(This occurs during the lunch hour at work. All of my coworkers in this story and I are female.)

Coworker #1: “I just LOVE that 50 Shades series.”

Coworker #2: “I know, right? They’re just amazing!”

Coworker #3: “I read the whole first book in an evening. I especially loved when…”

(Coworker #3 proceeds to describe a scene from the books. Afterwards, Coworker #2 turns to me.)

Coworker #2: “[My name], have you read them? Aren’t they just a great read?”

Me: “Nah, they’re just not hardcore enough for me.”

(They all go quiet and turn every shade of red. I burst out laughing.)

Me: “Hey now, ladies… you’re the ones talking about smut in the workplace!”

(I just started a new job and everyone tells me about “Romeo,” a real ladies’ man around the office. He makes sexual advances towards me. I decline but he is very insistent.)

Romeo: “So, [my name], you wanna go it to my place tonight?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Romeo: “Why not?!”

Me: “I don’t like mixing business with work.”

Romeo: “You’re boring. Okay then…”

(A few months pass…)

Romeo: “I got a new girlfriend.”

Me: “Congratulations!”

Romeo: “Yeah, she and I…”

(He starts recanting all they have done together intimately in graphic detail.)

Me: *uncomfortable* “Okay…”

Romeo: “Don’t believe me? I’ll bring her by sometime.”

Me: “That’s okay…”

(Next day, he brings a girl.)

Romeo: “Hey [my name]! This is my girl.”

Me: “Nice to meet you.”

Romeo: “I bet you wish you were her right now!”

(Unbelievably, they start engaging in heavy PDA with the girl right on my desk, complete with groping, spit swapping, tongues, and nearly undressing.)

Me:  ”Uh, could you not do that here? I’m trying to work.”

Romeo: “You’re just jealous!”

(He doesn’t stop, and proceeds to have nearly have sex with her in front of everyone. I run and go to the boss’s office and tell him what’s happening.)

Boss: *laughs* “Oh, so he finally got a girl, eh? Atta boy. Don’t worry, just ignore it. That’s just the way he is.”

Me: “…”

(I quit soon after that, and filed sexual harassment charges against the company. Turns out, Romeo was the owner’s son!)

(I usually work late nights, but this day I am covering an early morning shift for my manager. So, my sleep schedule is a little mixed up, leaving me feel tired.)

Owner: “I’m going back to bed.”

Me: “Take me with you!”

(There’s a pause as I realize exactly what I said.)

Me: “Oh, God! Not like that!”

Owner: *laughs* “I was about to say, that’s one way to get a raise.”

(I’m a customer waiting in line. The young woman in front of me is being served by a nice but somewhat ditzy cashier.)

Cashier: “Oh, whoops! These aren’t scanning. I’ll just get a price check.”

(The cashier holds up a little blue box and starts waving it around, then shouts to a coworker in one of the aisles.)

Cashier: “Yo, [coworker]! I need a price check on these [brand] condoms in XXL size!”

Young Woman: *blushes* “Oh my God, don’t worry about them. I’ll just get these.”

Coworker: *shouts back* “WHAT KIND?!”

Cashier: “EXTENDED PLEASURE!”

Young Woman: *looks mortified and practically runs out of the store*

Related:
Discretion Is The Better Part Of Disclosure

Me: “Yeah, can I get some condiments, please?”

Server: *looks pale* “Um, what did you say?”

Me: “Can I get some condiments please?”

Server: *still looks pale* “Um, let me get my manager.”

(By now, I’m really confused as to what is going on. The manager walks out.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what did you say to my employee?”

Me: “I simply asked for some condiments.”

Manager: *stern look* “We don’t sell that here. This is a FAMILY restaurant.”

Me: *confused* “You mean you don’t give out packets of ketchup or mustard or whatnot?”

Manager: “Oh! That! Oh, sorry. Why didn’t you just say so?!”