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    Category: Food & Drink

    What Ales You?

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (I’m an administrative assistant in an accounting firm, operated by two co-partners. I’m a self-admitted beer snob, and one of the partners is too, so we often joke together about drinking. The following takes place at about 4:45 pm.)

    Partner: *standing in the middle of the office and shouting* “Ugh, is it beer o’clock yet?!”

    Me: *looks at clock* “Sorry, boss. Fifteen sober-minutes left until beer o’clock.”

    Partner: “Oh, God, I’m dying!”

    (He goes back into his office, and fifteen minutes later, at 5:00 pm on the dot, he emerges carrying a six-pack in each hand.)

    Partner: “HAPPY END OF SOBRIETY, EVERYONE!”

    Failed Question Number One

    | IN, USA | Food & Drink, Job Seekers

    (My restaurant’s policy is to give everyone who comes in for a job interview empty cup for a complimentary drink while they wait.)

    Interviewee: “Hi, I’m here for an interview at [time]?”

    Me: “All right. Here, I think I’m supposed to give you this.” *hands her a drink cup* “Sit down somewhere over there and I’ll tell a manager you’re here.”

    Interviewee: *standing there awkwardly holding the cup* “Is this for a drink or do I need to pee in it?”

    Me: “Uh, it’s for a drink.”

    Service Worth Shouting About

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink

    Me: “Good morning, can I get [specialty drink]?”

    Employee: *a little panicked* “I’m sorry miss, we are out of [important ingredient]…”

    Me: “Oh… okay, let me look at the menu for a moment.”

    (I step out of line while I look at the menu. A few minutes later I decide and join the end of the line.)

    Employee: *when I reach the front* “Hi again, decided what you want?”

    Me: “I’d love a hot chocolate.” *jokingly* “I assume you aren’t out of chocolate?”

    Manager: “It’s on the house for not yelling at us. It’s a nice change.”

    Pig-Headed About The Sign

    | USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful, Religion

    (Our Navy ship is hosting several Arabic guests as part of a goodwill evolution. While they are on board, to prevent any unfortunate incidents, the cooks have started labeling each meat item with signs in English and Arabic (as well as clip art) to indicate if it is Beef, Chicken, Pork, or Fish.)

    Me: “Why isn’t there a sign for the Calico corn?”

    Cook: “What? Who cares? Why does corn need a sign?”

    Me: “Calico corn has bacon in it.”

    Cook: “So? Are you allergic to bacon?”

    Me: “…we have Arab guests on board.”

    Cook: “So?”

    (Yes, despite all the effort the other cooks had taken with the signage, that one cook just couldn’t understand why a dish that contained BACON should have a label indicating that it was pork-based.)

    The Bad Kind Of Bar Crawl

    | NY, USA | Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I am a member of a guild, and as such I can’t enjoy adult beverages while on duty. After a very long day I’m finally done with my work at around 6:10, and in search of a pint of golden goodness. I walk to the first pub.)

    Me: “Can I get a [beer]?”

    Wench: “Oh, sorry, I just closed down. The [second pub] should still be open though!”

    (I hustle over to the second pub at 6:15.)

    Me: “Are you still open?”

    Wench: “Just cleaning up, sorry. The [third pub] might still have their taps up!”

    (I run to the third pub at 6:20.)

    Me: “You guys closed?”

    Wench: “Yeah, but the [fourth pub] is closest to front gate, so they’re open the latest.”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    (I sprint to the fourth pub at 6:25, where the barmaid is leaning on the tip box, watching a street show.)

    Wench: “What can I get for you?”

    Me: “You’re my favorite! I’ll have a [beer].”

    Wench: “Oh, sorry. Only soda left.”

    Me: “Oh.”

    Wench: “Yeah, we can’t serve alcohol after 6:15.”

    Me: “I came from the other side of the faire, and every pub I went to said the next along [road] should be open.”

    Wench: “Yeah, they say that so you’ll leave quicker.”

    Me: “It worked. I’ll have a [soda] please.”

    (The kicker? If I had taken a different path, I could have been from the first pub to the fourth within three minutes.)


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