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    Category: Geography

    It’s Snow Problem

    | MI, USA | Coworkers, Geography, Health & Body

    (Although I now live in the lower 48, I grew up in Alaska, so I have a very high tolerance for the cold. I overheat quickly, so I don’t usually wear a coat or sweater until it’s below freezing. The following happens on the walk from the office to our cars after work.)

    Coworker: “[My Name], when you going to start wearing a coat?”

    Me: “When it gets cold.”

    Coworker: *gives me a very confused look* “It’s snowing. There is snow, and it’s falling. It’s falling on us. Snow!”

    Me: “Yeah, but it’s a warm snow!”

    A Truly Colorful Office

    | WA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Geography

    (I have just had a bad meeting and need to vent. I go to my colleague at another department to talk and joke around. Note that this department happens to be a very racially diverse department.)

    Me: “Oh, [Colleague]? They are actually French/Indian.”

    Colleague #1: *who is Anglo/Indian* “Really? She’s pretty. Maybe I should get with a French man.”

    Colleague #2: *who is Filipino* “The Eurasian look is good. But you may need some more Asian first.”

    Colleague #3: *who is African* “You know what really goes well with any race? Africans.”

    Me: “Oh, that is true. My friend, their parents are African and Malaysian. Best genetics anywhere.”

    Colleague #2: “Oh, yeah. I can see that working out.”

    Colleague #3: “Well, you know, I can help out there. Just give me a call.”

    (There is a short pause in the office.)

    Colleague #4: *who is Caucasian* “Wait. What?”

    Colleague #3: “Huh… Oh, no! My friends! I was talking about my friends from Africa!”

    (Everyone just cracks up laughing.)

    Me: “I was about to say, what about [Wife]? Is she in on this?”

    (Colleague #3′s phone rings.)

    Colleague #3: “Oh, that’s her.” *picks up* “That’s awkward, but I might as well find out.”

    Colleague #2: “Gonna tell her that we were just talking about you selling your sperm?”

    Me: “Or her ovaries. They will bring in more money.”

    (Needless to say, their department was the best to mellow out with given how casual everyone was.)

    The Longest Year

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Employees, Geography

    (My parents in America for their honeymoon, and decide to go to the adult only part of a well known theme park.)

    Attendant: “I just need to see some ID.”

    (My mother proceeds to pull out her passport and show the attendant her date of birth.)

    Attendant: “I’m sorry ma’am you aren’t old enough for this attraction. You have to be 21.”

    Mother: “But I am 21.”

    Attendant: “No, you’re not. According to your passport you won’t be old enough for another few months.”

    Mother: “Oh, no, sorry. We’re from England, so the date is reversed. I am old enough.”

    Attendant: “I’m not stupid; you don’t really date that way over there.”

    Mother: “Yes, we do.”

    Attendant: “You’re not fooling anyone. You just want to get in here under age.”

    (At this point my father steps in and shows the attendant his passport.)

    Father: “In that case would you mind telling me which is the 30th month?”

    (The attendant went bright red, and quietly let them in.)

    Geography Skills Suffering From A Tokyo Drift

    , | USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Ignoring/Inattentive, Money, Tourists & Travel

    (I’ve somehow ended up on ‘high security’ from my credit card company. As such, even though the card I carry is meant specifically for people who travel abroad frequently, I have to call in and let them know when I’m going abroad so my card will work outside of the US. I call to tell them about an upcoming trip.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m calling because I will be traveling abroad soon, and I need my card to work while traveling.”

    Representative: “We can certainly put a travel notation on your account, and your card will work in your destination. Where will you be traveling?”

    Me: “My final destination is China, but I will be transiting through Tokyo and Hong Kong on my way there. Can you set it up so that my card will work in Tokyo, Hong Kong, and mainland China during [dates]?”

    Representative: “Certainly. Please hold momentarily.” *comes back after a minute* “You’re all set for your trip.”

    (A week later in Narita airport…)

    Cashier At Restaurant: “I’m sorry, ma’am, your card was declined.”

    (Fortunately she was nice enough to let me go to an ATM and withdraw funds from my work card to pay the bill. Upon returning home, I call my bank again…)

    Me: “Yes, I called before my latest trip and specifically asked that my card be available for use in Tokyo, Hong Kong, and China. However, my card was declined in Tokyo, and the only reason I can figure is that you failed to allow use of my card in Japan. I’m not extremely upset, but I’d like to know what I can do to make sure my card works when I travel in the future.”

    Representative: “Let me check the notes… Oh. Oh, Oh… I’m so, so sorry. It appears that the previous rep didn’t understand your travel information, and left a… uh… rather unsavory note about it.”

    Me: “Are you joking? This card is for people who TRAVEL! What did she say in the note? I need a good laugh.”

    Representative: “Before I say this, I want your permission and acknowledgement that you will not hold me responsible for coarse language.”

    Me: *now chuckling* “Go ahead. I won’t be offended, and I promise you are in the clear, no matter what you say.”

    Representative: “She wrote, ‘This dumb b**** made up countries called ‘Tokyo’ and ‘Hong Kong.’ Card has been activated for use in China. Fraud alert level has been increased for any other foreign use.’ It also appears from this that your card wouldn’t have worked in Hong Kong, since our system recognizes that separately from mainland China, but if she so much as started to type Hong Kong, it would have come up… Did you also have problems in Hong Kong?”

    Me: “No, I didn’t try to use my card there since I was only in that airport for a few minutes before traveling on. Thanks for the laugh. Buy that ‘b****’ a map, would you?”

    Representative: “We have noted your comment, and I’m sure the issue will be dealt with promptly.”

    (And I now make sure to name the *country* every time I call in. Silly me for thinking that most people would know Tokyo is in Japan and that Hong Kong is a real place…or ask if they didn’t.)

    Must Have Missed THAT Referendum

    | London, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists & Travel

    (I’m on vacation and am going through border control in London. I’m spending three days in London then heading to Dublin, Ireland for a week.)

    Border Agent: “What is the purpose of your visit?”

    Me: “Holiday.”

    Border Agent: “How long are you staying?”

    Me: “Three days.”

    Border Agent: “Only three days? Where are you going after that?”

    Me: “I’m flying to Dublin, Ireland three days from now and then I’ll be there for seven days.”

    Border Agent: “You’re going to Ireland? So you’re staying in the UK for ten days, not three.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not going to Northern Ireland. I’m going to the Republic of Ireland… the country. So I’ll only be in the United Kingdom for three days. Then the country of Ireland for seven.”

    Border Agent: *suddenly angry* “No! Ireland is part of the UK! If you’re flying to Ireland, you’ll still be in the UK! You Americans don’t know anything.”

    Me: *giving up* “Whatever. Yes, I’ll be here for ten days.”

    Border Agent: *friendly again* “Okay! Enjoy your holiday!”

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