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    Category: Coworkers

    He’s Not F****** Kidding

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (Our store has a rule prohibiting workers from swearing while on shift. Nearly everyone, however, including the managers, tend to ignore this rule. I, as a bit of a rules-stickler and also opposed to swearing on moral grounds, have tried several times to remind people that the rule exists. At one point, I write a note using a dry erase marker on an unoccupied metal counter, hoping to remind not just my shift, but shifts after me.)

    My Note: “A reminder: Both cell phone usage and profanity while on the clock is prohibited by company policy.”

    (A few minutes later, one of the worst offenders notices the note and writes something under it.)

    Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]! Guess what I wrote!”

    Me: *dryly* “I’m going to hazard a guess at something like, ‘Forget this; I’ll say what I want,’ only with more profanity.”

    Coworker: “Um, actually, it’s ‘F*** that; I’ll say what I want.'”

    (He then proceeded to erase both the note and the response, rendering my efforts basically fruitless. Thankfully, he has since found employment elsewhere.)

    Common Sense Is On Vacation

    | AB, Canada | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Tourists & Travel

    (I’m in the middle of a much-earned vacation. As I’m relaxing in the sunshine, my cell phone goes off. I get a twinge of fear when I see it’s the office.)

    Coworker: “Hey, could you send me a copy of [report]?”

    Me: “Talk to [Coworker #2]. I left it with him in case anyone needed to see it.”

    Coworker: “Well, why can’t you send it to me?”

    Me: “Because I’m on vacation!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, but still, don’t you still have a copy in your e-mail outbox? Just re-send it to me.”

    Me: “Let me get this straight. Rather than just walk down the hall and talk to [Coworker #2], you decided to call me up while I’m on my vacation, in the hopes that I’d drop what I’m doing, track down a computer, log into my e-mail, and re-send you [report]. Why?”

    Coworker: “I thought it would be easier…”

    Like A Complete Nap In The Face

    | Pensacola, FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m a single mother of two young children. I’m also a full-time student with a full-time job, studying at night after my kids have gone to sleep. As a result, I get about an hour of sleep per night, often passed out over a book. My coworker, who is male, works part time and takes a half-load of courses at the same university. While I have worked at this shop for several years, my coworker has worked with us for just a few months. The shop owner is a woman in her 50s.)

    Coworker: “I am so, so tired. I stayed up until one o’clock writing a paper.”

    Shop Owner: “You poor thing! Go in the backroom and take a nap on the clock. [My Name] will cover for you.”

    ([Coworker] goes into the backroom. He reappears after two hours, after his shift is over, clocks out and leaves.)

    Shop Owner: *to me* “Can you believe how much schoolwork they expect [Coworker] to do? It’s ridiculous. I’m scheduling him a regular nap during his shifts or that boy’ll work himself to death.”

    Me: “I’m sure he’ll make it. College isn’t forever!”

    Shop Owner: “That reminds me. You took an extra five minutes for your lunch today. I’m docking your pay.”

    Repeating A Track Runaround

    | VA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, School

    (My phone number is one digit off from another department on campus. I frequently get calls for the other department, so I’m used to giving out their number. Usually, it’s no big deal. Not this time.)

    Me: “[My department]; this is [My Name].”

    Information Desk Person: “Hi [unintelligible], this is [unintelligible]. I [unintelligible] and she was wondering [unintelligible].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that? I’m having some trouble hearing you.”

    Information Desk Person: “Yes, I’m calling to find out if [unintelligible] is open today.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I’m still having trouble hearing you. Could you please say that one more time?”

    Information Desk Person: “Yes, I’m calling to find out what hours the track is open today.”

    Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, you have the wrong number. You’re trying to reach the Rec center. Their number is 8999.”

    Information Desk Person: “That’s what I called.”

    Me: “No, you called my phone; I’m not in the Rec center. You’re trying to reach the Rec center, at the extension 5-8999. My number is really close; it’s 5-9999. That’s the number you called. You need to call 5-8999.”

    Information Desk Person: “But you’re answering their phone.”

    Me: “No, I’m answering MY phone. You’ve called the wrong number.”

    Information Desk Person: “But I called the Rec center.”

    Me: “You’re on campus, right?”

    Information Desk Person: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, then you need to dial the following number: 5. 8. 9. 9. 9.”

    Information Desk Person: “That’s the number I called.”

    Me: “No. You didn’t. You need to call 5. 8. 9. 9. 9.”

    Information Desk Person: “I don’t need to call the whole number?”

    Me: “Not if you’re using a campus phone.”

    Information Desk Person: “So I call 8899.”

    Me: “I’m going to say the extension again. 5. 8. 9. 9. 9. That is the number you need to call.”

    Information Desk Person: “But that IS the number I called.”

    Me: “NO. You called my number. You need to call 5. 8. 9. 9. 9. I can give you the entire number, just so you make sure you call the correct number, okay? It’s 5. 4. 0. 5. 5. 5. 8. 9. 9. 9. Okay? Call that number. That’s who you’re trying to reach.”

    Information Desk Person: “I DID call that number.”

    Me: “NO YOU DIDN’T. Our numbers are very close, but they’re completely, totally different numbers. You need to call 5. 4. 0. 5. 5. 5. 8. 9. 9. 9. Did you write that down?”

    Information Desk Person: “I did. And you work at the rec center?”

    Me: “No. I am in [My Department]. You need to call that other number.”

    Information Desk Person: “So I should hang up and call that number.”

    Me: “Yes. I’ll give it to you one more time. 5. 4. 0. 5. 5. 5. 8. 9. 9. 9.”

    (Three seconds later: Ring ring! I sigh as I see the number on my caller ID.)

    Me: “[My Department]; this is [My Name].”

    Information Desk Person: “Hi, this is [unintelligible]. I’m calling from the Information Desk because I have someone who’s looking for the rec center.”

    Me: “You’ve called the wrong number again.”

    Information Desk Person: “No, I called the Rec center.”

    Me: “This is the person you just talked to. I am going to give you the phone number one. last. time. Are you ready?”

    Information Desk Person: “You don’t work in the rec center?”

    Me: “No. I. work. in. [My]. [Department]. Here. is. the. number. you. need. to. call. Write. these. numbers. down.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “5.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “4.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “0.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “5.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “5.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “5.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “8.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “9.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “9.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “9.”

    Information Desk Person: “Okay.”

    Me: “Now read that back to me.”

    Information Desk Person: “540-555-8999.”

    Me: “Perfect. Have a great day.”

    (Three seconds later: Ring ring!)

    Me: “YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! [My Department]; this is [My Name].”

    Information Desk Person: “Hi, I’m—”

    Me: “I’m going to cut you off right there. If you call me one more time, I am going to find out who your supervisor is and have you fired. I’m not kidding. Call the number I gave you.”

    Information Desk Person: “What number was—”

    Me: *click*

    (She didn’t call back. I have no idea if the person ever found out about the track’s availability.)

    C++ Code: The ‘C’ Means Contagious

    | CT, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in IT Support for the staff of a small non-profit association. I get called to an office because someone is having an issue with their computer. Upon walking in:)

    Me: “Oh, look, it’s the blue screen of death!”

    Staff Mate #1: “What? Is it really called that?”

    Me: “Well, that’s just the well-known slang term; it’s really called a Windows Stop Error.”

    Staff Mate #1: “Why is it called the blue screen of death?”

    Me: “Because it can mean that there’s something fatally wrong with your computer, but 99 times out of 100, it’s a minor driver error or something easily fixable like that.”

    Staff Mate #2 *reaching for her computer monitor with a look of horror on her face* “Oh my god! Blue screen of death? How do I make it so my computer doesn’t catch it?!”

    Me: “…it doesn’t work that way.”

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