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  • Establishing Order Over Tall Orders
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  • Category: Language & Words

    The Sad State Of Kate

    | OH, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words

    (I’m a female with a typically male name, and people often get confused when I tell them what it is. In this instance, I’m at a restaurant where I have to give my name.)

    Employee: “And what name should I put on the order?”

    Me: “Caden.”

    Employee: “Katie?”

    Me: “C-A-D-E-N.”

    Employee: “That’s a weird way to spell Katie.”

    A Caustic Sense Of Humor

    | ON, Canada | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (We are re-doing our annual safety training including PPE, chemicals etc.)

    Instructor: “So does anyone know what caustic means?”

    Coworker: “Yes, that’s the good one, right? The one we all want?”

    (Everyone is laughing.)

    Coworker: “No, I’m sure that’s the good one.  My mom calls me caustic all the time. It’s a good thing.”

    Boss: “You are, and it’s not.”

    What Came First, The Pun Or The Egg

    | England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I am talking to some colleagues about a job some of us have been put on.)

    Me: “I hope it doesn’t eat into the weekend.”

    Coworker #1: “I can’t let it do that.”

    Coworker #2: “You have plans?”

    Coworker #1: “Well, it’s a friend’s birthday and we’re doing an Easter Egg hunt. I missed last weekend when she was making the eggs because of work so I can’t miss this weekend as well.”

    Coworker #2: “No, you should definitely go.”

    Me: “It sounds great.”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah. Now all we need is a pun to go with this.”

    (We fall silent for a few seconds.)

    Me: “Well, if you let them cancel this weekend as well, you’ll just be egging them on to cancel all your weekend plans.”

    Coworker #1: “Exactly! This kind of punning ability is why you’re going to go far!”

    Too Early For Proper English

    | Shippensburg, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (In my first semester of college, I have an eight am class clear on the other side of campus. I am not once on time. One particularly bad morning I am walking to class, for my eight am midterm, at around 8:35. I stop in at my usual coffee spot on the way with my usual elderly coffee lady.)

    Me: *apparently speaking in what I assume is poor German for no apparent reason other than fatigue* “Ich möchte eine tasse kaffe, bitte.” *German for: I would like a cup of coffee, please*

    Coffee Lady: “Eine große oder kleine?” *German for: Large or small?*

    Me: *very much confused* “Did I ask for coffee in German?”

    Coffee Lady: “Yes.”

    Me: “Oh. Uh, große, bitte.” *German: A large cup, please*

    Coffee Lady: “Coffee’s on me. You’re going to miss your test.”

    (I run to class. As it turns out she is from Germany and was just as surprised as I was that I ordered in German! After my midterm I came back and chatted with her and we have been friends ever since! And she’s bought more than a few cups of joe for me!)

    Can’t Quit Good Grammar

    | IN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Language & Words

    (I recently moved from Indiana to Denver, Colorado. Before my move I worked in a small retail store in a small town. The manager of said store had a hefty amount of bias toward me for having tattoos and piercings, even though she said that they would not be a problem during my interview. She even hired me right on the spot. I turned in my notice that I was quitting and worked even fewer days at the store. One night I was on break in the stockroom and I found a note full of complaints about the employees at the store. One was about me.)

    Customer: “I see that you have a young lady working at your store. I don’t like her. I checked out the other day and she didn’t smile at me while I was standing there. She’s so ungrateful! She should feel lucky that she even has a job! I am really disappointed with your service.”

    (After reading that, I see a note underneath it addressed to me from the manager.)

    Manager: “[My Name] Not acceptable!!!! You been here to long.” (sic)

    (Annoyed by the consistent, shallow complaints against some of my coworkers and me, and fully knowing I was not going to be working for this woman much longer, I proceed to scribble out a little message for her.)

    Me: “[My Name] comma Unacceptable!” *I then slash the excessive punctuation marks* “YOU’VE or YOU HAVE been here for TOO long.”

    (I gave her a generous B minus for a grade and proceeded to add my own thoughts:)

    Me: “No kidding. Tell me about it. That’s why I quit.”

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