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    Category: Transportation

    Tire-ing Of Your Stupidity

    | USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I have gone to get my tires ‘trimmed,’ which is to cut off the extra rubber to make them more round.)

    Mechanic: *takes a tire off the vehicle, balances it, trims it, then places it back on the vehicle*

    Me: *walks over to supervisor* “Hey, your guy isn’t doing that job right.”

    Supervisor: “What’s he doing?”

    Me: “He’s balancing the tire before trimming it, instead of after.”

    Supervisor: “What difference does that make?”

    Dad: “…come here.” *they walk over to where the mechanic is working* “Okay, this tire here, that has been balanced, then trimmed. Put it back on the balancer.”

    Mechanic: *does so* “Wh… why isn’t it balanced anymore?”

    Dad: “The tire you cut off has to weigh something!”

    Quebec To The Drawing Board

    | NB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Geography, Transportation

    (In Quebec, there is no law stating that a car needs to be inspected every year, or that a car needs a license plate in the front. These are required in a car from New Brunswick. The police have set up a checkpoint to see if people have had their car inspected.)

    Me: *stopping* “Everything all right, officer?”

    Officer: *looking at my dash, and taps where the inspection sticker usually goes* “Not for you! You don’t have an inspection sticker!”

    Me: “The car is from Quebec. We don’t need one.”

    Officer: *looks at front bumper then sing-songs* “We don’t have a license plate! I’m going to need your license and registration please.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the car is from Quebec. I’m just a student here.”

    Officer: *ignores me and goes to see my rear bumper and sees the Quebec plate, then comes back to my window* “License and registration.”

    Me: “Okay. Here is my French license and here is my French registration.”

    Officer: *looks at them thoroughly then looks at me* “Here. Move along.”

    Me: “Okay, have a good day!” *leaves*

    The Great Scam Of ’09

    | USA | Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology, Transportation

    Telemarketer: “Hello, this the national protection service, calling about the parts and warranty on a car registered to this address, and we’ve noted it’s about to expire”

    (Instantly recognizing this as the standard lie to make it sound official and that I’ve done business with them in the past, I decide to play along.)

    Me: “What’s about to expire?”

    Telemarketer: “It’s listed here in our records as an ’09”

    Me: “An ’09 what?”

    Telemarketer: “Sir, due to security purposes, I can’t tell you.”

    Me: “Well, due to security purposes, I can’t help you.”

    Telemarketer: *beat of stunned silence* “Sir, it’s an ’09.”

    Me: “Ma’am, an ’09 what?”

    Telemarketer: “Due to security purposes, I can’t tell you”

    Me: “Well, due to security purposes, I can’t help you.”

    (Unsure of what to do, tries the above pattern again, this repeats two more times, comes back around again for a fifth time.)

    Telemarketer: “Sir, It’s an ’09.”

    Me: “An ’09 what? an ’09 boat? And ’09 motorcycle? An ’09 car? What?”

    Telemarketer: *sigh* “It’s an ’09 car, sir”

    Me: “Which one? Which ’09?”

    Telemarketer: “Sir, due to security purposes, I can’t tell you.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can’t help you.”

    (Another moment of silence goes by.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I can keep doing this little merry-go-round conversation all day. I’ve got nothing scheduled.”

    Telemarketer: *click*

    A Global Imposition

    | Rochester, NY, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Time, Transportation

    (While in college I relied on trains to get to and from my home for breaks. I had a car, but didn’t trust the area of town the train station was, and instead elected to take taxis from campus to the station. On this occasion, I called for a taxi a few hours in advance to be sure they’d have time to reach me.)

    Me: *calling dispatcher* “Yeah, my taxi was supposed to show up about 15 minutes ago, and he’s still not here.”

    Dispatcher: “Well, he says he’s on his way.”

    Me: “Well, okay, but I have a train to catch, so this is kind of time sensitive.”

    Dispatcher: “I’ll let him know.”

    (Fifteen minutes later and still no taxi. I’m getting really anxious now as the grace period I left myself is running out, so I call again.)

    Dispatcher: “I’m sorry, miss, but all I can say is he’s on his way. I’ll try to contact him again.”

    (A few minutes later, my phone rings.)

    Driver: “Yeah, I’m just trying to find your apartment… it’s kind of hard.”

    Me: “My apartment is ON CAMPUS! On the academic side!”

    Driver: “Oh… OH! Okay! I gotcha. I’ll be there in a minute.”

    (Finally the cab pulls up and I all but throw my bags into the trunk.)

    Driver: “Sorry about the wait. What time is it, anyway?”

    Me: *noticing a GPS on his dashboard displaying the time* “It’s [time]. And you know, it says right there on your GPS.”

    Driver: “Oh, that thing. I never look at that.”

    (Well, maybe you should have, buddy! I almost missed my train!)

    It’s Not As Clear As A Bell To Him

    | Ames, IA, USA | Employees, Transportation

    (I am taking the bus home from my university campus. Upon seeing my stop coming up, I pull the cord to signal to the driver to stop. Normally, a bell sounds to signal that the pull has been registered, but in this case nothing happens to signal that the pull has been registered. At the same time, three other students each pull the cord, with short intervals. We have no way to know if the driver has noticed our signals, but as we approach the stop sign, he slows down and comes to a stop. However, he doesn’t open the rear doors as usual and instead gets on the speaker system in the bus.)

    Driver: “Please exit through the front door.”

    (As the four of us line up to exit, he stops each of the students in front of me and tells them individually, in a stern voice, that they only need to pull the stop cord once. They are all international students, as am I, and seem somewhat confused by his admonition, but just nod and walk off the bus. As it is my turn, I decide to tell the driver that the signal bell isn’t working, even if it should be obvious to him.)

    Driver: *sternly* “You only need to ring the bell once to signal for me to stop.”

    Me: “Yes, I know. However, your bell isn’t working, so we couldn’t know if you knew we needed to get off.”

    Driver: “But I get a signal up here on the instrument panel, and that works just fine, so only pull the cord once.”

    Me: “Yes, but WE couldn’t hear the bell ring, so we didn’t know.”

    Driver: “But I saw the signal just fine. You only need to pull once.”

    Me: “Yes, I understand, but WE couldn’t hear it, so how are we supposed to know the pull registered?”

    Driver: “But I saw the signal. You only have to pull once.”

    Me: “But WE DIDN’T!”

    Driver: “But I saw it just fine.”

    Me: *at this point, I realize we are going to be here all day, if I keep this up* “Great! I know that already.”

    Driver: *as I exit the bus* “You should only pull the cord once.”


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