(I am the submitter of Wireless and Clueless. My other users are similarly… challenged. Today, I hear a lot of slamming and bashing. So, I follow the sound to the printer at the end of my aisle, where one of my trouble users is kicking and slamming the printer.)

Coworker: “F***ing thing won’t print!”

Me: “Dude. Calm down. Beating it up won’t help.”

Coworker: “But it won’t print! I need this report to be submitted today, but this f***ing thing won’t print!”

Me: “Does the display say ‘PC Load Letter’?”

Coworker: “Yeah. But what the f*** does that mean?”

Me: “What does the next line say?”

Coworker: “Tray 4.”

Me: “Uh huh…”

Coworker: “Where’s tray 4?”

Me: “It’s the big door at the bottom.”

Coworker: “I didn’t put paper there.”

Me: “That’s where the printer wants it. Give it what it wants.”

Coworker: “Are you sure this is a printer, and not my girlfriend?”