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    Category: Language & Words

    No Attempts Yet But I’m Beginning To Think About It

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I need a new psychologist to treat several continuing issues. A nurse is conducting the standard intake interview.)

    Nurse: “Have you ever been admitted to a psychiatric hospital?”

    Me: *provides details*

    Nurse: “Are you currently having any suicidal thoughts?”

    Me: “No.”

    Nurse: “Have you ever COMMITTED suicide?”

    (I was struck speechless for a moment. Before I could think of a snappy comeback, she recovered and asked the question she meant to:)

    Nurse: “Have you ever ATTEMPTED suicide?”

    Now I Know My EBC’s

    , | FL, USA | Awesome Workers, Employees, Language & Words

    (I’m waiting in the Social Security Administration office to obtain a replacement Social Security card. As they call out each waiting person, this happens.)

    Speaker: “Would B43 report to window ‘E’ as in Apple?”

    (I’m confused, but figure she actually said ‘A’ and it was just an accent thing. Some other patrons mutter about it, but I brush it off. Several minutes later…)

    Speaker: “Would C88 report to window ‘D’ as in dog? See? I’m smart!”

    (Everyone in the waiting area burst out laughing. I guess she really did flub up with the “Apple” one and decided to run with it.)

    Very Crepe At Describing Things

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (We had just started up a 2-for-1 sale with our crepes and had seriously misjudged how many people would show up for it. As such I’m the only person scheduled who can make crepes. My boss isn’t that great under pressure. I’ve got about ten crepes to go through at this point, while I’ve got three cooking in front of me.)

    Boss: “[My Name]! Did you get the things for the people?!”

    Me: “What?”

    Boss: “The things! For the people! Did you get them?!”

    Me: “What things for what people?”

    Boss: *fumbles through all my tickets* “Never mind.” *wanders away*

    Requires A Wii Bit Of An Explanation

    | OH, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I’m about to go get dinner with a coworker. Since I’ll be going home after, I have my backpack with me. I have a Wii packed in it, after forgetting it at a friend’s house. As we’re walking out, I realize I forgot something.)

    Me: “Oh, s***! [Coworker], hold my Wii!” *runs off*

    Coworker: “Hold your WHAT?!”

    A Hard Day’s Wokr

    | Ashford, Kent, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (At my store we often joke about who has been doing work that day and who hasn’t, even though everyone is a hard worker, Such an exchange happens today:)

    Coworker: “I heard a rumour that [My Name] was going to do some work today.”

    Me: *chuckling* “No, don’t be silly! What is this ‘work’ you speak of?”

    Coworker: “It’s a four-letter word that starts with ‘W’ and ends with ‘R.'”

    (He realizes what he has just said. We both laugh.)

    Me: “[Coworker], this just proves that you know nothing about work!”

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