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    Category: Food & Drink

    Too Early For Proper English

    | Shippensburg, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (In my first semester of college, I have an eight am class clear on the other side of campus. I am not once on time. One particularly bad morning I am walking to class, for my eight am midterm, at around 8:35. I stop in at my usual coffee spot on the way with my usual elderly coffee lady.)

    Me: *apparently speaking in what I assume is poor German for no apparent reason other than fatigue* “Ich möchte eine tasse kaffe, bitte.” *German for: I would like a cup of coffee, please*

    Coffee Lady: “Eine große oder kleine?” *German for: Large or small?*

    Me: *very much confused* “Did I ask for coffee in German?”

    Coffee Lady: “Yes.”

    Me: “Oh. Uh, große, bitte.” *German: A large cup, please*

    Coffee Lady: “Coffee’s on me. You’re going to miss your test.”

    (I run to class. As it turns out she is from Germany and was just as surprised as I was that I ordered in German! After my midterm I came back and chatted with her and we have been friends ever since! And she’s bought more than a few cups of joe for me!)

    Scream Your Fried Lungs Out And They Still Won’t Listen

    , | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (We have just got home after picking up a bucket of chicken; I go to take a bite when I notice something awful. I ring the branch.)

    Me: “Hi, I’ve found what looks like cooked internal organs in my meal. What can you do about it?”

    Worker: “Hang on. Let me get the manager.”

    Manager: *very young sounded voice* “Err… hello.”

    Me: “Yes, I’ve found something in my food. I don’t know what it is but it looks like a lump of lung. What can you do for me?”

    Manager: “Err… Do you want me to replace it?”

    Me: “Hang on. You are proposing that I stop eating my family meal, get in my car, and return a chicken leg? To presumably return home to a cold dinner?”

    Manager: “Well… err…”

    Me: “Or are you suggesting that I eat my dinner, and dessert, then drive clear across town to have another piece of chicken? Are you not even going to apologise?! Or offer me a free meal or something next time?”

    Manager: “You can return the piece of chicken for free.”

    (I stopped eating fast food chicken after that.)

    I’ll Have An Explanation On The Side

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (After a long day at work I decide I’m too tired to make dinner and opt for getting food from a well-known fast-food drive-thru on my way home.)

    Server: *over drive-thru speaker* “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Me: “Hi, could I get [Burger] as a small meal?”

    (The screen comes up with my order, saying ‘large meal.’)

    Me: “Oh, sorry, but I wanted a small meal, not a large.”

    (Screen changes to ‘medium meal’ and I decide that’s good enough.)

    Server: “What sides do you want?”

    Me: “Um… fries?”

    Server: “Which two sides do you want?”

    Me: “Um… well… fries and I take [Soda-pop] as the drink.”

    Server: “Yes, but which two sides do you want?”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about and frantically start scanning the menus around me for a clue.)

    Server: “… Hello? What two sides do you want?”

    Me: “Ah, sorry, but what can I choose from?”

    (Silence…)

    Me: “Um, sorry? What options do I have?”

    Server: “What do you want for your two sides?”

    Me: “What can I choose from?”

    (Silence…)

    Server: “Please pull forward to pay.”

    (I am really confused at this point, pull forward, pay, and get my food soon after. When I open it up at home I look inside and see that I did get a mini cheeseburger and a box of popcorn chicken as sides. Only then do I vaguely remember an ad I had seen weeks ago about how you can create your own meal with your own sides. But why couldn’t that server just explain it to me?!)

    Needs That Coffee More Than You Do

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My stepdad is a vegetarian, but when he goes out of town for work he stops at a well-known burger chain for coffee. Nothing else, just coffee. As most people may know, these chains often have their employees ‘upsell’ certain products.)

    Worker: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Stepdad: “Medium coffee, please. Two cream, one sugar.”

    Worker: “And would you like to try our home-brewed coffee today?”

    (Pause.)

    Stepdad: “Long day?”

    Worker: “I’ve been here since 10…”

    Before You Serve Spinach You Have To Crack A Few Eggs

    | Twin Cities, MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My boss has decided to add a spinach as a pizza topping to our menu. Since she’s concerned about the price of fresh spinach and the possibility of waste, she has asked me for some opinions.)

    Me: “Well, if you’re really concerned about waste, you could use frozen spinach.”

    Boss: “I don’t know. I thought you health nuts liked fresh.”

    Me: “Well, yes, but I’m just as concerned with bottom line as you are. How about we add another salad to the menu that uses spinach?”

    Boss: “I thought we could leave it as an option, but I was afraid the wait staff wouldn’t ask people if they wanted it and it’ll all go bad.”

    Me: “All the more reason to add a full spinach salad to the menu!”

    Boss: “What would we even put on it?”

    Me: “Well, strawberries are most popular, but those are expensive if they’re not in season. Oh I know! I’ve had a salad before that’s spinach, chicken, eggs, and bacon. That would be really good!”

    Boss: “You really think so?”

    Me: “Yeah! It’ll use the spinach and all those toppings are ones that we have stock of anyway.”

    Boss: “How would you do the egg though? Just crack it on top and leave it raw?”

    (I’m struck speechless for a moment while a coworker who has been listening to our conversation the whole time cracks up.)

    Me: “No, [Boss], we’d slice up a hard boiled egg. Like with all the other salads we serve that have egg on them.”

    Boss: “Oh! That makes so much more sense!”


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