(It’s my day off, and I’m shopping at the grocery store where I work. Note that I’m not in uniform and am dressed extremely casually; in fact, I’m wearing cat ears that I made myself. One of my coworkers notices me.)

Coworker: “Hey, [my name], you need to get on the registers! We’re backing up!”

Me: “I’m not on today.”

Coworker: “Don’t give me that! You are so! And what’s with the stupid things on your head?”

Me: “Like I said, I’m off today. See, I’m not even in uniform.”

Coworker: “You are so lazy! Get to your register now!”

Me: “I’m not—”

(My coworker pages the manager to come up and deal with me.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Coworker: “She’s not doing her job! And look! She’s not even in uniform!”

Manager: *to me* “What are you doing just standing around then! Get on your lane!”

Me: “As I’ve said, I’m not on the schedule today.”

Manager: “We’ll see about that!” *goes to the service desk and pulls out our schedule binder and looks at it* “See, here you are!”

Me: “On what day?”

Manager: “Tuesday, 3-11!”

Coworker: “Ha!”

Me: “And today is?”

Coworker: *smugly* “Monday.”

(A moment of silence passes between the two of them as they realize their error. Both turn bright red.)

Manager: *to me* “Uh… I’m sorry.”

Me: “And I quit!”