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    Category: Food & Drink

    Drinking Gingerly In The Office

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I visit a Caribbean place for lunch and buy a bottle of ginger beer. This is a spicy ginger-flavoured soda, usually sold in tall brown long-neck bottles. I don’t finish it at lunch, so I bring it back to the office to finish at my desk.)

    Coworker: *stares* “[My Name], what are you drinking?”

    Me: “Ginger beer.”

    Coworker: *whispering* “Maybe no-one told you, but you’re not allowed to drink alcohol while you’re working.”

    Me: “What? It’s not alcohol. It’s GINGER beer.”

    Coworker: “Right! It’s beer! You just said so.”

    Me: “No, ginger beer is no more alcoholic than root beer. It’s a carbonated soda.”

    Coworker: *leaving* “Whatever. When you get into trouble, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

    Don’t Ever Want To Visit The Farm Those Came From

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (This happens about 10 years ago when I am working my first job at a fast food restaurant. We have recently gotten comment cards that are placed at each table for customers to fill out and place in a box in our lobby. I have a friend who always puts an obvious joke card in every time she comes. I’m training with my manager to be shift lead and we’re looking through the comment cards with another employee standing around.)

    Manager: “I think I found your friend’s card. It says her burger tasted like fear and shame and that we’re deplorable people for killing cows and that we should be skinned alive for coats.”

    Me: *laughs*

    Coworker: “We kill cows?” *the cogs turn in her head for a few moments* “Beef comes from cows?”

    Me & Manager: *laughing*

    Coworker: “No, really? Beef comes from cows?”

    Manager: “Where did you think it came from?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know? From pigs?”

    Me: “Well, where does bacon, ham, and sausage come from?”

    Coworker: “Umm… turkeys?”

    (We spent the rest of the day asking her where various meats came from. I’m not sure how she got to 18 thinking that turkey and beef came from pigs!)

    A Big Baloney Pizza

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (I’m working delivering pizza at a national chain restaurant, and it is common for us to pitch in lightly in other jobs when we aren’t actively doing a delivery. I walk into the restaurant and walk straight to the kitchen, where I start throwing together a pizza. To my surprise, the regional manager, a large man whose first language is not English, comes out of nowhere and slaps his hand on my shoulder.)

    Regional Manager: “You know, I see you come in here, and you always working. You work very hard. I see you always busy. You help the cooks when they busy, you help the waitresses when they busy, and if nobody busy, you wash dishes. You are good hard worker. You do good job and I just wanted to tell you, thank you.”

    (As quickly as he appeared, he vanishes to inspect some other portion of the restaurant. The cook, who is also my roommate, looks up at the orders.)

    Cook: “Um, bro, nobody ordered a large pepperoni.” *he pauses for a moment* “Wait! Isn’t today your day off?”

    Me: “Cool it, man. The regional manager just thanked me while I was in the middle of stealing a pizza. Now throw this in the oven so I can get out of here before anyone realizes!”

    Chipping Away At That Special Relationship

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I was in London for a few months visiting friends, and as such I decided to try and speak like a Londoner. We go to a pub one night and decide to order some food.)

    Me: “I’ll have some plain chips, if that’s all right.”

    (I know that in the UK, chips means French fries.)

    Waitress: “No problem. And for you?”

    (The waitress takes everyone else’s orders and comes back shortly. She plops down a bag of a popular brand of crisps in front of me.)

    Me: “Um, I wanted chips.”

    Waitress: “Well you got your chips, you stupid American! You should appreciate that we know your ‘lingo’ in this pub and know that you really meant crisps!”

    Me: “No, I meant CHIPS as in FRIES. And since you’ve insulted me, I’ll be taking my leave. Guys?”

    (My friends and I left without taking a bite of food, and didn’t bother paying. The waitress came running out after us, shouting that we needed to pay!)

    The Candy Cane Wane

    | Lafayette, LA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (The district manager is visiting. She and the store manager are discussing candy canes, as we typically have FAR too many of them every year, and the majority go unsold. I like to stir my hot chocolate with candy canes, for minty hot chocolate.)

    Me: *confidently* “I’ll buy all of them!”

    Store Manager: “Two hundred!?”

    Me: *confidently* “I’ll buy thirty of them!”

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