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    Category: Coworkers

    The (Square) Root Of The Problem

    | KY, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Math & Science

    (I’ve been looking in a stack for a recipe that I’ve printed off multiple times in the past month, but keeps getting lost.)

    Me: “Ugh, how do we lose so many of these recipes?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, why not? You’re supposed to know. Why else would we keep you?”

    Coworker: “Well then, the answer is the square root of laziness times the cosine of disorganization.”

    (It was the nerdiest way to say our coworkers were lazy slobs, but it made my day!)

    Orange Is The New Black

    | ON, Canada | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I have some coworkers that are unbelievably messy and dirty. They wear the same clothes day after day and never clean up their personal spaces. Everything is covered in crumbs, spills, junk, and the worst part, FOOD. They just leave food sitting around for weeks, and we’re not talking hard candy here, either. It has been complained about to managers but nothing changes. One day I can’t take it any more and confront one of them about it.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], how long has that orange been sitting around?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know. It’s still good, though.”

    Me: “It looks a little soft.”

    Coworker: *picking it up and squishing it* “It’s still good.”

    Me: “I don’t think fruit is supposed to squish like that.”

    Coworker: “It’s fine.”

    Me: “The skin has black marks all over it and it’s no longer orange.”

    Coworker: “No, it’s still good. I’ll eat it.”

    Me: *giving up* “Okay, then.”

    (Several days later…)

    Coworker: “I threw out that orange today, just for you, so you’d feel better. It was still good though!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Cooked Just Like Grandma Used To

    | NS, Canada | Coworkers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words

    (Coworker and I are chatting about what we did the previous weekend:)

    Coworker: ”…and then we went over to my grandma’s house.”

    (The phone rings.)

    Coworker: ”Oh, just a sec.” *answering phone* ”Welcome to my grandma’s house…”

    (My coworker’s face immediately turns bright red. She quickly hands me the phone, runs out back into the kitchen, and bursts out laughing.)

    Me: *to the customer on the phone* ”Sorry about that. Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Air And Race Conditioning

    | Blairmore, AB, Canada | Bigotry, Coworkers, New Hires

    (In the middle of a heat wave I am in a well-known restaurant for dinner. Said restaurant has no air conditioning on. Their is one white girl with working among a bunch of Filipino workers.)

    Me: “Wow, it’s so hot in here. Is your AC broken?”

    Cashier-In-Training: “No, these Asians just like the heat. They are from the Philippines or something.”

    Me: “Uhmm…” *nervous laughter and exchanging funny glances from other customers*

    Giving You A Tall Order

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (It’s a very slow day at the shop. My manager is on break, and one of the other employees has come in for lunch on her day off and brought her very young son. She is sitting in the lobby, chatting with the manager, while I do some paperwork in the back of the store. Suddenly, the coworker who is off pops her head into the back room. It should be noted that I am tall, female, and probably the meekest person ever.)

    Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can you come out here and talk to my son? He keeps knocking chairs over in the lobby.”

    Me: “…what?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, he’s knocking stuff down. Can you come tell him to stop?”

    Me: “Can I come tell your son to stop pushing over chairs in the lobby?”

    Coworker: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I… guess so.”

    (We both walk back into the lobby and she sits back down with the manager. Her son has his hand on a chair and a huge grin on his face.)

    Me: *in a normal speaking voice* “Hey.”

    (Startled, he looks at me and takes his hand off the chair.)

    Me: “Have you been pushing chairs over?”

    (He nods meekly and moves to grab his mom’s leg. She and the manager are stifling laughter.)

    Me: “Are you going to stop now?”

    (He nods meekly again and buries his face against her leg.)

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I go into the back room. Later, the manager’s break ends and she comes back into the back room.)

    Me: “Hey, do you know why [Coworker] asked me to make her son stop instead of, like, telling him herself or asking you?”

    Manager: “Yeah, her son wouldn’t listen to us, but he’s terrified of you.”

    Me: “What!? Why?”

    Manager: “You’re taller than his dad!”


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