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    Category: Liars/Scammers

    Needs To Get A Stronger Backbone

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful, Liars/Scammers

    (I work at a car parts store. One of my coworkers is not that bright, but also very lazy. He tries to get out of work whenever he can.)

    Coworker: “Aw, man, my back is killing me. Can I go home early?”

    Me: “No, you went home early yesterday.”

    Coworker: “But my back is killing me today and it just gets worse.”

    Me: “How can your back get worse? You haven’t done anything over then deliver parts all day.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, but sitting makes it worse.”

    (The next day.)

    Coworker: *calls in* “I’m going to be late. I hurt my back this morning.”

    (The next day.)

    Coworker: “I need to leave early. I hurt my back.”

    Me: “No. My back hurts, too. You have to stay as long as I do.”

    Coworker: “But no one in this store has worse back issues than me!”

    Me: “Incorrect. I have had issue with my back since puberty, having constant muscle spasms. [Coworker #2] has a terrible knee, but can still stand and deliver parts without issue. [Coworker #3] has had lordosis, causing her back to form the wrong way. If they can drive and stand then so can you.”

    (45 minutes later.)

    Coworker: “I can’t wait to ride my motorcycle later.”

    Me: “I thought you said your back hurt?”

    Coworker: “It does, but I don’t need that to ride a motorcycle.”

    Me: “Then how do you balance on it without using your back?”

    (He stopped talking to me after that.)

    Trying To Bottle-Neck The Economy

    | Sao Paolo, Brazil | Employees, Food & Drink, Liars/Scammers

    (We are having a barbeque, but have run out of beer. My friend and I pick up a plastic box with 24 returnable 20-oz bottles in the car’s trunk and head to a bar near the house. In Brazil, we don’t usually have dedicated liquor stores; we can buy beer at markets or bars and get it to go.)

    Me: “Hi! Do you have cold beer? I’ll need 24 bottles of [Beer].”

    Cashier #1: “Sorry, buddy, my stock just ran out of [Beer]. You can check at the other bar, just across the street.”

    (There is another bar, at EXACTLY the other side of the street. An advertisement outside the bar says ‘[Beer] only R$2.50 per bottle.’ The cashier of the second bar sees me crossing the street with the plastic box packed with empty bottles. He has the beer I want, and I have a guaranteed 24-bottles order.)

    Me: “Hi, there! Your friend across the street said you have cold [Beer]. I’ll have 24 of them, please.”

    Cashier #2: “Sure! It will cost R$2.70 each.”

    Me: “Whoa… it says R$2.50 at that poster outside…”

    Cashier #2: “That’s for small quantities. For large quantities it will cost more.”

    Me: “Shouldn’t be the opposite? You should give me a wholesale discount!”

    Cashier #2: “No. For large quantities, I’ll charge a little more. That’s the way it works.”

    (The man was clearly trying to get some advantage from a drunk.)

    Me: “Yep, you are right! I don’t want 24 beers anymore. I’ll take just one.”

    (The man handed me one.)

    Me: “Thanks. You know what? I think I want another one.”

    (The man understands that I will do that 22 more times.)

    Cashier #2: “Nah, okay… You win. I’ll give you a discount. R$2.40 each.”

    Me: “Thanks… I may be drunk, but it doesn’t mean I am stupid!”

    The Great Scam Of ’09

    | USA | Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology, Transportation

    Telemarketer: “Hello, this the national protection service, calling about the parts and warranty on a car registered to this address, and we’ve noted it’s about to expire”

    (Instantly recognizing this as the standard lie to make it sound official and that I’ve done business with them in the past, I decide to play along.)

    Me: “What’s about to expire?”

    Telemarketer: “It’s listed here in our records as an ’09”

    Me: “An ’09 what?”

    Telemarketer: “Sir, due to security purposes, I can’t tell you.”

    Me: “Well, due to security purposes, I can’t help you.”

    Telemarketer: *beat of stunned silence* “Sir, it’s an ’09.”

    Me: “Ma’am, an ’09 what?”

    Telemarketer: “Due to security purposes, I can’t tell you”

    Me: “Well, due to security purposes, I can’t help you.”

    (Unsure of what to do, tries the above pattern again, this repeats two more times, comes back around again for a fifth time.)

    Telemarketer: “Sir, It’s an ’09.”

    Me: “An ’09 what? an ’09 boat? And ’09 motorcycle? An ’09 car? What?”

    Telemarketer: *sigh* “It’s an ’09 car, sir”

    Me: “Which one? Which ’09?”

    Telemarketer: “Sir, due to security purposes, I can’t tell you.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can’t help you.”

    (Another moment of silence goes by.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I can keep doing this little merry-go-round conversation all day. I’ve got nothing scheduled.”

    Telemarketer: *click*

    Could Get Booked For That

    | TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Liars/Scammers

    (We have just got in a box of used books that we are cleaning and putting ‘used’ price tags on. I notice one book is set aside with no tag on it.)

    Me: “[Boss], did you still need to tag this one as used?”

    Boss: “No, it’s in good shape so I’m going to sell it as new. But hand it here; I do need to tag it as a signed copy.”

    (I look at the title page.)

    Me: “It’s not just signed; it’s inscribed to the previous owner. Do you really want to sell that as new?”

    Boss: “Sure, someone will be dumb enough to buy it at full price.”

    Ki-Wheezing

    | MN, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars/Scammers

    (I often visit a local coffee shop that serves not only coffee items, but also pastries and real fruit smoothies. The menu, however, does not list the fruits included in the smoothies. I have a kiwi allergy.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get a tropic blast smoothie and a scone?”

    Barista: “Sure thing! That’ll be [price].”

    Me: “And does the tropic blast smoothie have any kiwi or kiwi flavoring in it? I’m allergic.”

    Barista: “No, none at all! It’ll be right up.”

    (My friend and I pay and collect our food and go to sit down. I take a sip and immediately feel my lips tingling and itching, and my tongue feels like it’s getting pinpricks and is swelling. I realize there is kiwi, and I’m having an allergic reaction. Since my reactions aren’t life threatening, just uncomfortable for an hour or so, I bring it back up to get a replacement.)

    Me: “Uh, sorry but there is kiwi in this. I’m having a reaction but it’s in control. Can I get a refund or replacement, maybe?”

    Barista: “F*** off.”

    Me: *shocked* “Excuse me?”

    Barista: “You heard me. F*** off. That had got to be the fakest lisp I’ve ever heard, and Jesus is watching you lie to get things for free. You even drank half of it!”

    (The ‘fake lisp’ is from my swollen tongue, and I had only taken a small sip so the cup is nearly filled to the brim. Another barista gets the manager/owner for me without being asked, and I tell her what happened.)

    Owner: “Did you really tell this poor girl to ‘eff off’?!”

    Barista: “Listen to her! She’s obviously faking. She just wants free smoothies.”

    Owner: “Can you show her your tongue, please, miss?”

    Me: *sticks out my red and obviously swollen tongue*

    Owner: “Why did you tell her the tropic blast didn’t have any kiwi?! And why did you accuse her of lying?!”

    (The barista tried to defend herself and failed. The owner fired her and told me this isn’t the first time she’d been rude to customers. The owner gave me a 15 free drinks coupon, and even though I’ve used them up, I’m still a regular! But I’ve never had another smoothie from them.)


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