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    Category: Time

    Clocked Off For Good

    | MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Time

    (I manage the college campus coffee shop. One day, I notice one of the student workers going into the back room, where the time clock is located. She leaves moments later. Since she isn’t due to work that morning, I am curious, and I look at her time card. She has clocked in and left. I look back at past weeks, and determine that she had been clocking a few hours prior to most of her shifts for almost a month. I pull her time card, and leave a note for her to come see me.)

    Employee: “Hey, what’s up? I couldn’t find my time card, and your note didn’t say.”

    Me: “You clocked in a few hours ago, and then left.”

    Employee: “…and?”

    Me: “You falsified your record of hours worked, which constitutes fraud and theft. Since this has been going on for a month, the amount you’ve stolen is enough to count as a felony.”

    Employee: “Oh. So… is that a problem? I was short on money, and thought I’d get some extra hours.”

    Me: “Extra hours that you didn’t work?”

    Employee: “Yeah!”

    Me: “And you don’t see why that’s a problem?”

    Employee: “No, why?”

    Me: “Then you’re REALLY not going to expect what’s coming next.”

    (Since I’m a big softy, I just fired her, and didn’t bring the police into it.)

    A Late Bloomer

    | Delta, BC, Canada | Job Seekers, Theme Of The Month, Time

    (I have a job interview at 2:30. Wanting to make a good impression, I arrive to the interview early, around 2:10.)

    Me: “Hello. I’m here to see Mr. [Interviewer], for my interview.”

    Receptionist: “Okay, he’s just right around the corner. Good luck!”

    (I go to meet my interviewer, who isn’t looking very happy.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name]. I’m here for my job interview.”

    Interviewer: “Nice to meet you. Now, shall we get started?”

    Me: “Really?”

    Interviewer: “Of course I mean really. Let’s get going!”

    (He takes me to his office and conducts the interview inside. Just as we’re finishing…)

    Interviewer: “All right, Mr. [My Name], thank you for taking the time to come here. Before you leave today, mind if I give you some advice? For future reference, if you have a job interview, try to arrive on time.”

    Me: “Sir, I do not know what you’re talking about. I was supposed to have an interview at 2:30; we started too early, if anything.”

    Interviewer: “Wait, YOU’RE my 2:30?!”

    (He begins to flip through a notepad and scans through his list of interviews. I took a quick peek, and saw my name on the 2:30 line.)

    Interviewer: “Well, okay then. This changes everything! Sorry about that!”

    (With some impeccable timing, the office door swings open, and a disheveled man rushes in.)

    Disheveled Man: “Sorry I’m late! I’m [Name Above My Name On The List] and I’m here for my interview!”

    (Since my interview was done, all that was left for me to do was leave. About two weeks later, I got a callback and I was hired! When I started working, I haven’t seen that other guy.)

    Try It A Second Time

    | Italy | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Time

    (A sandblaster has been ordered to sandblast 600 tubes from both ends. Each tube needs to be ‘blasted’ for 5 seconds, thus the job ought to take at least an hour. Twenty minutes later, the sandblaster leaves the cabin and starts taking off his gear.)

    Foreman: “What happened? Something’s wrong?”

    Sandblaster: “No, I’m finished.”

    Foreman: “What do you mean you’re finished? Did you blast both ends?”

    Sandblaster: “Yeah.”

    Foreman: “Did you count five seconds per tube?”

    Sandblaster: “Yeah.”

    Foreman: “Then there’s no way you can be finished. Get back in and start over.”

    Sandblaster: “It’s not my fault I count seconds fast!”

    Lack Of Military Intelligence

    | FL, USA | Coworkers, Time

    (This particular restaurant is open nearly 24 hrs so to alleviate confusion the schedule is written in military time. My roommate and main insider struggles with this, so I have grown accustomed to answering questions about the schedule by reading it as it is and then translating it to 12hr for her. I am talking to a another employee.)

    Employee: “What time am I scheduled to work on Monday?”

    Me: “1900 hours. So that will be 7 pm.”

    Employee: “…”

    Me: “Uh…sorry, habit. Soooo… what did you say you did in Iraq, again?”

    How To Inflate That They’re Late

    | The Netherlands | Employees, Food & Drink, Time

    (I’ve ordered takeaway from a restaurant by phone. I’ve been told it would take about 20 minutes. It’s just around the corner so after 20 minutes I go to fetch my food.)

    Me: “Hi. I ordered on the phone.”

    Waiter: “You’re late.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Waiter: “I’ve got your order here, but you’re late.”

    Me: “I thought it was going to take 20 minutes.”

    (By now, it’s been 25 minutes.)

    Waiter: “Yes, and you are late. You’re lucky we were nice enough to keep it warm for you, or you’d be eating cold food.”

    Me: “… Okay, thanks.”

    Waiter: “Next time, don’t be late!”


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