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    Category: Coworkers

    Toughness Doesn’t Even Register

    | TN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Money

    (I’m the manager on duty and have taken advantage of a slow period after a long rush to empty the drawer of the main register at the store’s service desk. There is only one customer ready to check out at the time. It should be noted that I’m a 5’ 3” woman. )

    Cashier: “We’ll be right with you, ma’am. We’re just emptying the drawer.”

    Me: “Shh. Don’t say that. I usually just say I’m fixing the register.”

    Cashier: “Why?”

    Me: “Because they could hear and ambush me on my way to the safe.”

    Cashier: “Oh, you look tough. You could take—” *starts laughing*

    Me: “You couldn’t even finish that with a straight face, could you?”

    You’ll Pay For That

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Money

    (I work for a very well-known retailer. We do not receive paper checks; rather, our pay is deposited on cards that can be used as debit/credit cards. I am given one of these cards by the husband of one of our cashiers. I immediately recognize the name printed across the front as that of a member of our maintenance crew, who is known for being a pain… and also a friendly acquaintance of my direct supervisor.)

    Me: “[Supervisor]! We HAVE to mess with [Maintenance]!” *I show her the card* “We should tell him that someone bought a TV with it but we didn’t realize it was his until after the customer left because they left the card behind, like on the check stand or something.”

    Supervisor: “Oh, my god. That’s awesome!”

    (We discuss how we are going to play out the prank and my supervisor pages overhead for the maintenance associate to report to the service desk.)

    Maintenance: “What’s up?”

    Supervisor: *as she holds out his card toward him* “Your friend Steve got the TV.”

    Maintenance: *looking confused* “Steve? Who is Steve?”

    Supervisor: “Steve. He got that TV for you and left this with us to get back to you.”

    Maintenance: *a little more worried* “TV? What are you talking about?”

    Supervisor: “That 40-inch Visio you wanted for your apartment. Steve paid for you and left to take it to your place.”

    (Panicked, Maintenance starts reaching for his phone; presumably to check his balance on his card and we can’t hold it in any longer. We burst out laughing and confess the whole thing to be a joke.)

    Maintenance: *to Supervisor* “You’re terrible!”

    Me: *raising my hand enthusiastically* “IT WAS MY IDEA!”

    Maintenance: “What?!”

    Supervisor: “Yeah, [My Name] put me up to it.”

    Me: “But seriously, you should thank [Cashier's Husband]. He found it.”

    (I regaled the tale to one of his closest work friends, who happened to know his PIN, and she said next time he lost track of it she was buying us all sodas on Maintenance.)

    1.21 Gigawatts Of Laughter

    | Augsburg, Germany | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (I’m responsible for a 24/7 tech-hotline we provide for one of our customers. We recently made contract with an external call center to take our calls during the night. To check out, if everything works, I test the call center and play one of our customers – an IT company.)

    Agent: “[Our Company]. My name is [Agent]. How can I help you?”

    Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Other Company]. My Flux-Capacitor is defective.”

    Agent: “Mhm.” *suspicious* “Your Flux-Capacitor is not working?”

    Me: “Right. I need a technician right now.”

    Agent: “Mhm, well, let’s see. So, you said your Flux-Capacitor is not working?”

    Me: “Yes! And as I already know that you know what the Flux-Capacitor is, for your information: this is a test call to check if everything works.”

    Agent: “Ah, I see. Well, let me see if I can get a technician for you.”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Agent: “You’re welcome. I hope your DeLorean will work again quite soon.”

    Me: “I hope so!” *giggling*

    (He then called my technician and told him what the call was about and transfers me to him. Seconds later I had a laughing technician on the phone, joking about how I could fix my Flux-Capacitor.)

    Up-Hold-ing The Law

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (I work as an evidence tech at a police department. We have one officer that likes to pop in our office from time to time. He is known for being pretty loud and obscene, but in a goofy way. At this time my coworker is assisting a citizen on the phone, when we hear the officer coming down the hallway.)

    Coworker: “Okay let me find your case…” *she hears him coming* “I’m sorry, sir, please hold!

    (Her eyes go wide and she scrambles to press the hold button just in time.)

    Officer: “WHAT’S UP, CHEESE NUGGETS?! Oh, what the f***? It smells like weed in here! You b****** been smoking?! Maaaaan, I’m getting the munchies!”

    Me: *giggling* “Do you know we have to put people on hold when you come in the room?”

    Officer: “Oh, yeah. I guess we have to be all honorable and professional and s***.”

    Can’t Quit Good Grammar

    | IN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Language & Words

    (I recently moved from Indiana to Denver, Colorado. Before my move I worked in a small retail store in a small town. The manager of said store had a hefty amount of bias toward me for having tattoos and piercings, even though she said that they would not be a problem during my interview. She even hired me right on the spot. I turned in my notice that I was quitting and worked even fewer days at the store. One night I was on break in the stockroom and I found a note full of complaints about the employees at the store. One was about me.)

    Customer: “I see that you have a young lady working at your store. I don’t like her. I checked out the other day and she didn’t smile at me while I was standing there. She’s so ungrateful! She should feel lucky that she even has a job! I am really disappointed with your service.”

    (After reading that, I see a note underneath it addressed to me from the manager.)

    Manager: “[My Name] Not acceptable!!!! You been here to long.” (sic)

    (Annoyed by the consistent, shallow complaints against some of my coworkers and me, and fully knowing I was not going to be working for this woman much longer, I proceed to scribble out a little message for her.)

    Me: “[My Name] comma Unacceptable!” *I then slash the excessive punctuation marks* “YOU’VE or YOU HAVE been here for TOO long.”

    (I gave her a generous B minus for a grade and proceeded to add my own thoughts:)

    Me: “No kidding. Tell me about it. That’s why I quit.”

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