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  • In Feigned English

    | Florida, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    My boyfriend and I stop at a pancake place while I am on vacation with him in Florida. He is American and I’m English. Our waitress seats us and took my boyfriend’s order with no problems. However, she looks confused when I ask for iced tea and blueberry pancakes.)

    Waitress: “What did you say?”

    Me: “Iced tea please, unsweetened, and some blueberry pancakes.”

    Waitress: “What?”

    Me: “Iced tea. Blueberry Pancakes. Please.”

    (The waitress continues to stare at me, looking totally confused. She then turns to my boyfriend.)

    Waitress: *to my boyfriend* “It’s such a shame that she can’t speak English. Where is she from?”

    Boyfriend: “She’s from England.”

    Waitress: “What language do they speak there?”

    Boyfriend: “English.”

    Waitress: “But not like our English.”

    Boyfriend:Our English?”

    Waitress: “Yeah, our American English.”

    Boyfriend: “It’s essentially the same language. American English is still English.”

    Waitress: “But not what we speak. We speak different English, not English English!”

    (She then turns to me and talks to me REALLY LOUDLY, as if I’m about 3 years old.)

    Waitress: “I GET YOU PANCAKES TO EAT. AND TEA TO DRINK. OKAY HONEY? PANCAKES AND TEA!”

    (Giving up, I try speaking with an American accent.)

    Me: *in an American accent* “Sounds good, but make the tea unsweetened, please.”

    Waitress: “No problem. I’ll get it for you now!” *walks off*

    Boyfriend and I: *stunned*

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    In Pained English