(My first child is sick and has been up all night crying with a fever. Before the store even opens, I am in the parking lot staring through the store window at the medicine I need with my sick, screaming baby. I can see and hear two employees nearby watching and making fun of me.)

Rude Employee #1: “Oh my god, do you see that? That crack w**** is here with her crack baby so early in the morning! I thought those kinds of people only came out at night.”

Rude Employee #2: “I guess you can never tell. I wonder what’s so important that she has to bring her screaming brat with her before we even open?”

(I ignore them as I wait patiently, but after another ten minutes my patience is wearing thin. I am about to tell them off when another employee walks up to the front doors and opens them.)

Nice Employee: “Ma’am, I know the store isn’t open for another twenty minutes, but I wanted to check on you.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. My baby has had a fever all night and just won’t sleep! I only need something to help her fever so she’ll stop crying.”

Nice Employee: “I see. Would you come with me, please?”

(He opens the door for me and lets me into the store.)

Nice Employee: “Get what you need and I’ll meet you on register one to ring you out.”

Rude Employee #1: “Hey! Don’t let that crack w**** in here. Her baby’s not sick! She’s just scamming you so she can shoplift!”

(Fortunately, the nice employee ignores them and helps me find what I need and walks me to the front of the store)

Nice Employee: “I’m sorry we let you wait out there so long. If I had known I would have gotten to you sooner. Unfortunately the registers are still not open, so I can’t ring you in, but I can let you go home with the medicine.”

Me: “But I have to pay for it. Let me at least leave some money here. You’ve been so nice; you can keep the extra as a tip.”

Nice Employee: “Ma’am, that’s very sweet of you, but I must insist you take your medicine and your sweet little girl home. As a single father, I have been in your shoes before, so I would like to pay for your baby’s medicine.”

Me: “Thank you. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you so much!”

(I always go back to that store just because of that one nice employee. He totally makes up for the rude ones.)

Me: “May I have a medium sized mocha with soya milk, no cream, to take away please? And my name is [name].”

Perky Barista: “Of course. What size would— oh. Wh— right, you told me that. Would you like c— oh. And is that to drink h— oh, sorry. I’m on autopilot. Could I have your name fo—”

(He thinks for a moment before continuing.)

Perky Barista: “Okay [name]. That’s one most-coherent-order-ever coming right up!”

(At least he drew a smiley face on my cup and gave me a free biscuit!)

(I’m the author of this story. My department goes through new hires all the time, as most of them quit within three months due to the physical demands. The crew chief and I are the only original ones left. We’ve just hired a new employee.)

New Hire: “What aisle you want me to start on?”

Crew Chief: “I want you to do aisle nine, which is the cereal aisle. It’s pretty easy; there’s no glass or anything and no tiny little boxes.”

Me: “I’ll start on the far end over by the baking aisle.”

Crew Chief: “Sounds cool. I’ll be on the other end by the paper products and we’ll just kind of work our way toward the middle of the store.”

(We each grab a cart full of products to stock and head for our respective aisles. About two hours later, I’ve finished two complete aisles when the crew chief walks up to me.)

Me: “Where you at right now?”

Crew Chief: “I’m on [three aisles down from where he started].”

Me: “Right on. What about [new hire]? Is he working his way towards my end or your end?”

Crew Chief: “…He’s still on the d*** cereal aisle.”

Me: “What?”

Crew Chief: “I saw that motherf***er just sitting on the ground talking on his phone, with only like four or five empty boxes. He’s still got his whole cart to do.”

Me: “Are you serious?!”

Crew Chief: “Go see for yourself!”

(We walk towards the cereal aisle in the center of the store. The new hire is indeed talking on his phone instead of working and has barely touched his load of boxes.)

Me: “Dude!”

(He looks up at the two of us and goes back to his conversation.)

Crew Chief: “Yo! [New Hire]!”

New Hire: “I’m on the f****** phone!”

Crew Chief: “You ain’t supposed to be on the f****** phone! You’re supposed to be stocking the d*** cereal!”

New Hire: “I’ll do it in a minute! JESUS!”

(The chief and I look resignedly at each other. All we can do is head back to our own aisles. At the end of our shift, six hours later, the chief has finished seven aisles, I’ve finished six, and the new hire is nowhere to be found. It appears as though he’s only about 3/4 of the way through the cereal aisle.)

Me: “Where did that punk go?”

Crew Chief: “I don’t know, but I’m about to whoop his sorry a**.”

Me: “You think he’s in the break room?”

Crew Chief: “Motherf***er shouldn’t need a break. He took a break through the whole shift.”

(We go upstairs to check the break room and find him there, asleep and lying on the lunch table. We decide to wait for the manager to arrive for the morning shift.)

Manager: “How was it last night? Did you get everything stocked?”

Crew Chief: “Yeah, we got everything. But we’re not done straightening the aisles yet.”

Manager: “Why not?”

Me: “We could tell you… but it would be easier just to show you.”

Manager: “Show me what?”

Crew Chief: “We, uh, left you a little present in the break room.”

(The manager eyes us suspiciously but heads back to the break room, as the two of us stand there snickering. Moments later…)

Manager: “YOU’RE FIRED! GET OUT! OUT! GET THE F*** OUT OF MY STORE!”

(The new hire half-runs, half-staggers out of the break room, trips, tries to push himself up while leaping forward, smashes head-first into a cardboard candy bar display, gets covered in candy bars and pulls himself up again, only to fall again when the manager throws his phone at him and nails him right between the eyes.)

Me: “How long was that? Two days?”

Crew Chief: “Two days.”

Me: “New record?”

Crew Chief: “New record.”

(It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m having lunch with my best friend who hasn’t arrived yet. I’m female, and so is she. I get seated and the waiter hands me a menu.)

Waiter: “Hello, welcome. I see that you’re waiting alone. Might you be waiting for someone special? Like, a date?”

Me: “No, not a date. My best friend is coming.”

Waiter: “You can’t fool me, one only dresses that skimpy for a date!”

(The waiter gestures to my clothing and winks. I’m completely confused, because I have jeans and a heavy sweater on, which shows no skin at all.)

Me: “You call this skimpy?”

Waiter: “Yep, I sure do! Anyway, can I get you something to drink while you wait for your date?”

Me: “It’s not a date. And I’ll have some ginger ale.”

(He goes and I’m a little annoyed by his presumptuous manner, but I brush it off thinking he’s just weird. Finally my best friend arrives and gets seated.)

Best Friend: “Hey! Sorry I’m late. Got stuck in traffic.”

Me: “No problem.” *lowers voice* “Actually this waiter of ours is so weird, that he thinks—”

Waiter: “A-hem! I see your date has finally arrived!”

Me: “For the last time she is not my date! She is my best friend!”

Best Friend: “Hi!”

Waiter: “Ooh! Lesbians!” *winks* “Don’t worry, we are VERY LGBT friendly here!” *wanders away with a skip in his step*

Me: *facepalm*

(I’ve just had my appendix out and am only due to stay three days but I’m experiencing such severe pain that I can’t get out of my hospital bed.)

Doctor #1: “Okay you can pack up, you’re going home today.”

(I’m so excited to go home that I try and ignore the pain. An elderly nearby patient over hears my cries of pain.)

Elderly Patient: “Nurse! There’s something wrong with that girl.”

Nurse: “Are you okay? Can you stand?”

(I try to stand but double over again in pain.)

Me: *crying* “I can’t… my stomach hurts too much.”

Nurse: “You won’t be going home today. Pop back into bed, and I’ll get one of the doctors.”

(I get into bed and fall asleep. I awake to someone shaking me.)

Doctor #1: “I thought I told you to go home. We need these beds for other people.”

Me: “My stomach hurts too much.”

Doctor #1: “Of course it hurts. You’ve just had an operation on your stomach. Now get up! We need your bed.”

(I get out of bed and try to get dressed, but I’m in so much pain that I end up falling to the floor and I can’t get up. The elderly patient next to me starts pushing the nurse call button. The nurse runs into the room.)

Nurse: “Oh my God! Did you fall off of the bed?”

Elderly Patient: “No! That little rat of a doctor told her to get out of bed and go home.”

(The nurse runs out of the room and comes back a few seconds later with another doctor who helps lift me back onto my bed.)

Doctor #2: “What on earth happened?”

(The nurse and elderly patient explain to Doctor #2 what happened. He runs out into the hall and we can hear shouting for a few minutes until he comes back in with Doctor #1.)

Doctor #1: “She’s just being lazy! We need that bed”!

Doctor #2: “Obviously anyone in that much pain has something wrong with them!”

Doctor #1: “WE NEED THAT BED!” *storms out*

(After a full day of testing, they find out that fluid had built up where they removed my appendix. I stay in hospital for another two weeks on various pain killers and antibiotics. At the end of the two weeks, Doctor #1 comes up to my bed.)

Doctor #1: *avoids eye contact* “You can go home now.”

Me: “Considering what happened last time, I think I’ll wait for someone else to tell me I can go home.”

(I found out from the nurse later that he had been reported for trying to get other patients to leave the hospital early to improve his patient numbers in the hospital.)