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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Clocked Off For Good

    | MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Time

    (I manage the college campus coffee shop. One day, I notice one of the student workers going into the back room, where the time clock is located. She leaves moments later. Since she isn’t due to work that morning, I am curious, and I look at her time card. She has clocked in and left. I look back at past weeks, and determine that she had been clocking a few hours prior to most of her shifts for almost a month. I pull her time card, and leave a note for her to come see me.)

    Employee: “Hey, what’s up? I couldn’t find my time card, and your note didn’t say.”

    Me: “You clocked in a few hours ago, and then left.”

    Employee: “…and?”

    Me: “You falsified your record of hours worked, which constitutes fraud and theft. Since this has been going on for a month, the amount you’ve stolen is enough to count as a felony.”

    Employee: “Oh. So… is that a problem? I was short on money, and thought I’d get some extra hours.”

    Me: “Extra hours that you didn’t work?”

    Employee: “Yeah!”

    Me: “And you don’t see why that’s a problem?”

    Employee: “No, why?”

    Me: “Then you’re REALLY not going to expect what’s coming next.”

    (Since I’m a big softy, I just fired her, and didn’t bring the police into it.)

    Wine Dine Crime

    | New Zealand | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I’ve been a qualified sommelier for about 10 years and have been working in hospitality for 20. I’m visiting my family in New Zealand and decide to pop into a well regarded new wine bar one evening before dinner. I’m sitting at the bar, looking at the list.)

    Me: “I’ve never seen [Very Rare Wine] on a wine list before! I was under the impression there were only three bottles left in the world and they were all privately owned.”

    Bartender: *whispering* “Don’t get it!”

    Me: “Uh…sorry?”

    Bartender: *whispering* “Don’t bother mate. It’s not real.”

    (I can’t work out why he’s whispering because I’m the only one inside.)

    Me: “What do you mean it’s not real?”

    Bartender: “The owner, she thinks it looks good to have something like that on the menu. So she just got labels made to put over other bottles of wine. Now I have to put up with people asking how we got our hands on a whole case of them! What am I supposed to say, huh? And she actually expects me to sell them. Like no one will notice it’s a $10 bottle of plonk!”

    (The ‘relabeled’ wine is in the thousands. I stick to a nice local red and when I’m leaving I hand him my card.)

    Me: “If you’re ever moving to Australia and need a job give me a call. Frankness and honesty are quite rare and you seem to have both qualities.”

    Bartender: “Wow, I’m so glad I told you. Sometimes I can’t be bothered, deterring customers. Have a good evening!”

    (He now works for me in Melbourne.)

    Not Faking Their Hatred For The Job

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m looking around in a gas station when a clearly underage teenager tries to buy beer.)

    Cashier: “ID, please.”

    Teen: “Here you go.” *handing over an ID*

    (The cashier looks at it for a second before throwing it down on the counter.)

    Cashier: “Hey, man, this s***’s fake!”

    (The teen turns white as a sheet.)

    Teen: “Wh… what?”

    Cashier: “You heard me! This s*** is fake! But I don’t give a f***. I hate my job.” *rings up the beer and hands the change over to the teenager* “Have a nice day, kid!”

    This Scam Has Been Going Around

    | PA, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

    (I work at an insurance agency for the summer doing random tasks around the office. The office is in a converted house, with a few desks in each room and large open doorways in between to talk to each other. There is also an upstairs that is technically another business but employs the same people. I start answering phones because everyone else is busy.)

    Me: “[Insurance Agency], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi! I’m calling from your copier supply company. We just need to update our records. Can I please have the model number of your copier?”

    Me: “Um, sure. Hang on a second.”

    (I place the call on hold and tell one of the ladies next to me what’s going on. She laughs and tells me it’s a scam and I should just hang up, which I do. A few days later…)

    Me: “[Insurance Agency], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi! I’m calling from your copier supply company. We just need to update our records. Could you tell me the model number of your copier?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not the person you want to speak with. Please hold, I’ll transfer you.”

    (I transferred the call to the desk next to me. After speaking to the caller, my coworker put the caller on hold and transferred him. We managed to transfer him to six different people, including people upstairs, before he hung up. It became our favorite game. Our record was 10 transfers, including back to the original person who had answered.)

    The Drugs Don’t Work And Neither Do You

    , | Nashville, TN, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Job Seekers, Theme Of The Month

    (A woman sits down across from me at Starbucks, at an interview for a teaching position. Before I can even get a word in, she bursts out with this…)

    Woman: “Do y’all drug test? Because I can’t pass one and I don’t plan on being able to anytime soon.”

    Me: “I think we’re done here…”

    (Shortest. Interview. Ever.)


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