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Category: Employees

How Em-Bra-assing

| Fairbanks, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Rude & Risque

(I work as a barista and generally get tips between $0.50-$3 depending on the order. As such I usually have a ton of $1 bills in my wallet. Thanks to a new birth control pill I was on around the time of this story my chest has gone up two sizes and none of my shirts fit properly. I try to cover what I can but I still end up with plunging lines and belly shirts. It should also be noted I live in a small city that has two strip clubs and that’s the extent of our ‘red light’ district. I am picking up groceries late after a shift.)

Male Cashier: “Hey how are you doing today?”

Me: “Oh, doing all right. Just got off work, and yourself?”

Male Cashier: “Doing good. About to get off shift myself.”

(We continue chatting with his occasionally looking at my chest which is unfortunately bulging in my too small bra. I’m uncomfortable but just ignore it. The time comes to pay.)

Male Cashier: “Okay, that will be [total].”

(I hands him a stack of $1 bills.)

Me: “Sorry. Like I said, I just got off shift and this is all I’ve got.”

Male Cashier: *looks me up and down* “Funny, I think I’d remember you performing. Do you work at [Strip Club #1] or [Strip Club #2]?”

Me: “Uh… [Coffee Shop]. I’m a barista.”

(The cashier at least had the grace to blush and mumble out an apology before I grabbed my receipt and bolted.)

Watch Your Tongues

| Brazil | Employees, Language & Words, Tourists & Travel

(In this story I am the employee. I’m currently working a football stadium in Brazil, and I’m the only multi-lingual employee in my area, as it is not a huge game. I’m waiting, in a food area that has a phone, to escort a disabled English fan to their seat, and I am making conversation with the Portuguese manager and employee.)

Manager: *in Portuguese* “When are you expecting the call?”

Me: “In a couple of minutes. Then I’ll head down and take them up.”

Employee: “Do you need anything?”

Me: “Nah, I’ve got a key.”

(Suddenly a group of obviously Spanish speaking fans show up and start working through the menu together.)

Manager: “I hate to ask, but our Spanish speaking server is on a break. Could you…?”

Me: “Oh! No problem!” *switching to Spanish to take the group’s orders* “How can I help you all?”

Fan #1: *in Spanish* “Thank you! Yes, I think we have it all figured out. We’ll need two [sodas] and three [other type of sodas], and…”

(Just then, the phone rings. I explain to them I’ll need a second as I’m supposed to be escorting a disabled fan up. They’re very understanding and tell me to take my time.)

Me: *in English* “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello! Yes, I’m down here with my daughter. We requested disabled seating.”

Me: “Oh! Yes, I’ll be there to escort you. Give me a minute to walk down.”

Caller: “No, no, no! Sorry, see, we’re having trouble finding our way, and instead of bothering another employee we hoped you would help us with directions? We’re at the red entrance.”

Me: “Yes, I know where you are. See, first… Uh, I just remembered I’m working with someone right now.”

Caller: “Oh, we’ll wait.”

Me: *to the fans, in Spanish* “All right, sorry. What else do you need?”

(He starts to list off his order, but I continue returning to the phone. Finally I get the disabled group to the meeting point.)

Manager: *in Portuguese* “Do you need to go now?”

Me: *in Spanish, which he does not understand* “Let me finish their order.” *to fans, in English* “Okay, so let me finish you off and we’ll get your food.”

Fan #1: *in English, struggling slightly* “Uh… three bag of chips. Please.”

Me: “Why are you speaking English?”

Fan #1: *laughing* “Because you are!”

(The phone rings from security that I need to go escort the group now.)

Me: *on phone, in Portuguese* “You’re ready? Good. I’ll be down momentarily.”

(I finally notice what I’ve just done.)

Me: *in English* “You understood none of that.”

Caller: *laughing* “Absolutely none!”

(We all had a good laugh about it and I quickly finished the group’s orders and escorted the disabled fan to her seat. My coworkers still joke about my ‘two language limit.’)

No Springtime For This Scammer

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology

(I’m studying music theatre at university and therefore am a huge theatre geek. ‘The Producers’ is one of my favourites. One day, I’m at home alone when the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello, miss. I’m calling about your Microsoft computer.”

(I have a Macbook Air. My mother uses a Dell PC. Clearly this is a scammer.)

Me: *innocently* “Our computer? What’s wrong with it?”

Scammer: “Oh, your computer is badly infected, ma’am. You need to—”

Me: “Infected? Listen, you broken down old queen. He was drunk. He was hot. You got lucky. DON’T EVER CALL HERE AGAIN! ” *hangs up*

Has A Bone To Pick With Your Prognosis

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

(I’d fallen on my hand while being slung playing a local game of AFL football. After waiting for over two hours in the emergency room and having an x-ray on my wrist I finally get to talk to the doctor.)

Doctor: “Well, it doesn’t look like you’ve hurt yourself, so you can leave.”

Me: “Do you mind if I have a look? I’m studying exercise rehabilita—”

Doctor: “I do mind. It’s a busy Saturday and I don’t care to have my opinion verified by you.”

(She finally gives me something for the pain and I get a lift home. On Monday morning I get an interesting phone call.)

Caller: “Hi, this is the head of radiology at the hospital. We were just reviewing the x-rays from your emergency. We need you to come in as you’ve actually broken a bone in your wrist.”

(I was in the hospital by mid-afternoon and in surgery two days later to pin my scaphoid back together. Luckily I didn’t need a bone transplant from my hip. Turns out she thought it was two separate bones. It was nice to have the head of radiology make a cast for me, though, with his sincere apologies!)

They Can Af-Ford The Answer

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(I work as a camp counselor. This week is ‘Star Wars’ week, and I am doing a trivia games with the kids. All of the kids are 10-12 but one.)

Me: “Okay… for 10 points, who can tell me the name of the actor who played Han Solo?”

Five-Year-Old: *jumps up immediately* “INDIANA JONES!”

Me: “Close enough!”


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