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    Category: Coworkers

    Speaking Idiot Is Quite A… Thing

    | USA | Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (I am out on the sales floor, helping to straighten things up. About ten feet away is a stock team member, putting things away off her cart that have just come in. I am approached by a customer.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for one of those things for the kitchen counter.”

    Me: “One of what things?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “You know, it goes on the kitchen counter, for things?”

    Me: “Do you mean a drying rack?”

    Customer: “No! Not a drying rack! GOD! It goes on the counter; you put the things in it? You know for, like, the mix-y and the… the scoopy and the… STUFF!”

    Stock Employee: “Ma’am? The item you’re looking for is in kitchen storage. *points to the aisle* Right over there, it’ll be about halfway down on your left. ”

    Customer: “THANK YOU!” *glares at me, then stomps off*

    Me: “How did you—”

    Stock Employee: “I have a second job as a bartender. I don’t speak ‘Idiot’ but I DO speak ‘Drunk,’ and it’s nearly the same thing.”

    Found This Most Uninformative

    | TX, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I have sent an email to a sales rep asking for more information before I can set up a user to the website. The first message asks for the following: First Name, Last Name, Email, and if the customer should be invoiced. The following is a two-day email thread that continues after the initial message.)

    Sales Rep: “Is it done yet?”

    Me: “No. You still need to fill in the information I have requested. I can’t create a login until I have the info.”

    Sales Rep: “My customer wants to place an order. Are you done?”

    Me: “I need the customer’s First Name, Last Name, Email Address, and if the customer wants to be invoiced.”

    Sales Rep: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay… Yes, what? That did not answer any of the questions. Let me call you and ask for the info.”

    (I call and leave voicemails on the rep’s office line and personal cell phone. She never calls me back, so this continues to the next email.)

    Me: “You did not answer your phone, so I am emailing again. I need the customer’s First Name, Last Name, Email Address, and if we need to invoice the customer.”

    Sales Rep: “Yes. Do that.”

    Me: *sadly realizing that I have to spell it out* “What is the customer’s first name?”

    Sales Rep: “Jeremy.”

    Me: “Okay. What is his last name?”

    Sales Rep: “[Last Name].”

    Me: “Great. Now, what is his email address?”

    Sales Rep: “It is [Email Address].”

    Me: “All right! One more question. Does the customer want to be invoiced?”

    Sales Rep: “Yes.”

    Me: “I can set up the account now. Here is the login information…”

    Sales Rep: “About time! Why did you take so long?”

    Next Time Order Him Pink

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bigotry, Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I’m responsible for buying equipment and try to buy different colours of gloves so they’re easy to tell apart.)

    Assistant: “Hey, I still need new safety gloves.”

    Me: “Yeah, you’ve mentioned that a couple times in the last month and a half. There’s a replacement pair in the cupboard.”

    Assistant: “I know, but I don’t want those gloves. They’re gay.”

    Me: “Wait. What?”

    Assistant: “Look at them. They’re mint green. They’re gay.”

    Me: “Take [Other Coworker]‘s gloves, then. They’re brown and he’s only worn them once.”

    Assistant: “Okay, I’ll do that.”

    (I guess brown gloves are heterosexual?)

    Tell Them ‘NO’

    | NC, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, New Hires

    (As the assistant manager of a game store, I joke that we need to make sure our employees know their alphabet, as we could never find what we were looking for (usually misplaced on the shelves). One holiday season, I am helping a seasonal employee, who incidentally is a high school senior, work the shelves:)

    Seasonal Employee: “Hey, [My Name], does ‘R’ come before or after ‘V?’”

    Me: “Uh… before. You know, there’s even a song about it.”

    Seasonal Employee: “Yeah, but after I reach ‘M’ I just fake it.”

    Me: “…?”

    Third Time Is The Charm

    | Fryslân, The Netherlands | Coworkers, Health & Body, Overtime

    (Our nursing home has two floors. In the evenings one nurse is working on the first floor and one on the second floor. The third person is helping out on both floors. This happens after a very hectic morning.)

    Elderly Lady: *buzzing her phone* “Nurse, can you come help me? I need to go to the bathroom.”

    Me: *answering the call* “I’ll be right with you. One second, please.”

    (I call a coworker to help the lady, as I’m very busy.)

    Me: “Hey, can you help Mrs. [Elderly Lady]? She needs to go to the bathroom and I’m very busy.”

    Coworker: “I’m busy too; can’t you call [Coworker #2]? I’m up to my elbows in feces.”

    Me: “No, she’s getting someone ready for bed. What phone number does the third person have? She might be able to do it.”

    Coworker: “… Sweety, I know it’s been a hectic day, but this is ridiculous. You ARE the third person!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah…”


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