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    Category: Employees

    Needs A Moral Screening

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Health & Body

    (I have started seeing a gynecologist in order to be prescribed birth control. I still see him annually for renewals and pap smears. My gynecologist is male, which I wouldn’t mind otherwise, but he is very old, old-timey and set in his ways.)

    Gynecologist: “Sex is between a man and a woman, a penis and a vagina. No mouths, no fingers, none of that!”

    (This was on my first visit, after telling him that at the time I had been having frequent UTI’s. I was in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship at the time.)

    Fostering New Feelings Towards Cats

    | USA | Employees, Pets & Animals

    (I’m not sure if I want a cat, so I decide to foster one first. The lady who runs the cat rescue sends me a cat who is very sweet but half feral.)

    Lady: “How’s [Cat] doing?”

    Me: “Oh, she’s great! Very energetic.”

    Lady: “That’s great. Listen, I’ll need you to bring her to [Pet Store], so that we can show her around to potential adopters.”

    Me: “All right!”

    (I hang up and get the cat carrier out. The cat takes one look at it, seems to realize what I’m doing, and hides under the bed. Nothing I do makes her come out. After hours of trying, my phone rings.)

    Lady: “Where are you?!”

    Me: “I, uh, don’t know how to say this, but the cat has hidden herself under my bed and won’t come out! I don’t know what to do!”

    Lady: *sighs* “Hang on, I’ll be right there.”

    (The lady arrives after a few minutes and I show her where the cat is hiding. The cat hisses loudly when the lady tries to drag her out, and then lets out this horrible scream that makes my ears ring.)

    Lady: “Yowch!”

    Me: “Are you okay?! You’re bleeding!”

    Lady: “She… got me good. All right, you don’t need to bring her.”

    (The lady left before I could offer her a bandage. The cat calmed down, and was back to her sweet self again. Still, I was happy when she was adopted by someone else and decided that cats are not for me!)

    A Yippee-Kay-Aye Work Day

    | Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I press the button for the elevator and wait to go down to lunch. A couple seconds later the doors of the far elevator start to open, but awkwardly. I look and notice there are two workmen on top of the elevator car, which is about halfway down the opening, as they try to fix something. One workman is mostly hidden from view, but the second sees me looking at them.)

    Workman #1: “Don’t mind us. We’re just filming Die Hard 10.”

    Workman #2: *to Workman #1* “You’re an idiot.”

    Showing The Signs

    | PA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I have just gotten my wisdom teeth removed, and in preparation I taught myself and my parents some sign language. My dad is with me after surgery when the nurse approaches us.)

    Nurse: *to me* “How are you feeling?”

    Me: *signing to my dad* “My mouth hurts, obviously.”

    Nurse: *gasps* “Oh! I’m so sorry, sir! I didn’t realize your daughter was deaf!” *to me, slowly and highly enunciated* “How. Are. You. Feel. Ing? You. Can. Write. On. This. Pa. Per?”

    (She offers me her clipboard and pen. I shoot my dad an exasperated look and he laughs.)

    My Dad: “She can hear fine, but she doesn’t want to talk because she just had oral surgery. She said her mouth hurts.”

    Me: *struggling to talk through the swelling* “Ow.”

    (The nurse turned bright red and apologized again. We conducted the rest of the conversation with me writing answers on the paper.)

    Getting Charged With False Battery

    | USA | Employees, Liars/Scammers, Transportation

    (I’m at my dealership getting my routine oil changes, sitting in the customer waiting area. It’s mid-winter and my car is starting up just fine except when it gets really cold.)

    Tech: “So, you’re battery is testing bad and you’ll need to replace it soon.”

    Me: “Okay, and how much will that cost?”

    Tech: “About 110 plus tax.”

    Me: “Well I don’t have that right now. It will have to wait.”

    (Fast forward to the summer time and I’m doing another oil change.)

    Me: “So, the last few times I’ve been here, I was told the battery was testing bad. I took it to another shop and had it tested; they said it was fine.”

    Tech: “We’ll test it and make sure.”

    (I go to the waiting room and the tech comes out a while later.)

    Tech: “The battery is still testing bad. You’ll need to replace it.”

    Me: “Funny how I have two other reports telling me that the battery is fine. Do not tell me the battery is testing badly. The car has a hard time turning over when it gets cold but now because it’s warm, it’s fine. Don’t tell me that it’s bad again.”

    Tech: *shuts up and goes back to desk*

    (When I went back for my next oil change, surprise, surprise, the battery tested just fine. This is why I call them car-stealerships.)


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