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    Category: Job Seekers

    Need To Apply Yourself To Your Application

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Job Seekers

    (Someone turns in a job application to me. I take it into the back and give it a glance over. The first thing I notice is that none of the non-informational questions – i.e., why do you want to work here? etc. – are answered. I look on the back and see no previous job experience. I flip back to the front and note that they are asking for a ridiculous pay per hour for a no experience needed position with no previous job experience and no effort put into their application. I start to wonder if this was a serious attempt at a job search when I notice one final detail – he did not write down his phone number. I laugh out loud and a nearby associate notices.)

    Associate: “Hmm?”

    Me: “This application… Half of it isn’t filled out, he wants more money than 90% of you guys make, and he didn’t leave his phone number. Even if this application wasn’t instantly rejected, how would we call him back?”

    (The associate looks at the application for a moment.)

    Associate: “[Name Of High School] is in [Far Away City], but he says he lives in [City In Opposite Direction]. Unless he commutes an hour to and from school every day, he’s lying.”

    Me: “What? Why would you even lie about what high school you were going to? It’s high school, who cares.”

    Associate: “Yeah. What a dweeb. We should totally hire him!”

    Me: “I’ll go hire a psychic to give me his phone number so I can give him a call back!”

    (I sticky note the application ‘How to not fill out an application’ and leave it on the desk for other managers to look at. I make sure that our store manager sees it before it gets thrown away. Two days later, the applicant actually calls and I answer the phone. I recognize the name because of the attention I had given to the application. I ask him to hold.)

    Me: “Hey, [Store Manager], remember that ridiculously hilarious application I showed you a while ago? The one where he didn’t fill out any of the questions, lied about what school he went to, and didn’t write down his phone number?”

    Store Manager: “Yeaaah?”

    Me: “Well, he just called asking about his application. What, uh… what do I tell him?”

    Store Manager: “Maybe suggestions on how to fill out a job application?”

    Me: “If you want to tell him that, then you can talk to him!”

    Questionnaire Despair

    , | England, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Job Seekers, Technology

    (I’m applying for a position online. The first part is an automated multi-choice questionnaire. The questions are overly specific, failing me every time. I ring to see if there is some room to maneuver.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m trying to apply for a position on your site, but it won’t let me continue.”

    Recruitment Agent: “How so?”

    Me: “Basically, because I have worked in similar roles, not exactly what is on the question. So ,I keep failing.”

    (I quickly explain my experience, which is already doing the job advertised.)

    Recruitment Agent: “Wow, okay. It sounds like you would be perfect for the role. Let me pass your details on to my colleague.”

    (A couple of days pass when I get this email:)

    Email: “Thank you for your information. You do seem very well equipped for this role. Please apply using the online application form.”

    Me: “Hi. I can’t use the form because my experience isn’t exactly in the field you are looking for.”

    Email: “Please use the form, as it gives everyone the same chance.”

    Me: “Sorry if i wasn’t clear. I spoke to your colleague about this. This is why she passed on my information. I already perform this role in a slightly different industry. I fill all the boxes but do not pass the test,. Can my information be looked at, please?”

    Email: “Yes, I understand. I would strongly urge you to apply for this position. Please use the online form.”

    (So, forever going round in circles, I never even got an interview for the job I already perform in a far more demanding industry.)

    Laying On The Laying Off Thick

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive, Job Seekers

    (My studio works on multiple shows, and one of them was recently canceled. Half of the team of the canceled show were absorbed into other shows, laying off people from other teams. A week after this occurs, I’m having lunch with one of the directors for a show that had to let people go because of this.)

    Director: “The last week has just been so rough.”

    Me: “Yeah, but at least you still have your job.”

    Director: “True, but I don’t think anybody could feel as bad as I do since I had to let people go.”

    Me: “You do realize that you’re talking to one of the people you had to lay off, right?”

    Interview Boo Hoo

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Job Seekers

    Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

    Me: “It is.”

    Caller: “We’ve found your CV online and wanted to get in touch as we think you’d be a perfect fit as one of our consultants at [Insurance Agency].”

    (While the caller continues their spiel about how the job will suit my skills I check the company online, and find they’re actually the same company that called me several years earlier offering the exact same position when I was last looking for work.)

    Caller: “…and so we’d like to have you come in for an interview this Friday. What time would work for you?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I’m not available on Friday.”

    Caller: “Not a problem, sir! What time on Monday can you come in?”

    Me: “I can’t do Monday either.”

    Caller: “Okay, we’ll see you Tuesday then.”

    Me: “Can’t do Tuesday.”

    Caller: “Wednesday?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Caller: “Thursday?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Me: “I’m in the process of moving out of state. I actually stated that in the cover letter I posted with my CV.”

    Caller: “Really?”

    Me: “I also put my new address on my CV, which is not anywhere near where you said you were located.”

    (I hear key taps over the phone.)

    Caller: “Oh… uh… so you did. Funny, it says on your profile you’re still in Washington.”

    Me: “Well, I am, for another two weeks or so. I must have forgotten to change that as well.”

    Caller: “Well, that’s no problem! We also have offices near your new residence so you can come in and interview next week at—”

    Me: “Okay, let me stop you right there. You guys actually called me about a consulting position before, three years ago, and hassled me that it’d lead to a promotion and the likelihood of running my own office in six months. I gave you the benefit of a doubt and attended one of your interviews… whereupon you made me and twenty other people sit through an endless lecture of how successful you are and how we’d be idiots not to work for you. Then, when you actually took me aside to speak with me privately, you told me I’d have to first shell out $1,500 for my insurance license before I could even be hired and agree to work on commission. Yeah, thanks, but unless you can guarantee this is not going to be another complete waste of my time I’m not interested.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    I’ll Drink To That

    , | TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Job Seekers

    (I go to a bookstore where I had applied for a job, and ask for the hiring manager. This happens in the cafe while I’m waiting.)

    Barista: “Hey, do you want a mocha frappe?”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t really have any money on me. Thank you, though.”

    Barista: “Nah. I already made one and the customer didn’t want it. Have it. I’d just have to throw it away otherwise.”

    Me: “Okay! Thank you so much!”

    (She really brightened my mood, and even if she didn’t realize it, she still did something amazing.)


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