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    Category: Language & Words

    Only Fools Russian

    | ND, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Geography, Language & Words

    (I am helping a group of teenagers in one part of the store. They want to look at a different department, and they are looking to spend hundreds each, so I make sure to call ahead on the walkie.)

    Me: “Heads up, [Department]. There’s going to be some Russian customers coming over to look at [Product].”

    Coworker: “Okay, sounds good.”

    Manager: “[My Name], don’t say that. That’s offensive.”

    Me: “What is?”

    Manager: “Russian!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. They are from Russia; I was just describing them.”

    Manager: “But you can’t just call people Russian! What if they get offended?”

    Me: “They are Russian. They are speaking Russian to each other, which I know because I speak a little Russian. Their jackets say ‘Russia’ on the back.”

    Manager: “Yes, but…”

    Me: “And they are part of Russia’s national under-21 hockey team. I don’t think anyone could be prouder to be Russian.”

    Manager: “Well, don’t do it any more.”

    Not Makin’ It Out

    | ME, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (I’m known for being rather quick-witted and goofy. One of the shift leaders comes over to me while I’m on the service desk.)

    Shift Leader: “How you makin’ out over here?”

    Me: “Well, I’ve never kissed a girl before but as soon as I have, I’ll let you know.”

    Shift Leader: *leaves with a large smile on her face trying hard not to laugh!*

    Showing The Signs

    | PA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I have just gotten my wisdom teeth removed, and in preparation I taught myself and my parents some sign language. My dad is with me after surgery when the nurse approaches us.)

    Nurse: *to me* “How are you feeling?”

    Me: *signing to my dad* “My mouth hurts, obviously.”

    Nurse: *gasps* “Oh! I’m so sorry, sir! I didn’t realize your daughter was deaf!” *to me, slowly and highly enunciated* “How. Are. You. Feel. Ing? You. Can. Write. On. This. Pa. Per?”

    (She offers me her clipboard and pen. I shoot my dad an exasperated look and he laughs.)

    My Dad: “She can hear fine, but she doesn’t want to talk because she just had oral surgery. She said her mouth hurts.”

    Me: *struggling to talk through the swelling* “Ow.”

    (The nurse turned bright red and apologized again. We conducted the rest of the conversation with me writing answers on the paper.)

    Has To D-emonstrate

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a clerical position at a medical office. One of my duties is filing and retrieving patient charts, which are organized alphabetically. I’m filing charts when one of the doctors walks in and hands me the chart for the patient she just saw:)

    Doctor: “Here’s a ‘D.'”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “That’s… not something you should say to an employee.”

    Doctor: “Why? What does it mean?”

    Me: “Um…” *points*

    Doctor: “…Oh.”

    Hurt Their Chicken Tender Feelings

    | NC, USA | Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words, Technology

    (I am volunteering for a concession stand for my sister’s marching band, along with that sister and our mom. Mom and I are working at registers and both of them have been malfunctioning on us. As volunteers, we can’t do anything but wait for help when this happens. Luckily, there are very few people in line.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m not sure what I want yet.”

    Me: “No problem. Take your time!”

    Customer: “What do you have ready?”

    Me: “Well, it looks like we’ve got burgers, fries, and chicken tenders ready right now.”

    Customer: “How are the chicken tenders?”

    Mom: “Uh-oh, my register isn’t scanning again.”

    Me: *under my breath* “Well, that’s not good at all.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Did you just tell me the chicken tenders aren’t good?”

    Me: “Oh, I am so sorry!” *I point to my mom, who is frowning and pushing buttons* “Her register is acting up. I meant that wasn’t good.”

    Customer: “Oh!” *starts laughing*

    Me: “The chicken tenders are actually my favorite thing we serve here. I would definitely recommend them!”

    (The customer was happy to order after that. Phew!)


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