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    Your Voice Croaked

    , | MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Technology, Top

    (I began losing my voice during my shift and got sent home early when I started to run a fever. The next day I call out of work, but I have no voice and my work doesn’t have email.)

    Manager: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Place]. How can I help you?”

    Me: *tries to speak*

    Manager: “…Hello?”

    Me: *croaking noises*

    Manager: “I’m sorry, I can’t— Wait, [My Name]? Is this you?”

    Me: *coughing fit*

    Manager: “Press a button if this is [My Name].”

    Me: *beeeep*

    Manager: “Press two buttons if you can’t come in to work tonight.”

    Me: *beeeep beeeep*

    Manager: *laughing* “Okay, we’ll figure it out. Feel better.”

    (Two days later I’m well enough to go back to work.)

    Manager: “Hey, [My Name]!

    Me: “Hey, boss!”

    Manager: “…beep!”

    (From then on, whenever someone called out of work, my manager would beep at them before she hung up.)

    Bring The Whole Animal House With You

    | TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals, Top

    (My family arrives at our local animal shelter that has a big glass front. I see the inside volunteers watching my family pile out, including my wife, my eight-year-old twins, and one-year-old daughter. Then their eyes lock on me carrying our dog, Rocky. Their gaze follows me the entire way up the walkway and as we enter the building.)

    Volunteer: “Can I help you folks with anything?”

    Wife: “Yes, ma’am. We would like to see your cats, please.”

    (She shows us to the cats and my kids go nuts trying to find the perfect cat. The whole while, Rocky is trying to break loose and the other volunteers are shooting hateful looks at me. Finally the kids settle on a young adult black cat. She is young enough that she won’t be cranky, but old enough that the baby won’t hurt her. The kids look at me and back away. I set Rocky down in front of the cat, Boo, and they seem to be okay with each other.)

    Me: “Okay, looks good to me. We’ll take her home!”

    (The volunteer helping us looks puzzled.)

    Volunteer: “Why did you bring your dog?”

    Me: “Why wouldn’t I? He lives in the house, too. Wouldn’t want to bring someone home he didn’t approve of as well.”

    Volunteer: “That’s brilliant! Sir, we all thought you brought him here to dump him, and for some reason brought your kids. Then we thought you were going to ‘trade’ him for a cat. Nobody has ever thought to bring their other pets in to make sure they get along with a new adoption.”

    (We brought Boo home, and after a short adjustment period she’s just as much a part of our family as Rocky is.)

    Has Pinot Comment

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Top

    (I am taking registrations for a members-only conference when I receive the following email at 10 am:)

    Manager: *cc-ing in the company director* “[Customer] emailed you regarding his conference registration and has informed me you have not responded. Please explain why you have not responded and contact him immediately.”

    Me: *also cc-ing in the company director* “[Customer] emailed me at 8:17 pm last night. I did not respond because at that time I was at home, drinking a particularly good Pinot Noir and watching a movie. I did however respond to [Customer] at 7:37 am this morning. For your information my office hours are 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, Monday to Friday.”

    Manager: *no response*

    Company Director: *replying to all* “Pleased to see you at work early. What was the Pinot?”

    What A Total D#

    | KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Employees, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (During college, I had a summer job as a cashier in a grocery store.  I got along well with most of the staff, so they let me goof around a little bit. My last shift there before I went back to school, I had someone that the training warns you about.  If you work there, you couldn’t take checks unless they had their driver’s license or if they had a store card with a C# denoting they had check cashing privileges there. Having an unsecured card meant you had a D#.)

    Me: “All right, your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “Here you go.”  *hands me a check with a D# on it*

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, does your card have a C# on it?”

    Customer: No, a D#.”

    Me: “Do you have your driver’s license?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I can’t take a check with a D# on it.”

    Customer: “They’ve always taken it before.”

    Me: “They weren’t supposed to.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t have it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t take a check without one or the other.”

    Customer: “Well, my card has a D# and I didn’t bring my driver’s license.”

    Me: “Well, I…”

    Customer: “Listen, you little son of a *****, you take that **** check or I’ll call your manager.”

    (At this point, knowing it’s my last shift, I decide I’m going to win this one.  I whip off my vest and name tag, and throw them on the floor.)

    Me:  ”FINE. If I’m going to be treated like this, I QUIT.”

    (I walk off to the break room and sit down.  A few minutes later, a manager walks in, laughing.)

    Me: “You don’t seem upset.”

    Manager: “No, that was great.”

    Me: What did she tell you?”

    Manager: “She said you threw a fit and wouldn’t take her check.  When I went through the number thing with her, she said that’s what you said.”

    Me: “I did.”

    Manager: “I figured.  I told her she made one of my best cashiers quit, and suddenly, she had her driver’s license.”

    A Toxic Work Environment

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work as a janitor at a dairy bottling plant.)

    Boss: “Hey, [My Name], we found a problem, We need you to clean it up.”

    Me: “What is it?”

    Boss: “Someone graded the loading dock pavement wrong. Come take a look.”

    (I go and look. There is a pond of black sludge 30 feet wide by 40 feet long under where they until just that day had three semi-trailers as extra loading dock storage. The boss hands me a scrub brush, a garden hose, and a pair of the sort of rubber gloves you wash dishes with.)

    Me: “You must be kidding! I’d need a pressure washer, a hazmat coverall, and a respirator to go in there, The fumes alone are toxic and that sludge is an active biohazard! Call the City!”

    (It’s true: milk fat is an ideal bacterial growth medium. Fat and sugar runoff from tankers spilling both while unloading had been running down to feed the sludge for at least TWO YEARS.)

    Boss: “Legal says we shouldn’t let the City find out or it would be very expensive for us. As for the respirator, I’m sorry but OSHA regs say we can’t loan you a respirator you’re not trained on, the pressure washer hose won’t reach, and the hazmat guy took his suit home with him.”

    Me: “Look, I’ll buy a respirator out of my own pocket, okay?”

    (Boss goes away, consults with legal, and comes back.)

    Boss: “Sorry, it would be illegal to let you buy safety gear out of your own pocket. You’ll have to make do without it.”

    (That was the day, the very minute, I quit that job.)


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