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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Coworkers

    Sour Patch Orphans

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I am putting away the bulk candy bins at our movie theater and one of my coworkers make an observation about one of the candies.)

    Coworker: “I can’t believe all the salt on these Sour Patch Kids.”

    Me: “What? Salt? That’s not salt. That’s sugar.”

    Coworker: “Then what makes them so bitter?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Loneliness, despair, general sadness…”


    , | SC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Family & Kids, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (Most of our younger employees work night shift because of school. We’ve had some inclement winter weather, but are still open. I am setting things up for shift change when my manager gets a call.)

    Coworker: “I can’t work tonight. I can’t get a ride there, especially with the roads like this!

    (The manager grudgingly accepts her calling out and is about to start trying to cover her shift, when he gets a text. He starts laughing hysterically and, at my look of confusion, shows me the screen.)

    Text From Coworker: “Hey, Dad, [Restaurant] doesn’t need me at work tonight. Can you give me a ride to [Friend's Place]?”

    Not A Disney Prince

    | Scotland, UK | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (It’s a busy day at the cinema, and I am working at the concession stand. There are three primary school classes coming in today: one to watch ‘Thumbelina’ and another two to watch ‘Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs.’ My colleague has thoughtfully brought in a tape of Disney music to play over the tannoy and into the halls for the kids. One song is playing as I serve a customer.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium popcorn and a large coke, please.”

    (I turn to get the order when suddenly the music stops and is replaced with a throbbing drumbeat. The colleague who brought the tape in turns pale and runs towards the internal phone to the office.)

    Colleague: “Turn it off! Quick! Turn it off!”

    (Into three auditoriums packed with kids aged in ranges of 5 to 9 comes the strains of Prince singing ‘Sexy Motherf*****.’ The customer looks at me as I struggle valiantly not to burst out laughing.)

    Customer: “Ah, well.  I suppose it’s not something they haven’t heard before.”

    Sign Me Up For A Laugh

    | USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (My coworkers, Coworker #1 and #2, work together in the restaurant making the guest breakfast. Coworker #1 knows English but no Spanish, and Coworker #2 knows Spanish but very little English. They talk by signing with their hands. I’m watching their conversation.)

    Coworker #1: *signing* “[Coworker #2], um… you no… washing… today? Today?”

    Coworker #2: *signing* “Um… No. No.”

    Coworker #1: *signing* “Um… what… you make… yesterday?”

    Coworker #2: “Um… eggs. Ham.”

    (They continue with me watching; and I’m very amused and amazed at how well they can ‘talk’ with signs. Another coworker approaches me.)

    Coworker #3: “[My Name], don’t you know Spanish?”

    Me: “A little bit…”

    Coworker #3: “Well, why don’t you help translate between them?”

    Me: “I would but… they are much funnier this way!”

    Didn’t Manage The Situation Too Well

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Top

    (I am the shift manager during the day shift. We are well known for our chips and dip, but it is pretty rare knowledge that if you spend more than $10 for take-out the chips and dip are free. My friends and I are having a girls’ night in and decide to get take-out from the restaurant. I stop into the branch I work in on my way home. I approach a coworker who I have seen a few times, but since we don’t work the same shift, I don’t really know him.)

    Coworker: “Hi, honey. What can I get for you?”

    Me: “Hi. I’d like two #3′s and a #1 for take-out, please.”

    Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry, honey.  I can’t take your take-out order here, but if you go stand over by the podium, I’ll be with you in a moment.”

    (I know that this is only policy if and when we are really busy, which wasn’t the case, but I figure that when he was in training they just told him to always send take-out orders to the podium. So, I don’t say anything and head over there. After waiting about five minutes, he finally comes by.)

    Coworker: “Gee, I’m sorry about the wait, missy. What was your order again?”

    Me: *getting a bit annoyed* “No worries. I would like two #3s and a #1, for take-out, please.”

    Coworker: “Alrighty, two #3s and a #1 coming right up. It should be ready in about 10-15.”

    (After about ten minutes of standing around, I decide to go sit at the bar while I wait, since it’s not very crowded. From the bar I can see the kitchen door and the podium.)

    Coworker: *finally comes out of the kitchen after about another 10 minutes, carrying a bag of what I hoped was my food* “Oh, there you are, sweetie. I’ve been looking all over for you these past ten minutes. Here’s your order.” *winking* “I even threw in a bag of chips and dip, on me, for all the trouble.”

    (He hands me the bill, which comes to $25, and I realize that he is trying to scam a large tip from me. I pay by credit card, give him a $0.05 tip, and write him a little note.)

    My Note: “Look up my name on the schedule.”

    (Two days later he is moved to the day shift and, after recognizing me, pales when he sees me in manager’s blue! He didn’t last too long.)

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