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  • Not So Closely Guarded
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  • Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Can’t Getaway With It

    | MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, New Hires

    (I work in the front desk of a factory, so all applications go through me before being turned in to HR. I always look through the apps first to see where they are from, where they worked before, etc… Some are very interesting in the have you committed a felony part, but my all time favorite:)

    Question: “What felony were you charged with?”

    Applicant: “I drove the getaway car.”

    Owned By The Owner, Part 7

    | Saint John, NB, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal

    (One night I get a call from a casual acquaintance:)

    Acquaintance: “Do you know anyone who is free to go take the cover charge at a local pub.”

    Me: “I’m free. What the heck, money is money!”

    (I show up and am given the till, and start greeting people at the door. Some people don’t understand why they have to pay as this pub only has a cover occasionally when they have a band, the rest of the time it is free to come in. So I have to do a lot of explaining. A customer tries to pass me without paying and I stop him.)

    Me: “$2 please.”

    (He shakes my hand.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m [Name].” *tries again to just walk past*

    Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name] and I still need two bucks.”

    (He cracks up laughing.)

    Customer: “Good answer! But I’m [Name and Last Name]. I’m the owner.”

    (I was quite embarrassed.)

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4

    The Cold Hard Truth About Cold Hard Cash

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I am sweeping up in the lobby when I come across a $50 bill on the floor. It is very near a customer, but he is honest and says it isn’t his. I decide to take it to the lost and found in case someone claims it.)

    Me: *to my manager* “I found this on the floor. I’m sure someone will be looking for it soon.”

    Manager: “Awesome! Thanks.” *he pockets the cash*

    Me: “What? That’s for the lost and found! What if someone comes to claim it?”

    Manager: “You should’ve kept it yourself! Unless they keep track of their money’s serial numbers, they can’t prove that it’s theirs. Take it as a lesson learned!”

    The Theft Finally Registered

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Money

    (The manager has mentioned to me that there have been several shortfalls in the registers the last few weeks. She has her suspicions as to who it is, as it only happens when one girl is working. I work my first few supervising shifts and notice that she plays with the money in the till. I notice her putting her hand into her pocket as she closes the till. I couldn’t see what it was or could prove anything. That evening we are $20 short. I put in $20 of my own money to make the count correct. The next day I tell my supervisor what I did.)

    Supervisor: “You didn’t have to do that. I told [Manager] and she said that she will get your money back to you.”

    Me: “I just didn’t want to be out that much in my first week of supervising here.”

    Supervisor: “We know who it is. We just don’t know how to broach it without real proof. Just wish she’d stop it.”

    Me: “I have an idea. Leave it up to me.”

    (The next time I work with this girl:)

    Me: “I need everyone to double check the change they give back to customers, please. The other day we were out by $20 and I had to replace it out of my own pocket.”

    Coworker: *looking shocked* “Really, you had to pay it back?”

    Me: “Seeing as I was supervisor and it’s my responsibility, yes. I am not losing my job over $20.”

    (A couple of weeks later the manager got around to giving me that $20.)

    Manager: “I don’t know what you did but there’s been no more shortfalls. What did you say to her?”

    Me: “The truth: that the money came out of my own pocket. She was shocked. She probably thought nothing of stealing from the company but not when it was me. She seems to really like me.”

    (Eventually the girl was asked to leave due to laziness but is lucky because the company would have thought nothing of prosecuting her over the petty thefts!)

    Weeding Himself Out

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal

    (We’re having an employee screening for a movie when a coworker steps out for a few minutes then comes back with a very distinct odor. A minute later, the manager walks up behind him.)

    Manager: *dope-slaps the coworker* “Don’t smoke weed in the hallway!”

    (The rest of us couldn’t stop laughing after that.)

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