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  • Not A Baby, Or Even A Maybe, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It is after 11pm, the store has closed, and we are putting back books customers have left out. As I’m putting a book away, I get a sudden, intense pain in my back. Within five minutes, it is the worst pain I’ve ever had, and I can’t stand up anymore. I curl up in the aisle, and radio for help. My coworker comes over.)

    Coworker: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “I need help. Something’s wrong!”

    Coworker: *whispering* “Are you pregnant?”

    Me: “No. It’s my back. I can’t stand.”

    Coworker: “It sounds like you’re pregnant.”

    Me: “I’m not! Please, I’m in so much pain. I need someone to put me in a cab to the hospital.”

    Coworker: “You know, sometimes girls get sudden pains, and they don’t THINK they’re pregnant, but it turns out they actually are.”

    Me: “Go. Get. Help!”

    Coworker: *leaves and comes back with the store manager*

    Manager: “He says you’re having ‘pregnancy pains?’”

    Me: “NO. My back. I need to go to the hospital.”

    Manager: “Oh! Okay, I’ll call someone.”

    (By law, my store must call an ambulance. While we’re waiting, my manager asks me a bunch of questions about my pain, and tells me he thinks I have a kidney stone, which he’s had himself. The EMTs come in several minutes later.)

    EMT: *looks at me* “You’re not pregnant.”

    Coworker: “I think she’s in labor!”

    Manager: “If you say ‘pregnant’ one more time, I’m firing you!”

    Coworker: “But she is!”

    (I went to the hospital. Turns out, I did have kidney stones. But when I came back…)

    Coworker: “How’s the baby?”

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    Not A Baby, Or Even A Maybe