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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Employees

    Policeless State Versus Stateless Police

    | NC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Top, Tourists & Travel

    (I am borrowing my mother’s boyfriend’s SUV. He is from New York and still has a New York license plate on the rear of the SUV. He has removed the front one, which is required by New York state law to be on there. I am driving in North Carolina, which does not have front license plate laws. I have just been pulled over.)

    Officer: “Can I see your license and registration, please?”

    (I hand them over.)

    Officer: “Okay. Who is the owner of this vehicle?”

    Me: “My mother’s boyfriend, [Name].”

    Officer: “Do you know why I stopped you?”

    Me: “I haven’t the slightest.”

    Officer: “When I passed you, I noticed that this vehicle is from New York. You do not have a front license plate.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay?”

    Officer: “You do know that is required by New York state, correct?”

    Me: “Yeah, I know. But we are in North Carolina.”

    (The officer looks dumbfounded. There is an awkward moment of silence.)

    Officer: “I’m going to run these. I’ll be right back.”

    (The officer leaves and returns a few minutes later. He hands me a piece of paper.)

    Officer: “I’m giving you a ticket for not having a front license plate on this vehicle. I have circled your fine for you at the top.”

    (I read over the ticket. It clearly says that I have willfully and unlawfully driven a New York registered vehicle without a front license plate.)

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. You do not have the authority to enforce New York state law.”

    Officer: “But I am from New York, and I know that it is illegal.”

    Me: “But you are a North Carolina police officer, correct?”

    Officer: “Yeah. What of it? Your ticket clearly states what you are accused of.”

    Me: “I don’t think yo—”

    Officer: “Sir, if you want to dispute the ticket, you can take it to the [County] courthouse.”

    Me: “So you ACTUALLY think you can cite me for this?”

    Officer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Call your sergeant down for me.”

    Officer: “He’s not going to drop this.”

    Me: “CALL. HIM.”

    (A few minutes later, another squad car pulls up. As the sergeant gets out, the officer bombards him with the situation. He finally hands the sergeant the ticket he wrote me.)

    Sergeant: *pointing to me* “So you wrote this for him?”

    Officer: “Correct, sir.”

    (The sergeant walks up to me. He says hi, and looks over the SUV.)

    Sergeant: “I’m guessing I’m here because the greenhorn over there somehow made it through the academy.”

    Me: “So, you see the problem with this, too?”

    Sergeant: “I’ve heard of the problems this particular officer has been making. We’ve had a few complaints, too.”

    Me: “Not surprising. But uh, can I leave? Or…”

    Sergeant: “How about we have fun with this? Take your ticket over to Officer [Name], and tear it up in his face. Try to do it right in front of the squad car.”

    Me: “I like you. A lot.”

    (I did it too, and right in his face! The officer exploded when I did it, screaming and cussing at me like I was a loose convict. The sergeant let me leave. As I was getting back in the SUV I heard the sergeant yelling at the officer about how he can’t enforce other states’ laws. Judging by the officer’s look, he still didn’t understand.)

    The Wrong Kind Of Same-Day Service

    | Mexico City, Mexico | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My mother, sister and I go to a Churrascaria restaurant to celebrate a special occasion. These restaurants are basically buffets where waiters periodically come to your table to offer you different cuts of meat, which are skewered on a sword. We eat until we can’t fit any more food inside. We receive a couple of coupons with the cheque.)

    Mom: “What are those for?”

    Sister: “It’s 50 percent for a person’s entrance.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s pretty cool. Let’s come again sometime, then. When do they expire?”

    (We notice then that today is the very last day they are valid. My mom is confused and calls a waiter.)

    Waiter: “Yes?”

    Mom: “We got these coupons.”

    Waiter: “Oh. Those are only valid after 6 pm.”

    Mom: “Yes, I know. But, is this really the last day we can use them?”

    Waiter: “Yes.”

    Mom: “So… Why give us coupons that expire tomorrow?”

    Waiter: “You can use them here again, today.”

    (We’re all so full that the thought of more food makes us groan. We obviously don’t use the coupons. We also got a form to evaluate the experience. We honestly rated the food and service as really good. We also made sure to point out that they should stop giving coupons that only work the same day you already ate there!)

    Out-Of-Date, Out-Of-Mind

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I call a hairdresser to make an appointment.)

    Me: “Can you please tell me if you have any appointments left for Friday the 15th?”

    Hairdresser: “Just one moment.”

    (I can hear her ‘umming’ and ‘ahhing.’ After 15 or so seconds she comes back to the phone.)

    Hairdresser: “You said Saturday, right?”

    Me: “No, Friday.”

    Hairdresser: “Oh!” *looks again* “We have an 11:30.”

    Me: “Great. That will work.”

    Hairdresser: “Okay. So that’s 11:30, Friday the 8th.”

    Me: “No. I said the 15th.”

    Hairdresser: “The 16th?”

    Me: “You know what, forget it.”

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 6

    | Germany | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (My two-month-old phone has suddenly and permanently frozen. As it’s still under warranty, I go to the store to replace it.)

    Me: “Hello. My phone is broken.”

    Employee: “Oh, dear. It is. Well, because it’s still under warranty, we’ll order a new one for you and notify you when it arrives in the shop.”

    Me: “Really? That’s great. Thank you.”

    (I fill out the forms and take my old broken phone home with me. About a month passes and I haven’t received a single letter or e-mail from the phone shop. I take an extra long break from work and run over there.)

    Me: “Hi, sorry. I’m here about a replacement phone? Mine isn’t working, and hasn’t been working for a while.”

    Employee: “Did you fill out the forms?”

    Me: “I have them all here, along with my old phone.”

    Employee: “Oh, this. Your phone came in about three weeks ago.”

    Me: “Three weeks?! Why didn’t you notify me?”

    Employee: “We did. We sent you a text message.”

    Me: “…wait, what?”

    Employee: “We texted you several times that your phone had arrived.”

    Me: “You texted me? But my phone’s broken!”

    Employee: “We sent you notification. I don’t understand why it took you so long—”

    Me: “Ma’am, my phone is broken. How am I supposed to receive, let alone read a text message?! I can’t use my phone! That’s why I’m getting a new one! How was I supposed to know it had arrived?!”

    (The employee pauses, thinks about it, then gives a huge shrug.)

    Employee: “We sent you a message. You should have come sooner.”

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 4
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 3

    Losing Count(y) Of The Scams

    | UK | Employees, Geography, Liars/Scammers

    (I take a call. The other end sounds like a call centre.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Telemarketer: *heavily accented* “Hello, my name is [Mispronounced Anglo-Saxon First Name].”

    Me: “Of course it is…”

    Telemarketer: “I’m calling from the United Kingdom County Council.”

    Me: “I don’t know what to say. I mean, to find out this way that the UK has been downgraded from a country is rather shocking!”

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