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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Has To D-emonstrate

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a clerical position at a medical office. One of my duties is filing and retrieving patient charts, which are organized alphabetically. I’m filing charts when one of the doctors walks in and hands me the chart for the patient she just saw:)

    Doctor: “Here’s a ‘D.'”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “That’s… not something you should say to an employee.”

    Doctor: “Why? What does it mean?”

    Me: “Um…” *points*

    Doctor: “…Oh.”

    A Fluffy Conversation

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque

    (I am on the phone with a patron, checking titles for him. While I look them up on the computer, I can hear a voice in the background.)

    Patron: “Yes, I know what a fluffer is!”

    Me: “And so do I.”

    (Moment of silence, then the patron begins laughing.)

    Patron: “That made my day!”

    Translate From Kryptonian

    | Israel | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My coworker speaks English only as a third language so he does a lot of literal translations.)

    Coworker: “I’m feeling myself like Superman!”

    Me: “Um, you probably should not phrase it like that.”

    Coworker: “So, how would you say that you’re feeling yourself like Superman?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t.”

    Not THAT Kind Of Role Play

    | Germany | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

    (I’m 17 and I work as an au pair in Germany, looking after two children. I’ve asked my employers if I can take a weekend and a Friday off during June to go to Amsterdam with my girlfriend and her father for a tabletop RPG convention, and am now trying to explain what RPGs are. The dialogue takes place in German, which is not my first language.)

    Me: *haltingly* “You pretend to be a character and play a story with other people.”

    Mother: “Like theatre? On a stage? I didn’t know you were an actress!”

    Me: “No, no, just in a room with a few people. No audience. You just make up the story as you go along.” *I mean to say costumes, but instead say clothing* “You don’t wear any clothing but sometimes you have props.”

    Mother: *obviously thinking it’s something sexual and being horrified because of my age* “Is that legal?!”

    Me: *not understanding her horror* “Yes, of course! People come from all over the world; meeting new people is part of the fun.”

    Mother: “I don’t think you should go… Your girlfriend’s father plays as well?”

    Me: *suddenly realises my mistake* “Oh… OH! I meant costumes, not clothing! Everyone wears clothing! No one takes their clothing off! Especially not [Girlfriend’s 56-year-old father]!”

    (We laughed over the mistake later and I managed to explain better, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the time I told the mother of the children I look after that I play games with strangers with my clothes off!)

    Requires A Wii Bit Of An Explanation

    | OH, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I’m about to go get dinner with a coworker. Since I’ll be going home after, I have my backpack with me. I have a Wii packed in it, after forgetting it at a friend’s house. As we’re walking out, I realize I forgot something.)

    Me: “Oh, s***! [Coworker], hold my Wii!” *runs off*

    Coworker: “Hold your WHAT?!”


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