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    Category: Coworkers

    Sweet Slice Of Karma

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (One of the guys at work has an annoying habit of offering out food other people have brought in. I’ve never said anything before, but I’ve always felt that he oversteps the mark. One day, we have a little get together for one of the guys that is leaving that day.)

    Me: *out loud* “Why is there cake missing?”

    Coworker: “Oh, I gave a bit to one of the shop-floor guys.”

    Me: “What? You do realise this was for [Other Worker], who is leaving?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, well, it was on the side so…”

    Me: “So you just decided to give away something that wasn’t yours?”

    Coworker: *defensively* “It doesn’t matter.”

    Me: “Of course it matters. How would you feel to be given half a cake?”

    Coworker: “Well, whatever.” *stomps out*

    Other Coworker: “Well I’m glad you said something. That was totally out of line.”

    (By the time he has finished pouting and returned to the office, the leaving worker has turned up and we have started dishing up the cake and handing over the card.)

    Coworker: “Where’s mine?”

    Me: “The cake? Funny thing is that is was already cut into exactly the right amount of pieces for everyone. For some reason when I got round to you there was some missing.”

    Coworker: “You bunch of a**-holes.”

    (Just like that, without even a word of congratulation to the guy on his last day, he stomped out again.)

    Bring Your Dead Father To Work Day

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (A coworker comes into the office with his hands behind his back.)

    Coworker: “I’d like you to meet someone.”

    (There’s nobody else in the building. My coworker then produces a jar containing a white powdery substance.)

    Coworker: “This is my father.”

    (It was part of the ashes from his father’s cremation. My coworker then proceeds to shake the jar back and forth.)

    Coworker: “Listen, you can hear the bones rattling against the glass.”

    Master Of Space And Time Sheets

    | New Zealand | Coworkers, Liars/Scammers, Time

    (I am printing out the timesheets for the staff payroll when I am lucky enough to have this conversation:)

    Me: “Hi, [Staff Member], it says here that you did a total of 26 hours on your timesheet for one day.”

    Staff Member: “Yep, that sounds about right.”

    Me: “So, you did a 12-hour day on Tuesday, then an 8-hour job, a 10-hour job, and another 8-hour job, all on Wednesday, followed by another 12-hour day on Thursday?

    Staff Member: “Yep, we’re pretty busy…”

    Me: “So busy that you have worked out how to extend time? When do you sleep?”

    Staff Member: “Oh, I’m very careful to ensure I get eight hours a night.”

    Me: “Aha…”

    The Unreality Of The Law

    | Scotland, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (Our department deals mainly with qualified lawyers, but we do get occasional calls from ordinary members of the public.)

    Coworker: “It’s a bit complicated to explain. Are you a lawyer or a real person?”

    Mother Knows Best

    | UK | Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (I volunteer twice a week in the same charity shop as my parents. One day I’m sitting at the cash register in front of the signing-in book.)

    Me: “Dad, who signed me in today?”

    Dad: “Oh your mother did. Why?”

    Me: “…She spelled my name wrong.”

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