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    Category: Coworkers

    Micro-Understanding

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (There is a burnt smell coming from the break room. Going in, I see both microwaves open and a coworker staring at the remains of two pocket sandwiches.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Coworker: “I don’t understand. The box said for two sandwiches, set the microwave to three minutes, thirty seconds.”

    Me: “That’s when you put both in the SAME microwave.”

    Spinning Out Of Control

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (It’s only a recently-promoted courtesy clerk and myself closing the deli. He’s doing most of the counter work while I do the dishes and clean the ovens. I come out of the back to find all the guards off of one of the meat slicers and him holding a cloth to it while it spins. Any time the guards are off the machine is supposed to be unplugged.)

    Me: *without thinking* “[Coworker]! What do you think you’re doing?”

    Coworker: *luckily jumping back* “Oh, hi, [My Name]! Check this out! You don’t have to scrub at it if you do this!”

    Me: “Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?! Turn that off right now!” *he does* “That thing could take half your hand off before you’d even feel the first cut! The guards are there for a reason! Now, go find your mesh glove and clean it properly!”

    (Looking chastised, he goes looking for the glove he’s supposed to be wearing anytime he’s working around knives. Figuring he’s seen sense, I go back to my dishes. Five minutes later I come out and find him doing the exact same thing, this time wearing his mesh glove.)

    Won’t Be A Jersey Boy Anymore

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem

    (Our theater picked up Jersey Boys, a musical about the band, the Four Seasons. Consequently, some of the music would sometimes get stuck in our heads.)

    Coworker: *singing* “Sheeeery, Sherry baby, baaaaaby…”

    Me: “If you don’t stop, I will castrate you so that you actually sound like that!”

    Projecting A Raise

    | CO, USA | Coworkers, Money

    (Our development team has recently gone from five developers down to two. We’ve tried to split the work but most of it has fallen on me since one project takes so much effort to keep up, the other guy can’t work on anything else. We are currently talking to a partner overseas about who needs to come over to work on a joint project.)

    Partner: “So… we’d need the guy in charge of [Project #1]. That’s [My Name], right?”

    Me: “Yup. Cool I get to travel!”

    Partner: “And probably the guy who took over [Project #2].”

    Manager: “Okay, sure, that makes sense.”

    Partner: “And whoever is in charge of [Project #3] now.”

    Manager: “Sure.”

    Partner: “And whoever knows how [Entire Product Line] is set up and installed on site as well. That is really important.”

    Manager: “Yes, it is! Okay, anything else?”

    Partner: “I don’t know… I feel bad… I feel like I’m taking your entire team.”

    Manager: “Actually, everything you named is [My Name]…”

    Partner: “Oh! Well, [My Name], have any questions?”

    Me: “Yeah… This just came to my attention… Can I get a raise?”

    Walk A Mile In My Affordable Shoes

    | ID, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Money

    (I’m the workplace nerd, and one of my hobbies is collecting Transformers figures, which I freely admit is an expensive hobby. One of the figures I ordered is sent to the wrong post office, so I request an extra half-hour for lunch to go pick it up, which my boss grants. I return to work and open the package in the break room in full view of a couple of coworkers.)

    Coworker: “So, this is what you went to pick up?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.” *holds up the figure* “Isn’t he awesome?”

    Coworker: “How much did this cost you?”

    Me: “Um… about a hundred dollars plus shipping.”

    Coworker: *snottily* “Well, if you can spend a hundred dollars on toys, I have some bills you can help me pay.”

    Me: *looks down at her feet* “And how much did your shoes cost?”

    Coworker: *dirty look*


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