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  • Not So Closely Guarded
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  • Category: Holidays

    Leaving Behind Your Christmas Baggage

    , | Canada | Coworkers, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m in the ladies’ room at the staff Christmas party when I overhear the following as a coworker heads to a stall from the sinks:)

    Coworker #1: “Oh hey, take your purse with you!”

    Coworker #2: “Why? No one’s going to take it.”

    Coworker #1: “You never know!”

    Coworker #2: “You know what? If they want it they can have it. All that’s in there is five bucks and a tampon.”

    A Real Live Christmas Tree

    | MD, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Holidays, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am an employee at this office. One day I walk in to see the receptionist taking wire cutters to an unassembled Christmas tree.)

    Me: “Hey, [Receptionist]. What are you doing?”

    Receptionist: “The lights burnt out so I’m cutting them off and will string some new ones on.”

    Me: “Can’t you just replace the bulbs?”

    Receptionist: *looking at me perplexed* “I don’t know.”

    (I reach over, and pull one of the lights out of the socket and show him.)

    Me: “Yup! You can!”

    Receptionist: “Oh. Um… Well, I’ve already been cutting them off”

    Me: “Are you going to cut and remove the power cord?”

    Receptionist: “No. We want it to still turn, I think.”

    Me: “That would be a fire and shock hazard to have all those open wires. What if someone touches one?”

    Receptionist: “Oh… well. I’ll have to ask [Boss who knows nothing about technology].”

    (Last I knew they were still going to put it up and plug it in. Here’s hoping no one touched it!)

    Deck The Halls With Mismanagement

    | Atlanta, GA ,USA | Bosses & Owners, Holidays, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (The holidays are fast approaching.)

    Manager: “Are you working tomorrow?”

    Me: “Yeah, why?”

    Manager: “Because tomorrow, [Owner's Wife] wants us to put up Christmas decorations.”

    Me: *groan* “Can’t I just clean something instead?”

    Manager: “I don’t have anything that needs cleaning… Actually, I do, but she wants us to do this.”

    Me: “But my mom always says you should clean first before putting up Christmas decorations.”

    Manager: “That’s because your mother actually makes sense. This is [Owner's Wife] we’re talking about. If your house was on fire, your mother would probably make you get outside. If the theater was on fire, [Owner's Wife] would probably make you clean something.”

    (Sadly, I couldn’t argue with that.)

    Never Too Young For A Sparkling Christmas

    | London, England, UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am 21 but look much younger. It is around Christmas and I am buying sparkling juice. It is non-alcoholic but is in a wine bottle.)

    Cashier: *with stern look, snatchs the bottle away* “Where is your ID?”

    Me: *confused* “I don’t need it.”

    Cashier: “You cannot buy this!”

    Me: “This isn’t actual wine.”

    (The cashier starts to get really pissed and calls a friend to handle a ‘stubborn’ customer.)

    Friend: “Just give us your ID.”

    (At this point, the cashier is ready to throw me out of the store. Other customers are staring.)

    Me: “I didn’t bring any ID. It is non alcoholic. Have a read.”

    Cashier: “No! You cannot buy it. You are underage. Where is your ID?”

    (I looked at the friend, practically begging him to read the bottle label. Fortunately, he did. He pointed the word “non-alcoholic” to the cashier, who immediately turned red faced. This was followed by awfully quiet and awkward transaction. The next time I went there I bought actual wine with my ID. I purposely chose the same cashier, and the shocked look on his face when he saw my birthdate was rather satisfying.)

    He Broke Christmas!

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am buying Christmas decorations in a furniture store. The checkout guy is in a hurry, scrabbling through the items on the conveyor, knocking them around.)

    Me: “Careful! Those are glass baubles!”

    Cashier: “Nah, they’re just plastic. See?”

    (He ‘accidently’ knocks them on to the floor.)

    Cashier: “Oh. I’ll just get someone to… err… fetch… another set.”

    Me: “Yeah, you do that.”


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