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    Category: Coworkers

    I Work In Death And Taxes

    | MI, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I handle the billing for a retirement home. To keep the billing database up to date, I rely on the daily census sheet issued by our admissions department. Until recently, the census sheet was updated by a sharp, detail-oriented coworker, but the responsibility recently passed to a coworker who is great with people, but a mess with computers and data. I receive the daily census one morning, and notice that a resident who has passed away the day before isn’t listed.)

    Me: “[Coworker], I heard that [Deceased Resident] passed away yesterday, Is that correct?”

    Coworker: “Yes. It’s so sad. I’ll really miss him.”

    Me: “I don’t see him listed on the census you just sent me, though. Shouldn’t he be listed as a discharge?”

    Coworker: “Oh, I just couldn’t stand to put him on there; it makes it seem really permanent.”

    Me: “Death has an unfortunate tendency to be permanent, [Coworker].”

    Not In A Happy (Re)Place

    | AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, New Hires

    (One of our salespeople was recently fired at the radio station where I work. Despite this, and the fact that she left the company on very bad terms, she lives under the belief that the station will fall apart without her and very soon the company will be begging her to come back. Shortly after the new salesperson is hired, I hear a ruckus from the station lobby. I head out there to see the fired salesperson laying into the new one.)

    Fired Salesperson: “YOU LYING SON OF A B****! THIS WILL NEVER STAND! I’M GOING TO SEE YOU GET FIRED FOR THIS!”

    Station Manager: “What the h*** is going on out here?!”

    Fired Salesperson: “Do you know what this a**hole is doing? He’s stealing my clients! He’s going around town telling people he REPLACED me!”

    Station Manager: “He DID replace you!”

    (At that, the station manager escorted her from the building, and she finally got the hint that she was never coming back!)

    This Job Is Just Impossible

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

    (At this store we wear headsets to communicate with each other since it is a big store. This conversation takes place over the headsets as Coworker #1 is following around a suspected shoplifter to make sure they don’t take anything.)

    Coworker #1: “I feel like I’m in Mission Impossible, being all sneaky like this.”

    Coworker #2: *starts humming ‘Mission Impossible’ theme song*

    Coworker #3: “Now you just need to do a duck and roll behind a rack.”

    Manager: “I will give someone $20 if they do a duck and roll on the sales floor right now.”

    (I was back in the fitting rooms getting some very strange looks from customers as I burst out laughing for no apparent reason.)

    A New Hire Level Of Respect

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Coworkers, New Hires

    (At my work, the new hires all get a large blue ribbon to wear with their nametags that says ‘NEW HIRE’ on it in large letters. Most people try to get rid of it as soon as possible, usually within two weeks. So far I’ve been there about two months.)

    Coworker: *looking at my ribbon* “When are you going to take that thing off?”

    Me: “When someone in management tells me to.”

    Coworker: *looking and sounding very confused* “Why?”

    Me: “Because everyone’s so much nicer to me when they think I’ve only had a handful of shifts. I keep getting complimented on how well I’m doing and how quick I am. Plus, I haven’t had a single rude or impatient customer yet.”

    Coworker: “… now you’re making me want one.”

    Requires A Walking Carpet

    | WV, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working in the stockroom when a delivery truck arrives. Management needs to be notified, and since I don’t have a walkie-talkie, I call out to my coworkers. The doughnut vendor overhears.)

    Me: “Hey, does anybody have a walkie? The truck’s here.”

    Doughnut Vendor: “Why do you need a Wookie?”

    (Makes Wookie noises at me.)

    Me: “A Jawa or an Ewok would work, too.”


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