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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Floored By The Perverts

    | IN, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (I am a cart pusher. I am on break and talking to a door greeter. His voice is very high pitched and is somewhat similar in tone to a certain well-known mouse character. Three attractive women walk in wearing long skirts. The greeter turns his head to watch and stares for a while as they walk on.)

    Greeter: “Hoo hoo hoo! It’s times like this that make me wish I was a floor!”

    Scream If You Want To Go Calmer

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I suffer from anxiety, and it is often noticeable in my demeanor when I am at work. My manager is male; I am female.)

    Manager: “You’re doing fine, really. It’s okay to relax. Take some deep breaths.”

    Me: “I know. It’s just hard.”

    Manager: “One of these days I’m going to take you out to the alleyway behind the shop and make you scream.”

    Me: “…”

    Manager: “… I mean, it’s a really good confidence building exercise – the primal scream! God, that sounded really wrong. Sorry.”

    Very Hard Drive

    , | Lexington, KY, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I worked the support line for a large PC company. One night a woman calls in who has the breathiest, sexiest voice I’d ever heard and she is relaying my instructions to her boyfriend. I mute my phone and grab my friend.)

    Me: “[Coworker]! I need your help!”

    (Coworker plugs her headset into my phone.)

    Me: *unmuting* “Okay, ma’am, let’s boot into safe mode and see where the problem is. Press F9 over and over as fast as you can.”

    Customer: *to her boyfriend* “Ohhhh, baby, you gotta go faster! Hit it faster, baby! FASTER!”

    (Coworker’s eyes go wide and stifles a giggle.)

    Coworker: “Holy s****, [My Name], what did you drag me into?”

    Me: “Are you kidding? When I tell this story later no one would believe it if I didn’t have a witness.”

    (Coworker started to protest but stopped and gave the ‘good point’ acceptance nod. Sure enough for the rest of the night our whole floor went to her to confirm my ‘porncall’ story wasn’t made up.)

    Voicing Your Disgust

    | Hines, IL, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (Occasionally, when I call my husband’s workplace, his nearest cubicle neighbor will answer. After about six months on the job, my husband’s boss invites our family to a work-related picnic. We have just been introduced to everyone, when a man (who ended up being the coworker I have spoken with on the phone) pulls me aside to talk. I am very taken aback when he says:)

    Husband’s Coworker: “You look different than I had pictured you. Your voice is so soft and sexy. I was picturing, you know, Marilyn Monroe.”

    (Even his wife made a disgusted face at him.)

    (Very) Bad Translation

    | Singapore | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I have a new colleague who can only speak English and Korean. She wants, very much, to get along with everyone at the front office, including the chief concierge, who is a middle-aged, very proper Malay gentleman. She enlists the bellhops to teach her greetings in Malay. They oblige, not knowing that she was going to use what she would learn on their boss, the chief concierge. Unbeknownst to her, all they taught her were curse words. This happens one morning when she is assured that she is fluent in the language.)

    Colleague: “Mr [Chief Concierge], [swear word]!”

    Chief Concierge: *shocked* “Who taught you that?!”

    Colleague: *innocently* “[Bellhop #1] and [Bellhop #2]. I asked them to teach me how to say ‘Good Morning’ in Malay. Did I pronounce it wrongly?”

    Chief Concierge: *angrily* “What else did they teach you?”

    Colleague: *taken aback by his reaction* “Well, some other greetings, like [lots of foul language].”

    Chief Concierge: “Nice girls like you shouldn’t know such bad words! How dare [Bellhop #1] and [Bellhop #2] teach you such nasty stuff? Don’t ever say all that again!”

    Colleague: “What?! They taught me bad words?! I might have said it to a guest!”

    (The two bellhops were standing nearby, horrified, when this incident happened. They were reprimanded severely by the chief concierge.)


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