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    Category: Rude & Risque

    They Do Love A Man Out Of Uniform

    | KS, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (I once worked as a police dispatcher for a small town, and we wore uniforms similar to the police officers.  It’s my day off so I’m not in uniform when I go to pay my water bill. One of the ladies I know is working behind the desk.)

    Me: “Hi. I need to pay my water bill.

    Clerk: “Oh, hey, [My Name]. I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”

    Me: “Let’s not get any rumors started here…”

    How Em-Bra-assing

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work as a barista and generally get tips between $0.50-$3 depending on the order. As such I usually have a ton of $1 bills in my wallet. Thanks to a new birth control pill I was on around the time of this story my chest has gone up two sizes and none of my shirts fit properly. I try to cover what I can but I still end up with plunging lines and belly shirts. It should also be noted I live in a small city that has two strip clubs and that’s the extent of our ‘red light’ district. I am picking up groceries late after a shift.)

    Male Cashier: “Hey how are you doing today?”

    Me: “Oh, doing all right. Just got off work, and yourself?”

    Male Cashier: “Doing good. About to get off shift myself.”

    (We continue chatting with his occasionally looking at my chest which is unfortunately bulging in my too small bra. I’m uncomfortable but just ignore it. The time comes to pay.)

    Male Cashier: “Okay, that will be [total].”

    (I hands him a stack of $1 bills.)

    Me: “Sorry. Like I said, I just got off shift and this is all I’ve got.”

    Male Cashier: *looks me up and down* “Funny, I think I’d remember you performing. Do you work at [Strip Club #1] or [Strip Club #2]?”

    Me: “Uh… [Coffee Shop]. I’m a barista.”

    (The cashier at least had the grace to blush and mumble out an apology before I grabbed my receipt and bolted.)

    That’s What They Both Said

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I have just got off work on the overnight shift at a big box store. I am picking up a few grocery items before heading home. Among my items are a few cucumbers. The cashier ringing me up is a lady I was friendly with when I was a cashier a few years prior.)

    Cashier: “Oh, you making a salad when you get home?”

    Me: “Yeah. I like to eat something kinda light for my ‘dinner.’ I know its seven am but it’s dinner to me!”

    Cashier: “True. Wow, these cucumbers are huge!”

    Me: “Aren’t they? And those are two of the small ones. I don’t really like the big ones. The seeds are too big.”

    Cashier: “And see, me? I like the big ones! I like a lot of seeds in mine!”

    Me: “Well, go get you some when you get off. They are huge. I’m sure they’re full of seeds. And leave some little ones for me. These big ones are too much for me.”

    Cashier: “Oh, yeah, I was just thinking I’m gonna have to go get some of these big boys.”

    (I pay and gather my bags.)

    Me: “Thanks, you have a good day. Oh, and by the way… I can’t believe we just had that conversation with straight faces!”

    Cashier: *eyes get wide and bursts out laughing*

    Under The Table Remarks

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (My fiancé and I are checking into a room. While we share a bed, we are abstinent for personal reasons, and generally do not share those reasons with anyone else.)

    Me: “Hi. Do you have any rooms available tonight?”

    Clerk: “All we have left is [Suite]. Is that okay?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s fine. We’ll take that.”

    Clerk: “Cool. Are you guys married? What are you in town for?”

    Fiancé: “Not married, but was looking for a tux.”

    Clerk: “Oh really? Are you okay with just the one bed?”

    Me: *getting uncomfortable* “Yes, we’re fine with that.”

    Clerk: “Okay, that’s cool. When’s the wedding?”

    Me: “It’s [date].”

    Clerk: “Oh awesome! Coming up. So, am I invited?”

    Me: “Ummm…”

    Clerk: “Oh, just kidding. Just kidding. So, you’re in room 108, and just so you know, the coffee table totally holds up if you want to have extra fun.”

    Me: “EXCUSE ME?!”

    Clerk: “Oh, not like that? Totally cool. Enjoy your stay!”

    Me: *to fiancé* “Did he actually say all that to me?”

    (The weirdest thing is, the clerk never seemed to get how uncomfortable he made us!)

    Unable To Manage The Situation

    | Australia | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (My coworkers and I all have a very open and relaxed attitude, and when there are no customers around we sometimes act quite immature. For example, sometimes one of us will point out an attractive person so we can all take a look.)

    Coworker #1: *points out an attractive mother* “Not bad for having had three kids… Very nice!”

    Coworker #2: *appreciative nod* “Nice indeed.”

    Coworker #1: “I’m not sure whether I’d rather BE her or…”

    (As she’s finishing her rather crude remark, the STORE MANAGER walks up to one of the woman’s daughters, picks her up, and kisses her on the head. Coworker #1′s jaw hits the floor, and Coworker #2 and I burst out laughing.)

    Coworker #1: “I just perved on the manager’s wife, didn’t I? I JUST SAID THAT ABOUT THE MANAGER’S WIFE!”

    Coworker #2: *crying with laughter* “Stop talking!”

    Me: “Good job! Let’s file this under ‘things you shouldn’t tell your coworkers!’”

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