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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    That Ticket Was Just The Ticket

    | CO, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work in a store which requires specific things in order to get our products, namely, a background check.)

    Me: “Sorry, they don’t normally take this long. Seems like CBI is taking their time.”

    Coworker: *jokingly* “Yeah, they must be on break.”

    Customer: “It’s okay.”

    (I wait another ten minutes, and finally get a denied notice.)

    Me: “Well, unfortunately you got denied for some reason. They don’t tell us why, but we can do the appeal for you.”

    (I go through the process with him and help him filling it out.)

    Me: “Well, at least it wasn’t something serious.” *jokingly* “We’d know by now!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, at least two cops didn’t just magic themselves here.”

    Customer: “I wonder if it’s that traffic ticket?”

    Me: “It might be if they didn’t file the paperwork correctly. We’ll hold it here until it gets straightened up.”

    (Customer walks out, just as two police cars come screaming up and stop him. His son comes in a few moments later)

    Son: “Turns out he had an open warrant on that ticket.”

    Coworker: “I feel like such an a**hole…”

    Let Up Everybody And His Brother

    | New Haven. CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (My brother goes to pick up my 14-year-old daughter from having her operation. She’d gone in for minor surgery.)

    Brother: “Hi, I’m—”

    Nurse #1: “Room [number], Mr. [Brother].”

    (My brother goes upstairs and goes to the room. A doctor and another nurse are already there. My daughter is currently very weak.)

    Doctor: *seeing my brother enter* “Yes?”

    Brother: “Hi, I’m here to pick up [Daughter]. I’m her uncle.”

    Doctor: “Well… [Nurse #2], could you just call down to the lobby?” *to my brother* “We didn’t get a call to say you were coming up to visit her.”

    Brother: “I’m picking her up.”

    Doctor: “She’s leaving at 7:15 pm.”

    (It’s 1:45 pm. We were told 2.)

    Brother: “No. I was told by the nurse downstairs to come here.”

    Doctor: *getting out a radio* “I’ll just ask.”

    (He talks on the radio for a minute before glancing back at my brother. He then turns it off.)

    Brother: “Well? Can I take [Daughter] out?”

    Doctor: “No. Security has been called and will be here shortly. The nurse downstairs said she NEVER sent you up here and didn’t say to anyone beside this girl’s father that she needed visiting.”

    Brother: *worried* “Look, I AM her uncle. You can call her mother.”

    Doctor: “I don’t need to do anything else.” *gets radio again* “Err, [Nurse #1], who did you send up here?”

    Nurse #1: *barely audible* “Girl’s father. I recognized him.”

    (My husband and brother look nothing like each other.)

    Doctor: “Okay.” *turns radio off* “You are not going ANYWHERE with this girl!”

    (Security guards arrive and begin escorting my brother downstairs. The police had been called and at that moment I am arriving to drive them home when I see the car. I rush in and find my brother being taken out.)

    Me: “[Brother]? What’s going on?!”

    (The guards tell me everything after I am verified by several different people that I am related to my daughter.)

    Me: “God, this is stupid; he’s her uncle!”

    Doctor: “No, the nurse said she sent the father up and she didn’t recognise this guy. Are you sure your brother—”

    Me: “I KNOW that my brother was sent here. Where IS the nurse?”

    (Nurse #1 comes over.)

    Nurse #1: “Ma’am, I saw your husband in the lobby and he was asking me for directions, so I gave him the way to the room. I made sure the right guy went. But they asked because the wrong guy had come up. So I got security.”

    Me: “This is ridiculous. We were told to collect her now, and you let a guy go in without confirmation because you thought you knew who he was?”

    (We never went back to that hospital.)

    For A Few Dollars More

    | Australia | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I decide to shut down an account at the bank. The teller completes the transactions and gives me the balance of the account in cash. Later that day, there’s a knock at my door. My mother opens the door to see two police officers and an angry looking man in a suit demanding to see me.)

    Police #1: “Were you in [Bank] today?”

    Me: “Yes. What is this about?”

    Police #1: “The bank manager here says that you took money.”

    Me: “I closed an account; the teller gave me my balance.”

    Manager: *shouting* “YOU TOOK MONEY! YOU STOLE IT!”

    Me: “No. I only got what the teller gave me. I didn’t count it as it was so little.”

    Police #1: “So little? How much is so little?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I didn’t check the balance, but it was under $10.”

    Bank Manager: “It was supposed to be $8 but you took $9.”

    Me: “I had no idea the teller gave me $1 more.”

    (I pull a dollar note out of my pocket. The manager snatches it.)

    Bank Manager: *to police* “Aren’t you going to arrest him?”

    Police #2: “HIM? H***, NO! You, on the other hand, have wasted valuable police time over a measly dollar. You were acting as if it was thousands. H***, I would have given you a dollar myself if I had known. And, it was the bank’s fault.”

    (After apologising to me they took the red-faced manager out, promising to report him to his superiors.)

    There’s A Crack In Their Window

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    Scammer: “Hello Ma’am. This is Microsoft Tech Support. We have a report from your internet service provider that your computer has been hacked and is sending out viruses.”

    Me: “Oh really?”

    Scammer: “Yes, Ma’am. Your ISP is giving this tech support assistance absolutely free to all their customers. I just need you to sit down at your computer and I’ll give you directions so on how to fix the problem.”

    Me: “And who did you say is calling?”

    Scammer: “This is Microsoft Tech Support. And the call is absolutely free. If you will just turn on your computer, I’ll walk you through fixing the problem so that we can stop the hackers from using your machine.”

    Me: “No, you’re not.”

    Scammer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “You aren’t Microsoft Tech Support. This is a scam.”

    Scammer: “No, Ma’am. Windows is from Microsoft, and I’m calling because your Internet Service Provider contacted Microsoft about your computer being hacked. Your ISP is paying for this call; therefore, we here at Microsoft can help you fix your computer free of charge.”

    Me: “I don’t think so. You’re hacker and you’re trying to get access to my computer. And it won’t work because I already know it’s a scam. I use Linux.”

    (Very long silence… *click*)

    Breaking Bad Passwords

    | Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work for a computer repair shop, and it is not uncommon for customers to forget to give us a password, or give us a wrong one. To save us a phone call, we try to guess the password in this instance.)

    Coworker: “I can’t get in. The hint is ‘ice’. I’ve tried ‘frozen water’ and ‘cold’.”

    Me: “Have you tried anything relating to drugs?”

    Coworker: “I’ve tried ‘drugs’, I’ve tried ‘meth’, I’ve tried ‘speed’…”

    (We burst into laughter and he realises how that sounded out loud.)

    Coworker: “I haven’t tried DOING those.”


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