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    Category: Language & Words

    There Is Life After Love(making)

    | Goa, India | Employees, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (It’s early afternoon, and loads of children are around with their families. A rap song starts, with REALLY clear lyrics about explicit and hardcore sex.)

    Me: “Are you serious? With children around?”

    DJ: *confusion*

    Me: “This song is about sex. F*****g! Serious f*****g! Naked people. Marriage stuff!”

    DJ: “Oh!”

    (He quickly puts on Cher!)

    Re-dress That Comment

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Love/Romance

    (I am a merchant teller at a local bank, so I generally see the same people every day making large deposits for their businesses. For a while now I have been crushing on an employee from the business across the street, and he usually comes in wearing his uniform and makes the deposit before the store opens. Today he happens to be wearing normal clothes to make the deposit.)

    Me: “Well, good morning, [Crush]! It’s good to see you in clothes for once!”

    Coworker: “Oh, my God!” *falls off her stool laughing*

    Don’t Jump To Conclusions

    | NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am telling on myself with this story. I am tidying up a display while a coworker was ringing customers through her register.)

    Coworker: “[My Name] can you jump on, please?”

    Me: *as I walk to my register to start ringing people through* “I can jump someone here…” *pause* “… er… I can help someone!”

    Better Reboot-y

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I’m sitting with my back to the door when my female coworker comes in. Unbeknownst to me, she is holding an armful of very badly needed computer supplies.)

    Coworker: *proudly* “I’ve got booty!”

    Me: “Say what?”


    Coworker: “… I probably should have said ‘plunder,’ shouldn’t I?”

    Unlucky In Cards

    | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a card store that always has a card of the week on display at the register, as a way to single out pricier cards that we like. On this occasion, it is a card with a scrawny kid on it who flexes his non-existent muscles when you tilted the card. A couple walks up to the register.)

    Girl: “Oh, hey, this looks like you!” *laughs*

    Guy: “Shut up. No, it doesn’t.”

    Girl: “Yeah, it does! *still laughing*

    Guy: “No way!”

    Girl: “Yes way!” *turns to me* “Tell him!”

    Guy: “You don’t really think this looks like me, do you?!”

    (Since they were fun and clearly being good-natured, I wanted to play along, but wasn’t sure whose side to play along with. I figured I’d take the middle road and let them play it out from there. What I ended up actually saying…)

    Me: “Well, I mean, you’re both really masculine…”

    (The girl and guy both stop laughing and stare awkwardly at me.)

    Me: “I mean… umm… your total is $5.32?”

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