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  • Establishing Order Over Tall Orders
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  • Category: Liars/Scammers


    | MN, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars/Scammers

    (I often visit a local coffee shop that serves not only coffee items, but also pastries and real fruit smoothies. The menu, however, does not list the fruits included in the smoothies. I have a kiwi allergy.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get a tropic blast smoothie and a scone?”

    Barista: “Sure thing! That’ll be [price].”

    Me: “And does the tropic blast smoothie have any kiwi or kiwi flavoring in it? I’m allergic.”

    Barista: “No, none at all! It’ll be right up.”

    (My friend and I pay and collect our food and go to sit down. I take a sip and immediately feel my lips tingling and itching, and my tongue feels like it’s getting pinpricks and is swelling. I realize there is kiwi, and I’m having an allergic reaction. Since my reactions aren’t life threatening, just uncomfortable for an hour or so, I bring it back up to get a replacement.)

    Me: “Uh, sorry but there is kiwi in this. I’m having a reaction but it’s in control. Can I get a refund or replacement, maybe?”

    Barista: “F*** off.”

    Me: *shocked* “Excuse me?”

    Barista: “You heard me. F*** off. That had got to be the fakest lisp I’ve ever heard, and Jesus is watching you lie to get things for free. You even drank half of it!”

    (The ‘fake lisp’ is from my swollen tongue, and I had only taken a small sip so the cup is nearly filled to the brim. Another barista gets the manager/owner for me without being asked, and I tell her what happened.)

    Owner: “Did you really tell this poor girl to ‘eff off’?!”

    Barista: “Listen to her! She’s obviously faking. She just wants free smoothies.”

    Owner: “Can you show her your tongue, please, miss?”

    Me: *sticks out my red and obviously swollen tongue*

    Owner: “Why did you tell her the tropic blast didn’t have any kiwi?! And why did you accuse her of lying?!”

    (The barista tried to defend herself and failed. The owner fired her and told me this isn’t the first time she’d been rude to customers. The owner gave me a 15 free drinks coupon, and even though I’ve used them up, I’m still a regular! But I’ve never had another smoothie from them.)

    Updates Berates

    | Johannesburg, South Africa | Ignoring/Inattentive, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (My husband and I own and live at a guesthouse, which he runs as I have my own job. However, I work from home so I answer the guesthouse phone if he’s not there. We get a lot of telemarketers calling, but their products or services are aimed at big businesses, which we’re not.)

    Me: “Good morning, [Guesthouse]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, can I please speak to [Husband]?”

    Me: “Sorry, he’s not in at the moment. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, please. I’m looking for the person who’s in charge of buying hardware.”

    Me: “That would be me, but we’re a small company so we’re not interested in what you’re selling.”

    Caller: “I’m not selling anything. But even as a small company, you must have a fax machine, laptops, etc…”

    Me: “We have some equipment obviously, but I’m still not sure what it is you want.”

    Caller: “Well, we help you replace anything that’s broken with regards to your hardware.”

    Me: “No, thanks. We’re a two-man business, so if something breaks, we just go to [Major Electronics Store] and replace it ourselves.”

    Caller: “Well, can I get your name and email address so I can send you updates?”

    Me: “Updates on what? I’ve just said we’re not interested in what you’re selling.”

    Caller: “I’m not selling anything! We just need your email address to send you updates.”

    Me: *getting frustrated now* “No, thanks. I don’t want to be spammed.”

    Caller: “We do not spam! We’ve been around for two decades so we don’t need to spam!”

    Me: “I’m still not sure what you need our email address for. What are these ‘updates’ you keep mentioning? I’m not giving you our email address and we’re not interested in whatever it is you’re offering.”

    Caller: “Never mind, I’ll just speak to [Husband].”

    Me: “It’s not going to help you. I’m his wife, and he’s going to tell you exactly the same thing.”

    Caller: “Well, I’ve done my job!” *click*

    Breaking Down The Break-In

    | USA | Employees, Liars/Scammers

    (I live in the UK, but I have a US-based Skype phone number. Consequently, I occasionally get plagued with telemarketers. In this case, the automated message told me that there was a break-in in my neighbourhood, and that they could offer me a home security system. I decided to press ’1′ to be connected with an agent. After verifying that I’m the homeowner:)

    Agent: “Okay, the reason for this call is that we have a promotion on a new home security system.”

    Me: “So there hasn’t been a break-in?”

    Agent: “What?”

    Me: “The automated message said that there was a break-in. That’s why I pressed ’1′ to talk to you.”

    Agent: “Oh, well, actually it’s because we have this promotion…”

    Me: “So basically you lied to me to get me to press ’1.’ There was no break-in.”

    Agent: “Well, who’s to say there hasn’t been a break-in in your area?”

    Me: “The lack of police sirens?”

    (They hung up.)

    A Memorable Transaction

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology, Top

    (We’re looking for a new digital camera. I find one I like and go to reserve it.)

    Salesperson: There is a deal today: when you buy this camera you can buy this 8 gigabyte memory card for only £14.99.

    Me: “No, thanks.”

    Salesperson: *a bit rudely* “You have to buy a memory card, or it won’t work.”

    Me: “Really, that’s okay, thank you. I know what I’m doing.”

    Salesperson: “How about you buy it and if you don’t like it you can return it?”

    Girlfriend: “Maybe we should buy it then, if we need it anyway?”

    Me: “Trust me; we don’t want that one.”

    Salesperson: “Suit yourself, then!”

    (The camera turns up just a few days later. When I go to collect it I see the same salesperson standing there. She motions her colleague, as if to ‘show off’ what she is going to do next.)

    Salesperson: “I remember you.” *hands me the camera* “It’s still not going to work if you don’t put a memory card in it.” *I can hear her coworker laughing at this point*

    Me: “Yeah. You see…” *I open the box* “I do know a little about cameras. and this…” *I pull a SDHC card out of my pocket* “…is not only double the size, not only two models faster, but it was also £5 cheaper than the one you tried to bully us into buying.”

    (The salesperson stood there for a few moments, with an open mouth, then rushed our transaction through in complete silence. When I got it home the memory card worked brilliantly, and it turned out the camera had an internal memory that wasn’t listed, meaning that she was completely lying about it needing a card in the first place.)

    Caught Red Ink Handed

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Liars/Scammers, Top

    (I work in a parking garage, and the parking officers are notorious for stealing our pens. Half of what we do is hand written, while they rarely hand write anything. They give us our breaks sometimes. This happens when I am coming back from a break. At the time, I am using my own pen.)

    Me: “Hold on. Where’s my pen?”

    Officer: “It was right there. Maybe it fell?”

    Me: “That was my own pen because the one in here vanished earlier. The main office is closed and I don’t have anything to write with. Do you have an extra?”

    Officer: “No, just the one, and I need it.”

    Me: *catching on* “Can I see it?”

    Officer: *hands it over*

    Me: “Funny, I didn’t realize they provided pens with my full name on it.”

    (I’d never seen one of those guys run so fast.)

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