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    Category: Liars/Scammers

    The Devil’s In The Details

    | Dublin, Ireland | Liars/Scammers, Religion

    (I get a scam telephone call to my home number (which isn’t listed in the phone book), so I decide to have some fun with the scammer.)

    Scam Caller: “Madam, I am calling you today because there is a problem with the computer in your house. We are aware of this problem for some weeks, and we have been tracking it. It is a problem between your computer and the network. Are you aware of this problem, Madam?”

    Me: “Ah, yeah, but it’s totally my fault.”

    Scam Caller: “…What?”

    Me: “Yeah, I summoned the Dark Lord Lucifer through an online ouija board a few weeks ago, and he’s been screwing with my Internet ever since.”

    Scam Caller: “…Madam, we can help you fix this issue today. All you have to do is–”

    Me: “Nah, it’s cool. I’ll tell Lucifer to bugger off and it’ll be grand. Bye!”

    Killed It At The Interview

    | Humberside, England, UK | Job Seekers, Liars/Scammers

    (I am currently unemployed. I see a job advertised for a trainee fitness instructor and, being interested, I apply. A few days later I get a telephone call from the company asking if they can conduct a phone interview. The phone interview goes very well right up until the very end:)

    Interviewer: “Congratulations! I’m pleased to tell you that you have passed the interview!”

    Me: “Wow! Thanks!”

    Interviewer: “Now, just so you know; there will be a training fee of £2,536 pounds.”

    (At this point my heart sinks as I realize it’s a scam.)

    Me: “That’s a lot of money…”

    Interviewer: “You can get a loan from our finance department for only £90 per month!”

    Me: “I need some time to think. Can you call me back later?”

    Interviewer: “Of course! I’ll call you back this afternoon.”

    (That afternoon they call back and a friend of mine answers.)

    Friend: “Hello?”

    Interviewer: “Hi! Is [My Name] there?”

    Friend: “Is this [Company]?”

    Interviewer: “It is.”

    Friend: “I’m sorry; she’s died. Goodbye.”

    (He then puts the phone down without waiting for a response. Later that day I get an email from the company stating they called and spoke to a “gentlemen who wouldn’t put them through to me.” I reply:)



    Sorry for the late reply; the signal here isn’t great!

    Unfortunately, as the gentleman you spoke to explained, I am dead. It was a very freak and unforeseen accident and I am still trying to get over it. To be completely honest, I just did not see the bus coming… I think I was still in a daze over the £2000 and something you wanted off me for this course.

    I do not see myself being able to register for this course in the near future, due primarily to my deceased state. Should I rise as a member of the undead, I will let you know. Also, if they reincarnate me I will be in touch; however, they have told me I might end up as a pot plant next time…

    Best wishes,

    The Late [My Name].”

    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 9

    | USA | Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (I’m sitting at home on my laptop when I get one of those “your windows have a virus” scam calls. I tend to be a very sarcastic person. Please note: I am female.)

    Scammer: “Hello. I am calling from Microsoft. We have been informed that your Windows have a virus!”

    Me: *over dramatic* “YOU MEAN MY WINDOWS HAVE EBOLA! OH, NO! What do I do?!”

    Scammer: “N-no. No, ma’am, the windows on your computer.”

    Me: “You mean the one that’s not on?”

    Scammer: “You’re a d***!” *hangs up*

    (He could’ve tried harder, but I think it was probably obvious I was just going to screw with him… Wise decision.)

    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 8
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 7
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 6

    That’s The Practice Call

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Employees, Health & Body, Liars/Scammers

    (Really early in the morning, my dad gets a call from a number he doesn’t recognise.)

    Dad: “Hello?”

    Caller: *sounding really ill* “Hi, Steve…” *cough cough* “…I don’t think…” *cough* “…that I can come in today.” *cough cough*

    Dad: “I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Oh!” *suddenly bright and cheery* “Oh, no. Sorry to bother you about that! Thanks, bye!”

    (Some people have no dedication to their acting at all! I wonder if it fooled his real boss.)

    Commit That Response To Memory

    | UK | Employees, Liars/Scammers

    (I receive a call.)

    Me: “Hello”

    Caller: “Good afternoon, [My Name]. I have been passed the information about the car accident you were in that wasn’t your fault… That’s right, isn’t it?”

    (There is a spate of this cold call marketing happening in the UK lately, so I decide to have some fun.)

    Me: “OH, MY GOD! It MUST have been a bad accident, because I can’t remember it. I MUST have AMNESIA!”

    Caller: *in a really stroppy voice* “WERE YOU or WERE YOU NOT in a car accident?”

    Me: “WELL, you told me I had been, and I’m sure you wouldn’t lie about having that information… so yes, I guess I was… but I can’t remember it.”

    Caller: *click*

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