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    Category: Liars/Scammers

    Commit That Response To Memory

    | UK | Employees, Liars/Scammers

    (I receive a call.)

    Me: “Hello”

    Caller: “Good afternoon, [My Name]. I have been passed the information about the car accident you were in that wasn’t your fault… That’s right, isn’t it?”

    (There is a spate of this cold call marketing happening in the UK lately, so I decide to have some fun.)

    Me: “OH, MY GOD! It MUST have been a bad accident, because I can’t remember it. I MUST have AMNESIA!”

    Caller: *in a really stroppy voice* “WERE YOU or WERE YOU NOT in a car accident?”

    Me: “WELL, you told me I had been, and I’m sure you wouldn’t lie about having that information… so yes, I guess I was… but I can’t remember it.”

    Caller: *click*

    Closing The Windows On This Scam

    | TX, USA | Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (We commonly get random sales calls at work, but as we’re a company chain store, we usually give the corporate number and that’s that. For the past four days, though, we have gotten a scam call from an 800 number that ends with four zeros at the end, which is how we have kept track of it. He has a strong accent, gives random male names, and always says he is with tech and calling about our computer.)

    Me: “[Store], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Tech: “Hi, this is Kevin. I am calling about your computer.”

    Me: *rolls eyes at coworkers and mouths that it’s him again* “Yes, what about the computer?”

    Tech: “Yes, your computer is having problems.”

    Me: “Oh, really? What kind of problems are you talking about?”

    Tech: “Well, when you are getting on the Internet, you are having problems.”

    Me: “Hmm, no, really haven’t. Can you explain what you mean?”

    Tech: *getting frustrated* When you are getting on the Facebook and your emails, you are getting things that are slowing your computer down. Are you seeing things like that?”

    Me: “Nope, haven’t seen a thing.”

    Tech: “Well, that is what is happening. Are you sitting in front of your computer?”

    Me: “I am.”

    Tech: “Is this computer on?”

    Me: “No. Should I turn it on?”

    Tech: “Yes, I need for you to turn it on for me.”

    Me: “It’ll take a little bit.”

    (I’m nowhere near a computer, so I stand to the side writing down everything that he’s said to me so far.)

    Me: “Okay, it’s on now.”

    Tech: “Is it on the Windows?”

    Me: “Windows? No. We have it on the desk.”

    Tech: “I mean do you have Windows on your computer?”

    Me: “No, I don’t believe in that modding nonsense for computers.”

    Tech: *getting frustrated again* “Is your computer run by Windows?”

    Me: “Oh! You mean is my operating system Windows! Yes, it is.”

    Tech: “Yes, then do you see your keyboard?”

    Me: “I see it.”

    Tech: “Do you see your control key?”

    Me: “Yes, what about it?”

    Tech: “Do you see what’s beside it?”

    Me: “The control key? There’s a shift.”

    Tech: *getting angry again*“No, what is beside it.”

    Me: “Well, there’s a key that looks like a menu item. That one?”

    Tech: “No! On the left side control key.”

    Me: “Oh! You mean my Windows key! Yeah, I see it.”

    Tech: “I need you to press this down and ‘R’ at the same time.”

    Me: “Okay, why do I need to do that?”

    Tech: “This will open up this black box so you can type run in there. Is this black box up?”

    Me: “No, I don’t have a black box up. What was I supposed to do again?”

    Tech: “You need to be pressing the Windows key and the R key at the same time.”

    Me: “Oh, you must want me to prompt a run command. Is that what you mean for me to do?”

    Tech: “Yes—”

    Me: “—and then you’re going to tell me how to give you access to my computer next. Of course, if my computer was actually running slow, I could always go into the BIOS to check things. Or I could get the TDSSKiller. Or run Spybot, or a number of other programs. However, I don’t think I have a problem. I think you just want remote access to my computer so you can still hard earned money from me. Luckily for me, I’m not stupid. You’re calling a company phone, so even if I did run that command, you wouldn’t have gotten anything from us. I will be notifying the necessary people about you and your scam. This number will be posted up so customers will know in advance you are a scam artist, and if you call here again, we are not going to be this nice to you. Do not call this number again.”

    Tech: “You are an idiot.”

    Me: “And you’re just angry that it didn’t work.” *click*

    A Lazy Excuse

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Liars/Scammers

    (I am one of three people doing my job, and part of our duties is typing up monthly reports that we would sign off once completed. I have been out of the office with health issues for more than a month and on my first day back, my boss calls me into her office. It should also be noted that my two coworkers are best friends and notorious in the office for cutting corners on their work, while I usually just tried to do my work.)

    Boss: “[My Name], can you explain why you haven’t been pulling your weight around here all month and the few reports you did do were full of mistakes or incomplete?”

    Me: “I have no idea what you mean. I haven’t been here all month. I have done literally no work.”

    Boss: “Your name is on these reports and they are incomplete! How do you explain that?”

    Me: “Well, [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] said that they would handle everything since I’ve been out…”

    Boss: “They said that you said you had done these before you got sick.”

    (I realize that my coworkers are throwing me under the bus to cover up for their laziness and forging my name on the reports, but I have no proof to get them fired.)

    Me: “I honestly don’t know what happened, but I’ll do better this month.”

    (I quit shortly after that because I decided to go back to school, but found out from a friend in the office that my former coworkers had been caught just a few months later falsifying or not doing reports and didn’t have me to blame it on anymore, so they both got into a ton of trouble. Karma…)

    No One Is The Deep Voice Of Reason

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Liars/Scammers

    (I’m spending some time at my parents’ place. My sister is there too, and she invited her friend over.)

    Sister’s Friend: “Hey, [My Name], can you do me a favor?”

    Me: “Sure, what is it?”

    (My sister’s friend hands me her phone.)

    Sister’s Friend: “Can you call in sick for me? My manager’s name is [Manager]; just pretend that you’re me.”

    Me: “Uh, okay.”

    (I dial the number to my sister’s friend’s workplace, and get a hold of the manager. It’s worth noting that my sister’s friend is a 17-year old girl, while I’m a 23-year old man. so it’s readily obvious that I sound nothing like her.)

    Manager: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hey [Manager], it’s [Sister’s Friend].”

    Manager: “Why do you sound like that? Are you using a voice changer?”

    Me: “No, dude, it’s really me. Look, I can’t come into work right now. I’m feeling really ill.”

    Manager: “No s***, you can’t come in; not if you sound like that! Get some rest and I’ll see you next week. If you need some more time off, then call me again. I swear, you sound just like a man!”

    (I soon hang up, and my sister and her friend are in tears from laughter. I explain the situation to my sister’s friend.)

    Sister’s Friend: “I didn’t expect it to work that well! I only wanted today off, not the rest of the week!”

    (That was probably the most dishonest thing I’ve ever done to a manager, but at least it wasn’t my job on the line!)

    Swear Off These Calls

    | Needham, MA, USA | Employees, Liars/Scammers

    (We’d been getting some scam-calls from a company that claims to be our copier repairmen, but as I know that our copier repairman speaks with a heavy accent, I can screen them out easily and avoid wasting time. Then one day:)

    Caller: “Hi, this is Steve, the repair guy for your copier. Could you read me the model number off the back of the machine?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, which company did you say you were with?”

    Caller: “F*** you, c***!”

    Me: “EXCUSE ME?!”

    Caller: “You heard me, you c***!” *continues verbal abuse as I hang up*

    (I tell my coworker what happened. She calms me down, saying the same thing had happened to her once. Then, a few hours later:)

    Caller #2: “Hi, this is Josh calling about the copier. Could you tell me the model number? It should be on the back or the side.”

    Me: “Actually, I think I spoke to one of your coworkers earlier, and he swore at me when I asked which company he worked for. I think you’d better take us off your list.”

    Caller #2: “Really?”

    Me: “Really. Which company are you calling from?”

    Caller #2: *hangs up*

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