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    Category: Food & Drink

    Has One-Stroke-Two A Brain

    | Midlands, England, UK | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (A colleague of mine is known for her liking of trifle and always buys an expensive ready-made one. At my suggestion she decides to try homemade but, not being confident in the kitchen, first decides to try a box mix that contains everything in it, including a cream-type topping in a powder form that you mix with milk.)

    Me: “Hey, how did the trifle making go last night?”

    Colleague: “Well, I got the jelly and the custard part right, but couldn’t get the cream to work at all. It was so runny.”

    Me: “Runny? How were you mixing it? It’s a really easy topping. Did you use a hand whisk or electric whisk?”

    Colleague: “An electric whisk, as I thought that would be easier, but I whisked it for about 15 minutes and it still didn’t work.”

    Me: “I can’t understand why it didn’t work then. Using an electric whisk should only take a minute, max. How about you go through the steps and let’s see if we can work it out.”

    (By now several other colleagues are listening in:)

    Colleague: “Well, I put the powder in a bowl, measured the milk and added it to the powder, and whisked. That’s all… Mind you, I wasn’t too sure of the amount of milk so I used almost two pints.”

    Me: “Hang on a minute… How could you not be sure of the amount of milk? It tells you on the packet.”

    Colleague: “Yes I know, but it said one to two pints and as I like the topping bit I decided to make the most I could, so used almost two pints.”

    Me: “[Colleague], I think you’ve measured the milk wrong. It sounds too much but I can’t remember because I’ve not used a box mix for years.”

    Colleague: “Well, it definitely said ‘One-stroke-two’ pints of milk.”

    (At this point we all started laughing as we realise the packet must have said 1/2 pint (as in half a pint of milk) and she hadn’t known!)

    Too Chicken To Admit Their Mistake

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m at a prix-fixed Fourth of July dinner at a beachfront seafood restaurant. It is $100 per person, and we are a table of 10. Being a vegetarian, there isn’t anything on the menu that I can eat. The waitress tells me that they have a plain pasta dish as an alternative, and I agree to that. Service has been slow and sporadic. It takes forever to get appetizers and drinks. Over two hours later, dinner is finally served.)

    Me: “This isn’t plain pasta.”

    Server: “Yes, it is.”

    Me: “No, there are clearly chunks of chicken in it. This was supposed to be vegetarian.”

    Server: “Then it is.”

    Me: “Chicken is not vegetarian.”

    Server: “Okay. I’ll get you a new plate.”

    (A few moments later, he comes back with a dish and puts it in front of me quickly before walking away.)

    Me: “This is the exact same plate.”

    Friend: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes! Look! They only picked out the chunks of chicken that were on top. There’s still chicken underneath.”

    (Needless to say, a manager was called for and the heads of our party chewed him out. I wasn’t surprised to find out that the restaurant ended up going out of business later on.)

    A Thinly-Veiled Comment

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I am in the kitchen preparing my lunch. I am female, I avoid food that makes me unwell but otherwise eat what I want, and it always saddens me when I see women feel pressured to be very thin. A male coworker comes by, looks at my food, and makes a comment that I’m quite sure is innocently meant.)

    Coworker: “That looked really healthy till I saw you were adding mayonnaise”.

    (By way of response, I added another spoonful of mayonnaise!)

    A Good Demonstration Of Bad Automation

    , | Germany | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’m at a store of a popular sandwich chain where they prepare the food as you order. As a semi-regular, I recognize most of the employees. This guy, however, is new to me. He flashes me a friendly smile as I get to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi there. Would you make me two large subs on white bread with turkey and ham, with cheddar on both of them, please?”

    (He grabs one sub and starts preparing it.)

    Employee: “Sure thing. And would you like that toasted?”

    Me: “Yes, please.”

    Employee: “And what kind of cheese?”

    Me: “Cheddar. On both of them.”

    (He looks confused for a second, then turns to the bread and hovers with his hand over it.)

    Employee: “What kind of bread for the second one?”

    Me: “It’s the same as the first.”

    Employee: “Oh, right.” *grabs the white bread and prepares it* “And what kind of cheese?”

    Me: “Cheddar. Both are pretty much exactly the same, save for the sauce.”

    Employee: “All righty! You wanted that toasted, right?”

    Me: “Yes, please.”

    Employee: “Both of them?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re the same.”

    Employee: *after he put the subs in the toaster* “Sorry, I spilled some of the cheese on one of them.” *he looks at me expectantly but does nothing*

    Me: “That’s all right.”

    Employee: “And what else would you like on that?”

    Me: “Both with lettuce, onions, peppers ,and olives, please.”

    (He nods and begins putting tomatoes on the sandwich.)

    Me: “No tomatoes, please.”

    Employee: *laughing insecurely* “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just that row is basically what I have to put on everything.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Automatism sometimes gets the best of us, huh?”

    Employee: *staring at the vegetables for a second* “What did you want on that, again?”

    Me: “Onions, peppers, olives.”

    Employee: “Oh, right.” *he forgets the olives and goes for the sauces*

    Me: “Olives, too, please.”

    (Since he already forgot that I wanted the same on both subs, the same process repeats with the second one.)

    Employee: “Sorry, right. And what kind of sauce would you like?”

    Me: “The chipotle on one, mayo on the other. Easy on the mayo, please.”

    Employee: “Sure thing.” *prepares the chipotle* “And aioli for the other?”

    Me: “Regular mayo, and about half the amount you’d usually put on there, if that’s okay.”

    Employee: *proceeds to cover half of the sub length-wise, and looks at me expectantly*

    Me: *internal face-palm, but getting impatient* “Yeah, sure. That’s all right, I guess…”

    (As he rings me up, chipper as before, I notice he rings my order up as to eat there – without asking me.)

    Me: “I’d like that for take-away, please.”

    Employee: “Oh! Sure, sorry. Most people just eat here.”

    Me: “Yeah, sorry. Should’ve said that earlier.” *thinking ‘not that you’d remember if I had’*

    Employee:“That’ll be [price], please.”

    Me: *as I hand him the money, smiling* “Been a long day, huh?”

    Employee: “What do you mean?”

    Keep Hush About The Slush

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Technology

    (We just had a slushy machine installed, but have been having problems with it from day one.)

    Coworker: “Uh-oh. Looks like the machine’s acting up again.”

    Me: “Great, what’s it doing this time?”

    Coworker: “Nothing’s coming out. It looks like it’s backed up.”

    Me: “Let me try.”

    (I pull the handle a few times, and like he said, nothing is coming out. It’s at that moment that I have an epiphany.)

    Me: “I think I know what to do. Hold on.”

    (I grab a straw and jam it into the spout. Sure enough, the slushy starts gushing out.)

    Coworker: “Wow, that was amazing!”

    Me: “Yeah. Just please never ask me how I knew that would work.”


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