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  • Will Never Claim Ignorance
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  • Category: Coworkers

    Some Coworkers Are Just Suffocating

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body, Physical

    (I am shift leader. A kitchen worker on evening shift is slightly autistic, and very claustrophobic. He is a really nice kid and a hard worker. I walk into the kitchen and see the line cooks laughing around the freezer. I go to see what’s going on.)

    Me: “Hey, what’s so funny?”

    Coworker: “Oh, we just put [Autistic Kid] in the freezer. He walked in to put the pickles up and we closed the door!”

    (Horrified I shove past them and yank the door open. He is curled up on the ground, hyperventilating.)

    Me: “[Autistic Kid], are you okay?!”

    (He just shakes his head and I take him to the front end and tell another coworker to make him a shake, and that I will pay for it. I then go back to chew out the line cooks. The manager hears me and comes around the corner.)

    Manager: “Oh, lighten up, [My Name]. It was just a harmless joke! He was fine.”

    Me: “Well, I didn’t find it funny and neither did he! He could have had a full panic attack and needed to go to the hospital! I hope you realise that he could sue you and the company for the ‘innocent joke’ you just pulled!”

    (He just scoffed and told me to go back to work. The kid quit after that day, after thanking me for saving him, and I left after another two months.)

    Staying Late For Their Baggage

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Money

    (We have a sale on just after Christmas. All stock is 40% off but IT gets it wrong and discount items even more. Coworkers go mad after closing to buy stuff.)

    Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], what do you think of this handbag?”

    Me: “Um, it’s ugly.”

    Coworker #1: “But I really want to buy a bag when they are so discounted!”

    (Coworker #2 walks up.)

    Coworker #1: “Hey, [Coworker #2], what do you think of this bag?”

    Coworker #2: “It’s ugly.”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah, I know it’s ugly, but the lining fabric inside is really nice, and I will be looking inside it more often than looking at the outside. And they are only $11.99!”

    Coworker #2: “REALLY?” *dives into the bags to choose several ugly handbags for herself*

    (Both coworkers turn to me and tell me I need to get some for myself. Both also state their husbands are going to kill them for buying so much. Coworker #2 asks Coworker #1 to pay for hers so her husband won’t find out. They keep me back 45 minutes because I am the only one who can serve them. The next morning, it’s my job to tidy the mess they made on the handbag table.)

    Me: *next to Coworker #1* “Hey, look! I found a bag I almost like”.

    Fathered And Fired

    , | Vancouver Island, Canada | Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (It is my first shift working night shift, and not having adjusted yet I am quite tired. I am lying down in the break room when my coworker calls me up front to deal with a customer.)

    Me: “Hey.”

    Customer: “Hey, how are you?”

    Me: “TERRIBLE! I am EXHAUSTED and I was LYING DOWN and then I was forced to get up to wait on YOU, you B******!” *slams fist down on the counter*

    (At this, I see my coworker’s eyes bug out, and he turns around hoping to avoid the inevitable customer outburst.)

    Me: “Oh, [Coworker], this is my dad!”

    Coworker: “OH, THANK GOD! I was just thinking ‘aw, man. [My Name]‘s gonna get fired!’”

    Got The Meat And Potatoes Of The Meaning

    | CT, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Religion

    (My Muslim coworker from Bangladesh has brought in food for lunch for our group. Afterwards she and I are talking about ethnic foods and meat content. She brought up how a lot of Indian food doesn’t have meat because the Muslim population doesn’t eat pork and the Hindu population doesn’t eat beef.)

    Me: “Yeah, Indian is the only type of food that I really enjoy vegetarian entrees. Most other foods are boring without meat.”

    Coworker: “Oh, I know! I can’t eat a meal without meat in it!”

    Me: “Yeah. Me, too. I’m a cannibal.”

    (There is what feels like a long pause as I realize what I said, when what I’d meant to say was carnivore. Embarrassed beyond belief, and hoping nobody in our very open environment overheard and thought I was serious, she asks:)

    Coworker: “Cannibal means you eat meat, right?”

    (English is not her native language, and I can understand how cannibal might not be in her vocabulary yet. I quickly correct myself and explain the meaning of carnivore vs. cannibal, with a little explanation of herbivore and omnivore for good measure. Once I finally shut up and look to see if she understands, she comes up with the best response possible.)

    Coworker: “Well, it’s still meat.”

    Go At Lunch Like Animals

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (It’s lunch time, and Coworker #1 has promised to go get Coworker #2 her lunch because he is the only one with a working car at the moment. Coworker #2 has asked to have lunch from a well known fast food chain. Coworker #2 is a woman nearing retirement.)

    Coworker #1: “So you just want a hamburger and a shake?”

    Coworker #2: “Yeah, that’s about it.”

    Coworker #1: “So do you want that regular or animal style?”

    Coworker #2: “Honey, I haven’t had animal style for a long, long time. Probably the last time Elvis was here.”

    (It took the rest of our lunch to stop laughing.)

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