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    Category: Crazy Requests

    These Forms Are To Be Signed With Blood

    | Italy | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (My job consists of handling subcontracts for my company. Typically the customers require a lot of documents before giving the go-ahead, including our workers’ training certificates, vaccination cards, and so on. One day I receive this call…)

    Caller: “Good morning, this is [Customer Company]. We’ll need the DNA from one of your workers.”

    Me: “Uhm. First, is this even legal, and second, how am I supposed to send it to you?”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “How do I get DNA from our worker, provided that he allows me to do that, and how do I physically transfer it to you?”

    Caller: “You can download it from the Employment Office website, fill in with your worker’s details, and send it via email or fax.”

    (The penny drops…)

    Me: “Oh, so you’re telling me DNA is a form?”

    Caller: “Sure, it’s the (Italian for: Declaration of New Hiring)… Wait, you thought we wanted actual DNA from the guy?”

    Me: “It wouldn’t be the strangest request I’ve had.”

    Burning Your Bridges With Midnight Oil

    | CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Overtime

    (When I was hired at this store, it was under the condition that I will not have to work midnight shifts because the last bus I can take home leaves at nine. I am not the only special case when it comes to scheduling, but I am the only one in the store who takes the bus. About six months later, the store goes through a change in management. Throughout the change and the holiday season that year, the majority of the store employees realize the new manager is not so great and is firing people for arbitrary and possibly illegal reasons. After the holiday season he stops scheduling me entirely unless it is to cover sick call outs. Then I get this phone call.)

    Manager: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Manager]. I’m calling because you never filled out this paperwork.”

    Me: “I didn’t know I had any paperwork to fill out. I’m sorry.”

    Manager: “Well, you have to do it on the store computer and it was due three weeks ago. Everyone had to do it, but you didn’t.”

    Me: “So, you do know you haven’t scheduled me in the last two months, right? I call every week.”

    Manager: “Right, but this was due three weeks ago.”

    Me: “How was I supposed to do it on the store computer if you never have me in the store? Why didn’t anyone tell me about it when I called to see if I was on the schedule?”

    Manager: “Yeah, it was due three weeks ago.”

    Me: “I didn’t know about it and you haven’t scheduled me in months. Why are you calling me now if it was due three weeks ago?”

    Manager: “Well, you should just come in sometime and we’ll talk in person.”

    (A couple days later, I go in to talk to him. After repeating that I should have known about something I had no way of knowing, I ask why I haven’t been scheduled.)

    Manager: “Well, can you work midnight shifts?”

    Me: “No. I take the bus and the last bus home for me leaves at nine.”

    Manager: “Everyone has to work at least one midnight shift a week. You can get someone to give you a ride home.”

    Me: “I’m not really comfortable with that. I don’t want to have to ask a different person for a ride home every night and have the entire store know where I live. I take the bus. When I was hired, I was told I did not have to work until midnight because of the bus schedule.”

    Manager: “Everyone has to do it.”

    (At this point I ask if several employees who have only ever worked one specific shift in the ten-plus years they had been there were now working midnights. He says no to each one.)

    Manager: “Everyone has to work until midnight at least once a week, so you’ll just have to get a ride home or get a car.”

    Me: “I would love to get a car, but I don’t have enough money for one. It’s hard to make money when you’re not on the schedule.”

    Manager: “What about the people you live with?”

    Me: “They have a newborn and jobs they wake up early for. I can’t ask them to pick me up. As for the people here, I am not comfortable asking perpetual strangers to take me home. When I was hired [Old Manager] promised I would not be forced to work beyond the bus schedule.”

    Manager: “Well, if you won’t work midnights, I’ll have to fire you.”

    Me: “Let me get this straight. You’re firing me for not having a car?”

    Manager: “For refusing to work.”

    Me: “I can’t work midnights. I was hired on the condition I would never have to work midnights. There are no buses past nine. I can work any other shift up to 8:50 pm. I want to work. I need a paycheck.”

    Manager: “Okay, well, I’m just going to have to let you go. If you want, I can put a note in your file that this was a mutual decision so you can work for the company again in the future.”

    Me: “Absolutely not. This is NOT a mutual agreement. You are FIRING me. And don’t worry. After my experience in the last year with you, I would never try to work for the company again. They clearly do not care about their employees!”

    (I was friends with several of the shift managers and heard that over the next year, more than half the store had either quit because of his policies or had been fired for similarly flimsy reasons.)

    Family Business Is None Of Yours

    | Sandy Springs, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

    (One of our coworkers pulled a no call/no show on a Saturday, leaving just the three of us on duty for the afternoon. The manager for the day is busy handling the projection booth, and I’m working as an usher, when I notice that the line at the number seven concession stand is growing way too long for the one coworker back there to handle by himself, so I leave my post and go to help. About fifteen minutes later, the owner of the theater and his wife, who is generally the bossier of the two, come in.)

    Owner’s Wife: “What the h*** is this?! Where is our usher?!”

    Me: “We’re shorthanded and the line at concessions was almost out the door.”

    Owner’s Wife: “Well, where’s [Manager]? He should be down here!”

    Me: “He’s busy getting the movies started up.”

    Owner’s Wife: “Well, then, [General Manager] should be in to help!”

    (She proceeds to call the general manager, who is off for the weekend because he has custody of his son.)

    Owner’s Wife: *practically shouting over the phone* “[General Manager], there is no one here to usher. You need to come and take care of this. I don’t care! This is no excuse! Somebody needs to be here. You have one of two choices: your family or your job!”

    (The general manager did come in, but only to turn in his keys and leave. The owner chased him down in the parking lot and talked him out of quitting. He later had a talk with his wife, who has since become a little less demanding… a little.)

    Eye’ll See You in 15 Years!

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (My dad is basically the boss of many buildings in the company. In this story a customer hasn’t been in this office for fifteen years. When he first came he bought glasses.)

    Customer: “I bought these glasses a while ago. They broke and I think they are defective and I want a refund.”

    Dad: “You haven’t come here in fifteen years. They have been constantly used. No, you are not going to get a refund.”

    Customer: “Well, you lost me as a customer!”

    Common Sense Is On Vacation

    | AB, Canada | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Tourists & Travel

    (I’m in the middle of a much-earned vacation. As I’m relaxing in the sunshine, my cell phone goes off. I get a twinge of fear when I see it’s the office.)

    Coworker: “Hey, could you send me a copy of [report]?”

    Me: “Talk to [Coworker #2]. I left it with him in case anyone needed to see it.”

    Coworker: “Well, why can’t you send it to me?”

    Me: “Because I’m on vacation!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, but still, don’t you still have a copy in your e-mail outbox? Just re-send it to me.”

    Me: “Let me get this straight. Rather than just walk down the hall and talk to [Coworker #2], you decided to call me up while I’m on my vacation, in the hopes that I’d drop what I’m doing, track down a computer, log into my e-mail, and re-send you [report]. Why?”

    Coworker: “I thought it would be easier…”

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