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    Category: Coworkers

    You Can’t Hack It

    | Canada | Coworkers, Technology

    (I work in a call centre providing tech support. We sometimes have to ask a customer to find something like a paperclip to straighten and use on a pinhole button to reset a device. I’m in the bathroom on my break when I discover my fly’s zipper’s been slipping and isn’t staying up on its own. Happily, I know to wrap a paper-clip around my pants’ button, and use it as a hook to hold the zipper head up. I figure the secretary will probably have one I can use.)

    Me: “Hey, guys. Hey, [Secretary], do you have a paperclip I can use?”

    Secretary: “Sure, [My Name]. So what are you trying to hack?” *she winks*

    Me: “My pants?”

    Assumptions Are Off Color

    | MA, USA | Bigotry, Coworkers, Health & Body, Top

    (I work in a store where, in lieu of uniforms, employees have color-coded name tags designating their sections; blue for kitchen, green for household, etc. I am explaining to a new coworker that I have prosopagnosia, a condition wherein I can’t recognize faces.)

    Coworker #1: “That’s so bizarre! How do you recognize people?”

    Me: “Well, everyone’s faces look the same, so I look for an identifying characteristic, like that you have a purple mohawk, or that coworker has a jacket with [cartoon character] on it that he wears every day.”

    Coworker #1: “So, something that’s really hard to miss and is instantly noticeable? That must make retail interesting!”

    Me: “Oh yeah! Last week—”

    (I am interrupted by another coworker, who has overheard us and come over, interrupting our conversation.)

    Coworker #2: “So what’s my identifying feature?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s easy! It’s because you’re—”

    Coworker #2: “It’s because I’m [race], isn’t it? Everyone’s face is the same except mine, because you just can’t see anything other than a [race] coworker.”

    Me: “Well, you—”

    Coworker #2: “I think it’s disgusting that I’m the only one you can ‘see’ because of my color. You can just ‘see’ me magically.”

    (She continues on for a couple more minutes about racial stereotyping in the workplace. Finally, when she pauses to take a breath…)

    Me: “Actually, it’s because of your name tag. It’s red. You’re the only person with a red name tag, because you’re the manager.”

    Coworker #2: *is quiet for about a minute* “Don’t let it happen again.” *storms off*

    That Training Went Right Down The Toilet

    , | MD, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, New Hires

    (I have recently started working at a fast food restaurant and am still being trained to do various tasks. The coffee makers for both regular and decaf use pre-measured packets of coffee.)

    Manager: “Customers have been complaining that the decaf is too strong. Who made it?”

    Me: “I did. I put in two packets of coffee like [Coworker] taught me to.”

    Coworker: “I never told you to do that! The coffee is pre-measured. You just pour one packet into the filter.”

    Me:” No, I’m pretty sure you said two…. Oh, wait, I think I’m confusing coffee with toilet cleaner.”

    (They still let me work there, and I eventually got pretty good at my job!)

    Acting Like A Complete Jerky

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Liars/Scammers

    (I work with a rather attractive 20-something woman. She is okay, but gets away with murder and often gets tea or coffee brought for her as she is the only attractive woman in the office.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Wow! What’s that?”

    Me: “Oh this? It’s jerky. Really good stuff.”

    (The attractive coworker’s head pops up.)

    Coworker: “Let’s see.”

    (I throw the closed packet over.)

    Coworker: *as he throws it back* “Hmm, looks really good.”

    (The attractive coworker hasn’t stopped listening.)

    Me: “Yeah, bit pricy but tastes great. Texture is soft really good.”

    Attractive Coworker: “Are you going to share it out, then?”

    Me: *a bit put back* “Well, I wasn’t opening it yet. Maybe …later?”

    (I forget about it for a few days. The next week I open it up and leave it out of sight on my desk. I leave the office and come back to see the attractive coworker quickly walking back to her desk.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I’ve opened up the jerky. Want a piece?”

    (I can just see out of the corner of my eye the attractive coworker, stuffing something in her mouth.)

    Me: “It’s bit spicy, though.”

    (I hold the bag out to the attractive coworker, who waves me away as she is struggling to chew ‘something’.)

    Me: “…and it only gets hotter as you chew.”

    (At this point the attractive coworker’s eyes are watering at she almost dives for the bin, spitting out the jerky she stole before running out the door.)

    Coworker: “Serves her right, silly cow. She is always trying to get something for free even if she doesn’t like it.”

    (Now, every time I bring something in, I’m always quick to mention that it is a bit spicy. I haven’t caught her taking anything since.)

    Pitching A Fit Ruins Your Pitch

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Theme Of The Month

    (My coworker decides he is unhappy with the boxes that are stored near the back office he uses. He proceeds to pitch a fit, throwing the boxes across the store and yelling at me before storming out and emailing in a threat to quit. We really can’t afford to lose him, so the boss gives him a few days off to reconsider. A few days later Boss and I are alone at work.)

    Boss: “I just realized he could do this again. [Coworker] could threaten to quit again and hold us hostage to running things however he wants.”

    Me: “Yes! That’s what I’ve been worried about since this happened. I’ve been trying to explain that to you.”

    Boss: “Well, I won’t let [Coworker] do that. We aren’t going to walk around on tiptoe to keep from upsetting him. I don’t want to live like that.”

    (A few minutes later I am putting some boxes back where we store them.)

    Boss: “Well, [My Name], you know you’re going to have to change the way you do a lot of things around here so [Coworker] doesn’t get angry again.”

    Me: “Yeah, I was waiting for you to say that…”


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