• Very Genderal Humor
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    Category: Time

    Locked On Your Faulty Reasoning

    | NY, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Time

    (My school has a small café that is a popular hangout, as well as an alternative location for instructors to hold small classes. My math professor has assigned us a take-home exam, and we’ve agreed to meet at the café. My dorm is nearest the café, so I’m there first.)

    Me: *walking into the café* “Good morning!”

    Café Worker: “Hello.”

    (The serving area isn’t open yet, so I grab a seat and wait for everyone else. The workers who are here ignore me, going about their business. Fifteen minutes past the meeting time, I’m beginning to wonder where everyone is. Then I see several of my classmates outside one of the windows.)

    Classmates: “Oh, it’s locked. Guess they’re not opening early today.”

    (Confused, I look out to see my whole class gathered at the corner, with my professor handing out the papers. Not sure what’s going on, I grab my bag and head for the front door, again crossing in front of the café worker I greeted earlier. I go to leave, but find the door locked.)

    Me: “Err, excuse me?”

    Café Worker: “Yes?”

    Me: “Can you please unlock the door so I can get out?”

    Café Worker: “How’d you get in here?”

    Me: “I walked in… The door was unlocked… I said hello to you, and you didn’t tell me to leave.”

    Café Worker: “You’re not supposed to be in here. We’re not opening until 6:30, like we usually do.”

    Me: “I can see that. But no one said anything when I walked in. And I’ve been sitting here for the past twenty minutes.”

    Café Worker: “You’re not supposed to be in here! We’re not open yet!”

    Me: “Then let me out!”

    (He finally unlocked the door, grumbling about students who don’t read the signs.)

    A Sudden Shift In Shifts

    | WI, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Time

    (My coworker is the owner’s mother. She likes working one day a week to stay active. Her shift is one day a week and starts at 4. At 4:11 the phone rings.)

    Coworker: “I’m gonna be running a little late. I’ll see ya soon.”

    (At 5:11 when she shows up an hour and 11 minutes after she was supposed to start and 11 minutes after my shift ends.)

    Coworker: “Why are you still here?!”

    The Long And Short Of It

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Time

    (I work for a large computer company. I have a manager who puts a summary of everyone’s activities for the previous day up on the wall. If you log in late, leave early, or take too long a lunch, she will highlight your name and the offending numbers. I always prided myself on never having my name highlighted. Then one day I walk by and notice my name is highlighted.)

    Me: *to manager* “Why is my name highlighted?”

    Manager: “Because of this.”

    (My manager showed me that the previous day I had taken a lunch of 1 hour, 0 minutes, and 1 second. To this day, I still hold the record for the shortest long lunch in the company’s history.)

    Bad Timing Late-ly

    | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Time, Transportation

    (I have known my boss for years; he is a nice guy but a bad boss. I’m waiting outside his office. A worker comes out looking angry. I enter the office after he leaves.)

    Boss: “I have had enough of [Worker]. How hard is it to get in on time?!”

    Me: “Yeah, I know, he is always making up the most stupid excuses. Oh, are you still picking me up tomorrow?”

    Boss: “Yes, of course. About 6:30?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure.”

    (The next morning, I’m waiting outside in my work gear. I get there early so I don’t make him wait for me. 6:30 and nothing. 6:35 and still nothing. At 6:40 I am starting to get concerned. At 6:45 I call him.)

    Me: “Hi, [Boss], er are you nearly here?”

    Boss: “Hmm, what?”

    Me: “Are you nearly at my house?”

    Boss: “Oh, c***, what time is it? Where? What? I will be there in an hour.”

    (He turned up an hour-and-a-quarter later. The worst part: he doesn’t clock on, but I was marked down as late!)

    Arriving In The Hour Of Need

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Time

    (I get to work on time and head to my assigned register when I notice that the owner is working the register instead of my coworker.)

    Me: “Good morning. [Coworker] out sick today?

    Owner: “No, I had you scheduled for opening.”

    Me: “Did you? I was 99% sure the schedule said nine am, not eight am.”

    (The owner double-checks the schedule and sure enough, I was scheduled in at nine am. instead of eight am. although he needed me at eight am. The following week, I see I’m scheduled at nine am again, but upon closer inspection I notice no one is scheduled to open.)

    Me: “Hey, Boss, does nine am secretly mean eight am again?”

    Owner: “…Yes.”

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