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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Unable To Manage The Situation

    | Australia | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (My coworkers and I all have a very open and relaxed attitude, and when there are no customers around we sometimes act quite immature. For example, sometimes one of us will point out an attractive person so we can all take a look.)

    Coworker #1: *points out an attractive mother* “Not bad for having had three kids… Very nice!”

    Coworker #2: *appreciative nod* “Nice indeed.”

    Coworker #1: “I’m not sure whether I’d rather BE her or…”

    (As she’s finishing her rather crude remark, the STORE MANAGER walks up to one of the woman’s daughters, picks her up, and kisses her on the head. Coworker #1′s jaw hits the floor, and Coworker #2 and I burst out laughing.)

    Coworker #1: “I just perved on the manager’s wife, didn’t I? I JUST SAID THAT ABOUT THE MANAGER’S WIFE!”

    Coworker #2: *crying with laughter* “Stop talking!”

    Me: “Good job! Let’s file this under ‘things you shouldn’t tell your coworkers!’”

    Drawing Blood And Laughter

    | MN, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I am working as a phlebotomist for a well known blood bank. We are having a very busy day at a local church. My donor is a very nice man in his 80s and at the bed next to me is a brand new employee working with a notoriously oblivious on-the-job trainer.)

    Trainer: “Yeah, we work with 16 gauge needles here. Personally I find them easy to work with but some people prefer working with bigger needles and some prefer working with smaller ones. All depends what feels better in your hands.”

    Me: *turns to my donor* “Sir, please forgive me for this but: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

    Donor: “Honey, if you hadn’t said it I would have.”

    That Blew Up In His Face

    | Watford, England, UK | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My spouse, parents and I are visiting a popular studio tour for a certain movie series. It’s bank holiday weekend, so the crowds are pretty big. We’ve been queuing for a while, and as we’re led into the first room, we’re tired and restless, and surrounded by many people feeling just the same.)

    Guide: *climbs onto a platform so everyone has a clear view of him* “Good afternoon, everyone! My name is [Guide] and I’m here to blow you this afternoon!”

    (The guide freezed, realising what he’s just said. The kids were oblivious, but several adults, my family included, started giggling as the guide composed himself and continued as if nothing happened.)

    Different Strokes Of Humor

    | WA, Australia | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am scanning documents and notice a horribly funny acronym. One of my colleagues are walking past me.)

    Me: “Are you immature?”

    Colleague: “Of course.”

    (I show them the document. Immediately they cover their mouth and laugh.)

    Colleague: “No way.”

    Me: “Yes way. IFAP.”

    Colleague: “Well, at least you’re honest.”

    Lost And Hopeless In Translation

    | Cancun, Mexico | Employees, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Tourists & Travel

    (I am on vacation in Mexico with my family. I speak decent Spanish; my brother speaks broken Spanish. A pretty woman in her mid-twenties runs the souvenir stand at our resort. While my brother goes to look at her merchandise, I overhear her offering to help him practice his Spanish. The entire conversation takes place in Spanish.)

    Saleswoman: *obviously flirting* “What is your name?”

    Brother: *concentrating too hard on his Spanish to notice the flirting* “My name is [Brother].”

    Saleswoman: “What a nice name! Where are you from?”

    Brother: “Um… I am from [Hometown].”

    Saleswoman: “And how old are you?”

    Brother: “I am… um… 15 years old.”

    Saleswoman: *laughing* “No, you need to learn your numbers better. Count it out so you get it right.”

    Brother: *counting in Spanish and on his fingers*  ”11, 12, 13 ,14, 15. Yeah! 15!”

    Saleswoman: *face falling* “15?”

    Brother: “15!”

    (He couldn’t figure out why I was laughing.)


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