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  • Good To Sell Until Hell Freezes Over
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Telling You Until You’re Bleu In The Face

    | USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (When I was 10 I really liked bleu cheese. I was excited when they were giving samples at a store.)

    Me: “Mommy, can I go get some bleu cheese?”

    Mom: “Sure, honey. Go right ahead.”

    Employee: *guarding the sample tray as I am trying to reach* “You won’t like this. It is bleu cheese.”

    Me: “But I like bleu cheese.”

    Employee: “No. It is a grown-up food.”

    Mom: “Honey, what’s the matter?”

    Employee: “Your daughter is being rude to me.”

    Me: “All I said was that I like bleu cheese.”

    Employee: “No, she doesn’t. No kid likes bleu cheese.”

    Mom: “My daughter has a wide palate. She likes bleu cheese.”

    Employee: “No, she doesn’t. She probably just says that to you.”

    Mom: “No. She eats it a lot.”

    (Mom takes two and gives one to me.)

    Employee: “Oh. I guess she actually likes bleu cheese.”

    In Real Hot Sauce Now

    | Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I stop by a popular sub shop before a meeting one night. All goes well until we get to the condiments. The girl helping me has been working here a while, so I know she’s familiar with how it all works.)

    Worker: “And what else would you like on that?”

    Me: “Ranch, please.”

    Worker: *slowly reaches for the sriracha sauce, which is a hot sauce: very much the opposite of ranch*

    Me: “No. The ranch, please.”

    Worker: *looks at me and then keeps going for the sriracha*

    Me: “I said ranch, please!”

    Worker: *picks up the sriracha and looks at me again before covering the sub in sriracha sauce*

    Me: “Uh, I said ranch several times.”

    Worker: *looks down at the sub* “Oh… I don’t know why I did that.”

    Me: “Me, neither.”

    Not Quite The Cream Cheese Of The Crop

    | AL, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My university has a little coffee shop which includes free cream cheese with a bagel purchase. I always use two cream cheese packs, but only see one today.)

    Me: “Hi. Do you have any more cream cheese?”

    Worker: “Depends. Are you going to buy a bagel?”

    Me: “Depends. Do you have any more cream cheese?”

    It’s The Small Things That Are Important

    | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m ordering at the concessions stand at my favorite movie theater. Their popcorn sizes have always been small, regular, and large, exactly as indicated on the menu board. Popcorn buckets of all three sizes are stacked behind the counter.)

    Me: “I’d like a small popcorn and a small coke, please.”

    Cashier: “We don’t have small popcorn.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Cashier: “We don’t have small popcorn.”

    Me: *points at the smallest bucket* “This is small popcorn. I’d like popcorn from a bucket this size, please.”

    Cashier: “We don’t have small popcorn. This is regular popcorn. We don’t have small popcorn.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s always been small, regular, and large here. You should probably change the menu so people don’t get confused.”

    Cashier: *blank stare*

    Me: “Oh well. I’d like what used to be small popcorn. So, regular popcorn. From this bucket.” *points at the smallest bucket again*

    Cashier: “We don’t have small popcorn.”

    (This exchange goes on for a minute or two. I don’t know what to say anymore, so I reach over the counter, grab the bucket and hand it to the cashier.)

    Me: “Please fill this with popcorn and price me. I’d also like a small [Soda] with that.”

    Cashier: “But we don’t have small [Soda]…”

    That Training Went Right Down The Toilet

    , | MD, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, New Hires

    (I have recently started working at a fast food restaurant and am still being trained to do various tasks. The coffee makers for both regular and decaf use pre-measured packets of coffee.)

    Manager: “Customers have been complaining that the decaf is too strong. Who made it?”

    Me: “I did. I put in two packets of coffee like [Coworker] taught me to.”

    Coworker: “I never told you to do that! The coffee is pre-measured. You just pour one packet into the filter.”

    Me:” No, I’m pretty sure you said two…. Oh, wait, I think I’m confusing coffee with toilet cleaner.”

    (They still let me work there, and I eventually got pretty good at my job!)


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