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    Category: Rude & Risque

    A Fluffy Conversation

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque

    (I am on the phone with a patron, checking titles for him. While I look them up on the computer, I can hear a voice in the background.)

    Patron: “Yes, I know what a fluffer is!”

    Me: “And so do I.”

    (Moment of silence, then the patron begins laughing.)

    Patron: “That made my day!”

    Translate From Kryptonian

    | Israel | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My coworker speaks English only as a third language so he does a lot of literal translations.)

    Coworker: “I’m feeling myself like Superman!”

    Me: “Um, you probably should not phrase it like that.”

    Coworker: “So, how would you say that you’re feeling yourself like Superman?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t.”

    Not THAT Kind Of Role Play

    | Germany | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

    (I’m 17 and I work as an au pair in Germany, looking after two children. I’ve asked my employers if I can take a weekend and a Friday off during June to go to Amsterdam with my girlfriend and her father for a tabletop RPG convention, and am now trying to explain what RPGs are. The dialogue takes place in German, which is not my first language.)

    Me: *haltingly* “You pretend to be a character and play a story with other people.”

    Mother: “Like theatre? On a stage? I didn’t know you were an actress!”

    Me: “No, no, just in a room with a few people. No audience. You just make up the story as you go along.” *I mean to say costumes, but instead say clothing* “You don’t wear any clothing but sometimes you have props.”

    Mother: *obviously thinking it’s something sexual and being horrified because of my age* “Is that legal?!”

    Me: *not understanding her horror* “Yes, of course! People come from all over the world; meeting new people is part of the fun.”

    Mother: “I don’t think you should go… Your girlfriend’s father plays as well?”

    Me: *suddenly realises my mistake* “Oh… OH! I meant costumes, not clothing! Everyone wears clothing! No one takes their clothing off! Especially not [Girlfriend’s 56-year-old father]!”

    (We laughed over the mistake later and I managed to explain better, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the time I told the mother of the children I look after that I play games with strangers with my clothes off!)

    Requires A Wii Bit Of An Explanation

    | OH, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I’m about to go get dinner with a coworker. Since I’ll be going home after, I have my backpack with me. I have a Wii packed in it, after forgetting it at a friend’s house. As we’re walking out, I realize I forgot something.)

    Me: “Oh, s***! [Coworker], hold my Wii!” *runs off*

    Coworker: “Hold your WHAT?!”

    The Asgardian After-Party

    | OR, USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am helping a mother and her 10-year-old son find a LEGO mini-figure of Thor from The Avengers.)

    Me: “Ah, here he is. Oops, he doesn’t have his hammer.” *I locate one that does

    have the hammer* “Here we go.”

    (At this point, I am attempting to say ‘Thor’s Hammer.’ My mouth twists the words in the worst possible way.)

    Me: “You do want ‘Whore’s Thammer?’ …Er, uh, I mean—”

    Mom: *laughing* “Oh, no, dear, that’s a DIFFERENT type of mini-figure!”

    (I was so relieved the mom had such a good sense of humor! They were awesome customers and have since become regulars. No one talks about the ‘whore’s thammer’ incident, though.)


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