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    Category: Language & Words

    Going Through A Spell Of Spelling

    | Austin, TX, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work at a popular home improvement store. The following conversation occurs between me and three coworkers. Note: I’m 21 and female, Coworker #1 is 25 and a new mom, Coworker #2 is female and 60, and Coworker #3 is male and in his 50s. Coworker #1 is explaining about ‘fajas’ which are like Mexican Spanx.)

    Coworker #1: “So, my friend makes them specifically for each person. It really works. It’s breathable and comfortable.”

    Coworker #2: “How much does it cover?”

    Coworker #1: “Depends. Usually from your shoulders to about mid-thigh.”

    Me: “How much do they usually cost?”

    Coworker #1: “Eh… around $120, but it really, really works.”

    Coworker #2: “Is it like tank top straps? How thick are they?”

    Coworker #1: “Oh, they’re pretty thin. Like an inch or so thick.”

    Coworker #2: “And do you wear your…” *glances at Coworker #3 nervously* “…B-R-A over it?”

    Me & Coworker #1: *bursts out laughing*

    Coworker #3: *fake confused frown* “B-R-A? Jeez, I wonder what that could be. Let me Google it.”

    Coworker #2: *blushes* “Oh, I can’t believe I just did that.”

    Me: “I can’t believe either. You really thought [Coworker #3] wouldn’t know what B-R-A spells?”

    Coworker #2: “Well, it’s just like when I used to do C-A-N-D-Y when my boys were little… but then they’d tell me they knew how to spell.”

    Coworker #3: “Still trying to Google B-R-A over here.”

    They Got There In The End-o

    | WA, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Transportation

    (I live in Washington, but I bought a motorcycle online from a seller in Florida. I am looking for a shipping center that can receive it, so I am calling around to gauge my options.)

    Employee: “Hello, [Shipping Center].”

    Me: “Hi, I have a question for you.”

    Employee: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Me: “What is the biggest package you can take?”

    Employee: “Do you really think I haven’t heard that one before? F*** off until you get a better joke.” *hangs up*

    (Not quite the response I was expecting, but judging by my wording, I don’t blame him. I give him another call.)

    Employee: “Hello, [Shipping Center].”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about earlier, but I bought a motorcycle out-of-state. Do you guys accept shipments that big?”

    Employee: “Oh, that’s what you meant? Yeah, we can store motorcycles.”

    (I talked to him some more about setting up an account, expected shipping dates, and other important stuff. On the day my motorcycle arrived, I actually met this guy in person. He was actually a very friendly fellow, and he’s also a very big fan of motorcycles. His biggest pet peeve happened to be prank callers, and, by his own admission, that is the only time anyone saw his bad side.)

    A Very Scary Month

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (My coworker is from France. His accent is very good, but is very strong with certain words:)

    Coworker: ‘’I need the report from a ghost.’’

    Me: ‘’What?’’

    Coworker: ‘’ A ghost. A ghost’s report. It’s missing?’’

    Me: ‘’A ghost report?’’

    Coworker: ‘Yes. A ghost.’’

    Me: ‘’Ghost.’’

    (He wanted the report from August.)

    Death Defying Colors

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Employees, Language & Words

    (Two women approach my till.)

    Woman: “Do you have books on dying and grieving?”

    Me: “Yes, of course. Right this way.”

    (I take her and her friend to our psychology section where at the top there are books on death and dying. The women look at each other awkwardly.)

    Woman: “Umm… we said dyeing and weaving.”

    (I promptly took them to our crafts section, apologizing the whole way!)

    Cooked Just Like Grandma Used To

    | NS, Canada | Coworkers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words

    (Coworker and I are chatting about what we did the previous weekend:)

    Coworker: “…and then we went over to my grandma’s house.”

    (The phone rings.)

    Coworker: “Oh, just a sec.” *answering phone* “Welcome to my grandma’s house…”

    (My coworker’s face immediately turns bright red. She quickly hands me the phone, runs out back into the kitchen, and bursts out laughing.)

    Me: *to the customer on the phone* “Sorry about that. Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”


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