(I’m tagging clothes with a new colleague, showing her what to do and where things go. We’ve been working for about an hour when she asks for help.)

Coworker: “Hey [my name], is this a man’s or a woman’s?”

Me: “What does it say on the tag?”

Coworker: “Um, it just says maternity. There’s no size on it or anything. How are we supposed to know what it is if people cut the tags off?”

Me: “But you just said it’s maternity.”

Coworker: “Yeah so? Which is it… men’s or women’s?”

Me: “What do you think ‘maternity’ means?”

Coworker: “Isn’t it like a brand of clothing?”

Me: “Not quite. Maternity means for pregnant women.”

Coworker: “Oh my God! Are you kidding me?” *turns red*

Me: “My name is Guinan Chan. But, just write ‘G Chan’; it’s easier.”

Employee: “Guinan?”

Me: “Yes, but just use my first initial.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but Guinan?”

Me: “Yes, it’s Mandarin. I realize that sounds unusual here.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but you need an English name.”

Me: “…Pardon?”

Employee: “You need an English name.”

Me: “Okay… how about Pennebrygg?”

Employee: “…”

Me: “…with two Ns and two Gs.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “It’s English. It dates back to at least the 14th century.”

(My order arrived addressed to ‘G Chan’.)

(I need to get some prescription medication, and decide to use the opportunity to get some exfoliating cream, which helps remove dead skin.)

Me: “Hi, this is a prescription I need filled. Can you also tell me where you keep the exfoliating creams?”

Cashier: “…The what?”

Me: “Exfoliating creams?”

Cashier: *slowly* “Ex-fooo-liating creams…” *turns to her manager* “What’s exfoliating creams?”

Manager: *to me* “They’re right this way.”

Cashier: “Sorry, I haven’t learnt big words yet!”

(At the supermarket where my boyfriend works, he has to sign his initials each time he finishes with a job. His initials just happen to be “WTF”. One night he gets a call from his manager, who is notoriously mean-spirited.)

My Boyfriend: “Hello?”

Manager: “Do you think this s*** is funny?!”

My Boyfriend: “…Excuse me?”

Manager: “Do you think I have time to waste from you and your bulls***? You put those letters down like it’s a joke?”

My Boyfriend: “That’s my name, [manager]. W***** T***** F****.”

(The manager is silent on the line for a few moments.)

Manager: “…Umm, okay. Carry on. See you at work on Sunday.” *hangs up*

Me: “Yeah, can I get some condiments, please?”

Server: *looks pale* “Um, what did you say?”

Me: “Can I get some condiments please?”

Server: *still looks pale* “Um, let me get my manager.”

(By now, I’m really confused as to what is going on. The manager walks out.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what did you say to my employee?”

Me: “I simply asked for some condiments.”

Manager: *stern look* “We don’t sell that here. This is a FAMILY restaurant.”

Me: *confused* “You mean you don’t give out packets of ketchup or mustard or whatnot?”

Manager: “Oh! That! Oh, sorry. Why didn’t you just say so?!”