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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Transportation

    Stand Your Ground

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Tourists & Travel, Transportation

    (I’m waiting to board my flight when my name is paged, so I walk over to the gate. Note that I am able-bodied.)

    Flight Attendant: “Miss [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Another passenger has requested wheelchair assistance, too, but we only have one chair. We’ll board you first, so just wait here by the gate.”

    Me: “I don’t use a wheelchair.”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Are you sure?”

    Me: *looking down at myself, standing* “Pretty sure, yes.”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Well your booking came through first, so you will go first in the wheelchair.”

    Me: “Seriously, I don’t use a wheelchair. There must just be an error on my booking.”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Are you giving me permission to board them ahead of you? It’s your call. Like I said, you get first dibs; your booking came through first.”

    Me: “I do not need a wheelchair. By all means, board them first.”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Because your booking says you require assistance, I HAVE to follow what it says. Just wait here, I’ll get you in the chair as soon as I can.”

    (I decided to just join the line of people standing, and boarded on my own two feet without any intervention from the other FAs. Not surprisingly, she tried to wheel me off when we landed, too!)

    Plucking An Answer Out Of The Air

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Employees, Tourists & Travel, Transportation

    (I have just finished visiting my friends and have arrived at the airport for my return flight to Washington Dulles. I get up to the airline greeter who is standing at the entrance of the line.)

    Greeter: *rudely* “Sir, you need to place that carry-on in this slot to confirm the size.”

    Me: “Oh, this is my return trip, I already know it fits.”

    Greeter: “That doesn’t matter. Put the bag in.”

    (I do as asked.)

    Greeter: *shocked* “It fits. Where are you flying to?”

    Me: “D.C.”

    Greeter: *scoffs* “There are two airports in D.C. We only fly to one of them.”

    Me: *shocked look* “Washington Dulles.”

    Greeter: “That is the one we fly to.”

    (As I am walking away to go to the counter I turn around.)

    Me: “There are actually three airports in the D.C. area.”

    (I got better service from the TSA agents!)

    Failing At A Pass

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Employees, Transportation

    (I am on my bus to work. I show the driver my bus pass. On the bus pass there is a pattern around the edges. My finger is covering some of the pattern.)

    Bus Driver: “Fingers!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Bus Driver: “Fingers!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Bus Driver: “Take your fingers off the pass!”

    (Although they weren’t covering anything important, this driver REALLY needed to see the pattern.)

    Will Have To Tighten One’s Belt

    | NJ, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Liars/Scammers, Transportation

    (My car has recently began making a slight but annoying squeaking noise somewhere in the engine. Unfortunately, my regular mechanic a block away from my house is closed for renovations. It takes longer than I’m comfortable dealing with, so I go to the garage near my work. Later that day I get a call.)

    Clerk: “Hey, this is [Name] over at [Repair Shop], calling to let you know we figured out what’s wrong. Turns out both of your engine’s belts are worn down to almost nothing, and you’ve got a leak in your oil tank so that’s not helping things either.”

    Me: *catching on instantly* “Oh, really? That sounds horrible! How much total will it be to get everything fixed?”

    Employee: “Well, looking at parts and labor, we’re looking at $1500, before tax.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s… actually pretty good, considering you’re installing an entirely new belt mechanism.”

    Employee: “Yeah, we try to— What did you say?”

    Me: “Yeah, my car has a single serpentine belt in the engine. So if you’re retrofitting the entire thing to have a two-belt system, that’s a darn good price! Not to mention the fact that I just got my serpentine belt changed about three months ago during a big tune-up.  I can’t believe it’s worn down so much.”

    Employee: “… Oh… I, um… I think I may be looking at the wrong paperwork here.”

    (He then proceeds to shuffle some papers around in an unbelievably fake-sounding manner, and then says he’ll call me back. I end up talking with someone else entirely. It turns out to be a single piece that needs lubrication, for under $100. When I go to pick up, the shop’s owner is there.)

    Owner: “I’m really sorry about what happened before, but you don’t have to worry about that happening again.”

    Me: “I’m guessing he’s very sorry, and learned his lesson?”

    Owner: “No, that’s what he was the last TWO times he got caught. He thought being my nephew meant he could just keep scamming my customers forever.”

    Me: “… So I shouldn’t say that he probably would have gotten away with it if he’d just tried to sell me a complete replacement for that one bit instead of a lube job?”

    Owner: “No, that just goes to show he’s stupid AND greedy.”

    A Fortunate Accident

    | Estonia | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Transportation

    (I’m a mail carrier and currently out making my deliveries when I suddenly get a call from my boss.)

    Boss: *anxiously* “Are you okay?”

    Me: “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

    Boss: “I just heard a rumour that a mail carrier got run over by a car.”

    Me: “Oh, my god! Have you talked to the others yet?”

    Boss: “No, you were the first one I called. I’ll try the others now and update you once I’ve talked to everyone.”

    (She hangs up and I continue with my job. About 15 minutes later my phone rings again.)

    Boss: “Good news! That mail carrier was from [Rival Company]!”

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