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    Category: Language & Words

    We Have Great Hope For Hopping

    | UK | Employees, Language & Words, Religion

    (The congregation at our church are blindly reading the service sheet aloud, unaware of a typo in the sheet…)

    Congregation: “We go forth in faith; we go forth in hop; we go forth in joy.”

    Vicar: “You’re very welcome to go forth in hop, if you wish.”

    Scream If You Want To Go Calmer

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I suffer from anxiety, and it is often noticeable in my demeanor when I am at work. My manager is male; I am female.)

    Manager: “You’re doing fine, really. It’s okay to relax. Take some deep breaths.”

    Me: “I know. It’s just hard.”

    Manager: “One of these days I’m going to take you out to the alleyway behind the shop and make you scream.”

    Me: “…”

    Manager: “… I mean, it’s a really good confidence building exercise – the primal scream! God, that sounded really wrong. Sorry.”

    An Operating Theater Without An a Operating System

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words, Technology

    (I have to go for a diagnostic mammogram to follow up on an anomaly that showed up on my screening mammogram. Understandably, I am a bit nervous that I may have cancer. I have the new imaging done and I am called back into the examining room for my results. The tech pulls up my images on the computer and began to click on certain areas of the image.)

    Tech: “Wow, that’s odd.” *silence* “Huh, that is really strange.” *more silence then exclaims* “Oh, my God!”

    (The tech runs out of the room. Needless to say I am feeling very scared. Another lady comes and starts clicking on the images.)

    Woman: “Wow, that is odd. I have never seen anything like this before, I hope this isn’t fatal.”

    (At this point I am fighting back tears and am shaking like a leaf.)

    Woman: “Well, I guess we will have to shut it down and reboot.”

    Me: “Are you kidding me?! I was terrified!”

    (I never get an apology for scaring me. To add insult to injury, the original tech asks me:)

    Tech: “Have you had any trauma to the chest, as we can’t find the anomaly that sent you here originally.”

    Me: “The only chest trauma I experienced was from the second mammogram!”

    Tech: “Well, you don’t have to be so snarky.”

    Mop Away The Puns

    | WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (My manager walks by and sees a short train of muddy shoe prints going across our recently mopped floor.)

    Manager: “Aw, man, now we got to clean again. At least it’s not a lot.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s only a few feet. Get it?”

    Manager: *shaking his head* “Go get the mop.”

    I Say Tomato, You Say…

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am working as the backup order taker at the drive thru one night. The woman working drive thru was busy with a customer at the window, so I took the next customer’s order.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store]. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a [Signature Burger] combo with no tomato and no pickle, and a diet coke.”

    Me: “Okay, a [Signature Burger] combo with no pomato, no tickle.”

    (I pause, realizing what I just said. The customer chuckles.)

    Me: “Sorry. That’s no pomato, no tickle.”

    (Again I pause, realizing I did it again. Customer chuckles again.)

    Me: “One more time. No pomato, no tickle.”

    (Another pause. More chuckling.)

    Me: “Okay. So a [Signature Burger] meal with special toppings and a diet [Soda]. Is there anything else?”

    Customer: “No, that’s everything.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be [cost]. Please drive to the window.”

    (The customer pulls up to the window, pays, and my coworker turns to get the change. I go to the window to talk to the customer.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know why I can’t say no pomato, no tickle. I just did it again.”

    Customer: *laughing* “Yes, I don’t mind, really.”

    (My coworker gets the food while I think about how the words should sound. I ask to hand the food to the customer.)

    Me: “Here’s your [Signature Burger] combo with no tomato, no pickle. Have a good night.”

    Customer: “Thanks, and you got it this time. Bye.”


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