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    Category: Coworkers

    Less Hours At The Eleventh Hour

    | TX, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (We get a limited amount of hours to divide between seven employees, and two of those only get ten hours at best.)

    Coworker #1: “Ugh, only nine hours this week. This is killing me. I wish [Boss] would give me more hours.”

    Me: “I know, right? I’m lucky that [Coworker #2] asked me to take her hours, what with her kid being sick. I might have gotten twenty five hours in all this week.”

    Coworker #1: “Wait, you got twenty five hours this week? That’s not fair!”

    Me: “I only did because I got [Coworker #2]’s hours. As keyholder, I think I’m the last one they called to come in. They didn’t contact you?”

    Coworker: “Oh, yeah, they did. I was out with my family. We were talking about going to the lake for the day.”

    Me: “What about [Coworker #3]? She’s having to go to that wedding and she gave me her hours, too.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, they asked me, but I had a party I was really wanting to go to.”

    Me: “Well, maybe next time. I need the hours anyway. I can’t believe this new doctor is going to cost $400 just to see!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, that sucks… Hey, do you think [Boss] will care if I put in for a whole week of time off in a few months? My family has bought a cabin out in Arkansas and I kind of already put a down payment on it, so I can’t back out.”

    Caught In A Chinese Language Trap

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (My father had an Asian coworker who worked front-house at the rib shack he works at. One day a customer walks in and is extremely rude to him. The coworker speaks perfect English, having been born in America.)

    Customer: *very slowly and loudly* “I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER [ITEM]!”

    Coworker: *asks him to repeat his order in scattered English*

    Customer: *even louder* “I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER [ITEM].”

    Coworker: *asks him to repeat in even more scattered English*

    (This goes on for some time, and the coworker decides that the louder the customer says his order, the less English he knows. The coworker ends up shouting very angry-sounding Chinese very quickly, punctuating it with sharp arm movements. The customer leaves out of frustration.)

    Dad: *after he finally stops laughing* “What were you shouting at that guy, anyway?”

    Coworker: “I think it was an old fairy tale my parents used to tell me. It’s basically the Chinese version of Sleeping Beauty.”

    Made Of Flying Pig

    | MD, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Coworker: “Hey, what’s the bacon made out of?”

    Me: *thinking he means if it’s turkey bacon* “It’s real bacon.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, but what’s it MADE out of?”

    (I am so dumbfounded by the question I actually stop what I am doing and just kinda stare into space, unsure how to respond. Another coworker, seeing my reaction, jumps in to say it’s pig.)

    Having Him Quit Was Just A Bonus

    | Croatia | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Money

    (At our office you get paid extra if the project is delivered early. This bonus is paid by the contractor and divided equally amongst the people who were working on the project. Employees are looking at pay-lists to confirm everything is okay before money gets paid.)

    Employee: “Hey, why did [New Coworker] get a bonus? She only worked on the project for a week!”

    Owner: “But she worked. Rule is that everyone who worked on the project get bonus divided between them equally.”

    Employee: “But she barely did any work on it! It should be divided between the rest of us!”

    Owner: “Leave it. You would only get [around 2 USD] more if I did that.”

    Employee: “That’s bull-****. Everyone should get paid how much they deserve!”

    Owner: *raising his eyebrows* “So you want to get paid by merit?”

    Employee: “Yes!”

    Owner: “I’ll get updated lists to you in 10 minutes, then.”

    (Lists get handed out a bit later and employee is fuming.)

    Employee: “WHY DID I GET ONLY [around 9 USD] INSTEAD OF [almost 200 USD] BONUS!?”

    Owner: “I divided it by merit. [Best Programmer In The Office] did 80% of the back-end himself, so he got paid the most. Since you only worked on the interface, so you got paid by how much of the project you did.”

    Employee: “You can’t do that! It’s illegal! I’ll sue you!”

    Owner: “No, it’s not illegal. It’s a bonus that I hand out on my own will. Your basic pay stayed the same.”

    Employee: “THEN I QUIT, YOU F****** A******!”

    (Employee grabs his stuff and storms out. Boss proposes to going back to dividing project gain equally and everyone wholeheartedly agrees. Everything is fine until two weeks later when Employee storms back into our office and runs up to the boss.)

    Employee: “WHERE IS MY MONEY!?”

    Owner: “What are you talking about? You got your paycheck a day after you left. I was even so nice that I included the total bonus.”

    Employee: “MY SEVERANCE PAY, YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME AMOUNT EQUAL TO FOUR PAYCHECKS!”

    Owner: “That’s the severance. I don’t have to pay you that. I only have to pay that to workers I FIRE myself, that haven’t breached the contract.”

    Employee: “But you gave it to [Name] last month and he quit himself! You always pay people that!”

    Owner: “That was my good will. Since we parted kindly I decided to “fire him” before he handed his resignation, so I “had to” pay him severance. I don’t legally have to pay you.”

    Employee: “Umm, but I thought that…”

    Owner: “You thought? No, you didn’t. What you did was quit a job that has 25% bigger base pay than average in your field, gives you bonuses for every project, pays for overtime twice as much as other companies in the same field, lets you choose what hours you work and tons of other extra stuff that I do to keep my workers happy since the company is doing well. Also, if you wanted to quit like normal people do instead of screaming and insulting me you would have gotten [Five Figure Sum], just because I can.”

    Employee: “…”

    Owner: “And you did this over the amount of money that can’t even get you a decent cup of coffee. Now get the f*** out before I call the police to remove you.”

    Micro-Understanding

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (There is a burnt smell coming from the break room. Going in, I see both microwaves open and a coworker staring at the remains of two pocket sandwiches.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Coworker: “I don’t understand. The box said for two sandwiches, set the microwave to three minutes, thirty seconds.”

    Me: “That’s when you put both in the SAME microwave.”


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