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    Category: Rude & Risque

    They Got There In The End-o

    | WA, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Transportation

    (I live in Washington, but I bought a motorcycle online from a seller in Florida. I am looking for a shipping center that can receive it, so I am calling around to gauge my options.)

    Employee: “Hello, [Shipping Center].”

    Me: “Hi, I have a question for you.”

    Employee: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Me: “What is the biggest package you can take?”

    Employee: “Do you really think I haven’t heard that one before? F*** off until you get a better joke.” *hangs up*

    (Not quite the response I was expecting, but judging by my wording, I don’t blame him. I give him another call.)

    Employee: “Hello, [Shipping Center].”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about earlier, but I bought a motorcycle out-of-state. Do you guys accept shipments that big?”

    Employee: “Oh, that’s what you meant? Yeah, we can store motorcycles.”

    (I talked to him some more about setting up an account, expected shipping dates, and other important stuff. On the day my motorcycle arrived, I actually met this guy in person. He was actually a very friendly fellow, and he’s also a very big fan of motorcycles. His biggest pet peeve happened to be prank callers, and, by his own admission, that is the only time anyone saw his bad side.)

    Going Through A Bad Spell At Work

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

    (I am a known Harry Potter fan at work. This occurs while my coworkers and I are cleaning up after the restaurant is closed.)

    Coworker: *with the broom*Wingardium Leviosa!”

    Me: “That’s the wrong spell for that.”

    Coworker: “No, I was trying to levitate your jaw shut so you’d stop talking.”

    Me: “Oh, look, it’s levitating my middle finger!”

    A Non-Dairy Date For Your Diary

    | WA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (We’re having a little party at work because a few of my coworkers are leaving at the same time while some of my other coworkers are being promoted. One of my coworkers is vegan so we bought vegan cupcakes for everyone.)

    Coworker #1: “Man, I’ve never had vegan cupcakes before. They’re pretty good.”

    (Coworkers #2 and #3 nod in agreement.)

    Coworker #1: “Its almost like, I don’t know, weird knowing that was my first time. It’s like they—”

    Coworker #2: “THEY TOOK YOUR VEGINITY!”

    Coworker #1: “…I was going to say ‘they popped my vegan cherry’ but that works, too.”

    Coworker #3: “Well, cherries are vegan, so popping it wouldn’t work in this context.”

    Try To Restrain That Humor

    | IL, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (I recently started working as a correctional officer and I am still getting everything for my utility belt. Because of that, I am carrying my spare handcuffs in my purse. It was the end of shift and I was looking for my keys.)

    Me: *after digging through my purse* “Is it weird I have handcuffs in my purse?”

    Coworker: “No… You’ll make some man very happy someday, [My Name].”

    Baptism Of Red Fire

    | NY, USA | Coworkers, New Hires, Rude & Risque

    (We are having our daily department meeting. I am training a new hire and it’s his first meeting. We will often start out the meeting with small talk, and someone mentions that today is “Redhead Day”.)

    Me: “Well, I’m a fake ginger, so I guess I wouldn’t be allowed to celebrate.”

    Coworker #1: “And I’m a natural ginger, but I haven’t actually been one for a while now.”

    Coworker #2: “You’re a redhead? No way!”

    Coworker #1: *grins* “Yeah… I would prove it, but that might not be appropriate for the meeting.”

    (The new hire’s entire face goes super red. After the meeting, I receive an email from Coworker #1.)

    Coworker #1′s: “Hey, did I traumatize the new kid?”

    Me: “He’ll live.”

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