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    Category: Coworkers

    Oh Jews

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I wait tables at a local place known specifically for its ribs. Sauce on the side was a common request. A coworker runs into the back frustrated.)

    Coworker: “I don’t f****** understand this guy. I’ve brought him six cups of sauce on the side and he’s mad. He wants a manager.”

    (The manager isn’t back there so I go out to try and smooth things over.)

    Me: “Sir, I understand there is an issue. Hopefully I can take care of it for you.”

    Customer: “This better not be a joke. I’ve asked repeatedly for au jus and my server keeps bringing me cups of bbq sauce.”

    (I grab the au jus from the line and the customer is satisfied. I hunt down my coworker.)

    Me: “What just happened? He asked for au jus and you brought him a cup of bbq each time.”

    Coworker: “Au jus? What’s that? I thought he was asking for ‘Jew sauce.'”

    Me: *right eye starts twitching*

    He’ll Have The Obnoxiously Sweet Ham

    , | Australia | Awesome Customers, Coworkers

    (I am working with one coworker who is in a horrible mood and refusing to serve customers unless she absolutely has to. She was wiping a bench and I am carefully washing raw chicken juice off my arms to serve a man who is standing right in front of my coworker, patiently waiting as she ignores him. A loud, slightly deranged regular comes in and, assuming the other customer is being served, approaches me.)

    Loud Customer: *cheerful* “Hey love! How are ya?”

    Me: “I’m good. I hope you’re well! Sorry, but I have to take care of this gentleman here first. You’re next, though. I promise.”

    Loud Customer: “S’fine, what about the other lady? Lady! Hey, heeey! I need some brawn! Pork brawn, thank you, love!”

    Coworker: *defeated sigh*

    (She serves the loud customer and I serve the other man. The loud customer is VERY loudly chattering away about some conspiracy theory and why he doesn’t eat certain hams. My coworker and I both wind up at the wrapping station for our orders at the same time.)

    Coworker: *mutters darkly, so only I can hear* “Holy f****ing h***.”

    Me: “Ha. I love him! He actually made you do your job.”

    Coworker: *cracks her first smile of the day* “I know; I hate it.”

    (As the loud customer left, he practically yelled at my coworker to feel better. Apparently being obnoxious isn’t so bad, as long as you’re sweet at the same time!)

    Can’t ‘Wiggle’ Out Of That One

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Coworkers, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband and I work for the same company. We share a fairly uncommon last name – for example, let’s say that it’s ‘Wigglesworth.’ We’ve just gotten back from vacation and are telling our coworkers about it at our coffee break.  One of the coworkers is fairly new. He’s been there for at least a couple of months.)

    Husband: “It was great! We got to see [Attraction], and the weather was perfect.”

    Me: “We got to see my folks, too, because they live close to [Attraction].”

    Fairly New Coworker: “Hold on. YOU went on this trip, too?”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Fairly New Coworker: “You travelled together? Wow.” *he’s got a ‘ooh, scandal!’ expression on his face*

    Other Coworker: “You do realize that [Husband] and [My Name] are married, right?”

    Fairly New Coworker: “What? No! How would I know that?”

    Other Coworker: “How about the fact that they’re both named ‘Wigglesworth?'”

    Fairly New Coworker: “Well, how was I supposed to figure that out?!”

    Don’t Lose Your Head(phones) Over It

    | Croatia | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a programmer, but I work on the floor with finance people. Since there’s a lot of noise in the office I work with my headphones on to drown out the noise since I don’t do anything connected with them. We’re currently in a staff meeting.)

    Boss: “So, that takes care of it. Does anyone have any suggestions or complaints?”

    New Coworker: “YES! I wish [My Name] to stop wearing headphones!”

    Boss: “Why? He asked to use them so he can concentrate better on what he does.”

    New Coworker: “It’s anti-social and I can’t communicate with him if I need him for something! It’s ruining the workflow!”

    Me: “Well, if you have anything to ask you could, you know, walk up to me and tap me on the shoulder? And even then, it can’t be work related since we don’t work on anything together.”

    New Coworker: “Well, I can hear his music and it’s bothering me!”

    Coworker #1: “No, you can’t. I’m sitting next to him and I can’t hear anything.”

    Boss: “Unless it’s bothering the whole office, I don’t intend to force the only programmer in the company to listen to all of you yelling to each other. If that’s it, we’re done.”

    (Next day when I came to work I realise I forgot my thumb drive on which I keep my music. I still keep my headphones on, since they provide some noise isolation, but I’m not listening to music. Boss is passing by New Coworker’s desk when the latter practically jumps at him.)

    New Coworker: “LISTEN! Can’t you hear that music of his! I can’t even concentrate on job I’m doing!”

    Me: “You might want to visit a shrink, Miss [New Coworker].”

    New Coworker: “NOW HE’S EVEN INSULTING ME!”

    Me: “I’m not.” *I unplug the headphones from speakers on my table* “I’m not listening to music, because I forgot the drive with my music at home. If you think you’re hearing music, I would really recommend you to visit a professional.”

    Boss: “[New Coworker], stop being disruptive and leave [My Name] alone. He’s not bothering you.”

    New Coworker: “IF HE DOESN’T HAVE HIS DRIVE HE IS JUST LISTENING TO MUSIC ONLINE!”

    Boss: “[New Coworker] -”

    New Coworker: “YES! HE’S EVEN WASTING COMPANY INTERNET AND KEEPING ME FROM WORKING! YOU MUST STOP HIM!”

    Coworker #1: “He’s not listening to music online, you idiot!”

    New Coworker: “OH, REALLY?!”

    Boss: “Yes, really, because the Internet has been down for two hours. Which also means he can’t be disrupting you since all of your work is done online. Now, why don’t you step into my office for a nice conversation about the way we should act in a workplace, okay?”

    (New Coworker never bothered me about listening to music after that.)

    Recycling His Way Of Thinking

    | ON, Canada | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My mother in charge of our church’s nursery, taking care of younger children during the service. Over the last month or two, the nursery has amassed a large collection of garbage, much of which is metal. The metal is stored in an old cardboard box to be taken to the local recycling plant. On the day my mother is supposed to deliver it, she checks the cupboard where it was stored to find it isn’t there.)

    Mom: “[Coworker], do you know what happened to the box of metal? It’s not in the storage cupboard.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, that box has been there for over a month, so I took it to the dump. It was just taking up space.”

    Mom: “You took it to the dump? That metal was supposed go to the recycling plant.”

    Coworker: “So? What difference does it make? We still got rid of it.”

    Mom: “The dump charges you for the garbage you put in it. If you take metal to the recycling plant, they PAY you for it. Instead of getting $75 for the nursery to use, you paid almost $100 of the church’s money to get rid of that metal!”

    Coworker: “…oh.”


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