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    Fighting Hire With Fire

    | Michigan, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Job Seekers

    (I work for a nonprofit employment agency and am interviewing interested applicants for a large local manufacturing company.)

    Me: “So, tell me about yourself.”

    Client: “I’m 62 years old. I could be collecting social security, but I’m not. I want to work, unlike OTHER lazy people my age.”

    Me: “Okay, so have you ever convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor, and if so, what was it?”

    Client: “Yeah, I was convicted of an OUI a few years ago. Oh, I guess I should also tell you that I was convicted of a CSC [criminal sexual conduct felony] a few years ago, too. I kept trying to get in touch with HER but she won’t get back to me. She keeps ignoring me. She’s a liar! But I’m working with the American Civil Liberties Union to get it off my record, because I’m innocent. I donate a lot of money to the ACLU. Do you donate to the ACLU? You should. They do a lot good of things. But anyway, it might be off my record now. It should be. Well, but I’m still on the sex offender list.

    Me: “…”

    Client: “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m also suing the city and the county. Nothing has been decided yet, but I’ve got a really good lawyer. It’s because I’m innocent, and they really did me a number. They’re really corrupt!”

    (I ask a few more questions, but here’s the grand finale of the interview…)

    Client: “Listen, would you like to go out sometime?”

    (Needless to say, he wasn’t hired!)