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    Category: Language & Words

    Don’t Dish Out What You Can’t Take

    | Australia | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words, Top

    (I have been asked to come in and work a shift as waitstaff due to another staff member’s illness, even though I usually just wash dishes. Things went pretty well and I got a lot of positive feedback from the other staff, despite a few minor hiccups due to inexperience, but at the end of the shift the manager pulls me aside and starts yelling.)

    Manager: “I don’t know what the f*** you thought you were doing out there tonight but you were disgusting! If I ever have to bring you on to wait again I’ll just tell the customers to f*** off. They’ll be less insulted that way. You’re lucky I don’t just fire you after such a s***-show, you useless f***!”

    (This goes on for a good five or so minutes before the head chef gently interrupts, asking the manager to come over to the kitchen to discuss ‘something important.’)

    Chef: *speaking quietly* “Look [Manager], you know I won’t say anything to contest your authority in front of the staff. You’re the guy in charge here. Don’t worry. But if you talk to the waities like that again, especially my dishie, and I hear it, I’ll be carvin’ off your face and selling it as a steak. You hear?”

    (Oddly enough, that manager treated the staff a lot nicer after that, even after he eventually managed to fire the chef!)

    Atruficially Incorrect

    | Mansfield, OH, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I’ve been working in my store’s bakery for less than a year, so I’m not familiar with all our seasonal items. With Easter coming up, we’ve started making hot cross buns. They smell amazing, but I don’t like raisins so I check the ingredients label. A few minutes later, the store manager wanders by.)

    Me: “Hey, [Manager].”

    Manager: “Hey, [My Name].”

    Me: “Hey, do you know if there’s like… someone who gets paid to make our ingredients labels? And if so can I have their job?”

    Manager: “Um. Why?”

    Me: “Because I don’t think ‘enzumes‘ and ‘atruficial flavors‘ are a thing.”

    When Daleks Move Out

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (Though English is my native tongue, I’m also fluent in several other languages and sometimes get my words mixed up. I’m moving out of my flat and I need to find a new tenant to take over my room. This exchange happens when I try to tell the landlord about my progress.)

    Me: “So, I advertised the room online and I got loads of responses!”

    Landlord: “Oh wow! Good job.”

    Me: “Thanks! Some of them weren’t good matches though, so I had to exterminate them.”

    Landlord: “… What?”

    Me: “Wait, no! I mean eliminate! You know, cross them off the list!”

    (I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m a murderer now…)

    Different Strokes Of Humor

    | WA, Australia | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am scanning documents and notice a horribly funny acronym. One of my colleagues are walking past me.)

    Me: “Are you immature?”

    Colleague: “Of course.”

    (I show them the document. Immediately they cover their mouth and laugh.)

    Colleague: “No way.”

    Me: “Yes way. IFAP.”

    Colleague: “Well, at least you’re honest.”

    Losing A Sale In Translation

    | Owatonna, MN, USA | Employees, Language & Words

    (My best friend and I are at the county fair, and are deep in conversation as we walk among the stalls. Note: I can speak German, and she moved to the US from Pakistan when she was four.)

    Seller: “Don’t you ladies want to check out the cute purses I have? I can give you two a special discount because you’re so pretty! They’re totally unique, and on sale today!”

    (He continues, being very persistent.)

    Friend: *whispering* “What do we do?”

    Me: “Don’t worry, I have an idea.” *to seller* “Es tut mir leid. Ich kann kein Englisch sprechen.”

    (He sighs, but turns to my friend.)

    Seller: “What about you, then? Do you want a purse?”

    Friend: *shakes her head and speaks very rapidly in Urdu*

    Seller: “I give up! How do you even talk to each other?”

    (We smiled at each other, then gave a high-five as soon as we were out of sight.)


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