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    Category: Language & Words

    The Asgardian After-Party

    | OR, USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am helping a mother and her 10-year-old son find a LEGO mini-figure of Thor from The Avengers.)

    Me: “Ah, here he is. Oops, he doesn’t have his hammer.” *I locate one that does

    have the hammer* “Here we go.”

    (At this point, I am attempting to say ‘Thor’s Hammer.’ My mouth twists the words in the worst possible way.)

    Me: “You do want ‘Whore’s Thammer?’ …Er, uh, I mean—”

    Mom: *laughing* “Oh, no, dear, that’s a DIFFERENT type of mini-figure!”

    (I was so relieved the mom had such a good sense of humor! They were awesome customers and have since become regulars. No one talks about the ‘whore’s thammer’ incident, though.)

    The Unreality Of The Law

    | Scotland, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (Our department deals mainly with qualified lawyers, but we do get occasional calls from ordinary members of the public.)

    Coworker: “It’s a bit complicated to explain. Are you a lawyer or a real person?”

    His Hearing Is Week

    , | OR, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (I am a supervisor at a popular coffee chain. I had just started counting some product when I realized I had left my clipboard on the counter.)

    Me: *to manager nearby* “Hey could you grab me that thing?” *makes dramatic reaching motions towards the clipboard*

    Manager: “Um, sure.” *hands it to me with a look*

    Me: “Yeah, it’s been one of those weeks…”

    Manager: *mishears me* “Well, at least you’re honest about your choices…”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Manager: “You just said it was from all the weed.”

    Me: “…No.”

    Middle East Meets Far East

    | New York City, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Employees, Language & Words

    (I pop into a liquor store on my way home. I’m a white female. The cashier behind the register is from Iran, second-generation. He has always been very polite and friendly towards me, and he speaks with a heavy accent. I grab my purchases and get in line behind an older Korean customer.)

    Customer: “Only this, please.”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Customer: *very clearly and slowly* “Only this, please.”

    Cashier: “I don’t understand you. Do you speak English?”

    Customer: “Yes, I speak very well. Please, may I pay?”

    Cashier: *to me* “Do you speak Asian?”

    Me: *completely baffled* “Uh, I think he said he’s ready to pay. He doesn’t need anything else.”

    Cashier: “Okay. Fine.”

    (He rings up the gentleman who leaves without making eye contact with anyone, clearly upset or embarrassed.)

    Cashier: *ringing me up* “Those people need to learn our language, right? He’s lucky you know Chinese!”

    (I was so shocked I haven’t been back to that particular store.)

    We Have Great Hope For Hopping

    | UK | Employees, Language & Words, Religion

    (The congregation at our church are blindly reading the service sheet aloud, unaware of a typo in the sheet…)

    Congregation: “We go forth in faith; we go forth in hop; we go forth in joy.”

    Vicar: “You’re very welcome to go forth in hop, if you wish.”


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