Not Always Working on Facebook Not Always Working on Twitter Not Always Working Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Not His eBay Day
    (1,209 thumbs up)
  • October's Theme Of The Month: Interview Woes!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Rude & Risque

    Showing Some Restraint While Shopping

    | NY, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (My boyfriend and I are at a popular novelty store that sells certain… bedroom things. We have just picked up a set of restraints and go to the counter to purchase them.)

    Cashier #1: “Did you find everything all right today?”

    Me: “Yeah, thanks. We’re just getting these.” *sets the box on the counter*

    Cashier #1: *turns bright pink* “Uh, um, I’ll just, uh, let me get someone to take of that for you.”

    (He scrambles into the back, leaving my boyfriend and me to exchange a confused look. After a moment he returns with another cashier in tow. She takes one look at our purchase and turns on him.)

    Cashier #2: “Geez, dude, they’re just restraints! It’s not like they’re buying a vibrator or anything! How do you even work here?!”

    (He blushes and stammers an apology and disappears into the back of the store again. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I are trying desperately to keep straight faces.)

    Cashier #2: *to us* “I can ring you folks out. I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know how he’s lasted this long here.”

    Boyfriend: *trying not to laugh* “No, that’s fine. Thanks for your help.”

    Me: “It’s a good thing we didn’t find a vibrator we liked. That poor kid probably would have died right then and there.”

    Got The Innuendo In The End-o

    | IL, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (We have just received a shipment of office supplies, including some small pieces of furniture which require some assembly. I volunteer to build them, only to find that tools were not included with the parts.)

    Me: “Hey, does anyone know if we have a little wrench or something here?”

    Coworker #1: “Um, I don’t know. Why?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m putting together our new stuff, but they didn’t include any tools.”

    Coworker #1: *starting to giggle* “Um, so you need a little tool?”

    Coworker #2: *also starting to laugh* “I’m not sure I have any tool to give you.”

    Me: *not getting the joke* “Well, I just need, like, a wrench or something. I have to tighten my nuts.”

    (Both of my coworkers lose it as I realize what I’ve just said.)

    Me: “You both are horrible!”

    (Later, after I’ve finished assembling the furniture, I got them back.)

    Me: “There! All done! I just needed the right tool for my nuts!”

    Actually Made Fifty Shades Less

    | Mt Pleasant, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Rude & Risque

    (I am restocking the shelves when my manager comes round.)

    Manager: “Hey, we need room for a hundred new copies of that new Fifty Shades book coming out. Do you think we could get more room on these shelves?”

    (The particular shelves are very near the children’s section.)

    Me: “Really? Because it might be unsuitable for this part of the store.”

    Manager: “Listen, we’re putting them on the tables near the counters, and this is the counter most people go to.”

    Me: “Yes, because it’s near the very large children’s area. Parents won’t like it if there’s smut near the kids’ section.”

    Manager: “Just do it! There’s no more room!”

    (I do so. A few weeks later…)

    Manager: “Well done, [My Name]. The Fifty Shades series has been selling really well! We’ve sold almost every copy!”

    Me: “You do realize we’ve actually made less than usual in the children’s section because the next shelves, within a child’s view, might I add – are filled with porn?”

    Manager: “No. Just be glad we made a profit!”

    Me: “We didn’t. We often sell between 40 and 50 children’s books a month. We only sold 9 this month. Unless we put the Fifty Shades in a different place no parent will come here with their children.

    Manager: “We made a profit! We sold so many Fifty Shades books!”

    Me: *annoyed* “That’s because most bookstores don’t advertise them in full view! They put them in the back parts of the bookstores, so that’s why we’ve sold more than other local bookstores!”

    Manager: *not getting it* “Exactly! That’s why we’ve made a profit!”

    (A few parents complained and the manager was replaced. The adult novels are now near the back.)

    Freudian Slipped On The Table

    | ON, Canada | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (I am the employee in this story. Our restaurant had just recently switched from a stationary credit/debit machine to a portable machine that you can bring right to the table. I had just finished serving a table of police officers and they are ready to pay.)

    Officer: “Is there a cash I need to go to, to pay?”

    Me: “Nope. I can do anything you want right at the table.”

    (Immediately I can feel my face flush red as I realize what I’ve said.)

    Officer: *laughing* “Do you maybe want to rephrase that?”

    They Do Love A Man Out Of Uniform

    | KS, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (I once worked as a police dispatcher for a small town, and we wore uniforms similar to the police officers.  It’s my day off so I’m not in uniform when I go to pay my water bill. One of the ladies I know is working behind the desk.)

    Me: “Hi. I need to pay my water bill.

    Clerk: “Oh, hey, [My Name]. I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”

    Me: “Let’s not get any rumors started here…”


    Page 1/1712345...Last
    Next Page »