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    Category: Language & Words

    His Hearing Is Week

    , | OR, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (I am a supervisor at a popular coffee chain. I had just started counting some product when I realized I had left my clipboard on the counter.)

    Me: *to manager nearby* “Hey could you grab me that thing?” *makes dramatic reaching motions towards the clipboard*

    Manager: “Um, sure.” *hands it to me with a look*

    Me: “Yeah, it’s been one of those weeks…”

    Manager: *mishears me* “Well, at least you’re honest about your choices…”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Manager: “You just said it was from all the weed.”

    Me: “…No.”

    Middle East Meets Far East

    | New York City, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Employees, Language & Words

    (I pop into a liquor store on my way home. I’m a white female. The cashier behind the register is from Iran, second-generation. He has always been very polite and friendly towards me, and he speaks with a heavy accent. I grab my purchases and get in line behind an older Korean customer.)

    Customer: “Only this, please.”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Customer: *very clearly and slowly* “Only this, please.”

    Cashier: “I don’t understand you. Do you speak English?”

    Customer: “Yes, I speak very well. Please, may I pay?”

    Cashier: *to me* “Do you speak Asian?”

    Me: *completely baffled* “Uh, I think he said he’s ready to pay. He doesn’t need anything else.”

    Cashier: “Okay. Fine.”

    (He rings up the gentleman who leaves without making eye contact with anyone, clearly upset or embarrassed.)

    Cashier: *ringing me up* “Those people need to learn our language, right? He’s lucky you know Chinese!”

    (I was so shocked I haven’t been back to that particular store.)

    We Have Great Hope For Hopping

    | UK | Employees, Language & Words, Religion

    (The congregation at our church are blindly reading the service sheet aloud, unaware of a typo in the sheet…)

    Congregation: “We go forth in faith; we go forth in hop; we go forth in joy.”

    Vicar: “You’re very welcome to go forth in hop, if you wish.”

    Scream If You Want To Go Calmer

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I suffer from anxiety, and it is often noticeable in my demeanor when I am at work. My manager is male; I am female.)

    Manager: “You’re doing fine, really. It’s okay to relax. Take some deep breaths.”

    Me: “I know. It’s just hard.”

    Manager: “One of these days I’m going to take you out to the alleyway behind the shop and make you scream.”

    Me: “…”

    Manager: “… I mean, it’s a really good confidence building exercise – the primal scream! God, that sounded really wrong. Sorry.”

    An Operating Theater Without An a Operating System

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words, Technology

    (I have to go for a diagnostic mammogram to follow up on an anomaly that showed up on my screening mammogram. Understandably, I am a bit nervous that I may have cancer. I have the new imaging done and I am called back into the examining room for my results. The tech pulls up my images on the computer and began to click on certain areas of the image.)

    Tech: “Wow, that’s odd.” *silence* “Huh, that is really strange.” *more silence then exclaims* “Oh, my God!”

    (The tech runs out of the room. Needless to say I am feeling very scared. Another lady comes and starts clicking on the images.)

    Woman: “Wow, that is odd. I have never seen anything like this before, I hope this isn’t fatal.”

    (At this point I am fighting back tears and am shaking like a leaf.)

    Woman: “Well, I guess we will have to shut it down and reboot.”

    Me: “Are you kidding me?! I was terrified!”

    (I never get an apology for scaring me. To add insult to injury, the original tech asks me:)

    Tech: “Have you had any trauma to the chest, as we can’t find the anomaly that sent you here originally.”

    Me: “The only chest trauma I experienced was from the second mammogram!”

    Tech: “Well, you don’t have to be so snarky.”


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