(I’m at the gynecologist. The past year, my periods came monthly, but have kept getting lighter and lighter. Now, I’m just late for three months.)

Gynecologist: “Are you sexually active?”

Me: “Yes, but—”

Gynecologist: “Then you might be pregnant. I can test you right now.”

Me: “I’m not pregnant. I’m a lesbian.”

Gynecologist: “If you are sexually active, it’s possible you are pregnant.”

Me: “I’m sexually active with my girlfriend.”

Gynecologist: “As I said, if you are sexually active, you might be pregnant if your period is late.”

Me: “Listen, I cannot possibly be pregnant because I’m a lesbian.”

Gynecologist: “Let’s just do the test first and we’ll see. If you aren’t pregnant, then we’ll move on!”