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    Category: Technology

    I Am The Slush-Master

    | USA | Coworkers, Technology

    (We recently got a slushy machine, but it’s really cheap and we frequently have problems with it.)

    Coworker: “The slushy machine is clogged up.”

    Me: “Geez, not again!”

    Coworker: “I’m gonna just tell the customer that it’s down and offer him something else.”

    Me: “No, wait. I have an idea.”

    (I grab a straw and jam it up the nozzle. The slushy starts gushing out.)

    Coworker: “Wow, that was amazing.”

    Me: “Yeah… please don’t ask me how I knew that would work.”

    Should Be Clean Of Windows

    | Scotland, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a call center that gives technical support to people who have difficulty printing. This is one of the comments I hear from my coworker when he is trying to establish the compatibility with a device and the printer.)

    Coworker: “So, what Windows edition do you have on your iPad?”

    Permanently Linked To The Complaint

    | OH, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m a librarian in a college library. I come in to work to find the coworker I take over from helping a student over the phone. He can’t get in to one of our electronic databases and she is finding articles for him.)

    Coworker: “I’ve put all the articles into a folder. Can I just send the folder to him?”

    Me: “Er, I don’t know of any way to do that, but you can email him the permalinks. I’m not sure that will help, though, because he’ll still have to log into [Database] to get them.”

    Coworker: *blank* “Why?”

    Me: *blank* “Because he has to be logged in to [Database] for them to come up.” *no comprehension dawning* “Because… because the permalink just goes to the page. I mean, he can’t just access it.”

    Coworker: “But he’s having trouble getting into [Database].”

    Me: *utterly at a loss to explain this really, really obvious concept* “Just get his email address; I’ll save the PDFs and email them to him.”

    (She got his email address, but then proceeded to spend close to 15 minutes saving four PDFs HERSELF, all the while half complaining about having to stay so late after I had offered repeatedly to do it myself.)

    Logged As An Idiot

    , | Gothenburg, Sweden | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (At our factory we have computers at each machine we use to enter the final measurements of a product we create. Each computer has a specific login so you can access the necessary files needed to input the final data. While you can use another computer’s login to access the necessary files, it’s best if you use the proper login. On this particular day, one computer is having issues with the login credentials. We decide to call up tech support since we can’t figure out a way to get around the login to access the data. The tech support is kind of… bad. It’s pretty terrible, actually, and no one wants to deal with them. After a lot of discussion it is decided that I should make the call. This is the conversation that follows when I call them up and explain the issue we have. The phone is on speaker mode:)

    Tech Support: “Thanks for calling tech support. How can I assist you?”

    Me: “Hi! We’re having issues with a computer here. It’s saying the credentials cannot be verified. We’ve tried bypassing it but it won’t work, not even with another computer’s login. I think it’s something with the domain it’s connected to. Think you can take a look at that?”

    Tech Support: “Absolutely. What is your computer’s name?”

    Me: *I rattle off the eight-digit number of the computer to the techie*

    Tech Support: “Okay. I have your number and it’s legit. I need you to log in for me.”

    (There’s a moment of silence as I am waiting to see if he’s going to process what he just said.)

    Me: “Uh, we CAN’T login. That’s the issue…”

    Tech Support: “I understand. But I need you to log in so we can fix the issue.”

    Me: “No, no. You aren’t listening to me. I CAN’T login because the credentials of this computer cannot be verified on the domain I am trying to log in to.”

    Tech Support: “I still need you to log in so we can sort this issue out.”

    Coworkers: *roll eyes*

    Me: “Dude, listen to me real good now. We can’t log in. Okay? Do you understand? The computer’s credentials are not being verified. It won’t let us pass the login screen.”

    Tech Support: “I still need you to log in…”

    Short-Tempered Coworker: “What part of ‘We cannot log in’ do you not understand? WE CANNOT LOG IN!”

    (There’s a moment of silence before the tech support guy speaks up.)

    Tech Support: “Oh, you cannot log in. I will send someone out to fix the issue from your end. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    (I end the call then and there.)

    Me: *to short-tempered coworker* “Next time, you call.”

    The Color Of Frustration

    | Luton, England, UK | Employees, Technology

    (I need to buy a new smartphone and I’m set on a particular brand. It becomes apparent early on that the employee is not the brightest bulb but we get through the data package discussion:)

    Employee: “Right, all that is left to do is to choose a phone. You certain you want a [Brand]?”

    Me: “Absolutely.”

    Employee: “Okay, there are three colours you can have: white, blue, or pink.”

    Me: “Go for white.”

    Employee: *doesn’t even check her computer* “I’m sorry we are sold out of white.”

    Me: “Okay, then it’ll have to be blue.”

    Employee: “Sold out of that too, I’m afraid.”

    Me: “So the only colour you have is pink?”

    Employee: “No, that’s sold out as well.”

    Me: “So I can’t get my phone here?”

    Employee: “No, you can. You just need to choose a colour: white, blue, or pink.”

    Me: “But you are sold out…”

    Employee: “Yes, that’s correct.”

    Me: “How am I supposed to buy if it’s not in stock?”

    Employee: “You just choose a colour.”

    Me: *getting frustrated* “Well, I clearly can’t as you don’t have anything!”

    Employee: “You didn’t say you wanted something that was in stock!”

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