• A Very Therapeutic Solution - 763 votes
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    Category: Coworkers

    You Kanji Be Serious

    , | UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I’m chatting to a coworker before we swap over.)

    Coworker: “Are you still at college? I heard you were studying Japanese.”

    Me: “Yes. I’m really enjoying it.”

    Coworker: “Don’t they have like 12 alphabets?”

    Me: “Three.”

    Coworker: “Oh… so, have they got more words than us?”

    Me: “…”

    Doesn’t Have The Language For The Shapes

    | England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (In our workplace we do various jobs, one of which involves putting metal letters together for stamping initials onto leather. This colleague isn’t known for his intelligence…)

    Colleague: “I hate doing that job.”

    Other Colleague: “Really? Why?”

    Colleague: “I just can’t deal with all the shapes man.”

    Other Colleague: “What shapes?”

    Colleague: “All the ‘A’s and the ‘B’s and ‘M’s and that. It’s just too much for me.”

    Do Not Put God To Your Test

    | UT, USA | Coworkers, Religion

    (I work in a physical therapy office, and most of the aides are students at the local university. It is the week before finals when I overhear this conversation between coworkers.)

    Coworker #1: “Oh, you’re leaving early to cram for finals?”

    Coworker #2: “Yeah.”

    Coworker #1: “Are you hoping for divine intervention?”

    Coworker #2: “Just trying to cram in some of the smaller details.”

    Coworker #1: “If you don’t know the small details by now, I don’t think it’s going to work to cram them in before next week.”

    Coworker #2: “What I really need is the hand of God to reach down and fill out my scantron for me.”

    Stuff The Translation

    | Japan | Coworkers, Language & Words, Lazy/Unhelpful, School

    (I’m an American working as an assistant language teacher in Japan. I work with multiple JTEs, or Japanese teachers of English, in teaching English at junior high schools. I’m not allowed to speak Japanese during English class, so many JTEs take it upon themselves to translate my words for me when the students absolutely cannot understand and make repeated incorrect guesses. One particular JTE, however, is adamant about never translating for me, even when the students become so confused that the lesson cannot progress. This has been going on for a couple of months when this lesson takes place. The Japanese are, as a whole, very strict in terms of cleanliness and preventing the spread of germs and sickness.)

    Me: *holding up a stuffed animal* “This is a dog!”

    Students: *in Japanese, to one another* “That’s not a dog. That’s a toy.”

    Me: “Correct! This is a stuffed animal. It LOOKS like a dog, but it isn’t a dog. What does “stuffed” mean in Japanese?”

    (The students give various guesses.)

    Me: “I’ll give you a hint.” *I rub my stomach* “Mmmm, I’m so stuffed!” *I place a bunch of books inside a basket and make a show of trying to squish them down to fit* “This basket is STUFFED with books!”

    (After several awkward minutes of me trying to make them understand and not succeeding, I glance desperately at the JTE. The students, too, look to the JTE for an explanation. The JTE pointedly looks away, and that’s when I’ve had enough.)

    Me: “Okay, fine.”

    (I take the grammar worksheet that the JTE has made, wad it into an enormous ball, and without hesitation stuff the whole thing into my mouth.)

    Students: “WHAAAAAT?”

    JTE: *nervously* “Um… hold on…”

    (I remove the ball, which has become a giant spit wad, and plonk it down onto the JTE’s desk, much to his utter horror.)

    Me: “Get it now? I STUFFED the paper into my mouth! My mouth is STUFFED with paper!”

    (Finally, it dawns on one of my students what I’m talking about.)

    Student: *in Japanese* “…stuffed?”

    Me: “YES! Thank you!”

    JTE: “Um…”

    Me: *already moving on to the next object* “Okay, next! What’s this?”

    (The lesson continues without further incident, except that the JTE keeps staring at the spit wad on his desk. After class gets out, I throw the spit wad away then kindly wipe down his desk to remove the traces of spit. Maybe next time he’ll translate for me.)

    For A Few Dollars More

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Money

    (I work at a home improvement store. The following conversation occurs between I and two managers. Manager #1 is probably 5’3” and Manager #2 is over 6 feet. I’m a petite 5’1” 21-year-old and both managers are male and twice my age.)

    Manager #1: “Dude, I wanna make so much money that I don’t even have to really pay people. I just throw money at them!” *does money tossing gesture with hands*

    Me: “Oh, as rich as Bill Gates?”

    Manager #1: “Yeah, exactly!”

    Manager #2: “You ever do that to me and I’ll punch you in the face.”

    Manager #1: *holds up hands defensively* “Hey…” *does money tossing gesture* “Here’s $500 more dollars.”

    Me: *looks at Manager #2* “Whatcha gonna do?”

    Manager #2: “Probably pick up the $500 off the floor.”

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