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    Category: Employees

    The Battery Isn’t The Only Thing Dying

    | Malaysia | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (The battery in my phone has been draining rather quickly, and I suspect the battery needs to be changed. As my phone uses an internal battery, I cannot simply go out and get a new one; rather, I have to send it to a service centre and allow them to open up the phone. There is only one service centre which supposedly provides this service, and the location is very inconvenient for me. Therefore, I call up their centre to ask for certain details before having to make the long trip there.)

    Me: “Hi, I am calling to ask if your centre is able to change the battery for my [Phone model]?”

    Receptionist: “What is your service number?”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Receptionist: “Service number. What is your number?”

    Me: “I don’t have a number; I am calling to inquire about your service.”

    Receptionist: “Oh, what do you want?”

    Me: “Do you provide service for changing the battery of [Phone model]?”

    Receptionist: “Go out and buy one.”

    Me: “I can’t. It’s an internal battery. That’s why I’m calling.”

    Receptionist: “Send your phone in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

    Me: “I’m trying to tell you. I just want to change my battery.”

    Receptionist: “No. You have to send it in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

    Me: “Look. There is no problem. I just want to know if you provide the service. If you don’t, then I will be making a wasted trip there. And I might be without a phone for a few days so I need to prepare a backup.”

    Receptionist: “Then I cannot help you.”

    Me: “You can’t even give me a quotation for the services you provide?”

    Receptionist: “No, because we don’t know what’s the problem.”

    Me: *speaking slowly and clearly in my last attempt to make her understand* “Okay, the problem is the battery. I need to change it. So, how much would that be?”

    Receptionist: “We need to check your phone first. No quotations. Send your phone in.”

    Another Birthday Gift

    , | India | Awesome Workers, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I am the customer in this story. I am hosting a small party for my 17th birthday at a very popular fast food joint. We are almost 15 people, and our order is really complicated since everyone wants a different kind of meal with different drinks. As such, the cashier has a tough time with my order but she is extremely patient and makes sure to take the order correctly. I pay for my order and take the numerous trays to the table, helped by friends. By this point I am very flustered too, since my friends are complaining about not getting the right drinks, etc. By the time I have made sure everyone has the right food, I realise I forgot to buy food for myself. Extremely annoyed, I go back to the counter.)

    Cashier: “Namaste! How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Me: “I forgot to buy food for myself in all that confusion. I’ll have a burger meal.”

    Cashier: “Sure! Your total is [total].”

    (I pay, take my tray, and start walking towards the table when I realise I forgot to get ketchup. By this point I am so frustrated that I storm to the condiments bar and put my tray there. I obviously aren’t paying much attention, because the entire tray falls down along with the food. There are fries and drink everywhere on the floor. I have had enough. I go and sit at my table with a huff.)

    Friend #1: “Where’s your food, [My Name]?”

    Me: “I dropped it, and now I’m not going to the counter again.”

    Friend #2: “Look, [My Name], the cashier is calling for you.”

    (Sure enough, I turn back and saw that the cashier is gesturing to me to come to the counter. I go over, and she hands me a tray with a burger, fries, and a drink.)

    Me: “But I dropped my—”

    Cashier: “Take this; it’s on the house.”

    (I thanked her and went back to the table. Whoever you are, random kind lady, you made my day! Or rather, my birthday!)

    Can’t Have Your Warm Cake And Eat It

    | MI, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A friend and I have gone out to get dessert after work.)

    Me: “May I have the chocolate cake, please, and could you warm it up, please?”

    Waitress: “But there is ice cream on it.”

    Me: “I know but could you just warm the cake in a microwave? I don’t like it cold.”

    Waitress: “Oh, did you want me to leave the ice cream off?”

    Me: “No, I want the ice cream but I just want the cake warm.”

    Waitress: “But there is ice cream and it will melt in the microwave.”

    Me: “Just warm the cake.”

    Waitress: “But there is ice cream.”

    Me: “Could you ask whoever is back there to warm the cake up before getting the ice cream, please?”

    Waitress: “Okay, I will ask.”

    Me: “Thanks.”

    (My friend orders and then after several minutes our desserts arrive. My cake is completely cold.)

    Me: “The cake is cold”

    Waitress: “That’s because there is ice cream.”

    Me: “You know what? This is fine, thanks.”

    But Her Credit Score Is Alive And Well

    | TX, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (My aunt died this past January. Her bank bills her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then adds late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00… and now is somewhere around $60.00.)

    Me: “I am calling to tell you that she died in January.”

    Bank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

    Me: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections…”

    Bank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

    Me: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

    Bank: “Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau… Maybe both!”

    Me: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

    Bank: “Excuse me…?”

    Me: “Did you get what I am telling you… the part about her being dead?”

    Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor!”

    (Supervisor gets on the phone.)

    Me: ”I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”

    Bank Supervisor: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

    Me: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

    Bank Supervisor: *stammers* “Are you her lawyer?”

    Me: “No, I’m her great nephew.” *gives lawyer info*

    Bank Supervisor: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

    Me: “Sure.” *fax number is given*

    (After they get the fax:)

    Bank Supervisor: “Our system just isn’t setup for death…”

    Me: “Oh…”

    Bank Supervisor: “I don’t know what more I can do to help…”

    Me: “Well… if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her, I suppose… I don’t really think she will care.”

    Bank Supervisor: “Well… the late fees and charges do still apply.”

    Me: “‘Would you like her new billing address?”

    Bank Supervisor: “That might help.”

    Me: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery.” *gives plot number*

    Bank Supervisor: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

    Me: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?!”

    Trying To Bottle-Neck The Economy

    | Sao Paolo, Brazil | Employees, Food & Drink, Liars/Scammers

    (We are having a barbeque, but have run out of beer. My friend and I pick up a plastic box with 24 returnable 20-oz bottles in the car’s trunk and head to a bar near the house. In Brazil, we don’t usually have dedicated liquor stores; we can buy beer at markets or bars and get it to go.)

    Me: “Hi! Do you have cold beer? I’ll need 24 bottles of [Beer].”

    Cashier #1: “Sorry, buddy, my stock just ran out of [Beer]. You can check at the other bar, just across the street.”

    (There is another bar, at EXACTLY the other side of the street. An advertisement outside the bar says ‘[Beer] only R$2.50 per bottle.’ The cashier of the second bar sees me crossing the street with the plastic box packed with empty bottles. He has the beer I want, and I have a guaranteed 24-bottles order.)

    Me: “Hi, there! Your friend across the street said you have cold [Beer]. I’ll have 24 of them, please.”

    Cashier #2: “Sure! It will cost R$2.70 each.”

    Me: “Whoa… it says R$2.50 at that poster outside…”

    Cashier #2: “That’s for small quantities. For large quantities it will cost more.”

    Me: “Shouldn’t be the opposite? You should give me a wholesale discount!”

    Cashier #2: “No. For large quantities, I’ll charge a little more. That’s the way it works.”

    (The man was clearly trying to get some advantage from a drunk.)

    Me: “Yep, you are right! I don’t want 24 beers anymore. I’ll take just one.”

    (The man handed me one.)

    Me: “Thanks. You know what? I think I want another one.”

    (The man understands that I will do that 22 more times.)

    Cashier #2: “Nah, okay… You win. I’ll give you a discount. R$2.40 each.”

    Me: “Thanks… I may be drunk, but it doesn’t mean I am stupid!”


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