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    Go Native Or Go Home

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, History, Language & Words, Top

    (I’m in line at a popular discount retail store, with two people ahead of me. The women at the head of the line is clearly new to English, and while she has a thick accent and struggles, she does her best to speak to the cashier in English, even though he rolls his eyes and makes her repeat everything several times. Finally, she is able to leave. As soon as she’s out of earshot:)

    Cashier: “Ugh, they shouldn’t be allowed in our stores until they learn our language.”

    (The man ahead of me says several things in another language.)

    Cashier: “Oh, man, not another one. This is America. Learn the language.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed you’d learned Cherokee, since you’re so big on people learning the local language. My mistake.”

    (The cashier turned bright red and didn’t say another word through the transaction.)

    Aggravating But Also Aware

    | TX, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Top

    (A number of years ago I was doing some service work for a particularly obnoxious client. I had done work for him before, and he was always obnoxious.)

    Me: “And here’s your invoice.”

    Customer: “I noticed this on previous invoices and wondered what the 10% A & I charge was for.”

    Me: “That’s an ‘aggravation and irritation’ charge for having to deal with your sorry personality.”

    Customer: “I can understand that. You do good work and are reliable, so keep charging that and I’ll keep calling you.”

    Saved By The Bell

    | USA | Employees, Top

    (I am working the front desk at a hotel.)

    Me: “Front desk. How can I help you?”

    Guest: *speaking quickly* “Need a bellman, please.”

    Me: “Certainly, what room?”

    Guest: “…I don’t know.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I need a room number to send him to.”

    Guest: “No, no. I need a bellman, please.”

    Me: “Yes, but where are you? What room are you staying in?”

    Guest: “What? No, I’m not staying in the hotel. I just need you to transfer me. I need a bellman.”

    Me: “Transfer you? I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand. You want me to put a bellman on the phone?”

    Guest: *enunciating clearly* “Please transfer me to Doctor Anita Bellman’s room.”

    Me: “OH! Oh, my god! I’m sorry! Right away!”

    Scheduling The End

    | TX, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Lazy/Unhelpful, Top

    (I’m only 23, but I’m good at what I do and I was promoted to management in the customer service department a few months ago. I have been instructed to hire two people to work under me, but I’m having trouble finding and keeping qualified people. One employee has stuck around, but I like her less everyday. She frequently makes long personal calls at her desk while on the clock. I have caught her on Facebook and checking her personal email on her work computer. I notice her working on something at her desk but think nothing of it. Several hours later she comes over and hands me a three page packet of calendars.)

    Employee: “I’ve taken the liberty of writing up my work schedule for the next three months. Please agree to work around it.”

    Me: *taken aback at her gall* “Um, that’s not how we handle the schedule here. I write the schedule and if you have any special circumstances I can take those into consideration.”

    Employee: “No, just use this. This is what I want.”

    Me: “I understand that, but ultimately I will schedule you when I need you to be here.”

    (She tries to argue with me but I go back to work. She hounds me nearly every day about the schedule she has written since she presented it to me. I’ve had enough.)

    Employee: “So, have you finished looking over my schedule yet?”

    Me: “Yes. I’m letting you go.”

    Another Way They Make You Cry

    | London, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I am extremely allergic to onions, and, since it is such an unusual allergy, I tend to have problems when I eat out. When ordering takeaways online, in addition to leaving several notes, I always call the restaurant because otherwise there’ll be some type of onion in my meal, and when I complain they’ll sound all confused and say ‘Wait, you meant that type of onion?’ There is only one restaurant that has been so good about it that I’ve stopped calling to double-check, but when I get my order one day I notice that it had green onions throughout.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m the girl who just ordered online, with the onion allergy?”

    Hostess: “Yes, I took your order back to the kitchen personally and made sure they knew about the allergy.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but there are green onions in my food.”

    Hostess: “Could you hold for one moment?”

    (She sets the phone down, but doesn’t mute it. A minute later I hear her explode.)

    Hostess: “Of course it counts! It has the word ONION in it!”

    (That moment was a vindication of everything I’ve been saying my whole life.)

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