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    Immaculate Misconception, Part 2

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’m getting prepped for a routine surgery and the nurse is asking the usual questions: “Do you drink, smoke, etc.” It’s all going well until this…)

    Nurse: “We need to do a pregnancy test, or you can sign a waver if you think you’re not pregnant.”

    Me: “Um… I’m not pregnant.”

    Nurse: “Well, we either need to do the test or you can sign the waver.”

    Me: “Oh, fine. I’ll sign the waver.”

    Nurse: “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

    Me: “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

    Nurse: “So you’re sure?”

    Me: “I have no sex life.”

    Nurse: “Well, you either need to do the pregnancy test or sign the waver.”

    Me: “Look, I’m on birth control for endometriosis. I’m not pregnant. Give me the waver.”

    Nurse: “Are you sure you’re not pregnant? We need to do the test.”

    Me: “I. Am. On. Birth. Control.”

    Nurse: “So you’ll do the test?”

    Me: “NO! I’m not pregnant, unless I’m carrying the Son of God! I’m the Virgin Mary!”

    Nurse: “So… you’ll take the test?”

    Me: “Give me the waver. ”

    Nurse: *hands me the paper reluctantly* “All right, but if you’re pregnant and something happens, I did warn you!”

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    Immaculate Misconception