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    Category: Lazy/Unhelpful

    The Security Died

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My cousins and I are at my grandparents’ house, following my Grandad’s funeral. We set the alarm off, and are unable to put the code in quickly enough, so the alarm company calls.)

    Cousin: “Hello?”

    Alarm Company: “Hello, we’ve been notified that there’s an alarm going off at [Address], and were calling to speak to [Grandfather].”

    Cousin: “Oh. Well… he’s dead, actually.”

    Alarm Company: “Oh. So who am I speaking with?”

    Cousin: “One of his grandchildren.”

    Alarm Company: “And everything is okay there?”

    Cousin: “Oh, yes. We just set the alarm off accidentally, but we’re fine.

    Alarm Company: “Okay, great! Thanks!”

    (The alarm company hung up without asking for any kind of identification. Thank goodness it really was just us in the house and not a burglar, because they didn’t ask for any identifying information at all!)

    Lightly Busted

    | Manhattan, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (It’s the middle of the day on a hot, July Saturday and my friend and I decide to get some ice cream from a popular local chain. The nearest store to us is completely dark and empty when we get there.)

    Me: “What? Why is it closed?”

    Friend: *peers through the window* “There are three people just sitting behind the counter! You don’t think…”

    (He pushes on the door which opens and the employees slowly stand up.)

    Me: “Are you open?”

    Employee #1: *sullenly* “Yes.”

    (He turns on the lights. Almost instantly the place is flooded with customers.)

    Friend: “Oh, you guys are so busted!”

    (We never did find out what happened to them but I can’t imagine they kept that job very long.)

    Universally Lazy

    | England, UK | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I am working at a university open day as a student ambassador. One of my jobs is to take people from my course department down to another building about ten minutes away to make sure that they don’t get lost. A large group needs to be taken to the other building, so two other ambassadors come with me so that we can talk to the whole group and answer any questions they have about the university.)

    Me: “So, that’s why I’d recommend this university over [Other University]!”

    (I suddenly realise that though I’ve been talking to just a few people, the rest of the group is walking in silence and must think I’m ignoring them. The other two workers aren’t even on the same road as us anymore. They’re following from a distance and chatting to each other.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, everybody! Those girls are supposed to be answering your questions; does anybody have any questions that I can answer?”

    Woman: “That’s okay, but yes! I have several questions…”

    (I answer more questions from the group and get everybody safely to the next building. As I am leaving and on my way back to my department, the two girls have JUST arrived at the building.)

    Me: “Where were you? You were supposed to be talking to the group and answering their questions!”

    Coworker #1: “Oh… I don’t know, haha.”

    Coworker #2: “What are we supposed to do after this… Can we just leave?”

    Me: “…You can either leave and disappear or come back to the department and do your last hour of work.”

    Them: “Oh, okay…”

    (They slowly walked back to the department, arriving five minutes after me. They sat alone, didn’t talk to any visitors and then left early, after requesting forms to make sure they’d be paid (for doing nothing).)

    They’re Too Rich For Blood

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m working in a seasonal bar with two other girls, cleaning the bathrooms. I’ve just come into one when I hear the other girls.)

    Coworker #1: “It’s disgusting!”

    Coworker #2: “There’s this huge pool of blood in the third stall. It’s so gross!”

    (I go over to the stall in question. There are maybe a couple of drops of blood.)

    Me: *with dry sarcasm* “Charming.”

    (I put on rubber gloves, get a paper towel, and wipe it up very casually.)

    Coworker #1: “Oh, my goodness! You should get an award or something!”

    Coworker #2: “How did you do that without puking?”

    Me: “I’ve cleaned up puke, too…”

    Completely Sale’d Out

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Money

    (After determining that the Blu-ray player I want doesn’t have outputs that will work with my old TV, I’m trying to decide whether to wait two weeks, when I’ll be able to get a new TV also, or buy the player now, because it’s on sale.)

    Me: “So, how long is this sale good for?”

    Employee: *looks at shelf tag* “Wednesday. But don’t worry; it’ll be the same price.”

    Me: “How’s that possible? Are you saying it’s not a real sale?”

    Employee: “It’s a real sale. But these are always on sale.”

    Me: “If it’s always the same price, it’s not really on sale.”

    Employee: *backpedaling* “It’s not always the same price. Once this sale is over, it’ll be a different sale.”

    Me: “So what will the price be after Wednesday?”

    Employee: “It could be higher or lower. But it could be the same.”

    Me: *laughing* “Well, that pretty much covers it.”


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