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    Category: Coworkers

    Trash-Talking Ponies

    , | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Movies & TV

    Manager: “[My Name], can you help that customer?”

    Assistant Manager: “[My Name], can you get those wings? Remember, make three kinds from two bags.”

    Me: “Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

    (The oven begins to buzz.)

    Assistant Manager: “[My Name], can you put price tags on these cups of chicken

    salad?”

    Me: “Hang on; I’m trying to do four things at once here.”

    Manager: “[My Name], can you take out the trash?”

    Me: “Make that five things.”

    Assistant Manager: “Heh heh.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I want a pony. No, wait, make that a unicorn!”

    Me: “Well, [Local University]’s mascot is the Pegasus. I don’t know about unicorns, but maybe they have one of those there.”

    Assistant Manager: “I don’t want a Pegasus; I want a unicorn! No, wait. I want Rainbow Brite’s horse! Ugh… that was one of my favorite cartoons and now I can’t remember its name!”

    Me: “Well, s***, don’t ask me what it is.”

    Manager: “…Starlite?”

    (Our manager is a 39-year-old man.)

    Me: “Ooookay, that’s it. I’m outta here. I’m outta here before I inhale some pixie dust or something.”

    (I grabbed the trash cart and headed out of the department as both managers began cracking up.)

    My Religious Knowledge Is A Bit Crusty

    | Frankfurt, Germany | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Religion

    (We are discussing a large project in a workshop and just found out that a supplier has messed up and is not quite delivering the competency that we were looking for.)

    Coworker: “And they did not even do [task]! JESUS CHRIST!”

    Intern: “What does Jesus have to do with that?”

    Coworker: “Don’t you know Jesus?”

    Intern: “No.”

    Coworker: *without missing a beat* “Jesus, the guy who owns the bakery down the street. Long hair. Beard. A really cool guy.”

    Me: “He sells great buns, too!”

    Intern: *without missing a beat* “Then, he should be called Jesus CRUST!”

    (We all cracked up after that. Got rid of a good deal of tension, too!)

    Translate From Kryptonian

    | Israel | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My coworker speaks English only as a third language so he does a lot of literal translations.)

    Coworker: “I’m feeling myself like Superman!”

    Me: “Um, you probably should not phrase it like that.”

    Coworker: “So, how would you say that you’re feeling yourself like Superman?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t.”

    Call Back Slack

    | USA | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (Due to the sensitive nature of my job, my employer occasionally needs to call everybody in the office on our days off. It is usually in emergency situations to make sure everybody is okay. However, for this system to work, everybody’s phone numbers need to be up to date. Therefore, they will also occasionally call everybody just to make sure that everybody’s numbers are current. This system was apparently not explained to a new coworker:)

    Coworker: “So, did you get that really strange call from the office on Saturday?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. They were just making sure that everybody’s phone numbers are correct. A lot of times, people change them and then don’t update the database.”

    Coworker: “So, what are you supposed to do when they call?”

    Me: *thinking this should be common sense* “Well, they’re just checking to make sure that the phone number they have on file for you is correct. That way, if there’s an emergency, they know that you’re okay. All you have to do is tell the person who called you that you received the call.”

    Coworker: “So, if they leave a message, what do you do?”

    Me: *again, this should be common sense* “You have to call them back so that they know you got the message. It’s important to call as soon as you can, because if it’s an emergency, they need to know you’re okay. Even if it’s just a drill, it makes the managers look bad if they can’t get in touch with everybody in their department within a few hours, and if they look bad it makes the whole group look bad.”

    Coworker: *dumbfounded look*

    Me: “It’s okay if you don’t answer right away. I didn’t either. But whenever they’re doing this, they’ll leave a message, and you just call back whenever you can.”

    Coworker: “Oh. Well, I never called them back.”

    Me: “So, you got a call from the office on a Saturday asking you to call back right away, and you just ignored it?”

    Coworker: “Well, yeah.”

    (I’m glad it wasn’t a real emergency. Something tells me that she won’t last long!)

    Has One-Stroke-Two A Brain

    | Midlands, England, UK | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (A colleague of mine is known for her liking of trifle and always buys an expensive ready-made one. At my suggestion she decides to try homemade but, not being confident in the kitchen, first decides to try a box mix that contains everything in it, including a cream-type topping in a powder form that you mix with milk.)

    Me: “Hey, how did the trifle making go last night?”

    Colleague: “Well, I got the jelly and the custard part right, but couldn’t get the cream to work at all. It was so runny.”

    Me: “Runny? How were you mixing it? It’s a really easy topping. Did you use a hand whisk or electric whisk?”

    Colleague: “An electric whisk, as I thought that would be easier, but I whisked it for about 15 minutes and it still didn’t work.”

    Me: “I can’t understand why it didn’t work then. Using an electric whisk should only take a minute, max. How about you go through the steps and let’s see if we can work it out.”

    (By now several other colleagues are listening in:)

    Colleague: “Well, I put the powder in a bowl, measured the milk and added it to the powder, and whisked. That’s all… Mind you, I wasn’t too sure of the amount of milk so I used almost two pints.”

    Me: “Hang on a minute… How could you not be sure of the amount of milk? It tells you on the packet.”

    Colleague: “Yes I know, but it said one to two pints and as I like the topping bit I decided to make the most I could, so used almost two pints.”

    Me: “[Colleague], I think you’ve measured the milk wrong. It sounds too much but I can’t remember because I’ve not used a box mix for years.”

    Colleague: “Well, it definitely said ‘One-stroke-two’ pints of milk.”

    (At this point we all started laughing as we realise the packet must have said 1/2 pint (as in half a pint of milk) and she hadn’t known!)


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