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    Category: Language & Words

    The Icing On The Cake Is The Icing On The Cake

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (My mom is at the bakery buying a cake for a special occasion.)

    Employee: “Here’s your cake. Would you like anything written on it?”

    Mom: “Well, yes, but I was wondering if I can do it myself?”

    Employee: “Oh, no, that’s quite all right. I can do it myself.”

    Mom: “No, this is something only I can write. I don’t think you can do it.”

    Employee: “Rest assured, ma’am, I am very confident in my ability to write with icing. I’ve worked here for over 15 years, and I’ve gotten quite good at it.”

    Mom: “Look, I’m pretty sure you’re really good at it, but please humour me just this once. If you can just give me a piping bag and some icing, I’ll do it myself and be on my way.”

    Employee: “Okay, ma’am, but only on the condition that you pay for the cake even if the writing doesn’t turn out to your liking.”

    Mom: “Fine by me.”

    (The employee hands a piping bag full of chocolate icing to my mom. She takes the piping bag, and starts masterfully writing on a 10-inch cake, in KOREAN. She writes small enough to put at least three sentences on such a small space. The employee just looks at this spectacle, dumbfounded.)

    Employee: “Okay. You’re right, and I’m wrong. That’ll teach me for doubting a customer.”

    You’ll Find Them Next To The Spoonerism And Cutlery

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (My coworker is distracted doing some paperwork. A customer approaches her. I am coming from behind the customer.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have fitted sheets?”

    Coworker: “Yes, ‘s***ted feets’ are over there”

    (My coworker points, and the customer heads off.)

    Me: “Um, [Coworker], do you realise what you just said to that customer?”

    Coworker: “Yes, I told her where the fitted sheets were.”

    Me: “No, you told her where the s***ted feets were.”

    Coworker: “No, I didn’t. Did I?”

    Me: “Yep and I don’t even think the customer realised either.”

    Have To Die To Get A Break

    | Tilton, NH, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (I work in a women’s clothing store where all the associates wear headsets to keep in contact with everywhere in the store. I am at the register with a coworker, while two others are in our fitting room and our manager is in the back.)

    Manager: *over the headset* “All right, [My Name]. When you’re done with your customer I’m going to send you to the fitting room so [Coworker #2] can go decompose.”

    (I pause, wondering if I heard right. I head back toward the fitting room.)

    Coworker #1: *over the headset* “Decompose?”

    Manager: *over the headset* “Decompress, compose herself, whatever.”

    (I could hear Coworker #1 laughing across the store and found Coworker #3 trying not to laugh in the fitting room. We now joke about going on break to ‘decompose.’)

    Giving Dry Humor A Dry Run

    | Gascoyne, WA, Australia | Employees, Language & Words, Tourists & Travel

    (I work in a remote roadhouse. After many years of the same questions I get a bit tired of them so I have a little fun.)

    Customer: “Do you have a shower?”

    Me: “Yeah, about once a day. Twice if it’s hot.”

    Customer: “Where are your toilets?”

    Me: “If you go out that door you can go anywhere in the courtyard. All of the plants need to be watered.”

    (Everyone usually laughed. They hadn’t seen people on over 100 km so a sense of humor was appreciated, no matter how dry.)

    That Blew Up In His Face

    | Watford, England, UK | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My spouse, parents and I are visiting a popular studio tour for a certain movie series. It’s bank holiday weekend, so the crowds are pretty big. We’ve been queuing for a while, and as we’re led into the first room, we’re tired and restless, and surrounded by many people feeling just the same.)

    Guide: *climbs onto a platform so everyone has a clear view of him* “Good afternoon, everyone! My name is [Guide] and I’m here to blow you this afternoon!”

    (The guide freezed, realising what he’s just said. The kids were oblivious, but several adults, my family included, started giggling as the guide composed himself and continued as if nothing happened.)

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