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    Category: Technology

    Misuse(r) Of The Password

    | England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m on a webchat with our IT department, when I realise I forgot the username of the PC I need. I quickly phone my coworker.)

    Me: “Hey, are you on [PC]?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I’m working on it now.”

    Me: “What’s the username?”

    Coworker: “It’s [password].”

    Me: “Are you sure that is the password…?”

    Coworker: “No, the username is [password].”

    Me: *knowing he was in the wrong* “Oh, okay. So what is the password?”

    Coworker: “It’s [username].”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    The Battery Isn’t The Only Thing Dying

    | Malaysia | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (The battery in my phone has been draining rather quickly, and I suspect the battery needs to be changed. As my phone uses an internal battery, I cannot simply go out and get a new one; rather, I have to send it to a service centre and allow them to open up the phone. There is only one service centre which supposedly provides this service, and the location is very inconvenient for me. Therefore, I call up their centre to ask for certain details before having to make the long trip there.)

    Me: “Hi, I am calling to ask if your centre is able to change the battery for my [Phone model]?”

    Receptionist: “What is your service number?”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Receptionist: “Service number. What is your number?”

    Me: “I don’t have a number; I am calling to inquire about your service.”

    Receptionist: “Oh, what do you want?”

    Me: “Do you provide service for changing the battery of [Phone model]?”

    Receptionist: “Go out and buy one.”

    Me: “I can’t. It’s an internal battery. That’s why I’m calling.”

    Receptionist: “Send your phone in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

    Me: “I’m trying to tell you. I just want to change my battery.”

    Receptionist: “No. You have to send it in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

    Me: “Look. There is no problem. I just want to know if you provide the service. If you don’t, then I will be making a wasted trip there. And I might be without a phone for a few days so I need to prepare a backup.”

    Receptionist: “Then I cannot help you.”

    Me: “You can’t even give me a quotation for the services you provide?”

    Receptionist: “No, because we don’t know what’s the problem.”

    Me: *speaking slowly and clearly in my last attempt to make her understand* “Okay, the problem is the battery. I need to change it. So, how much would that be?”

    Receptionist: “We need to check your phone first. No quotations. Send your phone in.”

    Call The Helpless Desk

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (I receive a request from a user for a task I’ve never seen before.)

    User: “Dear Help Desk, Please [perform X task]. If you are unsure how to do this, follow the instructions at this webpage.”

    (Not sure what I’m being asked to do, I follow the enclosed link…)

    Instruction: “In order to [perform X task], take the following steps. Step 1: Send an email to the help desk requesting them to [perform X task].”

    (That was all it said!)

    Managed To Find The Perfect Fix

    | USA | Coworkers, Technology

    (I am a lab scientist. Our hospital stocks small hand-held analyzers that can run some tests. Laws say that to calibrate or do anything with altering the analyzer’s technical or clinical functions, a certified lab scientist has to do it. I am running quality control and making adjustments to the hand-held analyzers when it gives me an error that I’ve never seen before. I walk to where our phlebotomists hang out when they aren’t doing anything, to ask if any of them have seen the error before. As I walk, I continue messing with the analyzer, trying to get it to work.)

    Me: “Hey, guys have any of you… Nevermind. I fixed it.”

    Phlebotomist #1: “What?”

    Me: “Oh, it was just giving me an error I’d never seen before. But I fixed it.”

    Phlebotomist #2: “If there’s an interface error, they reset automatically and fix themselves. You didn’t do anything.”

    Me: *Shush. I am certified. And I pressed a button. I fixed it!”

    Idiots Nationwide

    | Twin Cities, MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

    (My manager’s daughter is on vacation in Mexico and has recently called from the resort’s phone to tell her mom that her call phone isn’t working. The manager has called the phone company to figure out what the problem is. I’ve only caught the last bit of the conversation and can only hear one side.)

    Manager: “I just don’t understand why her phone isn’t working.”

    Manager: “But I have nationwide coverage. Why isn’t it working?”

    Manager: “Ugh, fine.” *hangs up*

    Me: “What happened?”

    Manager: “They said they’d make her phone work, but it’s going to cost [amount] per minute. I have nationwide coverage. I don’t know why it’s going to cost so much!”

    Me: “Nationwide means in the USA. You know that, right?”

    Manager: “What do you mean by that?”

    Me: “[Coworker] is in Mexico. That’s not part of the nation, meaning—”

    Manager: “—it’s supposed to be NATIONWIDE! Her phone should work!”

    (She stormed off leaving me dumbfounded and speechless.)

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