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    Category: Language & Words

    Showing The Signs

    | PA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I have just gotten my wisdom teeth removed, and in preparation I taught myself and my parents some sign language. My dad is with me after surgery when the nurse approaches us.)

    Nurse: *to me* “How are you feeling?”

    Me: *signing to my dad* “My mouth hurts, obviously.”

    Nurse: *gasps* “Oh! I’m so sorry, sir! I didn’t realize your daughter was deaf!” *to me, slowly and highly enunciated* “How. Are. You. Feel. Ing? You. Can. Write. On. This. Pa. Per?”

    (She offers me her clipboard and pen. I shoot my dad an exasperated look and he laughs.)

    My Dad: “She can hear fine, but she doesn’t want to talk because she just had oral surgery. She said her mouth hurts.”

    Me: *struggling to talk through the swelling* “Ow.”

    (The nurse turned bright red and apologized again. We conducted the rest of the conversation with me writing answers on the paper.)

    Has To D-emonstrate

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a clerical position at a medical office. One of my duties is filing and retrieving patient charts, which are organized alphabetically. I’m filing charts when one of the doctors walks in and hands me the chart for the patient she just saw:)

    Doctor: “Here’s a ‘D.'”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “That’s… not something you should say to an employee.”

    Doctor: “Why? What does it mean?”

    Me: “Um…” *points*

    Doctor: “…Oh.”

    Hurt Their Chicken Tender Feelings

    | NC, USA | Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words, Technology

    (I am volunteering for a concession stand for my sister’s marching band, along with that sister and our mom. Mom and I are working at registers and both of them have been malfunctioning on us. As volunteers, we can’t do anything but wait for help when this happens. Luckily, there are very few people in line.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m not sure what I want yet.”

    Me: “No problem. Take your time!”

    Customer: “What do you have ready?”

    Me: “Well, it looks like we’ve got burgers, fries, and chicken tenders ready right now.”

    Customer: “How are the chicken tenders?”

    Mom: “Uh-oh, my register isn’t scanning again.”

    Me: *under my breath* “Well, that’s not good at all.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Did you just tell me the chicken tenders aren’t good?”

    Me: “Oh, I am so sorry!” *I point to my mom, who is frowning and pushing buttons* “Her register is acting up. I meant that wasn’t good.”

    Customer: “Oh!” *starts laughing*

    Me: “The chicken tenders are actually my favorite thing we serve here. I would definitely recommend them!”

    (The customer was happy to order after that. Phew!)

    Speaking Gingerly On The Subject

    | NY, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I am talking to my coworker/friend, who has a minor computer problem and wants to contact IT. We know a reliable guy in IT who also happens to have the same first name as one of the people on our team, but one of them is Italian with dark looks, while the other is redheaded and pale.)

    Coworker: “I’m going to email [First Name] about my computer now.”

    Me: “Yeah. Make sure you don’t email ginger [First Name]!”

    Coworker: *suddenly almost whispering* “Hey, you can’t say that!”

    Me: “What, ‘ginger'”?

    Coworker: “Yeah!”

    Me: “Are you saying ‘ginger’ is a derogatory word?”

    Coworker: “Kind of…”

    Lay It All Out On A Plate For You

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Employees, Language & Words

    (I was born and raised in Warsaw but I move to London when I am 22 so I can support my mother after she recently became a widow. I take the first job that’s offered to me, and whilst the pay rate is awesome the hours are sometimes unforgiving. On this particular night, there’s no exception. Almost all night we have been busy, and I end up staying until the very early hours of the next morning, hungry and tired. I decide to stop off at a 24/7 cafe to pick up some food on the way home. I’m eating my food when the waitress walks over. It’s clear that English isn’t her first language.)

    Waitress: “I take plate for you, sir?”

    Me: *nods as I don’t want to be rude and talk with my mouthful*

    Waitress: “…sir? I take, yes?”

    (I get the idea that she hasn’t noticed I’m still eating, so I decide to raise a finger, motioning to her that when I finish eating I can speak. However, she pulls a face, grabs the empty plate and walks off without a word. I think nothing of it and finish eating before walking up to the counter to pay. It’s only when I approach the counter I hear this from the same waitress.)

    Waitress: *In Polish* “Stupid fat p***k! Why couldn’t he of just said something! There was no need for him to be an a** about it!”

    (I am shocked at this point. Not because of her comments about my weight because I’m pretty skinny, but because of how foul mouthed she is. I’m behind two other guests, before I come forward to pay. By amazing coincidence, the same waitress is taking my pay for my food.)

    Waitress: *In the nicest English accent* “Did you enjoy everything, sir?”

    Me: “Oh, the food was nice, believe me. But there was one really bad thing about my experience.”

    Waitress: “Oh yeah? What happened, sir?”

    Me: *in Polish* “You. I cannot believe someone with such a bad mouth would dare speak about their patrons like that. There was no need for you to get upset about me not responding verbally to your earlier question, as you could plainly see I was eating, and I didn’t want to spit food all over you. Now, I do believe I need to pay my bill before I leave. And you’re not getting a tip.”

    (The waitress went white in the face and processed my bill in record time. As soon as she received my money and completed the sale, she pretty much bolted from the counter!)


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