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  • Immaculate Misconception, Part 4

    | Geelong, Australia | Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am having stomach pain, and go to the ER. I am over 40. A very young, male doctor comes in. The bed is only screened by curtains from other people.)

    Doctor: “So, you’re having stomach pain?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Doctor: “Are you pregnant?”

    Me: “No.”

    Doctor: “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

    Me: “Certain. I’m not pregnant.”

    Doctor: “Not everyone knows they’re pregnant. The symptoms are…” *reels off list*

    Me: “I’m not pregnant. I’ve had two children, and know how my body reacts. Really: not pregnant.”

    Doctor: “Every pregnancy is different.”

    (Note: by now, everyone in the ER is listening.)

    Me: “I am separated. I haven’t had sex in two years. Even a blue whale would have given birth by now. Not. Pregnant.”

    Related:
    Immaculate Misconception, Part 3
    Immaculate Misconception, Part 2
    Immaculate Misconception