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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Coworkers

    Don’t Leave Me Drowning

    | Bristol, England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (This is my first office job, and whilst the office is generally staffed by middle aged ladies, they’ve recently employed quite a few of us “youths” to try and energise the business, apparently. This discussion takes place between I and two coworkers, all aged 19.)

    Coworker #1: “Ugh, I don’t understand this client email. What does ambiguous mean?”

    Coworker #2: “Isn’t that them animals that can breathe underwater?”

    The War Against Sexism

    | Manchester, England, UK | Bigotry, Coworkers, History

    (I’m an Irish woman but often travel to a mostly male UK office for work. One coworker thinks he is hilarious and tells me either a sexist or an Irish joke every time I visit. I always laugh it off or ignore him. One morning he is trying harder than usual to get a reaction and I am totally ignoring him until:)

    Coworker: “All I’m saying is, a hundred years ago women didn’t have the vote and we had an empire. Now women have the vote and we don’t have an empire.”

    Me: “Well, you shouldn’t have lost all those wars, then!”

    Other Coworkers: *loud laughter*

    (The funniest part is a few months later I met him outside of the office, with his wife. He never said a single sexist thing in front of her and seemed terrified I might tell her what he’s like in the office. I was nothing but polite and he left me alone after that.)

    Rated Awww

    | London, England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I’m Irish, everyone else in the room is British. We are stepping through a complicated calculation checking for errors. Each row of the calculation is labelled alphabetically.)

    Me: “There’s an error in row R.” *describes error*

    Coworker #1: “Which row?”

    Me: “Row R.” *describes error again*

    Coworker #2: “Sorry which row did you say?”

    Me: “Row R!”

    (All look confused, looking a each other.)

    Me: “Row R!” *pointing and wondering how I can say it any more clearly*

    Coworker #3: “Oh! It’s Irish for ‘Awww’!”

    Everyone: “Oh! ‘Awww!'” *laughter*

    Me: “…”

    (That’s when I learned that English people pronounce the letter ‘R’ without making the sound ‘R’ actually makes!)

    It’s That Time Of The Months

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Coworkers, Overtime

    (I’m walking to a meeting on another floor of my building, and two coworkers I don’t know are a few steps ahead of me.)

    Coworker #1: *deep, exhausted-sounding sigh*

    Coworker #2: “So are you stressed because it’s the end of the month or stressed because it’s almost the beginning of another month?”

    Coworker #1: “A bit of both. My team has a lot of end-of-month reporting that has to get done, but a lot of new stuff kicks off at the beginning of each new month.”

    Coworker #2: “Eesh. That sounds like a rough few days.”

    Coworker #1: “Actually, it lasts a little longer than that. I’d say, hmm, the first two weeks of the month are stressful, and then the last two weeks of the month are stressful.”

    Coworker #2: “…That’s the whole month.”

    Coworker #1: *stops dead in her tracks and goes really wide-eyed* “Oh, my god. You’re right.”

    Smacking Some Sense Into You

    | MO, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m trying to collect money to buy a coworker a wedding gift. So far, many people have said they’ll give me money, but no one actually has. Note that I’m pretty clean cut: it’s a known fact that I don’t drink and I’m usually in bed by nine pm.)

    Me: “I understand it. I am kinda shifty looking.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, they’re afraid that you’ll run off with the money.”

    Me: “Yeah, I might take it buy smack.”

    (Engaged coworker walks by.)

    Coworker #2: “What are you two talking about?”

    Me: “How I’m going to buy drugs with your wedding gift money.”

    Coworker #2: “Sounds like you.”

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