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  • Category: Geography

    Insecure International Dialling

    | UK | Employees, Geography

    (Because I lived in the US for a while, I have a US-based Skype phone number. However, I have since returned to the UK. I receive this call:)

    Automated Message: “If you are the homeowner, you are eligible for free installation of a full home security system, with local 24/7 monitoring! If you are interested in this offer, please press 1.”

    Me: *to friend* “Got nothing better to do right now.” *presses 1*

    Agent: “Thank you for your interest. Can you confirm that you are the homeowner?”

    Me: “I am.”

    Agent: “Excellent.”

    (They then proceed to explain all the benefits of their security system, making particular emphasis on the local-ness of their monitoring centres.)

    Agent: “Now, sir, do you have any questions?”

    Me: “Yes, actually. I was wondering if you could tell me exactly where your local monitoring station is.”

    Agent: “Sure. Where do you live?”

    Me: “Slough.”

    Agent: “What state is that in?”

    Me: “England.”

    (They hung up immediately, and my friend and I laughed for hours!)

    About A 9.0 On The Ignorance Scale

    | MN, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Geography

    (A new employee just started where I work. There’s a major snow storm going on, and since her car isn’t working and I just live down the street from her, I agree to give her a ride. We’re heading to work when:)

    Coworker: “Good thing it’s snowing. We need the moisture.”

    Me: “Yeah, we’re in a drought.”

    Coworker: “Yeah. If it gets too bad we’ll get earthquakes.”

    Me: *thinking she’s kidding, laughs nervously* “Yeah…”

    Coworker: “Yeah, the lack of water dries the ground out and that’s why the plates rub together. That’s why California gets so many earthquakes – not enough water.”

    Me: “…”

    It’s Snow Problem

    | MI, USA | Coworkers, Geography, Health & Body

    (Although I now live in the lower 48, I grew up in Alaska, so I have a very high tolerance for the cold. I overheat quickly, so I don’t usually wear a coat or sweater until it’s below freezing. The following happens on the walk from the office to our cars after work.)

    Coworker: “[My Name], when you going to start wearing a coat?”

    Me: “When it gets cold.”

    Coworker: *gives me a very confused look* “It’s snowing. There is snow, and it’s falling. It’s falling on us. Snow!”

    Me: “Yeah, but it’s a warm snow!”

    A Truly Colorful Office

    | WA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Geography

    (I have just had a bad meeting and need to vent. I go to my colleague at another department to talk and joke around. Note that this department happens to be a very racially diverse department.)

    Me: “Oh, [Colleague]? They are actually French/Indian.”

    Colleague #1: *who is Anglo/Indian* “Really? She’s pretty. Maybe I should get with a French man.”

    Colleague #2: *who is Filipino* “The Eurasian look is good. But you may need some more Asian first.”

    Colleague #3: *who is African* “You know what really goes well with any race? Africans.”

    Me: “Oh, that is true. My friend, their parents are African and Malaysian. Best genetics anywhere.”

    Colleague #2: “Oh, yeah. I can see that working out.”

    Colleague #3: “Well, you know, I can help out there. Just give me a call.”

    (There is a short pause in the office.)

    Colleague #4: *who is Caucasian* “Wait. What?”

    Colleague #3: “Huh… Oh, no! My friends! I was talking about my friends from Africa!”

    (Everyone just cracks up laughing.)

    Me: “I was about to say, what about [Wife]? Is she in on this?”

    (Colleague #3′s phone rings.)

    Colleague #3: “Oh, that’s her.” *picks up* “That’s awkward, but I might as well find out.”

    Colleague #2: “Gonna tell her that we were just talking about you selling your sperm?”

    Me: “Or her ovaries. They will bring in more money.”

    (Needless to say, their department was the best to mellow out with given how casual everyone was.)

    The Longest Year

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Employees, Geography

    (My parents in America for their honeymoon, and decide to go to the adult only part of a well known theme park.)

    Attendant: “I just need to see some ID.”

    (My mother proceeds to pull out her passport and show the attendant her date of birth.)

    Attendant: “I’m sorry ma’am you aren’t old enough for this attraction. You have to be 21.”

    Mother: “But I am 21.”

    Attendant: “No, you’re not. According to your passport you won’t be old enough for another few months.”

    Mother: “Oh, no, sorry. We’re from England, so the date is reversed. I am old enough.”

    Attendant: “I’m not stupid; you don’t really date that way over there.”

    Mother: “Yes, we do.”

    Attendant: “You’re not fooling anyone. You just want to get in here under age.”

    (At this point my father steps in and shows the attendant his passport.)

    Father: “In that case would you mind telling me which is the 30th month?”

    (The attendant went bright red, and quietly let them in.)

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