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    Category: Coworkers

    Drawing Blood And Laughter

    | MN, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I am working as a phlebotomist for a well known blood bank. We are having a very busy day at a local church. My donor is a very nice man in his 80s and at the bed next to me is a brand new employee working with a notoriously oblivious on-the-job trainer.)

    Trainer: “Yeah, we work with 16 gauge needles here. Personally I find them easy to work with but some people prefer working with bigger needles and some prefer working with smaller ones. All depends what feels better in your hands.”

    Me: *turns to my donor* “Sir, please forgive me for this but: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

    Donor: “Honey, if you hadn’t said it I would have.”

    Your Job Here Is Done For

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m a receptionist in a county office, and I deal with a lot of calls from providers in our network. There are specific coworkers that are the go-to person of the day. Any problem calls go to them. On this particular day Coworker #1 is the go-to person. I get a call that would normally go to Coworker #2.)

    Me: “[Coworker #1], I got a call regarding this client and since [Coworker #2] isn’t here, you get it.”

    Coworker #1: “What’s the problem?”

    Me: “Treatment and coverage issues.”

    Coworker #1: “I don’t think I want that.”

    Me: “What? But you’re the go-to guy today, and this is actually your specialty. I thought you knew how to do this?”

    Coworker #1: *smiling* “I try to be as uninformed and as useless as possible.”

    Me: *speechless at first* “And you have succeeded beyond my wildest expectations.”

    Coworker #1: *laughing* “Then my job is done here.”

    Me: *ignoring his side stepping out of this* “No, it’s not. I’ll put this in your pending and when [Coworker #2] returns tomorrow, you can wrestle with it in her office.”

    Coworker #1: “You’re no fun.”

    Me: “Then my job here is done.”

    The Name Game 2.0

    | USA | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I work part-time at a seasonal restaurant that’s reopened a few weeks ago. Several employees have returned for the new season and a few new employees are due to start.)

    Me: “So, have all the new hires been trained?”

    Coworker: “All but one. I haven’t worked with ‘Megan’ yet.”

    Me: “Uhm… I’m pretty sure she was here last year.”

    Coworker: “Really?”

    Me: “Yeah, she’s the tall redhead.”

    Coworker: “Oh! ‘Grace!’”

    Me: “What? No, not ‘Grace.’”

    Coworker: “Yeah. She and ‘Grace’ look alike, but ‘Megan’ works harder. So, I started calling her ‘Grace 2.0′ but then I forgot her name was ‘Megan’ and just started calling her ‘Grace.’”

    (That actually explained a lot of confusing moments I had the previous season.)

    404 Error: Judgement Day Not Found

    | Kent, England, UK | Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Technology

    (My coworker and I are both into sci-fi and action movies and often have long and detailed discussions on the subject. On this particular day we were have serious connection problems with our phones and Internet. Needless to say it’s getting annoying.)

    Coworker: “For God’s sake! My Internet just crashed again! What the h*** is wrong with it?!”

    Me: “I blame Skynet.”

    Coworker: “Is that our Internet provider?”

    Me: “…no. It’s the super-computer from Terminator.”

    Coworker: ” Well, now I feel stupid.”

    A Little Misunderstanding

    | Dublin, Ireland | Coworkers, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (On of my coworkers is extremely gullible, so I decide to test her on a slow day. My boyfriend has just left the store after visiting me on his lunch break, and my gullible coworker approaches me.)

    Coworker: “Aww, was that your boyfriend?”

    Me: “Yeah, that was him.”

    Coworker: “He’s the same height as you!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s kind of amazing really.”

    Coworker: “Why’s that?”

    Me: “He’s the world’s tallest little person.”

    Coworker: “He’s what?”

    Me: “You know little people?”

    Coworker: “You mean midgets?”

    Me: “They prefer the term little people, but yes, that’s what I mean. Genetically, he’s a little person; he’s just a really tall one.”

    Coworker: “Oh, wow! That’s amazing! I didn’t know little people could grow beards like that!”

    (I had to walk away at that point, because I couldn’t hold in my laughter any more.)

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