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    Category: Language & Words

    A World-Changing Donation

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Language & Words

    (We are currently in competition with competing stores to collect the most donations for world hunger relief. My coworker takes a drive thru order:)

    Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [Fast Food]. This is [Coworker] speaking. Would you like to donate a dollar to end world hunger?”

    (The customer says yes, orders, and then pulls up. As she is making his order she distractedly takes the next order:)

    Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [Fast Food]. This is [Coworker] speaking. Would you like to donate a dollar to end the world?”

    Customer: *nervously* “Uhm, no, thank you.”

    Coworker: “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! To end world hunger! Not the world!”

    Customer: “Well, in that case, sure!”

    Got The Innuendo In The End-o

    | IL, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (We have just received a shipment of office supplies, including some small pieces of furniture which require some assembly. I volunteer to build them, only to find that tools were not included with the parts.)

    Me: “Hey, does anyone know if we have a little wrench or something here?”

    Coworker #1: “Um, I don’t know. Why?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m putting together our new stuff, but they didn’t include any tools.”

    Coworker #1: *starting to giggle* “Um, so you need a little tool?”

    Coworker #2: *also starting to laugh* “I’m not sure I have any tool to give you.”

    Me: *not getting the joke* “Well, I just need, like, a wrench or something. I have to tighten my nuts.”

    (Both of my coworkers lose it as I realize what I’ve just said.)

    Me: “You both are horrible!”

    (Later, after I’ve finished assembling the furniture, I got them back.)

    Me: “There! All done! I just needed the right tool for my nuts!”

    Tell Them ‘NO’

    | NC, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, New Hires

    (As the assistant manager of a game store, I joke that we need to make sure our employees know their alphabet, as we could never find what we were looking for (usually misplaced on the shelves). One holiday season, I am helping a seasonal employee, who incidentally is a high school senior, work the shelves:)

    Seasonal Employee: “Hey, [My Name], does ‘R’ come before or after ‘V?’”

    Me: “Uh… before. You know, there’s even a song about it.”

    Seasonal Employee: “Yeah, but after I reach ‘M’ I just fake it.”

    Me: “…?”

    The Name Was Not A Piece Of Cake

    | WI, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Like many other bakeries, ours takes custom orders by asking for a last name that the customer can pick up by. Also of note, I work only the very early morning shifts, so I see very little of our customer base and take very few orders myself.)

    Customer: “Good morning. Pick up for a cake for [very Polish-sounding last name that starts with a K].”

    Me: “Sure! Just a moment please.”

    (I go to the cooler to check for the cake, but there is only one order, and it is for a [very obviously English last name starting with an H]. I return to the customer.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry sir, but I can’t seem to find the cake. Could it possibly have been listed under any other name?”

    (The customer’s eyes go wide while I speak.)

    Customer: “No, it would only be under [Polish Name].”

    (I decide to check the orders that have been finished and marked as received, and there’s a similar Polish name starting with an A. I take the order by the customer, in case someone in his family had picked it up earlier.)

    Me: “Could it possibly be [Other Polish Name]?”

    Customer: “No, no it has to be [Polish Name].”

    (While I start to speak again, my coworker comes up to see what’s going on, and the customer seems to recognize her. She quickly walks away, but then comes back with the lone cake from the cooler and stops me in mid-sentence.)

    Coworker: “Is the cake for a Harry and Larry?” *looking at the decorations written on the cake*

    Customer: *joking with her* “Well, it’s supposed to be for a Larry and Harry, but I suppose that will do!” *he takes the cake with satisfaction and heads off*

    Me: “…what?”

    Coworker: “Oh, I took his order the other day, and I recognized him. What was the problem?”

    Me: “He asked for an order with a very obviously a Polish name starting with a K that I can’t even pronounce or begin to spell. That is NOT the name written on the order form.”

    Coworker: “Oh… was I anywhere close?”

    Me: “…nowhere near.”

    Go Native Or Go Home

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, History, Language & Words, Top

    (I’m in line at a popular discount retail store, with two people ahead of me. The women at the head of the line is clearly new to English, and while she has a thick accent and struggles, she does her best to speak to the cashier in English, even though he rolls his eyes and makes her repeat everything several times. Finally, she is able to leave. As soon as she’s out of earshot:)

    Cashier: “Ugh, they shouldn’t be allowed in our stores until they learn our language.”

    (The man ahead of me says several things in another language.)

    Cashier: “Oh, man, not another one. This is America. Learn the language.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed you’d learned Cherokee, since you’re so big on people learning the local language. My mistake.”

    (The cashier turned bright red and didn’t say another word through the transaction.)


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