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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Paid His Burger Tax

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (I am offered a job over the phone. The manager tells me to come in the next day. When I get there he tells me he will pay me under the table $9 an hour (min wage is $11) and tries to argue that he is paying more than minimum wage because there are no taxes. Even at $11 an hour, I would not be earning nearly enough to be taxable. About a half hour into me doing basically all grubby kitchen tasks (cleaning, washing dishes, taking out garbage, restocking fridge, etc):)

    Manager: “Would you like something to eat? You can have anything on the menu for free.”

    Me: “No, thanks. I’m not hungry right now.”

    (The manager continues to offer at 10 minute increments for the next hour and a half, while I start to get very uncomfortable that this job is under the table for an exploitative wage doing gross work and therefore he doesn’t have any responsibility if I get hurt, which is very possible.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think this will work out. I have to leave now.”

    Manager: “Oh, that’s okay. I can’t pay you for only two hours but come back for that meal anytime.”

    (Two weeks later:)

    Me: “Hey man.”

    Manager: “Hey.” *recognizes me* “So, what can I get you?”

    Me: “Just a burger, please.”

    Manager: “$4.50, please.”

    Me: “I thought you said I could have it for free because of those two hours of free work I did for you.”

    Manager: “Do you know what food costs? I can’t just give it away for free.”

    Me: “Do you know what my work costs if you bother to make it legal? I think I’m entitled to a burger. And, yeah, I’d ballpark the patty, bun, and toppings at about 1.50 tops.”

    Manager: “Was this your plan? You respond to my ad, stay for less than a shift, all to try to get free food? This is a business here!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s what I do. I go around to restaurants and pretend I’m looking for a job all so I can get free hamburgers. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to get my lunch somewhere else!”

    (I emptied his tip jar into my pocket to pay for my two hours and walked out the door.)

    Quebec To The Drawing Board

    | NB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Geography, Transportation

    (In Quebec, there is no law stating that a car needs to be inspected every year, or that a car needs a license plate in the front. These are required in a car from New Brunswick. The police have set up a checkpoint to see if people have had their car inspected.)

    Me: *stopping* “Everything all right, officer?”

    Officer: *looking at my dash, and taps where the inspection sticker usually goes* “Not for you! You don’t have an inspection sticker!”

    Me: “The car is from Quebec. We don’t need one.”

    Officer: *looks at front bumper then sing-songs* “We don’t have a license plate! I’m going to need your license and registration please.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the car is from Quebec. I’m just a student here.”

    Officer: *ignores me and goes to see my rear bumper and sees the Quebec plate, then comes back to my window* “License and registration.”

    Me: “Okay. Here is my French license and here is my French registration.”

    Officer: *looks at them thoroughly then looks at me* “Here. Move along.”

    Me: “Okay, have a good day!” *leaves*

    Can’t Getaway With It

    | MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, New Hires

    (I work in the front desk of a factory, so all applications go through me before being turned in to HR. I always look through the apps first to see where they are from, where they worked before, etc… Some are very interesting in the have you committed a felony part, but my all time favorite:)

    Question: “What felony were you charged with?”

    Applicant: “I drove the getaway car.”

    Owned By The Owner, Part 7

    | Saint John, NB, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal

    (One night I get a call from a casual acquaintance:)

    Acquaintance: “Do you know anyone who is free to go take the cover charge at a local pub.”

    Me: “I’m free. What the heck, money is money!”

    (I show up and am given the till, and start greeting people at the door. Some people don’t understand why they have to pay as this pub only has a cover occasionally when they have a band, the rest of the time it is free to come in. So I have to do a lot of explaining. A customer tries to pass me without paying and I stop him.)

    Me: “$2 please.”

    (He shakes my hand.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m [Name].” *tries again to just walk past*

    Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name] and I still need two bucks.”

    (He cracks up laughing.)

    Customer: “Good answer! But I’m [Name and Last Name]. I’m the owner.”

    (I was quite embarrassed.)

    Related:
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4

    The Cold Hard Truth About Cold Hard Cash

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I am sweeping up in the lobby when I come across a $50 bill on the floor. It is very near a customer, but he is honest and says it isn’t his. I decide to take it to the lost and found in case someone claims it.)

    Me: *to my manager* “I found this on the floor. I’m sure someone will be looking for it soon.”

    Manager: “Awesome! Thanks.” *he pockets the cash*

    Me: “What? That’s for the lost and found! What if someone comes to claim it?”

    Manager: “You should’ve kept it yourself! Unless they keep track of their money’s serial numbers, they can’t prove that it’s theirs. Take it as a lesson learned!”


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