(I am a teenager going with my mother at the optometrist’s office.)

Receptionist: “Yeah, what can I do for you?”

My Mom: “We have an appointment for 1:30 with [optometrist].”

Receptionist: “Name?”

My Mom: *gives our last name*

Receptionist: “Patient’s name?”

My Mom: *gestures to me* “This is Vanessa.”

Receptionist: *rudely* “I don’t need to know which one of you it is, just the first name. Take a seat!”

(We are a little taken aback, but take our seats. An hour passes before my mom gets up to inquire why it’s taking so long.)

My Mom: “Excuse me, we’ve been waiting an hour—”

Receptionist: “Not my problem.”

My Mom: “Um, when do you think we’ll be seen?”

Receptionist: *sighs dramatically* “Did you have an appointment?”

My Mom: “Yes, for 1:30.”

Receptionist: “Name?”

My Mom: *gives our last name again*

Receptionist: *looks at the computer* “Uh, yeah, we cancelled that. If you’re more than 15 minutes late we cancel you. Sorry.”

My Mom: “Are you kidding me? We were here at 1:15. The appointment was for 1:30. It’s 2:16 now.”

Receptionist: “Yeah, and you said your name was ‘Venesia.’ I don’t have you down for an appointment, so you’re seen as a walk-in.”

Me: “My name’s VANESSA.”

Receptionist: “Oh, Va-NESS-a. Well, not my fault I can’t understand that weird name! You’ll be seen as soon as the doctor can see you, m’kay?”

My Mom: “We’ve been waiting for an hour. We gave you our last name when we checked in; didn’t you see the name on the list?”

Receptionist: “Nope.”

My Mom: “Well, how much more of a wait will there be?”

Receptionist: “I don’t know. Not my problem.”

My Mom: “It is your problem because it’s your job to check us in! We were here on time; I expect her to be seen today!”

Receptionist: “Well, too bad, you’ll have to wait. Now either go sit down with your ugly four-eyed daughter or take your [racial slur] selves home and make another appointment!”

My Mom: “We won’t bother with either, actually. We’re done with this office. You need an attitude check.”

Receptionist: “Fine. Whatever, b****.”

(We hurry out of there. We ended up having to change doctors, which is a shame because that optometrist was actually very good. We just couldn’t deal with that receptionist again.)

(I am a regular at a well-known coffee chain, which is known for writing customers’ names on their cups. I have just ordered a drink.)

Barista: “Can I have your name, please?”

Me: “Sure, it’s Demitri.”

Barista: “And how is that spelled?”

Me: “Spell it however you want; it’s not my real name.”

Barista: *laughs* “Okay!”

(When I got my drink, she had spelled my name “Demivowloxtq7bdf%tri.”)

Me: “I’m looking for some clothes for an interview that I have tonight, but I’m an actor, so it’s not a typical interview.”

Salesperson: “You’re not an actor!”

Me: “Well, yes, I am an actor.”

Salesperson: “You’re not an actor! You’re not a man!”

Me: “It is true, I am a woman, but I am an actor.”

Salesperson: “You’re an actress!”

Me: “We don’t really use that term any more.”

Salesperson: “You don’t look like a man!”

(I have just started a new job, and my coworkers and I have been tasked with signing up as many people as possible for our company’s loyalty card. I’m discussing my success, or lack thereof, with the coworker nearest me.)

Me: “Look! I got five people to sign up!”

Coworker: “Look how many I got!”

(She fans out all her slips; there’s at least a dozen.)

Me: “You got so many! You’re just very charismatic.”

Coworker: “…Does that mean like a b****?”

(She’s a wonderful person… she just could really use a dictionary!)

(My family physician tells me that I need to get some blood work done. So, I go to the medical lab nearby to get this arranged.)

Me: “Hi, Dr. [name] told me I needed to get some blood work done here. Could I possibly make an appointment?”

Receptionist: “No, we don’t take appointments.”

Me: “I see. So does that mean it can be done right now?”

Receptionist: “No, unfortunately we can’t fit you in today. However, I do have a slot open for 11:15 AM on Saturday.”

Me: “Oh, so you *do* take appointments.”

Receptionist: “It’s not an appointment. This just happens to be the earliest possible date and time we can fill you in on.”

Me: “Okay, I can live with that. 11:15 on Saturday will work just fine.”

Receptionist: “All right, I just penciled you in. See you on Saturday!”

(I got my ‘not-appointment’ and left the lab satisfied. I then showed up to my not-appointment the following Saturday and got my blood work done without a hitch. Thanks to the not-appointment I arranged, of course!)