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    Category: Transportation

    Flights Of Fancy

    | South Africa | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists & Travel, Transportation

    (I am a pilot. On this particular overseas flight, a very common route, about 90% of the flight is over the ocean. An air hostess comes in with my breakfast.)

    Hostess: “Good morning. Ooh, it’s quite bright in here, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yeah. Good weather today.”

    Hostess: *leaning over to look out of the cockpit window* “Oh, wow, we’re over the ocean!”

    (She puts down my breakfast and leaves the cockpit. My co-pilot and I look at each other.)

    Co-Pilot: “Did she just say what I think she said?”

    Me: “Yeah. For a moment I wasn’t sure I heard that right, either. If we weren’t over the ocean, I would be seriously concerned about where we were going to end up!”

    Not Driving This Conversation Anywhere

    | ON, Canada | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Transportation

    (The bus arrives and I don’t know if it’s the right one.)

    Me: “Does this bus stop at [Street]?”

    Bus Driver: “You need to pay.”

    Me: “I know that. Does this stop at [Street]?”

    Bus Driver: “It stops at all the stops.”

    (I get on and realize I don’t know when I was supposed to press the stop button.)

    Me: “Could you please tell me when I’m supposed to press the button?”

    Bus Driver: “You will know when we get there!”

    Advertise Despise

    | England, UK | Employees, Transportation

    (I’ve bought my daughter a gift online. As it gets closer and closer to her birthday I get more and more impatient that it hasn’t turned up. The estimated delivery date has long passed, the company has told me that it has shipped, but still no parcel. One day a slip comes through the door; I’ve missed a delivery! I drive clear across town and get to the depot just before closing.)

    Checking Clerk: “ID, please.”

    (I hand over my license.)

    Checking Clerk: “Hmm, what were you expecting?”

    Me: “A parcel… A gift, actually.”

    Checking Clerk: “Hmm. I think you might be out of luck.”

    (She disappears into another room, and I wonder what she meant, fearing briefly that they had somehow lost my parcel.)

    Checking Clerk: “Here you are. Sorry.”

    (She hands me a tube. I stand there for a moment. It wasn’t what I was expecting.)

    Checking Clerk: *sympathetically* “We’ve had loads of them; there’s a pile of them in the next room.”

    (I left and tore off the tape. Sitting inside was a leaflet: a small leaflet put inside a much larger box. Apparently my Internet service provider thought it would be a great advertising campaign to send out a load of leaflets that don’t fit through a letter box. Needless to say I had a few strongly worded sentiments and had myself removed from their advertising system.)

    Let The Bodies Hit The Door

    | FL, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Transportation

    (I work for a funeral home and picking up a deceased person at a nursing home. I pull around to the back door since most prefer we go in and out the back. The front and back entrances to this place are just opposite each other. No matter which you use, it’s the same lobby.)

    Employee: “You have to use the front entrance. Pull around to the front.”

    Me: “Are you sure? I am picking up an expired person and most places prefer we use the back.”

    Employee: “No…  Yes. You have to pull around.”

    (I move the van to the front entrance and re-enter.)

    Employee: “Oh… you can’t come in this way. You have to pull around the back.”

    Me: “I did that, ma’am. You told me to come this way.”

    Employee: “No, I didn’t. Anyway you have to pull around the back to the white gate.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I go out and moves the van back to the rear, and find the white gate. I am there for fifteen minutes trying to get in.)

    Me: *seeing a staff member* “Sir, can you let me in, please?”

    Staff Member: “What in the world are you doing here? You should come in the back.”

    (I explains the situation and the guy lets me in and leads me to the apartment I need, with much thanks from me. I arrive at apartment to find everything wrong that could be. The patient is 350 pounds and is laying on his bedroom floor.)

    Police Officer: “Are you here alone? We told that girl at the front desk that you guys would need a team for this one.”

    (This is normally a two man situation, but I have some experience and can handle it… so I do. Paperwork, body on gurney, and ready to go. The same employee from the front desk shows up.)

    Employee: “Why did you park by the white gate? You have to go out [random side door]!”

    (I move my van to the side door and get out of there. It took all my willpower to just leave with only the one body.)

    Not Quite Up To Speed

    | PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Transportation

    (I’m driving the speed limit on a major road when a cop car, which had been parked on the median, swoops out behind me and turns its lights on. I pull over thinking that I must have a taillight out. I open the window and wait for the police officer to approach.)

    Me: “What’s the problem, officer?”

    Cop: “You looked like you were going pretty fast back there.”

    Me: “What? I was going the speed limit. What did you clock me at?”

    Cop: “Well, I didn’t have my radar on but you looked like you were going fast.”

    Me: “Wait, what? You didn’t even clock me? What cause do you have to pull me over, then?”

    Cop: *realizing he’s made an unlawful stop* “Uh…never mind. Just slow down! *starts jogging back to his patrol car*

    Me: *shouting after him* “Hey! HEY! I WANT YOUR BADGE NUMBER!”

    (The cop jumped in his car and tore off WAY over the speed limit with his lights on.)

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