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    Category: Language & Words

    An Operating Theater Without An a Operating System

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words, Technology

    (I have to go for a diagnostic mammogram to follow up on an anomaly that showed up on my screening mammogram. Understandably, I am a bit nervous that I may have cancer. I have the new imaging done and I am called back into the examining room for my results. The tech pulls up my images on the computer and began to click on certain areas of the image.)

    Tech: “Wow, that’s odd.” *silence* “Huh, that is really strange.” *more silence then exclaims* “Oh, my God!”

    (The tech runs out of the room. Needless to say I am feeling very scared. Another lady comes and starts clicking on the images.)

    Woman: “Wow, that is odd. I have never seen anything like this before, I hope this isn’t fatal.”

    (At this point I am fighting back tears and am shaking like a leaf.)

    Woman: “Well, I guess we will have to shut it down and reboot.”

    Me: “Are you kidding me?! I was terrified!”

    (I never get an apology for scaring me. To add insult to injury, the original tech asks me:)

    Tech: “Have you had any trauma to the chest, as we can’t find the anomaly that sent you here originally.”

    Me: “The only chest trauma I experienced was from the second mammogram!”

    Tech: “Well, you don’t have to be so snarky.”

    Mop Away The Puns

    | WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (My manager walks by and sees a short train of muddy shoe prints going across our recently mopped floor.)

    Manager: “Aw, man, now we got to clean again. At least it’s not a lot.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s only a few feet. Get it?”

    Manager: *shaking his head* “Go get the mop.”

    I Say Tomato, You Say…

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am working as the backup order taker at the drive thru one night. The woman working drive thru was busy with a customer at the window, so I took the next customer’s order.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store]. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a [Signature Burger] combo with no tomato and no pickle, and a diet coke.”

    Me: “Okay, a [Signature Burger] combo with no pomato, no tickle.”

    (I pause, realizing what I just said. The customer chuckles.)

    Me: “Sorry. That’s no pomato, no tickle.”

    (Again I pause, realizing I did it again. Customer chuckles again.)

    Me: “One more time. No pomato, no tickle.”

    (Another pause. More chuckling.)

    Me: “Okay. So a [Signature Burger] meal with special toppings and a diet [Soda]. Is there anything else?”

    Customer: “No, that’s everything.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be [cost]. Please drive to the window.”

    (The customer pulls up to the window, pays, and my coworker turns to get the change. I go to the window to talk to the customer.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know why I can’t say no pomato, no tickle. I just did it again.”

    Customer: *laughing* “Yes, I don’t mind, really.”

    (My coworker gets the food while I think about how the words should sound. I ask to hand the food to the customer.)

    Me: “Here’s your [Signature Burger] combo with no tomato, no pickle. Have a good night.”

    Customer: “Thanks, and you got it this time. Bye.”

    An Acrimonious Acronym

    | USA | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words

    (I manage a retail boutique. I have been looking to hire a replacement for a keyholder who is leaving, and I have to be fairly picky about who I hire in those positions, as they’re responsible for opening and closing the store by themselves when my assistant or I are off, as well as handling deposits, taking $1000 custom orders, etc. Meanwhile, I have a seasonal associate who has no interest in talking with customers and has difficulty following instructions on tasks.)

    Seasonal Associate: “What’s a [acronym for sales performance goals]?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Seasonal Associate: “A [acronym for sales performance goals]. What is that?”

    Me: “You’re joking, right?”

    Seasonal Associate: “…no? [District manager] just sent an email about that and I didn’t know what it meant.”

    Me: “[Seasonal Associate], I know for a fact that [Assistant Manager] and I both explained it to you when we interviewed you for the job, as well as during it your first couple shifts. It was explained in the orientation video that I witnessed you watch and take a quiz on. We’ve used that term every single day, multiple times a day, since you started five months ago. There’s a huge chart, at eye level, on the door to the sales floor that tracks everyone’s [acronym for sales performance goals] each week. How do you not know this?”

    Seasonal Associate: *shrug*

    Me: “You do realize that [acronym for sales performance goals] is literally the only way the company judges how our store is performing, right?”

    Seasonal Associate: “I didn’t realize that. By the way, if you can’t find another key-holder, I can do it!”

    Spun Out A New Color

    | Chandler, AZ, USA | Employees, Language & Words

    (I am a customer at this paint store waiting to have some paint mixed. Another customer enters the store and requests two cans of the color ‘spun sugar.’ The employee enters the product in his computer.)

    Employee: “Sorry, sir, it doesn’t look like we carry that one.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I’m positive this is where we saw it.”

    Employee: “Nope. I don’t see that in our system at all.”

    Customer: “Let me check over on your sample wall.”

    Employee: “I’ll be impressed if you can find it. If it’s on our wall but not in our system then something is wrong with my computer.”

    (The customer comes back after about five minutes of searching.)

    Customer: “Look, I found it! Spun Sugar!”

    (The employee peers at the paint can and then chuckles in an embarrassed way.)

    Employee: “That explains it! Here I just spent the last 10 minutes searching our system for ‘SPONGE Sugar.'”


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