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    Category: Technology

    Making Very Personal Announcements

    | UK | Bosses & Owners, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (My boss, general manager of the store, is also a part time DJ. He has a gig tonight and has brought in his mixer and a microphone so that I can help him replace a fuse. This happens after closing time, when there are no customers but staff are still working stock.)

    Me: “So that’s the fuse changed. Now you should probably test it just on the off-chance I messed up.”

    Boss: “I trust you, but let’s test it anyway.”

    (We hook up his mixer to the PA system and power everything up.)

    Me: “What do I say?”

    Boss: *grabbing the microphone* “All right, [Supermarket], are you ready to make some f****** noise?!”


    | PA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (I’m calling my husband’s new doctor’s office to confirm that they received his records from the previous doctor’s office.)

    Me: “Hi. This [My Name]. I’m calling to see if you received my husband’s medical records.”

    (I tell them my husband’s info.)

    Receptionist: “No, they have not faxed his records over.”

    (I call the other doctor’s office and ask why they have not sent his records over. They tell me that they have and I ask how long ago. The receptionist there tells me it was over a week and a half ago. I ask if they were faxed and she tells me that they don’t do that; they put his records on a CD and mailed them.)

    Me: “I called a little while ago about my husband’s records and you told you did not get them. Well, I spoke to the other doctor’s office and they did send them via mail over a week and a half ago. They sent a CD.”

    Receptionist: “Well, why wouldn’t they just fax them?!”

    Me: “I don’t know. Apparently they don’t do that there.”

    Receptionist: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Again, you would have to ask them that since I don’t work there.”

    Receptionist: “Well, what are we supposed to do with a CD?!”

    Me: “Um… put it in the computer and read it?”

    Receptionist: “Hmph!” *grumbling*

    Me: “Can you please just check to see if it was received?”

    Receptionist: “One moment.” *pause* “I checked with the doctor. It was already on her desk and she’ll take care of it.”

    Me: *head-desk*

    Voice Unrecognition

    | OK, USA | Employees, Technology

    (I have had a cold and my voice, which is already very low pitched, has now become a gravelly basso profundo.)

    Computer Voice: “Would you like to pay your bill now?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Computer Voice: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

    Me: *rumbling louder* “Yes!”

    Computer Voice: “I’m sorry, but I can’t understand you. I will transfer you to an associate now.”

    Human: “Can I help you?”

    Me: “Yes, I’d like to pay my bill.”

    Human: “Yes, I can take care of that for you, but there is a $5 fee if you don’t use our automated services.”

    Me: “Yes, I know, but I tried that and it wouldn’t understand me.”

    Human: “Um…” *short pause to think about that* “Okay, I think I can waive the fee for that.”

    Me: “That would be nice.”

    (They dropped the voice recognition not long after.)

    Empowering Your Workforce

    | Singapore | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am the administrative executive for my office, but, as we do not have an in-house IT person, I sometimes troubleshoot the simpler issues.)

    Colleague: “[My Name], I can’t turn on my computer! I keep pressing and pressing the power button and still there’s no light! I don’t know what to do! It was fine yesterday but it’s not today!”

    (At this point, my colleague is wringing her hands and getting increasingly shrill. I walk over to her desk and see the problem immediately.)

    Me: “[Colleague], your main power switch is not on. That’s why your computer cannot be turned on.”

    Colleague:“Oh, to save electricity I turned off the main switch yesterday before I went home. So, if I turn that on, I can turn on my computer?”

    Me: “…Yes.”

    Growing Their Knowledge

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Technology

    (My boss is on the phone, making a payment to a distributor.)

    Boss: “And one last thing. I tried to make a payment on your website, but the print on your page is too small. I know web designers are all young guys, but they need to take into account that older people like me with bad eyesight use their websites and make the print bigger. I just hate doing business with y’all because of that. You should tell them that.”

    (I let her finish sticking her foot in her mouth and hang up, then showed her how to use Ctrl +.)

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