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    Category: Technology

    Heimdall Didn’t See That One Coming

    | Lancashire, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Technology

    (Our phone has caller display and unwanted calls tend to come up as either ‘Unavailable’ or ‘Withheld’. On this occasion the display shows ‘Unavailable’ but I answer it anyway. There is a pause before the obvious chatter of a call centre came on. )

    Me: “Hello, Asgard? Loki speaking.”

    Caller: “Hello, I am from the Windows Service Centre and I am calling about your computer. How are you today?”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “You are getting errors on your computer; there are problems in the files which will cause it to crash at some point.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Caller: “Are you in front of your computer?”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “You need to go to your computer and turn it on, and tell me when it’s ready. I am holding the line.”

    Me: “Okay.” *pretends to call to another person* “Thor? Where’s the computer?” *puts phone down for a minute or so before going back to the call* “It’s not here.”

    Caller: “The computer is not there?”

    Me: “No, it’s in Midgard.”

    Caller: “What? It’s where?”

    Me: “Midgard.”

    Caller: “Where’s that? Is that another town?”

    Me: “It’s a whole other land. This is Asgard.”

    Caller: *confused* “…Do you have a laptop?”

    Me: “We have no need for computers here. We’re gods; we don’t need a laptop. We use magic and godly powers.”

    Caller: “…I’m calling about the Windows operating system.”

    Me: “Yeah, we don’t use it here.”

    Caller: *increasingly confused* “Okay, bye.”

    Me: *cheerily* “Bye!”

    Needs To Install Some Intelligence

    | England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Okay, if you could just try coming out of the software and going back into it I’ll see what happens my end.”

    (Long pause.)

    User: “Okay I’ve uninstalled it. Now what?”

    Playing Them At Their Own Game

    | Europe | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (I work in a startup company with a boss who treats it like her own personal toy. While it may seem irrelevant, the fact is that her husband made enough money so that she could pretend to be an entrepreneur with no real consequences. We are creating a new “Facebook” for fitness instructors that would lead the Internet. While I am working and my coworker is creating 3D models, this conversation happens. She enters on Monday:)

    Boss: “Hey, yesterday I saw this really cool thing that you can move in front of your TV and it sees it. We should make a game about fitness!”

    Me: “Ah, that is probably Kinect. Well, while it is possible, I really doubt we can pull it off. Games are made by big companies with experience, but we have a three people team and two of them know nothing about programming and such… “

    Boss: “Well, have you looked into it? Why do you always dismiss it. If we made it, it would be BIG and you have to start thinking BIG!”

    (I stop talking and let her go on. After a while and to my surprise, my coworker, who is always quiet speaks up.)

    Coworker: “Actually, this sounds like a great idea. I am not sure how they do it, but we could probably do it.”

    (My jaw drops. My boss is happy and leaves.)

    Me: “Why in the world would you say that?”

    Coworker: “Well, you will have to join me in this “research.” I take it we will need about a week or so to realize it is not really possible and report to her accordingly.”

    (So we played with motion detection game for a week and while I was a little nervous about how we are going to tell her that it’s not that easy, she had already forgotten about that by Friday.)

    Your Fate Is Sealed

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (I work at a store that sells electronics, so whenever we process a return we must check the product and its contents to ensure nothing’s been stolen. Usually we have a technology associate do this, but usually there is some leeway depending on the product. I am manning the cash. It should be noted that it is the back-to-school season and so our lines are very long.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if I could return this laptop?”

    Me: “Sure thing, let me just get someone to okay the product.”

    (I page for a technology associate, all of whom are with customers.)

    Me: “Sorry, it’ll be just a few minutes.”

    (After waiting a few minutes, I repeat the page.)

    Customer: “It’s unopened.”

    (I check the product and notice that it is, in fact, sealed. Given that the tech associates are known to take their time and my line is getting longer and longer, I decide to process the return anyways, knowing that nothing could have been stolen. In the middle of processing the return, however, a tech associate finally shows up.)

    Coworker: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m processing the return for this laptop.”

    Coworker: “But you have to get it checked.”

    Me: “I already checked it; it’s sealed.”

    Coworker: “But you have to get a tech associate to check it.”

    Me: “But it’s sealed.”

    Coworker: “But a tech associate has to check it.”

    Me: “Fine.”

    (Looks at the item and sees that it’s sealed.)

    Coworker: “Go ahead. Make sure to check with an associate next time.”

    (The best part? He then came back fifteen minutes later to criticise me for about ten minutes because, despite my long line and the fact that the item was clearly unopened, I hadn’t called over a tech associate.)

    Doesn’t Like Dem Apples

    | Singapore | Employees, Technology

    (I work in an Apple store and Apple logos are displayed prominently throughout the store. Note that this also happens all the time.)

    Customer: “Do you all sell the case for the Samsung Note 3?”

    Me: “Nope, sorry! We don’t.”

    (Customer starts looking at me with a puzzled look on his face.)

    Customer: “Oh. Why not?”

    Me: “…Well, it is an Apple store. We don’t carry those cases.”

    Customer: “How was I supposed to know?!”

    Me: “Well, you did walk through a glass door that had two huge Apple posters beside it. And there’s that big logo staring right at you the moment you walk in….”

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