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  • Category: Coworkers

    Acting Like A Complete Jerky

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Liars/Scammers

    (I work with a rather attractive 20-something woman. She is okay, but gets away with murder and often gets tea or coffee brought for her as she is the only attractive woman in the office.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Wow! What’s that?”

    Me: “Oh this? It’s jerky. Really good stuff.”

    (The attractive coworker’s head pops up.)

    Coworker: “Let’s see.”

    (I throw the closed packet over.)

    Coworker: *as he throws it back* “Hmm, looks really good.”

    (The attractive coworker hasn’t stopped listening.)

    Me: “Yeah, bit pricy but tastes great. Texture is soft really good.”

    Attractive Coworker: “Are you going to share it out, then?”

    Me: *a bit put back* “Well, I wasn’t opening it yet. Maybe …later?”

    (I forget about it for a few days. The next week I open it up and leave it out of sight on my desk. I leave the office and come back to see the attractive coworker quickly walking back to her desk.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I’ve opened up the jerky. Want a piece?”

    (I can just see out of the corner of my eye the attractive coworker, stuffing something in her mouth.)

    Me: “It’s bit spicy, though.”

    (I hold the bag out to the attractive coworker, who waves me away as she is struggling to chew ‘something’.)

    Me: “…and it only gets hotter as you chew.”

    (At this point the attractive coworker’s eyes are watering at she almost dives for the bin, spitting out the jerky she stole before running out the door.)

    Coworker: “Serves her right, silly cow. She is always trying to get something for free even if she doesn’t like it.”

    (Now, every time I bring something in, I’m always quick to mention that it is a bit spicy. I haven’t caught her taking anything since.)

    Pitching A Fit Ruins Your Pitch

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Theme Of The Month

    (My coworker decides he is unhappy with the boxes that are stored near the back office he uses. He proceeds to pitch a fit, throwing the boxes across the store and yelling at me before storming out and emailing in a threat to quit. We really can’t afford to lose him, so the boss gives him a few days off to reconsider. A few days later Boss and I are alone at work.)

    Boss: “I just realized he could do this again. [Coworker] could threaten to quit again and hold us hostage to running things however he wants.”

    Me: “Yes! That’s what I’ve been worried about since this happened. I’ve been trying to explain that to you.”

    Boss: “Well, I won’t let [Coworker] do that. We aren’t going to walk around on tiptoe to keep from upsetting him. I don’t want to live like that.”

    (A few minutes later I am putting some boxes back where we store them.)

    Boss: “Well, [My Name], you know you’re going to have to change the way you do a lot of things around here so [Coworker] doesn’t get angry again.”

    Me: “Yeah, I was waiting for you to say that…”

    Their Humor Is Handicapped

    , | OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (I am working the closing shift by doing dishes. All night when there is no customer at the drive through, my coworker on the grill yells what he thinks are funny impersonations of people with mental handicaps.)

    Coworker: “[Manager]! It’s impossible to make [My Name] laugh!”

    Manager: “What? No it isn’t.”

    (I am so focused on doing the dishes that I don’t notice her coming up behind me.)

    Manager: “Hey, [My Name], look.” *pulls out her phone, showing a funny animated GIF involving two cats*

    Me: *bursts out laughing*

    Manager: “See? I told you it is possible to make her laugh!”

    Coworker: “But she doesn’t laugh at me!”

    Me: “Because you’re not funny. And you do realize that my little brother has a disability, right?”

    (My coworker left me alone for the rest of the night!)

    Striking A Happy Medium

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (One of my more senior coworkers has a well-known reputation for being particularly grumpy and offensive; however, we get on quite well. I’m being let in by the owner just as my coworker arrives.)

    Me: “Morning, [Owner].

    (My coworker brushes past me. In a very artificially bright voice I speak up.)

    Me: “Morning, Mr. Happy!”

    Coworker: *grunts*

    Me: “Nice to see you’re in such a good mood, Mr. Happy!”

    Coworker: *grunts again* “Coffee.”

    Me: “You’re going to be even more happy after coffee? How will we cope, Mr. Happy?”

    (My coworker and I hear a thump, and turn to see the owner has hit the floor due to her hysterical laughter.)

    This Call Will Make A Man Out Of You

    | UK | Coworkers, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

    (I am listening to Disney music with the same headphones the company uses to talk to clients.)

    Me: *singing softly* “You are a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven’t got a clueee…”

    Colleague: *shocked* “Please tell me you are not on the phone right now”

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