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    Category: Language & Words

    He Swore It Was On Aisle Three

    | Cordova, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Language & Words

    (I am looking for something in the organic section. I am in the store at around 12:15 am. I walk up to a night stocker.)

    Me: “Can you tell me where to find organic coconut oil?”

    Him: “That mother-f***** is going to be on aisle three.”

    (I walked away dumbfounded, headed to aisle three, and finally found it on aisle five.)

    That Age-Old Taboo

    | CA, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (I’m autistic, and despite holding a customer service position, I’ve never been very good at conversing with people (I was hired primarily for my extensive knowledge of our products). After watching one of my coworkers easily strike up lively conversations with customers, I decide to try practicing my social skills with a customer who’s purchasing a DVD.)

    Me: “Oh! I really need to watch this one. I’ve heard it’s excellent.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s great! I first watched it back when I was, like, thirteen. I didn’t get most of the references back then.”

    Me: “You saw it when you were thirteen? Wow, I didn’t know it had been around that long!”

    (The customer was suddenly less enthusiastic for the rest of the transaction. I didn’t figure out what could have gone wrong until after he left. Then I decided it’d be best to stop practicing for the day.)

    A Disarming Calming

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (It’s a busy Friday night and our support staff is hitting a few snags. I am also easily frustrated.)

    Me: *ranting to no one in particular* “I don’t know what the f*** is wrong with the hosts tonight. I’m gonna choke-slam someone. Why isn’t this food going out? We can’t just… What the H***! Why is… ugh!”

    Coworker:Goosfrabaaaaaa. Shhh. Goosfraba.” *walks away and delivers an order to a table…*

    Digging A Deeper Hole For Themselves

    | NV, USA | Job Seekers, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m standing in the elevator with a well-dressed but nervous looking young woman. She turns to me.)

    Woman: “Do you work in [Department]?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Woman: “Is the department head nice? I’m going to my interview right now and I’m really worried that he’ll be an a**-hole or something. This is my first job and I’m kind of freaking out.”

    (She giggles nervously. I blink at her a few times, then offer her my hand.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m [Department Head]. You must be [Name]. I promise I’m not an a**-hole.”

    (She turned red and started apologizing profusely. Luckily, I thought it was funny, and ended up hiring her. She’s still one of my best employees.)

    Be Mindful Of Typos

    | Johannesburg, South Africa | Employees, Job Seekers, Language & Words

    (I have just been promoted to junior recruitment consultant. Unfortunately, I do not have an assistant to type my documents and résumés so I ask the receptionist to help me. This also gives her the ability to grow in her position as no one else gives her that chance. We always inform our clients if we interview the candidates in person, telephonically, or via Skype.)

    Client: “Hahaha! My boss thinks you guys are brilliant!”

    Me: “Um, why?”

    Client: “The resume says you guys interviewed this candidate telepathically!”

    (Turned out the receptionist had typed on the resume ‘telepathically’ instead of ‘telephonically’ and I hadn’t picked it up when I sent the resume to the client. She even won an award with our head office for this little blunder…)


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