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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Doesn’t Sound Like A Spring Chicken

    | NV, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Prostitution is legal in some parts of the state and there is a house of ill repute called ‘The Chicken Ranch’ in the area. Also ‘chicken ranch’ is sometimes used as slang referring to brothels in general. This conversation involves a database consultant from out of state.)

    Consultant: “Customers always ask me if their system is the worst I’ve ever seen, but I tell them that after 20 years there is little that surprises me. In fact one time I installed our software at a chicken ranch.”

    Employee: “Was it a real chicken ranch?”

    Consultant: “Oh, yeah! It was one of those sad ones where they stuff the birds into the little huts and then have to destroy the barns after harvesting because they are so contaminated. The eggs and chickens were considered production units and purchase orders had to be generated for materials and supplies. Our system worked great for them!”

    (The consultant walks away as he is called into the next office over.)

    Me: *to employee* “Yup, totally got where you were going with that. Clearly we’re from Southern Nevada because I had the exact same question.”

    Scrub Your Dirty Mind

    | MI, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (Throughout high school, I work at a vet clinic doing basic cleaning tasks. Everyone wears scrubs, including myself. Shortly after I start working there, I bring my dog in for his vaccines. My 30-year-old male coworker approaches me in the waiting room, looking at my dog’s chart.)

    Coworker: “Hello, miss, you can bring your dog into room fou— Oh! [My Name]! I didn’t recognize you in clothes!”

    Other Clients: *look appalled*

    Coworker: “She works here… I’ve never seen her not in scrubs.”

    (Everyone looked very relieved after that explanation.)

    Doesn’t Get The Warning Signs

    | USA | Coworkers, New Hires, Rude & Risque

    (I’m mute, and usually try to shop at places where an employee knows sign language. I’m also a lesbian, and though my girlfriend often goes out with me, this time she stays home. I go to a clothing store where I’m friends with one of the cashiers. I walk in, and a new hire is greeting people.)

    New Hire: “Welcome to [Store]! Can I help you find something?”

    Me: *shakes head*

    New Hire: “Oh, okay.”

    (I wander off to look at shirts. I notice him follow me, while trying to stay out of sight. He eventually comes over.)

    New Hire: “So, do you come here often?”

    Me: *signs that I’m mute*

    New Hire: “Geez, chicky, I don’t speak that. But I know you’re pretty d*** hot. Wanna go out?”

    (I quickly leave, and head straight to the checkout counter. My friend is there, and I quickly tell her what happened. She tells me to wait, and she leaves. A minute later, she comes back with the new hire.)

    Friend: “Is this the guy?”

    Me: *signs yes*

    New Hire: “What, is she giving me her number?”

    Friend: “Dude, don’t hit on her.”

    New Hire: “Why not? She’s a hot piece of a**!”

    Friend: “One, that’s harassment. Two, she’s taken. Three—”

    New Hire: “Well, I can easily steal her away? Who wouldn’t want me?”

    Friend: “A lesbian.”

    New Hire: “… She wasn’t that hot, anyway.”

    (He walked off, glaring at me. My friend got a manager, who wrote the new hire up for sexual harassment. He also gave me a gift card, and I taught him ‘thank you’ in sign language.)

    Credit Him With Chauvinism

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Rude & Risque

    (I receive a robo-call about reducing my credit interest rate and ask to speak to a human. Upon answering the transaction goes as follows.)

    Me: “Hello, please remove me from your call list since I own no credit cards.”

    Him: “Well, what about your husband?”

    Me: “I have no husband.”

    Him: “Well, what about a boyfriend?”

    Me: “No, not one of those either.”

    Him: “What size are your boobs, honey?”

    (I am speechless for 10 seconds before I hang up. I would have complained but it was a private number and obviously at a call center overseas.)

    More Trick Than Treat

    | USA | Coworkers, Holidays, Rude & Risque

    (Our front office has been decorated for Halloween, and I notice a plastic pumpkin that looks as though the lid is supposed to come off, but doesn’t. I turn it over to discover an ‘on’ switch. Without thinking much of it, I turn it on.)

    Coworker #1: “Uh, [My Name], that thing’s kind of… creepy. I mean, you can turn it on if you want, but…”

    (As if on cue, the pumpkin starts playing this weird snake charmer music as the top comes off. Out of it comes what was meant to be a ghost over a narrow frame that wiggles around a bit, then goes back down. Said ghost bears a horrifically unfortunate resemblance to something that is… well… decidedly not kid-friendly. This is right when the office manager and Coworker #2 walk in.)

    Coworker #2: “Oh, lord.”

    Manager: “Ah. You’ve found the dirty pumpkin.”

    (We all stared, wide-eyed, and I hurriedly switched it off. For the sake of everyone’s sanity, I renamed it ‘The Ugly Sock Ghost’ to try and make it a little less disturbing.)


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