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    The Icing On The Cake Is The Icing On The Cake

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (My mom is at the bakery buying a cake for a special occasion.)

    Employee: “Here’s your cake. Would you like anything written on it?”

    Mom: “Well, yes, but I was wondering if I can do it myself?”

    Employee: “Oh, no, that’s quite all right. I can do it myself.”

    Mom: “No, this is something only I can write. I don’t think you can do it.”

    Employee: “Rest assured, ma’am, I am very confident in my ability to write with icing. I’ve worked here for over 15 years, and I’ve gotten quite good at it.”

    Mom: “Look, I’m pretty sure you’re really good at it, but please humour me just this once. If you can just give me a piping bag and some icing, I’ll do it myself and be on my way.”

    Employee: “Okay, ma’am, but only on the condition that you pay for the cake even if the writing doesn’t turn out to your liking.”

    Mom: “Fine by me.”

    (The employee hands a piping bag full of chocolate icing to my mom. She takes the piping bag, and starts masterfully writing on a 10-inch cake, in KOREAN. She writes small enough to put at least three sentences on such a small space. The employee just looks at this spectacle, dumbfounded.)

    Employee: “Okay. You’re right, and I’m wrong. That’ll teach me for doubting a customer.”

    A Commendable Action

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Top

    (My friend and I have just had an excellent dinner and our waiter did an amazing job. I have asked another employee who was clearing a nearby table to have the manager come to our table so I could leave a commendation.)

    Manager: “I heard you had a complaint about your waiter. What can I help you with?”

    Me: “Not a complaint, a commendation. The waiter was very friendly and helpful.”

    Manager: “So there was a problem with the food?”

    Me: “No, the food was great, too. I just wanted to make sure the waiter got commended for how wonderful a job he did.”

    Manager: “I don’t understand. If the waiter wasn’t bad and the food wasn’t bad, what is your complaint about?”

    Friend: “We’re not complaining. We’re giving a commendation. You know, letting you know that he did things above and beyond expectation.”

    Manager: “I’ve been working here 6 years and I have never once had somebody call me to their table to say that things were good.”

    (When we got our bill a few minutes later, it had a 20% discount and a hand-written ‘Thank you’ from our waiter.)

    A Cup Is Half Empty Service

    | Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, School, Top

    (While on an eighth grade class trip around the capital we stop at a very popular coffee shop. Most of my classmates order hot chocolate or other very sugary drinks. I order black coffee, however, but find a problem with it.)

    Me: “Um… Excuse me, there seems to be a problem with my drink.”

    Barista: “I knew you wouldn’t like actual coffee. Would you like for me to switch that out for a hot chocolate for you?”

    Me: “No, I was actually wondering why I paid for a large and you barely filled the cup up half-way.”

    Barista: “Well, I left some room for cream and sugar in it. I just figured you would need a lot, trying to act grown up and all.”

    Me: “Look I ordered a large coffee, and I paid for a large coffee. Could you please just fill it up like I asked.”

    Barista: “No. I don’t want to waste coffee when you are just gonna pour it out.”

    Me: “Fine, then give me my money back and I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

    Barista: “No. You ordered a drink and got it. You have to pay for things.”

    Me: “No. I ordered a large and got less than a small. Now, please get me either my money or your manager.”

    Barista: “Ugh, fine.”

    (After getting the manager I explained the situation and was given both my money back and the full cup of coffee.)

    Lobotomy Monotony

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (In spite of the fact that I have a cell-phone, I get a ton of telemarketing calls. I always ask them not to call back, but they continue.)

    Telemarketer: “Hello, I’m calling from [Law Firm] about a class-action lawsuit. Have you recently had a surgery you needed denied?”

    Me: “You know it’s illegal for lawyers to solicit services, right?”

    Telemarketer: “But, ma’am, isn’t there any surgery you need but haven’t been able to get approved by your insurance?”

    Me: “Actually, now that I think about it, I really could use a lobotomy and a boob job.”

    Telemarketer: “Excellent! At [Law Firm] we specialize in getting you services you need. So about your lobotomy—”

    Me: “Hey, think about what I said.”

    Telemarketer: “You said you needed a lobotomy?”

    Me: “Sounds like you had one if you don’t know what it is…”

    Telemarketer: “…”

    Me: “Think about it.”

    Telemarketer: “F*** you, b****!”


    (He hung up, and then started calling me from his PERSONAL cell to abuse me… until I turned his number over to the police. I have yet to be bothered by a telemarketer since!)

    Misunderstanding The Free Market

    | Marseilles, France | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (A new restaurant has opened in my city and struggles to get customers. The staff decides to organise a carnival party and hires some of my friends who play Latino music. The owner of the restaurant also wants a dancer to put on a show during the carnival party. My friends pass on to her my phone number. The owner and I agree to meet at the restaurant to discuss the event.)

    Owner: “Nice to meet you! I’m so glad you agreed to meet me in person, before we sealed anything. I was so scared you could have been an ugly dancer! No one likes ugly dancers! And you are so pretty! Anyway, I thought you could dance here next Saturday during the party. I want you to perform four dances and then spend time with the customers just to encourage them to dance. You have to be here at seven pm sharp and you’ll probably leave around two am. Make sure you talk about the party to your friends so they can come here and have a great night.”

    Me: “Okay, that sounds all right to me. So, I charge [price] for such an event.”

    Owner: “Well, the thing is, you see, we are a new restaurant with a little budget. We have very few customers and struggling to make ends meet. All of our budget is going to the professional musicians, because they are really good, and we have no other choice but to pay them. We know that dancers usually do that job because they are passionate. What we can offer in exchange is a lot of advertising. We can put flyers for your company and your dance classes. We will also talk about you on social networks and on our fan-page. Or if you do not want advertising, we can offer you a voucher for a free meal. But obviously, we can’t offer you both as we are on a restrained budget.”

    Me: “Pardon? So you want me to spend five hours at your restaurant on a Saturday night, come with all of my friends, bring my expensive costumes, and put a show for you for either a meal or advertising? And on top of that, you are implying that I’m not as worthy as the musicians, and do not deserve to be paid? Just so you know I haven’t only studied performing arts at university. I also have a degree in marketing, so I do not really need any help when it comes to advertising.”

    Owner: “But we really need your help. You have to understand us. It’s very difficult for us to make ends meet.”

    Me: “I am very sorry, but my policy is to only volunteer for charity. Your restaurant is a business, not a NGO. Currently, I am volunteering with three different organisations on a weekly basis. And actually, for one of these NGO, we are looking for a restaurant that would host us for free, as part of a fundraising. Are you willing to help us for free?”

    Owner: *silent, with a very shocked face*

    (No need to say I never went to that place again.)

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