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    Category: Movies & TV

    Quiet Faith

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Coworkers, Movies & TV, Religion

    (I am a Christian and my faith is a strong part of my life. Although I never talk about religion at work, many of my colleagues know me on Facebook where I am not shy about expressing my faith. As such, many of my colleagues associate me as being ‘religious.’ I am just chatting to one of these colleagues, who was also previously my boss before I transferred to another department.)

    Coworker: “Hey, I thought about you on the weekend!”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I saw this show – I don’t know if you’ve seen it – called Justified?”

    Me: “I haven’t seen it.”

    Coworker: “It’s this crime show. Like, really really vicious, extremely violent crime—”

    Me: “And this made you think of me?”

    Coworker: “—and religion.”

    Me: “So that’s what you think of me?”

    Coworker: “It was the religion bit!”

    Me: “Horrific, vicious, violent crime.”

    Coworker: “And religion! It was the religion bit!”

    Me: “Religion associated with violent, vicious—”

    Coworker: “Well, they do say to look out for the quiet ones!”

    Me: “They haven’t convicted me yet!”

    Coworker: “That’s because you’re too smart to get caught!”

    Sam, Dean, And A Little Baby

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Employees, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I am looking to purchase a copy of a tie-in magazine for the TV show ‘Supernatural.’ I can’t find it on the shelf but while I am browsing the owner asks if I need any help.)

    Owner: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Me: “Yes, do you have Supernatural Magazine?”

    Owner: “We don’t have that one but we have these! They are about the same thing.”

    (The owner has taken me around to the ‘women’s interest’ section and is pointing at magazines about babies and motherhood.)

    Me: “This is not what I was after.”

    Owner: “We don’t have Pregnancy magazine but these are all about pregnancy!”

    A Noddy To The Wise

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Movies & TV

    (I have already taken a couple of calls about ‘a car accident you were involved in’ but they have not listened to my request for being taken off the list. So, I did a little research and am ready for the next caller.)

    Caller: “Can I speak to [My Name], please?”

    Me: “Speaking.”

    Caller: “My name’s [Caller] from [Company]. Your insurance company has passed on your details to us regarding a road traffic accident you had, and we’d like to talk to you about compensation.”

    Me: “Is this about the hit and run?”

    Caller: “Well, I didn’t see that in the det—”

    Me: “Yeah, it was a hit and run. Some youth in a blue, red, and yellow convertible hit me and drove off. I don’t remember much about him, but he did have a blue hat with some gold bling on top.”

    Caller: “Okay!”

    (I can hear him typing away furiously, taking down the details.)

    Me: “He did have a passenger with him. An elderly bloke with a large white beard, no moustache, and big ears.”

    Caller: “Right.”

    Me: “The car registration was November, Oscar, Delta, five, one, three.”

    Caller: “This is interesting. The insurance company hasn’t given us all these details.”

    Me: “Yeah. Anyway, there was a witness: a Miss Blyton, spelled B-L-Y-T-O-N, first name Enid.”

    Caller: “So you had a witness, right?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Good. The car registration is coming up as a Fiat coupe. Was that it?”

    Me: “I don’t know. It could be. I’m not very good with cars. I know it was a convertible.”

    Caller: “Was it an old car, box shaped?”

    Me: “It might have been. It all happened so fast and I’m terrible at recognising car types.”

    Caller: “Did you contact your insurance company?”

    Me: “No, I had left it in the hands of the policeman who dealt with the case. His name was PC Plod.”

    Caller: “So it’s in the hands of the police?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “That’s good. Thanks for the information. I’m not sure why the insurance company didn’t give us any of these details, but what I’ll do is talk to my supervisor and see what he thinks we can do. I’ll look into it and get back to you as soon as possible.”

    Me: *thinking to myself that he won’t when he realizes* “Yes, you do that. I look forward to hearing back.”

    (All this had happened whilst I was at work, so I relate what had just happened to my work colleagues. I was part way through telling them, when my phone rings again.)

    Supervisor: “Is that [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. Hello!”

    Supervisor: “This is [Supervisor] from [Company]. You spoke a short while ago to [Caller] about the hit and run.”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Supervisor: “Did you contact your insurance company about this incident?”

    Me: “No. As I said to your colleague, I had left it in the hands of the policeman who attended the scene, PC Plod, and the witness Enid Blyton.”

    Supervisor: “Oh, right. This is a wind up, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Oh, well done for spotting. Now, would you mind removing me from the list?”

    Supervisor: “All right. But before you go, can I ask you something? Do you read much Enid Blyton?”

    Me: “Not for a long time, no.”

    Supervisor: “Tell me, was Enid Blyton involved much with the BFG?”

    Me: “No, that was Roald Dahl.”

    Supervisor: “You really do know your stuff. I’ll take you off our list. Bye!”

    Having The Finale Word

    | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Movies & TV

    (I’m window-shopping when I see a small row of DVDs of one of my favorite shows. I pick up the newest one, seeing as it’s the last copy on the shelf and it’s a fairly popular show. As a note, the most recent season was split into two parts, A and B. This happens at the checkout.)

    Employee: *sees ‘Part 1′ on the DVD case*  ”Aren’t you going to pick up part two?”

    Me: “I know you guys don’t have it, so I wasn’t going to look for it.”

    Employee: “Of course we do! It’s in the TV on DVD section.”

    Me: “I know for a fact you don’t. Nobody has it. Can you not pressure me into trying to buy something you don’t have?”

    Employee: “Well, how do you know we don’t have it if you’re not even going to look for it?”

    Me: “Generally DVDs don’t go on sale until after the season’s finished, and the finale airs tonight.”

    Spidey Sense Going Crazy

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Coworkers, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (At my job, I am known for my costumes and my charitable work. There is a big event coming at the end of the month where I have roped in several friends that are also costumers. We’ll be there to cheer on the children during the event and mingle with the kids beforehand.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], are you bringing out your kids for the event at the end of the month?”

    Coworker: “Oh, yeah. Thanks for letting me know about it. I didn’t have a chance to come out last time!”

    Me: “They’ll get a kick out of it for sure. Your son’s a big Spider-Man fan, so I’ll make sure to high-five him when he comes into the finish line.”

    (Her eyes narrow, and she gives me a once-over.)

    Coworker: “Wait, you’re Spider-Man?”

    Me: “Yeah, I thought everyone knew that. That’s my go-to costume for children’s events. Why?”

    Coworker: “But… your butt.”

    Me: “My… what?”

    Coworker: “Were you the guy in the costume at [Last Company Event], too?”

    Me: “Yeah, why?”

    Coworker: “But your butt looks different.”

    Me: “Were you checking me out in costume at the event?”

    Coworker: “Maybe?” *gives me the once over again before walking away*

    Me: “… I need a shower and an adult.”

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