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    Category: Technology

    Incontinent Telephone Service

    | USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology, Tourists & Travel

    (I am planning a trip to France. I call my cellular provider to find out what I need to do to make calls while I’m there.)

    Me: “I’m planning a trip to Europe, and I need to know what I need to do to make calls while I’m there.”

    Rep: “I’ve looked over the list of countries where you can make calls, and Europe isn’t on the list.”

    Me: “I’m going to France.”

    Rep: “Yes, that’s on the list.”

    They’re Not On The Same Page

    | Dusseldorf, Germany | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m working in the local IT department of an international law firm.)

    Me: “IT support. How may I help you?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print.”

    (I see the lawyer’s name and room number on my display.)

    Me: “Hello, Mr. [Lawyer]. What do you mean, you can’t print? I don’t have reports of printer malfunctions, yet. Could you please describe your problem further? Do you get an error message?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print! There is no error message; the d*** thing doesn’t react at all!”

    Me: “On which printer are you trying to print?”

    Lawyer: “Which printer? F****** all of them! I even installed a printer on a different floor!”

    (I connect remotely to his PC and see that he has a Word document open and every printer in the selection box gives the status ‘ready’. Additionally I check every printer on his floor via our Web Interface for error messages. No error comes up.)

    Lawyer: “I need the last page printed out ASAP. Every time I’m in a hurry these d*** PCs aren’t working. Why can’t you and your colleagues get these f****** things to work like they should?”

    Me: “Uhm… you need the last page printed? That would be page three of that document?”

    Lawyer: “No, godd*** it! Are you blind? Here, in the line ‘print page xx’ I typed in page four! I need page four! I have a meeting with a client in five minutes and I need this page for my notes! F***!”

    Me: “Is this the correct document? Because I see that this document only has three pages.”

    (I change the four into a three and click on ‘print,’ and sure enough the printer in his office starts printing.)

    Me: “The printer seems to be working fine. Is this the page you need?”

    Lawyer: “Uhm… this is the page… Yes… Well… I can handle it from here. Bye.” *click*

    Different Kinds Of Alarm Bells Should Be Ringing

    | UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (During the night I get a phone call from our security company informing me that our security alarm is going off. The assistant manager and I meet at the store and manage to ascertain the cause of the problem is a door which had been opened earlier that day that links our premises to the travel agent next door. This door is normally locked and only the travel agents have a key. While closing it we trigger their alarm and call the police in the hope they can contact their key-holders about the situation. They are unable to get hold of the key-holders themselves but give me the number for their security company.)

    Employee: “Hello, [Security Company].”

    Me: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of [Coffee Shop]. We have been advised to call you by the police regarding an alarm that has been set off at the premises of one of your clients.”

    Employee: “Okay, no problem. What’s your password?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have a password. We’re not one of your clients. The travel agents next door are and we’re calling to try and give you information so you can contact them.”

    Employee: “So if you don’t have their password do you have your password?”

    Me: “No, sorry. I think there may have been a misunderstanding. Our store is not a client of yours but we have set off an alarm at the travel agents next door who are one of your clients. It has been caused by a door that links the two properties. We need to get in contact with them to let them know the cause of the problem and to find out if they can lock the door as we don’t have a key for it.”

    Employee: “I can’t let you contact them without a password.”

    Me: “I’m not trying to contact them. I’m asking you to contact them. There is a security issue at your clients property and you are their security company. You will need to contact them about this; I want to give you information to help them to solve the problem.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry. I can’t do anything without your password.”

    Me: “So, you’re telling me I can’t let you know about a security issue at your client’s premises unless I have a password? It’s your duty to call your clients when their alarms are going off but you have no way of letting members of the public notify you their alarm is going off without a password? In spite of the fact that if I had a password I would presumably be a member of their staff and thus not need to contact you to let you know the alarm was going off?”

    Employee: “That is correct.”

    (Since the conversation was going nowhere I hung up. I contacted the travel agents the next day and they had not even received the mandatory call the security company should have made to them to let them know the alarm had been activated.)

    How To Say Nothing In Many Words

    | Wales, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (I’d previously pre-ordered ‘Thief 4′ from Amazon, but switched to a competitor when I found out that they were offering a 10% discount on PS4 preorders. However, when I checked my pre-order a few days later, I found that their page (and my order) were listing the release date as a whole month later than everyone else. After confirming that the release date hadn’t changed, and was the same on every other website, I call them.)

    Me: “The general release date is at the end of February, which several sources, including other retailers and the publisher’s website, confirm. However, the page and the order details say that my copy won’t be dispatched until the end of March. Is this an error of some sort?”

    Employee: “Thank you for getting in touch with us about your pre-order. We send all pre-ordered items out as soon as we receive them into our warehouse from the manufacturers. We always endeavour to have pre-orders delivered to our customers on, if not before, the release date. If there is anything else that we can do, then please do not hesitate to get in touch and a member of our team will be happy to help.”

    Me: “Thank you. However, that didn’t answer my question. Every other website, and the game’s publisher as well as PSN and Steam, state that the game will be released on the 28th February, but my order and the page give the release date as over a month later on the 31st March. Is that actually when my order will be shipped and, if so, why will it take a month longer than its official release date?”

    Employee: “We update the webpage with the date we are given by the manufacturer. I will follow this up with our trading team and as soon as I have received a reply I will be in touch. If there is anything else that we can do, then please do not hesitate to get in touch and a member of our team will be happy to help.”

    (Sure enough, a few hours later…)

    Employee: “It’s been confirmed that the release we have currently on site is correct from the manufacturer. If there is anything else that we can do, then please do not hesitate to get in touch and a member of our team will be happy to help.”

    (After checking once again that the game was still out on the 28th February  - including searching for news on a change of release date – I gave up and cancelled my preorder.)

    Doesn’t Get The Prints-ible

    | TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a very small office, and we don’t have an actual IT person. I’m a fairly new hire and I’m much more comfortable with technology than most of my coworkers. While it is not part of my regular duties I am called upon from time to time to solve minor computer issues. A member of upper management summons me to his office to help him set up his wireless printer.)

    Manager: “Thanks for coming in here. I can’t figure out why this isn’t connecting. I’ve got it hooked up directly to my laptop right now, but I’d like to make it wireless so I can move the printer over there.”

    Me: “Okay, do you know if you have installed the correct driver?”

    Manager: “Um, I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Not a problem. Just a moment. It looks like the driver is current. Let me do a bit of research. This is your modem… Where is your router?”

    Manager: “My router?”

    Me: “Yes, for your wireless?”

    Manager: “Oh! It’s at home. I haven’t gotten around to bringing it up here and setting it up yet.”

    Me: “I see. Well, you’re going to need to set up your router before we can connect your printer via wireless Internet.”

    Manager: “Oh. Really? I was hoping to get this taken care of today. I’d really like for the printer to be over there. Hmmm…”

    Me: “You could… go down the road to [Office Supply Store] and get a longer printer cable.”

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