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  • Category: Math & Science

    Stressing His Point

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month

    (I sit next to a coworker who is known for doing unusual and borderline stupid things – but I find him very entertaining and he’s always good for a laugh. The coworker has found a stress ball, and has started ripping it apart.)

    Coworker: “Hmm. I wonder what’s inside this.”

    (He opens it, to find what appears to be a ball of corn starch.)

    Coworker: “Hey, corn starch is non-Newtonian, right? Let’s find out!”

    (He grabs a sledgehammer that happens to be lying around, places the stress ball on the ground, and starts whaling on it. I just look at him with astonishment. After about twenty good whacks a cleaning person walks by about five feet from our cubes.)

    Cleaning Person’s Radio: “Yeah, we’re getting reports from the second floor of some work being done on the third floor, it sounds like someone’s banging on the floor. Can you take a look?”

    (Coworker’s eyes got real big, the hammer dropped to his side and hit the floor, and he started running. I laughed hysterically. When I left, there was still a mark on the carpeting where the ball was pounded into it.)

    The Sum Of What’s Wrong With Humanity

    | Brighton, England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    Me: “How much are these CD cases, please?”

    Shop Assistant: “40 pence each.”

    Me: “I’ll take ten, please.”

    (The shop assistant pulls out calculator. I stand there in disbelief with £4 ready in my hand.)

    Shop Assistant: “That will be £4, please.”

    (I hand over £4, thank him, and turn to go.)

    Shop Assistant: “Hang on, I may have got that wrong…”

    (I turn around in utter disbelief, shake my head once, and leave. My friend is waiting outside.)

    Friend: “What happened? You look weird.”

    (I explain.)

    Friend: “We need a coffee to restore our faith in humanity.”

    Me: “Should we order separately… just in case they need a calculator for two coffees?”

    Engineering A Problem

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Top

    (I’m part of an engineering team for a small aerospace firm that is currently tasked with fixing airfoil defects in wing design. A company wide ‘reshuffling’ has seen us get a new supervisor from corporate, whose first order of business is one-on-one interviews to determine who is ‘expendable.’ This happens during a team meeting held a week later with him, me, and three other coworkers. We immediately notice our only female coworker, a thin Asian woman in her mid-twenties, is not present.)

    Supervisor: “All right, everyone, if you can just sit down we’ll get this meeting done with.”

    Coworker #1: “Wait, we’re missing someone. Where’s [Coworker #4]?”

    Supervisor: *waving his hand dismissively* “Oh, that, it was decided that with the new cost-cutting measures it wasn’t worth the cost to keep a secretary on hand for you guys, especially such an overpaid one.”

    Me: “Wait, what are you talking about?”

    Supervisor: “Oh, don’t try and fool me. I noticed that little b**** didn’t even have an engineering degree, and she made up all sorts of excuses about not needing one when I confronted her on it. I don’t care how good she was at getting coffee or whatever her ‘other services’ were. After reviewing her file I saw she barely does any work in the department and I won’t have my department filled with useless employees. There’s no point protecting a deadweight liar just because she’s a pretty face.”

    (He finishes this speech with his arms crossed, looking very smugly at us, as if he’s just uncovered some grand secret. Eventually Coworker #2 finally breaks the silence.)

    Coworker #2: “You f****** moron.”

    Supervisor: *stunned* “What did you say to me?! I will have you reported for this kind of language.”

    Coworker #3: “Go right ahead, and while you’re at it explain how you just crippled our department for the next couple of months.”

    Supervisor: *frustrated* “Oh, don’t be so overly dramatic. Just because you won’t have a pretty girl to ogle…”

    Coworker #2: “That ‘pretty girl’ you fired had a PhD in applied mathematics. She was the only person in our department who could actually figure out the Joukowsky transform on the new designs we’re working on. She clocks so few hours with us because she’s asked to help out the other departments practically every other day.”

    Supervisor: *unimpressed* “Well, finnneeeee, if it’s so important we’ll just get another one of these ‘applied’ math people. It shouldn’t take long. H***, with all these new college graduates we can probably just use two unpaid interns and get twice the work for less than half the pay!”

    (He once again looked around like he just solved the greatest puzzle in the world. Ignoring our protests he attempted to go ahead with his plans, even creating an ad listing for an UNPAID internship for someone with at least a master’s degree in applied mathematics. Unsurprisingly it turned out to be incredibly difficult to find another PhD in applied mathematics with a specialty in airfoil design, especially one willing to work for free. Our former coworker is now at a much higher paid job at a larger company, and four months later we still haven’t found a replacement. After months of stalled projects, it was very satisfying watching the CEO of the company tear into my now ex-supervisor for his stupidity.)

    The Mis-appliance Of Science

    | AR, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (A coworker has set a piece of milled rail down so that it might have been resting against another piece of metal. My boss, not wanting the rail damaged, told my coworker to move it).

    Coworker: “It ain’t even touching!”

    Boss: “Yes, it is. Look.” *points to the rail* “It’s chemistry. If that rail’s going that way, and this is that way, they’re touching right there.”

    Coworker: “No, that would be physics.”

    Boss: *looking confused* “The h***’s physics got to do with this? That’s like out there with Pluto.”

    Me: “No, that would be astronomy.”

    Boss: “The other Pluto.”

    Me: *realizing he meant Plato* “That’s philosophy.”

    The (Square) Root Of The Problem

    | KY, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Math & Science

    (I’ve been looking in a stack for a recipe that I’ve printed off multiple times in the past month, but keeps getting lost.)

    Me: “Ugh, how do we lose so many of these recipes?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, why not? You’re supposed to know. Why else would we keep you?”

    Coworker: “Well then, the answer is the square root of laziness times the cosine of disorganization.”

    (It was the nerdiest way to say our coworkers were lazy slobs, but it made my day!)


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