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    Category: Coworkers

    A Completely Different Kettle Of Fish

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I work in my university’s dining hall. Though most employees are students, not all are. I am the cashier and am using the slow period to do some reading for an upper-level literature course. Coworker, who is not a student, walks by.)

    Coworker: “Hey, whatcha reading?”

    Me:The Hermaphrodite.”

    Coworker: “Oh, never heard of it.” *begins to walk away, then stops* “Is that about a fish?”

    Working In An Animal House

    | Ireland | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pets & Animals

    (For security reasons, in my job you cannot walk behind the counter without someone opening a door. As a joke, I sometimes scrabble at the door and meow until someone lets me in. My supervisor gets a kick out of this, so I always have to meow to be let in.)

    Me: “Meow.”

    Coworker: “Why are you meowing?”

    Me: “Oh, [Supervisor] makes me meow before she lets me in.”

    Coworker: “Oh. Woof.”

    Me: “Meow.”

    Coworker: “Woof.”

    Me: “Meow.”

    Coworker: “WOOF.”

    Me: *giving in* “Woof.”

    Coworker: “You sicken me!”

    Scheduling The End

    | TX, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Lazy/Unhelpful, Top

    (I’m only 23, but I’m good at what I do and I was promoted to management in the customer service department a few months ago. I have been instructed to hire two people to work under me, but I’m having trouble finding and keeping qualified people. One employee has stuck around, but I like her less everyday. She frequently makes long personal calls at her desk while on the clock. I have caught her on Facebook and checking her personal email on her work computer. I notice her working on something at her desk but think nothing of it. Several hours later she comes over and hands me a three page packet of calendars.)

    Employee: “I’ve taken the liberty of writing up my work schedule for the next three months. Please agree to work around it.”

    Me: *taken aback at her gall* “Um, that’s not how we handle the schedule here. I write the schedule and if you have any special circumstances I can take those into consideration.”

    Employee: “No, just use this. This is what I want.”

    Me: “I understand that, but ultimately I will schedule you when I need you to be here.”

    (She tries to argue with me but I go back to work. She hounds me nearly every day about the schedule she has written since she presented it to me. I’ve had enough.)

    Employee: “So, have you finished looking over my schedule yet?”

    Me: “Yes. I’m letting you go.”

    Reluctant To Face The Music

    | AB, Canada | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    (I work in a radio station, where one of my jobs is adding new music to our database. When we add new music to the database, we give it an expiry date of 25 years in the future. One day, one of our announcers is watching me do this, and decides he has a problem with it.)

    Announcer: “I can’t believe you’re setting the music to expire in 25 years. You’re going to completely screw over this station in 25 years.”

    Me: “I don’t think so. I highly doubt we’ll be using these same computers in 25 years. When we upgrade computers, we’ll upgrade the database, and everything gets a new expiry date.”

    Announcer: “But what if we don’t upgrade our computers, huh? WHAT IF WE DON’T?”

    Me: “Well, a bunch of other things could happen. In 25 years, this music will probably be considered ‘oldies’ and get purged from our system. Or we could change formats, in which case we won’t be playing any of this music anymore. Worst case scenario, with the way media is changing, we’ll be out of business in 25 years.”

    Announcer: “You think we’ll be out of business in 25 years? Wow, aren’t you pessimistic?!”

    Me: “Actually, I think you’re the pessimistic one. You seem to think you’ll be working this same job in 25 years.”

    Announcer: “I won’t be working this job in 25 years! In 25 years I’ll be running [well-known radio network].”

    Me: “Exactly. So stop worrying about this.”

    A Rude Awakening

    | USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (We have this incompetent coworker who always comes in late, leaves when she wants to, and does Facebook and chats on the phone all the time instead of working. She’s friends with the boss, so complaining is futile.)

    Me: *checking watch* “Look, she’s late as usual by an hour. What bad work habits.”

    Coworker: “That means we’ll have to pick up her slack.” *heavily sighs*

    (Suddenly, the incompetent coworker flies out from the back at me, with her coat on half way, clearly just arriving.)

    Incompetent Coworker: “Excuse me, [My Name]. I would appreciate you not talking about me behind my back!”

    Me: “Why don’t you shape up then?”

    Incompetent Coworker: “Excuse me! This is not about my work habits, it’s about you talking behind my back!” *cracks knuckles threateningly* “So stop!”

    Me: “So, let me get this straight. You’re more worried about people talking about you than your bad work habits?”

    Incompetent Coworker: “It’s rude!”

    Me: “You seriously can’t expect us to be happy about picking your slack up all the time!”

    Incompetent Coworker: “How rude!”

    (She started actually coming in on time after that, but quickly went back to her old ways after a while, shooting me dirty looks whenever she passed.)


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