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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Employees

    Someone Needs A Sabbathical

    | Shorewood, WI, USA | Employees, Holidays, Ignoring/Inattentive, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (It is just before Hanukkah and my father goes into the neighborhood grocery store for candles. He finds the “Jewish Items” aisle but there are no candles, so he goes to the service desk.)

    Father: “Excuse me, do you have Hanukkah candles?”

    Employee: “Sure we do!”

    Father: “Can you show me where?”

    Employee: “Sure.” *leads him back to the aisle he’d been in*

    Father: “I’m sorry, I don’t see them.”

    Employee: “Right here! See, it says ‘shabbat’ right on the box!”

    Father: “That’s, uh, not going to help.”

    Employee: “You mean they’re not the same thing?”

    Father: “This city’s what, forty percent Jewish?”

    Not Just A White Christmas

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bigotry, Employees, Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It is the 1970s. I am five years old. My dad’s company throws a rather lavish Christmas party for all the employees. It is a manufacturing plant for the oil industry. The party is in one of the larger facilities they have and has a few indoor carnival rides, lots of 70s Christmas decor, and many, many families, some who are of diverse backgrounds and heritages, but who mostly are Caucasian, as are most if not all of the management. My family is Caucasian/white.)

    Employee: “Hey, did you know we got a Santa Claus over here?”

    Me: “Really?!”

    Employee: “Sure thing!”

    Me: *to my mom* “Can I go see Santa? Please?!”

    Mom: “Yes, honey; you can go.”

    (When I get there to line up for a toy, there is quite a surprise. There are TWO Santa Clauses; a white one and an African-American one! The African-American Santa looks about as confused as I am but seems really friendly and full of Christmas spirit. I also note that because most of the kids were white, they line up to sit on the white Santa’s lap. My logic was thus: African-American Santa looks lonely and he seems really nice, and because very few kids have lined up with him he still has a better assortment of toys left! My mind is made up. My mom hasn’t seen me for a while so she comes to look for me. To her genteel, racist horror, she sees her daughter happily sitting on ‘black Santa’s’ lap, smiling and enjoying talking to him. He is really sweet!)

    Mom: “Oh… uh… Here you are.”

    Me: “Hi, mom!”

    Mom: “Well, come on then, honey. Time to go!”

    (My mother offered a hurried thank you after I got to pick a toy (he really did have the best toys!) and ushered me away. I smiled and waved goodbye to the confused but kind man. To me, the color of his skin didn’t matter. All I saw was a nice, bored man with better toys than the other guy. To ‘black Santa,’ wherever you are, I’ll never forget how kind and sweet you were despite the rather racist overtones of the whole experience for you. I hope you had a great life!)

    Time To Stand And Deliver

    , | OK, USA | Employees, Holidays, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I am the supervisor in the copy department of a retail chain. My department also handles shipping through a well-known third party shipping company. This company has been rather famously off the ball this holiday season and has missed several pick-ups at my store, which leads to irate customers yelling at me for something I have no control over. Finally our guy comes in for a pickup.)

    Me: “There you are! Where were you yesterday? We were supposed to have a pickup. There are packages in there that were supposed to be DELIVERED today!”

    Delivery Guy: “Well, uh… We were off for Christmas Day and Christmas Eve.”

    Me: “I’m aware of that, but Christmas Day was Wednesday. It is now Friday. Where were you yesterday?”

    Delivery Guy: “We were off Christmas Day and Eve.”

    Me: “… I know. Neither of those days was yesterday.”

    (He just shrugged, finished loading, and left. A week later, I was STILL fielding calls from people demanding refunds for items that were not delivered on time. Now, once a package left our store, any refunds/etc. were supposed to go through the shipping company, but our customers told us that when they called, they were told the fault was with our store!)

    Stardate: Christmas

    | MO, USA | Employees, Geeks Rule, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Tourists & Travel

    (I’m flying home to see my folks for Christmas. All the presents but one are packed into my duffel. Since my mother’s is so small, I have it in my carry-on. It’s all wrapped up as well. I go through the security line and lay all my stuff out in the bins. However, when my backpack comes out, the TSA employees grab it and put it through again, looking at the X-ray screen with bewildered looks on their faces. Finally, one of them brings it over to me.)

    TSA Employee: *very confused* “Miss, what exactly is this?”

    (Holds up my mother’s gift.)

    Me: *trying hard not to laugh* “It’s a Star Trek salt-n-pepper shaker set. It’s the little communication device from The Next Generation. You pull each half apart, and it’s held by magnets.”

    (Both TSA employees are just staring at me in complete confusion, and the one closest to me isn’t handing me my bag, so I finally do the only thing I can think of.)

    Me: *pretending to push a communication badge on chest* “Enterprise, this is the away team. Three to beam aboard.”

    TSA Employee: *still confused* “Huh?”

    Me:  “Beam me up, Scotty!”

    TSA Employee: “Oh! “

    (They finally give me back my backpack and I catch my plane home. When my Trekkie mother opened her present on Christmas Day, I told the story and she got a good laugh.)

    Sell It To Me Straight

    , | Detroit, MI, USA | Employees, Holidays, Ignoring/Inattentive, Theme Of The Month

    (For the record, my hair is as straight as can possibly come and past my waist, and so is my sister’s. We are currently wandering the local mall trying desperately to finish Christmas shopping amid throngs of insane Christmas shoppers. Also of note, we have dodged this guy’s over aggressive sales pitch at least three times before this happens…)

    Kiosk Guy: *literally LEAPS in front of us brandishing a straightening iron* “LADIES! I have exactly what you need!” *waves the straightening iron like a wand*

    Me: “Uh… no.” *attempts to keep walking*

    Kiosk Guy: “No seriously.” *steps in the way again* “This [Model] is exactly what you need to tame curls and get the sleek, smooth, straightness you’ve been looking for.” *grabs my sister’s arm and attempts to drag her to his makeover chair* “You’ll see, once I’ve shown you what it can do.”

    Me: *grabs his wrist to stop him and in a very loud voice I say* “LOOK at her hair!”

    Kiosk Guy: *doesn’t look at her hair* “But once you see what this does to unruly curls with little to no damage!”

    Sister: *looks at him like he’s insane and tries to dislodge him*

    Me: “No, really, look at her hair.”

    Kiosk Guy: *turns very slowly toward her as I flip my hair over my shoulder to emphasize my point* “But once I show you what it can do, you’ll know you need…”

    Me: “What can this thing possibly do for us?”

    Kiosk Guy: “But it could be straighter!”

    Me: “Seriously, dude, get help.”

    Kiosk Guy: *jumps in front of us again and tries to get back into his spiel*

    Me: *as loud as I possibly can without screaming* “I DON’T WANT YOUR MAGIC HAIR STRAIGHTENER! NOW, BACK OFF!”

    (He finally did back off, staring at us like we might bite him as he noticed a crowd of Christmas shoppers had formed. They applauded wildly as we made our escape. Evidently we weren’t the only ones that had had enough of the guy.)

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