

    Can’t Win The Name Game

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Coworkers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a math tutoring room at a community college and three of my coworkers are all named Alex. I am a male in my early twenties. One day, I arrive and see a rare site of all three Alexes here at the same time standing outside the door to the tutoring center talking.)

    Me: “Hi, Alexes!”

    All Three Alexes: *various eye rolls and grumbles at my apparently unamusing joke*

    (I go to sign in and get my name tag on when another coworker arrives. She is a rather pretty woman in her mid-twenties and is completely unaware of my previous joke.)

    Coworker: “Hi, Alexes!”

    All Three Alexes: *smiling and laughing at her apparently very amusing joke*

    Me: “Wow, really?”

    Sick Of Your Sick Attitude

    | NJ, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful, Theme Of The Month

    (I have been with this company for roughly three years. In that time I have called out a total of two times. One of my current coworkers, Coworker #2, has called out at least once every other week since I started this department, a month after he started his job there, and always tries to cheat his breaks and punches. I wake up feeling unwell one morning and, brushing it off as early morning blues, go in anyway. Ten minutes into my shift my coworker calls out claiming to not feel well. Knowing I still have to be at my second job, I’m trying to talk myself through the day now having to juggle my job and my now absent coworker’s. An hour and a half before I’m scheduled to leave, I suddenly get light headed.)

    Me: *sitting down* “I need to stop for a moment… I’m going to take my break now.”

    Coworker #1: *offering me a piece of chocolate* “Here, you don’t eat enough… Probably why you’re dizzy.”

    Me: *feeling worse* “No, I don’t think I should eat anything.”

    (Suddenly, I feel really sick and barely make it to the trash can to throw up. Coworker #1 rushes out to the other two working the floor, one who acts as a manager at times.)

    Coworker #1: *walking back to me* “You work too hard, you know. That’s why you’re sick. Never taking breaks, working two jobs…”

    (Most management here is notorious for giving employees a hard time for saying you don’t feel well or calling out, generally acting as if you’re all lazy kids trying to get out of work, but I’m promptly sent home, with several employees and two managers fussing over me to be certain I’m all right. Two days later I’m back at work, no longer sick but exhausted from it.)

    Coworker #2: *upon hearing I was sent home early* “They sent you home?!”

    Me: *blinking a few times, not sure why he’s so agitated* “Yeah, I was pretty bad the other day…”

    Coworker #2: *scoffs* “Well, aren’t you lucky. They never even CARE when I come in sick.”

    (He stomps off past the floor to the bathrooms for a bathroom break, even though he’s been there about 20 minutes.)

    Coworker #3: *walking up to me* “Well, of course they don’t care when he comes in sick… That’s how he acts all the time. And he’s not YOU.”

    Me: “You mean a self-inflicted workaholic?”

    Coworker #3: “Yeah… that.”


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