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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Enough To Make Your Face Egg-White

    | Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (I work in the service department of a well known big box electronics store. We have recently hired a new store manager who is a extremely full of herself and cares little about the employees. She spends most of her time on her cellphone chatting with friends. The store has music, approved by corporate and piped in to all the stores. Every month or so, they rotate out all the old music and replace it with new music. The new music was just added and it is Pitbull’s Hotel Room Service… which is a bit risqué for the store.)

    Me: *to new manager and vice-GM* “Isn’t this song a little dirty for us to be playing?”

    New Manager: “It’s the newest hit; we always play the newest hits.”

    Me: “The lyrics are:

    ‘Oh, you’re the healthy type.

    Well, here goes some egg whites.

    Now gimme that sweet, that nasty gushy stuff.’

    We are going to get complaints!”

    Vice General Manager: *who is an older man* “Is that what he is saying? I can’t understand rap. I thought it was a kid’s song about playing in a hotel.”

    New Manager: *patronizingly to me* “It will be fine. No one will complain.”

    (A few weeks later I had to do some shopping there and came in on my day off. Oldies music is playing.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Hey, what’s with the golden oldies?”

    Coworker: “Oh, a mother complained about the Pitbull music playing and taught [Vice-GM] what egg whites meant. He has been playing Beach Boys and the Supremes ever since.”

    A Gorgeous Faux Pa

    | Glendale, AZ, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I take the bus to work, which means walking halfway across the campus. I’m used to the walk, but it’s annoying during our 115°F (46°C) summers. My coworkers are aware of the situation, and one of them notices me come in.)

    Coworker #1: “Oh, wow, your face is red. You should rest and drink some water before you clock in.”

    Me: “I actually stopped by the water fountain in the hallway, so I’m hydrated. Honestly, I’m not that hot.”

    (My coworker is then called away. Coworker #2, having heard the tail end of the conversation, comes up to me.)

    Coworker #2: “You shouldn’t think like that.”

    Me: *thinking I heard him wrong* “What?”

    Coworker #2: “You should be confident. You know, think of yourself as gorgeous.”

    Me: “Wha- Oh! No, no, wrong kind of hot! We were talking about ‘heat’ hot.”

    Coworker #2: “Oh.”

    (He turns to walk away, and then briefly turns back.)

    Coworker #2: “Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

    No Hanger Hangups

    | PA, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (My coworker and I are the only two cashiers today, and it’s her first time assigned to the register with a phone, so I’ve been talking to her and telling her what to say and a few other things. We are both female, and the subject turns from work to our relationships while the store slows down. We have a good natured conversation about our girlfriends, and then get back to work as customers start lining up. After the short rush…)

    Coworker: “Which way is easier, top or bottom?”

    Me: “Uh…” *I look up to see she just realizes what she said*

    Coworker: “Oh, my god! I just heard it; don’t say anything! I meant the hangers!” *she gestures towards the racks we keep hangers on* “I meant, is it easier to start hanging them from the top, or from the bottom!”

    Me: *laughing* “I was gonna say, it’s not really anyone’s business!”

    Well That’s ONE Way To Celebrate The End Of The Week

    | London, England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I had been at my new job for a week and everyone was nice and friendly. At the end of the day on Friday, this conversation takes place with my Hungarian coworker who has a thick accent.)

    Coworker: “”[Other Coworker] and I are getting a whore in the office. Do you want one?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Coworker: “We are getting a whore in the office.”

    Me: “I think I’m mishearing you. Could you write that down?”

    (He wrote down: “We are getting a hole in the office” – He meant that they were getting a hole drilled in the desks for cables, and wondered if I wanted one, too. It was the single most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had at work.)

    The Lewinsky Line

    | Stratford, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Politics, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (We have four lines in our department making specific auto parts. On this day, one of the lines is being particularly uncooperative.)

    Coworker: “[Line] crashed again.”

    Me: “Seriously, I swear that [Line] goes down more often that a presidential intern.”

    Coworker: “But not as fun.”

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