(I’m at the movie theater with my parents. Before the previews start, an employee comes to the front of the theater to make a customary speech.)

Employee: “…and please turn off all cell phones and vibrators.”

(There’s a pause before a few chuckles from the audience break out.)

Employee: *laughs* “I know what I said! Enjoy your movie!”

Me: *to my parents* “I didn’t realize this was that kind of theater!”

(My first name is Sherri. One of my supervisor got my name right the first few times, but she’s started calling me by different names.)

Supervisor: “Charlene!”

(I’m walking to another department to return some items, and figure she’s calling someone else.)

Supervisor: “Charlene!” *waves frantically*

(I turn a corner and keep walking.)

Supervisor: “Charlene!”

(I stop to put some items back on the shelf. Finally, the supervisor comes up and taps me on the shoulder.)

Supervisor: “Charlene! Charlene!”

Me: “Oh, you were calling out to me?”

Supervisor: “Your name is Charlene, isn’t it?”

Me: “No.”

Supervisor: “…Oh.”

Related:
A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 3 (Not Always Right)
A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 2 (Not Always Right)
A Bozo By Any Other Name (Not Always Right)

(My family is Chinese. I’m checking out books for five-year-olds. I’m 27.)

Employee: “Oh, is this for your kid?”

Me: “Actually my grandma.”

Employee: “Hahaha, your grandma?! Really? She reads these baby books? What a big baby she is!”

Me: “Well, Chinese is her native language. The English in these books is her level.”

Employee: “Then why the hell didn’t she learn any English?”

Me: “She is. She spoke as much English as a one-year-old when she came here last year.”

Employee: “Well she’s learning too slowly. She can’t come here and not learn English instantly.”

Me: “Are you serious? She’s trying her best. She’s also enrolled in an English course.”

Employee: “Well, tell her to learn faster!”

(School is about to begin, so I’ve already given my notice for a summer job. I only have about a week left of working there.)

Boss: “Hey, I’ve been going over your paperwork here, and you have to actually do it right. You can’t just scribble something down with made-up words.”

Me: “What are you talking about? I’m doing my best here.”

Boss: “You’re making up words! What the F*** is ‘tet-ra-chee’ supposed to mean?”

(I take the paperwork and see where he’s pointing.)

Me: “That’s ‘tertiary’. It means third, as in ‘Build a tertiary display’.”

Boss: “You just made that up. You have to do this all over again.”

(He then tears up my paperwork and throws it away. I fill it out again, making sure to use simple words. Later on, he calls me into his office.)

Boss: “I’m sorry. I looked it up, and tertiary is a real word. But you still have to use words that I can understand when you fill those things out.”

Me: “So, what grade level should I aim for… third or fourth?”

(I hand him the paperwork that I filled out again, but this time with my apron and my name badge and left the job for good.)

(My husband and I have just moved from Missouri to Florida. We both have a slight country accent, but nothing too distinct.)

Employee: “Hey there, did you all find everything today?”

My Husband: “Yep, found everything today.”

Employee: “Ooo, an accent. Where are you guys from?”

Me: “We just moved here from Missouri.”

Employee: “Oh, that’s cool.”

(She continues to make small talk with us as she rings out our items and takes our payment. She hands me my change and receipt.)

Employee: “I got to say, you both speak English really well.”

Me: “…Um, yeah. Thanks, I think. Not sure why I wouldn’t, though.”

Employee: “Well, I know that English is a hard language to learn. That’s why most foreigners don’t bother to learn it, but I’m glad you all did; it’ll make life easier for you. Welcome to America, by the way. Hope you enjoy your stay!”